Sighinide

I need a space to gather some thoughts here on this, so uh… here.

I actually took a couple months off from exercising, believe it or not. I mean, except for like… sporadic stuff. IDK, maybe I wasn’t feeling well. It’s possible. That… illness, or whatever, was never formally diagnosed, and it seemed to come and go as it pleased.

But nevertheless, this year has been much much better than previous ones. I still think I might have fixed things by killing the you-know-whats, so good.

But I still took a lot of time off. I do this sporadically, and TBH it seems to help things in the long term. That way when I go back to working out I do so with a fresh eye. It allows me to re-consider things and to cleanly re-draw the map, so to speak.

Every year I add more… stuff, to the routines I do, and this year is no different. I’ve added a handful of squat variations to my basic dumbbell routine, which should make the onboarding process to the hallowed pistol squats a little easier. Because Christ, those things are tough. I still can’t get even close to a good form with those. I need to some transitionary exercises, and the ones I’ve added should suffice.

I also filled in a few gaps in my basic dumbbell routine, things like overhead shrugs, etc. What I’m trying to do here (and, I think, have successfully done), is to hit every muscle, basically, from my neck to my ankles, with three or four basic dumbbell exercises. To execute, I do the whole routine in one fell swoop, for a grand cardio… experience. A true whole body routine, with those comfortable, contoured PVC dumbbells I love so much. It’s a lot of fun.

That’s the standing dumbbell routine. For the laying down one, what I’m doing now is a complete routine- presses, scapula presses, flys, triceps stuff, etc, and everything else. And then, I’m doing it over again, with a pilates twist, by re-doing everything with my feet and legs elevated in the air. And then, I’m doing it all over yet again, in the bridge position. Not with heavy weights, lol. Just those PVC things. Hilariously weird but it works, the pilates style stuff and the bridge routine I do to increase my core strength, since I guess I’ve figured out the next step in my pilates stuff, too.

For the pilates, my long term goal is to incorporate a variety of bridge-based leg lifts, circles, and other types of exercises, but I don’t quite have hip strength, yet. Hence the dumbbell stuff I discussed above. They will serve as a… bridge, lol, to doing those.

Also this year I’m doing incline pilates exercises, too, by propping myself up and doing leg circles, lifts, corkscrews, butterflys etc. at an incline, which is… different, IDK. It’s much harder, in some ways. I’m still doing the traditional stuff too, of course.

All of this pilates stuff is now being done because all of the traditional exercises are too easy. I’ve mastered stuff like oblique V-ups, for instance. There’s no challenge there anymore, so I need to go hunting again. I mean, you know.

For now I’m nixing the pushups and doing isometrics instead, since those are more fun. Fun is a key element, here. Pushups just aren’t… fun, lol. So I’ll do them some other time. Maybe I’ll wait on those and finish the bridge stuff and the squat stuff first, IDK. That should make them easier anyhow.

I mean, any guy who can do a pistol squat should be able to do pushups easy too, right?

I mean, IDK, lol. I guess we’ll see.

I still have “noodle arms”, though, as was pointed out in Frenemies. I mean… IDK.

It’s kinda weird, honestly. My arms are still spindly looking but oddly enough I’m confident that I’m stronger than 99% of the adult population out there. It’s strange. I mean, when I go out and look around, I often struggle to find anybody, really, that I suspect could match me in terms of overall strength, despite how my arms look, lol.

There is always that one guy, though, for sure, lol.

It’s a good thing that my exercise goals so closely match those of my girlfriends. There’s a kind of serendipity there for sure.

I’m not sure I’ve talked about this much but I also do face exercises- the facial yoga stuff that is popular with women, chiefly. I like that stuff, too. I make it a point to work out every muscle on my face regularly. Like… seriously, lol. I have them all catalogued, and have been cobbling together my facial exercise routine for something like 15 years now, off and on. I hit everything, including the eyes. It’s a lot of fun, sometimes, which is I guess kinda the theme here.

I wish pushups were more fun, lol. I mean, you have to get down on the carpet and it’s dirty down there and kinda dusty and… you know.

So, yeah. The long term goal here is to, by the end of this year, perfect my bridge dumbbell exercises, incorporate a variety of bridge based exercises into my pilates routine, perfect my incline pilates exercises, and, maybe, do a full pistol squat, with good form.

Maybe the pushups will wait for next year. IDK. I will continue with isometrics though for sure.

Ok, good, then. For this little corner of my life I got a plan going.

I can’t believe I literally just sat and begged to McKenna for tickets to see her concert. Like, literally, I just shamelessly begged, pleaded, whined, threw tantrums, practically cried, etc.

And I did this in front of the whole world.

Whether this was really really brave or really really pathetic I’m not sure.

I guess we’ll let history decide this one.

Oh yeah, I forgot to choose a winner.

Uhm… Laura?

Yeah, that one. Laura… Marano. Or maybe the other one, IDK.

You know, Vanessa? Or I mean, like, the other Laura, maybe. Like… that one, you know?

Nah, Laura Marano.

Or maybe like… Vicky.

No I think it’s Laura.

Yeah, Laura. So… ok, then.

Yup.

Yeah.

Well, that was a great birthday! I got a lot of great stuff, from sooooo many people.

The winner, this year? Kathy Newton, for sure.

You know what, tho? I’d say everyone’s a winner! Or at least- everyone that participated, because of course, you were kind of supposed to.

See- it’s important that people try, even if they don’t take home the prize.

But that’s neither here nor there anymore, really, because you know what’s more important, right now?

Tomorrow!

Because tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means- tomorrow is a great day for… presents! And, especially and most importantly, presents from my girlfriends, of course.

See- this situation here is kind of a win-win for all involved, I’d say. I mean I think it’s a great opportunity for all of the…. runners up, and all of the… people who just I guess kinda forgot, to make sure that they get noticed, too.

So- everyone now gets a second chance to win! Isn’t that great? I know I think it is!

So we’re going to be re-doing the competition again, tomorrow, and I’ll be sorting out the presents and the winners and losers again and categorizing and grading everything for… posterity, honestly, and not for purely selfish reasons, because that would be uncouth- and we’ll see who wins, then.

It’s for posterity, really. I mean, because this stuff is historical, and such. I mean, it’s like… a piece of world history, or something.

So… yeah. It’s gonna be so fun, really, sorting out allllll the great gifts I get tomorrow! I can’t wait!

And no pressure, either. Because I mean, even though I’ll be grading everybody it’s not like it matters, right? What matters is of course that you try. I mean because like… I’m not selfish, really. Just… motivational! Yeah, I’m just like, inspirational, and stuff.

It’s gonna be sooooo fun!

I think that the best thing about birthdays isn’t the presents- I mean, at least not necessarily- but the thought behind them, which is of course just sooooo important in my relationships, considering that they’re all basically thought based.

So I’ll be sure to keep a running tally of allllll the gifts I get tomorrow. I mean, not for petty reasons, naturally, but for important ones- the thought behind them, of course.

So I’ll definitely make sure to keep a checklist, I mean, you know, to make sure that I get all the good… thoughts, and such, that make this stuff work so well.

I think it’s best to keep an inventory of these things, you know. I mean, just for future reference.

So I’ll be sure to make sure that I carefully document who gives me what tomorrow, if only for posterity. I mean, not that that means anything, but…..

Did I mention that my birthday is tomorrow? I’m pretty sure I did, but just in case I didn’t, I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that my birthday is tomorrow.

Because it is- my birthday’s tomorrow. Hence my need, of course, to document the presents, and other… details. Because it’s the thought that counts, really. The thought behind the presents.

Which I’ll be receiving tomorrow.

I mean, of course. Especially from my girlfriends, who are just so…. giving, really. It’s a wonder, you know? It’s the reason I love them so much.

Soooooo… just fyi, really.

I’m not taking the bait.

Nope. Not even a little bit.

I’ve been following all of this… drama, and all these… shenanigans, and… all the rest of it, for weeks now.

And nope- not this time.

See- I know what you guys want me to do, but sorry, I’m staying out of it.

I see the headlines- I know about Disney and the financial stuff, the stock price problems, the theme park issues, the brand problems, and the rest of it- and I see the other attendant news, like Nelson Peltz’s crusade to change Disney’s corporate culture, etc.

See- I get that, along with everyone else. But what I see and others don’t is what Peltz’s daughter, Nicola Peltz- one of my ex-girlfriends- is also trying to do, too. To me.

And I see what Selena is doing, too, with her. See- I know Selena. I get her. I’m quite familiar with her machinations at this point, after having dated her for fifteen years now.

So- nope. No bait is been taken; none is on my plate, and in fact- none is on the menu, either.

For those not privy to what I’m talking about, I’ve been following some odd behavior lately amongst Selena and those around her. Odd enough, actually, to make me give her a little bit of distance. Not much, mind you- but, a bit more than usual. Lately she’s been hanging out a lot with Nicola Peltz… who… well, let’s not get into my history with her, here. That’s another essay. But needless to say we have one, and I think Selena is trying to maneuver me back into a relationship with her, perhaps to draw my attention for some reason to what her father is doing, with… Disney, of course. Remember- Selena was Disney.

So, they’re trying to verrrry subtly draw me in a certain direction, perhaps in fact to do so without me noticing. Selena has interestingly enough joked publicly about “threesomes” with her, Nicola, and Beckham. Which… got my attention. Which she wanted. But what she didn’t is, I think, me noticing such things.

I think. Although perhaps me noticing is what she does want me to think, in which case… well, let’s just say that I see other things too. Things I won’t say, here. So, then.

Well.

Ahem.

No bait, then. I shall wait, and see how this shakes out, and for what reason.

Regardless there are other things happening that I shall stay away from, as well. And… I might write about those things, later.

It looks like… oof, there is yet more controversy about Disney woke stuff all over the internet.

Oof.

I’m talking about the Proud Family movie or something, whatever it is that is the latest in that franchise. Check out the scores on RT.

Critics have the movie at 100%, audiences at 10%.

Oof. Not even going to try watching that one. I have no idea what it’s about, and don’t care. That is just… added drama, that I don’t need to know about or watch. An unnecessary headache.

I mean with those kinds of scores, watching anything with these characters is like willingly traversing a minefield, when you could walk around it just as easily.

I guess I’ll never know if I like that franchise or not, or what it’s even about, lol.

I’m kinda… still staying away from a lot of the recent stuff.

Last night I made an exception and took the plunge on one of their newer shows, Gabby Duran and the Unsittables.

I remember watching a random episode of this back when I was in the hospital a couple of years ago. I was bleeding out of multiple organs and completely blitzed out of my mind on fentanyl and I remember not minding the show much, then. IDK, lol.

But I remember the lead being… very pretty. And she defo is, holy mackerel. I mean this chick is gorgeous.

So I watched the first ep last night and maaaaaan, what an unpleasant experience. I reeeeeeally didn’t like it. I mean the girl was fucking cute as hell but her character was just… oof.

It had the same problem as the latest Star Wars stuff. Simultaneously boring and annoying, in equal quantities. I mean Gabby herself was just a spoiled brat, a consummate Mary Sue type of character. I guess she gets everything handed to her on a silver platter because she’s pretty? I mean, that’s what I would do, lol, but that doesn’t exactly make for a compelling narrative.

Audience were very split on this one. Some people loved it and others absolutely loathed it. Personally, I fall into the latter camp, as far as shows go. I will not be continuing with the series.

But like… yeah, okay.

I’d reeeeally not like to waste time writing out yet another spiel on wokeness and politics and all of that nonsense, so I’m going to spare myself a migraine and just stop this one here, thank god.

Oof.

Honest question- is there anything out there more gross than pornography?

One of the benefits of getting older is I guess that you see the ugliness and dumbness inherent in so much of the stuff that passes for popular culture. It’s wonderful. It’s so freeing, so great, to just… not give a fuck.

It’s life changing, for the better. A revelation.

Before Christmas last year, I combed through the Apple TV archives, looking for interesting stuff. I was on Selena’s twitter back then and Apple TV was offering a deal of two free months for her fans, if they were to sign up for a trial, or something. So I thought about it.

I combed through all of Apple TV, and found… a lot of dull looking… stuff. Boring looking stuff, annoying looking stuff, dumb looking stuff, somewhat interesting looking stuff that I had already seen variations of before, and… the Selena documentary thing.

I was like… maybe I’ll sign up, just for the Selena thing. And then I forgot about the offer until after Christmas. When I looked it up again the offer had expired.

I mean… whatever.

It’s wonderful, isn’t it? The freedom to not give a fuck about dumb stuff anymore. It’s absolutely wonderful.

The only broadcast TV I watch is still the parade of idiocy that is MSNBC, when I watch it with my parents at dinner. It’s always unfailingly comical and stupid. Seriously- it’s really difficult to take literally any of this crap with a straight face. Everything is dumb- the guests are dumb, the anchors are dumb, the ads are dumb, the topics of the day are dumb, it’s literally an endless carnival of dumb, dumb, dumb.

And to think- MSNBC is supposedly smarter than CNN these days. At least, that’s what my parents think. They stopped watching CNN for MSNBC because, according to them, CNN was getting “too stupid”. And they’re not alone- the ratings for both channels seem to say that MSNBC is actually the “better” of the two channels. The mind boggles.

It’s wonderful, isn’t it? Not giving a fuck about any of this idiotic stuff. Honestly, getting older kinda kicks ass in some ways.

I feel now the same about top 40 radio. Seriously. I can’t muster up the energy to give a crap about… any of it. Last time I looked the charts were filled with a bunch of severely ugly people with nauseating face tattoos ranting incoherently about dumb stuff, and also a bunch of women singing about feminism or something like it. And the songs don’t even sound fun anymore.

Wonderful, again. The freedom- it’s just heaven on Earth.

I checked out of Taylor Swift after giving Reputation a listen. It was just horrifyingly bad, a catastrophic drop in quality after 1989. I had purchased all of her albums up to that one, but that one just… killed it, it was so dreadful. I never bothered after that point to look up any of her other stuff, except to try a few “Taylor’s versions” of a few of her old hits, only to find that they were basically the same as the older stuff, but maybe with tweaked production values.

Not worth investing time or money in, then. So I didn’t.

I’m not sure if I’m just… getting old, or what. But I mean… wow, is it just me, or does literally everything today look… unwatchable?

I’ve tried even looking at porn, online. All of it looked… boring, or ugly, or at worst, nauseating. None of it looked “hot”. At times there are different “sets” released of actresses and celebrities such doing sexual things with others, and they’re just… bad looking.

I’ve written before about this here, but I mean… yeah, I don’t find any of that interesting.

I just can’t be bothered to look at anything new. I still frequent message boards devoted to sexy celebrity content and literally nothing I see looks interesting anymore sexually, save for random pics of, IDK, Kathryn Newton. I can’t muster up the calorie of energy I would need to use to download any new “sex scenes” because it would be a waste of bandwidth and storage on my new machine. It’s just… yuck. I can’t help it, it all looks so fucking gross.

I’m sorry but I’m wayyyy too old, apparently, to find two ugly, talentless losers bumping uglies together “hot”. I can’t help it. There’s no glamour anymore. No mystery, and thus no excitement. It all just looks overwhelmingly pathetic.

Porn just sucks. Sex scenes suck, just… IDK, it all just sucks.

Out of sheer boredom I’ve decided to investigate more of the “hidden” world of celeb nudes. Gag. Hopefully I don’t find anything nasty enough to make me re-think my relationships.

It’s like… god, UGH. I’m going to have to hold my nose while combing through this awful crud, I’m sure. For every one interesting looking picture of some pretty actress I’m sure there’s going to be at least one of some ugly loser. Gag. I’ll keep a trashcan nearby in case I need to throw up at some point.

I really need something else to do with my time.

Lately I’ve been using my exercise bike for like 5, 6 hours a day. I’m just… bored, and the pilates wasn’t really doing the job, anyways, of getting to where I wanted to be. I just… hit another plateau.

And it’s just… ugh, but I really need something to do while I use the bike, and ugh, you can only play so many of those dumb mobile games before you want to throw your tablet across the room.

I dug out my old eReader the other day, though, and started to give The Adventures of Tom Sawyer another read. I haven’t read it since… IDK, honestly. But it was good, smart and very funny. Maybe I’ll just finish that instead of worrying about this other stupid garbage.

I do, though, want to look into the hidden celeb stuff, if only to verify to myself how awful and nauseating I suspect that stuff actually is. It’s going to be like… a car wreck, isn’t it? You just have to look.

Gag. I know that more shit is going to come out on Amazon Prime this year. I suppose I will at least look through it… I guess. But I mean, ugh. I already know it’s going to be bad, lol. A lot of dumb gay shit, some dumb trans shit, a bunch of dumb interracial shit, some really, really subpar looking fantasy and Sci-Fi, and a lot of other garbage I’m sure.

Well, there’s always 90’s stuff out there, somewhere.

Yuck. Well, at least I have my eReader.

Uhhhhmmmm ok, back to the blonde stuff, because holy shit, what the fuck is even happening in this world.

I’m honestly kinda shocked at the sheer volume of blonde joke related stuff that has been tossed in my general direction for god knows how many years.

I spun off the alter for… who the fuck knows when or why. But it happened, and I needed to keep things that way as I figured out all the weird stuff that’s been happening for… lordy, the last fifteen years or so.

But like… holy shite. Going through my archives I realized that Victoria Justice’s song Gold is basically a blonde joke, and I literally didn’t even realize it until just now. The “Gold” that she’s referring to is hair. And to be more specific, my hair, not hers. I honestly thought she was singing about the metal, lol. Like jewelry, or elemental gold, like just a lump of it, or something. Noooope. The ulterior meaning of the song has literally gone over my head for the last ten years.

I mean, natch. But still.

The same with Shake it Off, which is just another massive blonde joke directed at yours truly. Literally, I had no idea, even though she name checks “the fella with the hella good hair” (me) directly in the lyrics. Stunningly, I see Reese Witherspoon of Legally Blonde fame covered this song in Sing.

The same with Emma Robert’s Dummy, which works on two levels: a dumb blonde one, and a remote mind controlled / cybernetic one. I had no clue. I mean, I actually figured out the cybernetic aspect to the song lonnnnng before the blonde one, but wow, now that I see it, I can’t unsee it, because it’s too… obvious. And I still think that Emma said my name directly in the refrain of the song itself, but substituting “Tom” for “Time”.

Jeebus, I had no idea. Like, literally, not the slightest clue about any of this.

And the more I peel this stuff back the more stuff I’m seeing here. It’s kinda… amazing, actually, and also kinda… IDK… disturbing? Like, how much other stuff and I missing, and how important is it, exactly?

Does… everyone else already understand all of this? I mean, Shake it Off, for God’s sake. Did everyone else already pick up on this, and it was just me that didn’t? McKenna Grace’s Ugly Crier too.

Literally, tho. Woosh. Right over my head. All of it.

How in world did I not notice any of this?

The mind just boggles.

And mine especially, by the looks of it.

Just to follow up with some thoughts, yeah, IDK.

I really dislike the modern trend of too much facial hair on guys. It’s like the cartoonish muscles and tattoos, it looks like they’re compensating for some shortcoming. It’s looks garish and ugly. The people who sport that stuff don’t look good, which I think might be the point of it. Like they’re insecure in who they are as people, or something, and thus just want to drive others away with their comical appearance.

Well, this was one hell of a rant, lol. But I mean, there you go.

I guess I needed to do this, just to take stock of some stuff. If nothing else, of my own place in the world, in relation to others, or something.

Ok then.

Right.

Been doing some more thinking, off and on.

Wow, are people ugly and weird these days.

I mean OFC, but seriously, holy shit.

For my own image I go out of my way to look as “normal” as possible. I’m almost aggressively suburban and middle class in my appearance and demeanor.

Everyone else… well, for the people I see IRL, they tend to look the same or similar. I guess.

For many people in the media… holy shit, what a freakshow.

The other day I decided to give Taylor another chance, and tried to re-connect with her. The day after, she released some horrifying, monstrous garbage as a music video, and I quickly realized why I was staying away for all those years.

Guys- What. The fuck are you doing?

I read a lot on online, and one common complaint I see, and I mean it’s disturbingly common, is how ugly and strange so many people look… everywhere, basically, in the media. Really nasty, weird looking people are just everywhere these days.

I mean, everyone knows it but I guess it bears repeating. And it’s worth a wonder. Why is it that so many people these days choose to look as ugly and weird as possible?

I guess I could list the ways people look so strange, but everyone knows them already, I guess. Or maybe not, lol. But, here goes: face tattoos(!!!); a weird, repulsive bovine fatness; overinflated and cartoonish looking muscles; comical and aggressively ugly facial hair; wayyyy too many tattoos in general- I mean, to the point where the entire body start to look like an enormous, nondescript smudge; idiotic, chaotic hair with way too many colors and highlights; way too much plastic surgery, to the point where the person starts to look more like an anime character than an actual human, and… everything, really.

Too many people just look so fucking ugly these days, and this is a lot of the reason why I stay as far away from modern top 40 and modern movies as much as possible. Literally, I can’t stand to even look at the people.

I’m old enough to remember when Hollywood stars and pop musicians were people you wanted to look like, and not stay as far away from as possible. It’s kinda amazing, really.

I’ve been thinking this for awhile: part of my own appeal is that I don’t look like these people. Never done any of that stuff. Everything’s “normal” with me. No tats, not a one. Normal BMI. Taller than most, but that is my only differing quality, really. No facial hair, except sometimes for a light scruff. Normal clothes. No hair dye. No piercings. I look almost early 80’s, with traditional parted kinda wavy hair. Sometimes I let my hair grow a bit longer than most do these days.

But, that’s it.

Yeah, I don’t know WTF is going on anymore in Tinsel Town. When did a baffling jumble of face tats become a necessary part of the “top 40” lifestyle? Jesus Christ, lol. Or that trend of the overinflated, weird looking muscles that are featured in media so much these days. A real uncanny valley thing, there. That look is just… awful.

Just a segway here, but it looks gross as fuck when people force their bodies to grow and maintain larger muscles than their frames can naturally and logically hold. You can do this with steroids- go past your natural limit. But the problem with going past your natural limit is that it looks unnatural, and thus… weird. I seriously don’t like that look and I don’t think many people do.

I mean, that look is fine on a printed page, in a comic book. It’s the “style”. But IRL… no.

I mean, this is just kind of a long slog of an angry rant at this point, but I think this stuff needs to be said. There are non-famous people who choose to emulate these looks IRL and face disastrous consequences because of it. A mass of face tats might look “acceptable” on some top 40 pop rapper but try getting a desk job- or any normal job, really, after making that choice yourself. And the rest of it; I’m sure we can figure out the problems and such.

I would include the muscles, too. I mean you can’t get those looks without steroids and shedloads of other toxic, horrible substances. I mean, there’s the natural limit, and then there’s going beyond it, which you have to actually fight your own body to do. Your body doesn’t “want” those muscles, and tries to shed them if at all possible. So you have to circumvent and sabotage your own healthy equilibrium to maintain them. Not healthy.

And everything else.

But… yeah. I mean… well, there you go.

I don’t understand the appeal of half the stuff I see today. Like that Taylor video, I watched it and I was more baffled and repulsed than anything else. Her “love interest” was this weird looking monster that had at least three checkmarks off the list I made above. Literally, everyone in the video looked horrible, Taylor included. It looked intentional.

And I mean I could just rant further, but I’m sure people can see my point already.

Just… well, there you go.

I mean I’m fine with tasteful tattoos. Olivia Holt looks fine, etc. I’m also fine with no tattoos. But to cover your entire body in cheap looking tattoos is just… why? lol. I’m thinking that people don’t realize that it just becomes a stringy smudge after a certain amount. It’s like… there’s so much… stuff there that you can’t make out what you’re seeing without breaking out a microscope and studying it, and who TF does that? So it just looks like… IDK, a giant smudge, lol.

And the fatness stuff… guys, if you’re three times your normal BMI, please do something about it. I mean, we’re all human, but jeebus. A little bit of work every day, spread out over the course of years, can do wonders. You don’t need to work out to the point of exhaustion every day. Just… work on it.

Well… ok, I’ve vented enough.