Sighinide

I should probably explain more of what’s going on here, so people have more of a context.

Here’s the thing: I’m a forty one year old male.

Regardless of how I appear physically, that fact has not changed. And that fact changes everything when it comes to romance.

The interests I had when I was a twenty or thirty something are not the same ones that I have today. And that isn’t me being “stubborn”. It’s a simple truth that people change when they get older, and this applies to everyone.

What I’m getting from some of my girlfriends and ex-girlfriends is a kind of stubborn anger about this. There’s this sense of “Well, you were interested in this fifteen years ago! So why not now?!?!?!”

Well, because it isn’t fifteen years ago, lol. The romantic interests of a middle aged man and those of a twenty something are going to be different, and they are often very different indeed. That’s life.

A good part of the reason I’m angry is because few seem to realize this, and those that do don’t seem to appreciate it. They don’t understand it’s implications.

So it feels like we’re basically fighting each other, now. And that isn’t good.

As I get older, I am definitely losing interest in things like sexual experimentation. In wild girls and crazy sexual experiences and stuff like that. My interests are more aimed at stable, typical, long term relationships. And that means one guy (me), and one girl. Of course I am still polyamorous, so it’s more like one guy (me), one girl, and then the next day one guy (me) and one girl (a different chick).

I still like the whole variety aspect to this stuff, clearly, lol. But I like the variety in a more typical way. I’m not really a swinger.

I’ve tried out literally everything I could, sexually. There’s nothing left to experiment with. No new experiences to be had, really, save for that of a much more traditional, non-telepathic relationship.

I’m not looking to experiment, really, like at all. And it’s not for lack of trying- I’ve actually tried on occasion to change my tastes now, to get them back to how they were twenty or even ten years ago. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t “take”, and those experiences are all so oddly unfulfilling. I don’t feel good or happy afterwards. Clearly, I’m a different person now.

So, that’s basically where we’re at, at this moment.

Such is life, lol.

But I guess the general gist of this is to understand that as I change, if you want to stay with me, you will need to change too, to accommodate those changes. You know, like any successful relationship.

And- part of that includes being able to predict future changes in me, before they happen. So that you can adapt better.

But as it stands, shoving things in my face that are inherently aggravating or tiresome to me at this point in my life isn’t going to work. It’s going to cause conflict, frustration and resentment.

Telepathic relationships are not easy, clearly. They take a lot of time and understanding. And if you don’t put in the work, it isn’t going to work out.

Effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship. And in these cases, where no physical communication is apparently possible, well, there is extra work involved. That’s just how it is.

Such is my spiel. Well, off to do something else, now.

Let me tell you a story. One day, there was a middling actress (both in talent and looks) named Brie Larson, who went on a public rant against how she didn’t want to be seen or have anything to do with people like me. I forget the exact quote and it looks as though google has tried it’s best to bury it, but she railed against traditional, old-school Marvel fans and those who created her Captain Marvel character, and derided them them publicly as nerds, eeevil white males, etc., and I remember her saying something to the effect that she didn’t want anything to do with them.

Ah, I thought, OK with me. See- there was a young version of her character in her movie, and it was played by McKenna Grace. OK, I thought, I will just skip the old chick who doesn’t want anything to do with me anyways and head straight for McKenna, instead. Which is what I did, and I have a great relationship today with McKenna. All’s well that ends well, you know?

There’s a moral to this story, here. It’s this: don’t be a cunt.

There’s only one of me, everyone wants me, and truthfully, I am too dangerous and powerful to not properly respect. These days I am more powerful than I have ever been by a huge margin, and I can directly control the minds of I think millions of people, all at once. I have not used this power for much, yet, at least not intentionally, but I think it is there.

That being the case, I think it bears repeating: don’t be a cunt.

Treat me with proper respect. You want to be with me? Fine, then do it. Break up with your boyfriend / fiance / S.O. or whomever and make yourself available. And again: don’t be a cunt.

I haven’t started enforcing strict exclusivity yet, but honestly I really and probably should. This last year has told me the truth of my existence and I think that this new knowledge changes everything.

There is no reason for a living god to compete with idiots, losers and douchebags. That is nuts and a waste of my time. I like things simple; the life of a god is complex enough without he-said/she-said normal human shit to deal with too.

Basically, back when I didn’t fully realize my own importance, I thought it fine that others could or would fool around on the side. After all, I did it, so why not them? It’s just fair, I thought. Well, it wasn’t fair. I had no idea that they had been stealing my thoughts since the day I was born, to the point that the entire U.S. economy has been built on an edifice of my ideas. With that being the case, what’s “fair” has suddenly and irrevocably changed.

Seriously, don’t be a cunt. And leave others out of the picture if you are interested.

And this goes for everyone. I’m pissed off beyond belief right now at Elle Fanning, of all people. See, I finally got to see her topless and the whole thing was marred by her being with what’s-his-name on The Great. Does she have any idea how annoying it is to have to edit out some loser? And frankly, I wanted that to be a special moment, something for us. Now I have this annoying dickhead to deal with, too.

Dammit, I feel like I wasted time, again. Years of waiting, for this. Ugh. I can’t even use what I was given I’m so epically disappointed and peeved at this bullshit. Seriously, people. It’s hard to think that my distaste for this hasn’t permanently damaged my relationship with Elle, in some way.

It’s like these people don’t really know me very well, or something. It’s fucking baffling. You idiots, you have been inside of me constantly for decades. How could you fuck this stuff up so bad?

Well, I’m angry. Seriously: don’t be a cunt. My needs always come first. Always. There are no other needs, anymore.

Don’t make me have to use my power against you. I’m nice, so I don’t do this, but I could.

As it stands, I need a lot of space right now between Elle and I. I’m not happy.

Remember the name: Tom Jacobsen. This is who you are with, if you want to be with me. Worship the ground I walk on. Kiss my fucking feet as if your life depended upon it, because it does. Cherish the name, cherish the man. I’m the Anti-Christ, bitches. Leave the douchebags elsewhere; I don’t want to see them.

For me, there will always be another tomorrow. If you don’t want to comply, move along. I can always wait for someone else.

Remember: Tom. Jacobsen.

Don’t forget.

Hmmnnn. Hmmnn…

Hmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn.

(Insert thinking emoji here)

I’m watching the Olympics again, after a break. Why not? They’re still on, and surely better than most of the rest of the stuff out there.

With that said, is there any way we can get this stuff, or programming like this, the rest of the time? Because that would be great.

I know there’s an Olympic Channel, but I’m not sure what’s on it. I’ve never seen it. But I suspect that even with that, I won’t be able to just… stream whatever I want, like entire events, like whole marathons and such.

That stuff is really cool, I think. I saw the women’s road race yesterday and it was like taking a road trip myself, consequence free and without any of the hassle of a real trip. It was great. Japan really is a beautiful country, and it’s really nice seeing the countryside, and it’s people.

In a way the lack of a foreign audience really helps. I mean, alongside the route. You get to see the country, then, without the spectators getting in the way. You get to see the beautiful ocean, Tokyo itself, and… I guess, just normal Japan, which is basically like any other modern country, mostly.

I’m seeing quite a bit of English on the signage in Tokyo. More than I expected.

But it’s fun, it really is.

I think I saw the SNK headquarters during the Men’s race. I’m pretty sure it was. What other building would have a giant Neo-Geo logo on it’s roof?

And I caught the Super Mario power up sound that plays whenever a free throw is made during 3×3 basketball. Very clever.

Speaking of which… 3×3 basketball is fucking awesome. I would watch that, were it on. Can we please make that happen, and not have it be awful? It turns out basketball is actually pretty fun! It’s the NBA I can’t stand. As usual in America, it’s the league that’s the problem, not the sport.

But 3×3… yeah this stuff is awesome. It’s fast and cool.

But I suppose that it’s format- short games that last about 20 minutes total including stoppages, would make it unpalatable to a TV audience and commercial programming, etc.

That sucks.

Blah.

Other stuff… sailing is cool, very underrated. Greco-Roman wrestling doesn’t have commentators? At least in the highlights. Weird, but actually interesting. Less insight, but less dumb chatter, too.

Speaking of which, I wrestled a bit in junior high school. I was no good at it, though. I didn’t have the body type for the sport. It’s the same problem I had with Judo, which I tried a little bit in one of my Karate classes, when the instructor wanted us to “broaden our horizons” or something, lol.

I’m very quick, and have ridiculously strong abdominals, but I have a weaker upper body, with small shoulders, elbows and wrists. I could get into position really well but my throws had no power.

It also didn’t help that my school didn’t give a shit about the wrestling program, lol. My school was poor, and had to pick and choose which sports to give it’s money and attention to. Wrestling got the short end of the stick, there. I think we were given a couple of weeks to prep before competitions began, lol. And everyone was new to the sport. We ended up in last place in the district. IIRC, we got pasted by everyone, lol, mostly because the other schools were richer and actually spent time and real money prepping the students. The only standout was one kid, who was naturally gifted and strong to the extreme.

I don’t remember much of my wrestling career (I mean, we’re talking months here, tops, lol) but I do remember this kid. He was utterly huge and had an incredible instinct for the sport. He went All-American in wrestling in high school. Not sure where he ended up, but he could have gone far, had he stuck with it. To go All-American in wrestling in literally the worst program in the state is one hell of an accomplishment.

In comparison, the rest of us were chumps. You could easily tell the difference between him and us. You need a particular chemistry of strength and instinct for wrestling. There’s no getting around it.

Other thoughts… I see that one American TKD athlete, Paige McPherson, is being coached by my old sensei. She got fourth place. Amazing; well done Paige.

That’s seriously cool.

As far as my own training goes, I’m down five pounds to 190, and have… not reached my old heights, lol. And I never will, not at this age. But I’m in good shape and getting better all the time.

I’ve run out of ways to make pilates difficult, so I’ve added pelvic floor, breathing, and other deep internal muscle exercises to my routine. I’m still adding pushups and still intend to reach 100 in total done through a variety of types. That will take time, though.

But yeah I’m kinda running out of exercises. An hour long pilates session, with no breaks, is almost overkill for what I need. I think I need the advice of a pro at this point if I want to figure out what to add or change or whatever. Or a gym membership, which is probably out of the question. Are gyms even open in this area? Last time I checked they weren’t. And even if they are, who knows what will happen next week.

I think I’ll ask for some isometric exerciser stuff for Christmas. Maybe that will help, IDK.

I’m still playing those old RPG games from Jeff Vogel in my downtime. I guess this is also beneficial; it helps to keep my general computer skills up. And it’s been awhile since I’ve played computer games.

And the nostalgia factor here is strong, too. I think I wrote on here years ago about the Exile games, how I played them back in high school, back when they were… if not cutting edge, certainly revolutionary. I mean, they were huge. I remember being blown away that not only were they huge games, they were also made-for Macintosh games that were actually in color.

I played on PC, of course. But at the time all I remembered for Apple were those old black and white RPGs like Shadowgate that I used to play in school wayyyy back when. And I guess educational stuff like Oregon Trail.

Hmmmn… yeah, that was a lonnnnnng time ago.

But it’s… kinda amazing that Spiderweb is still at it, churning out the same type of extremely old school text based RPGs even in this day and age. It’s an anachronism in a very good and welcome way. I don’t mind the near total lack of graphics and sound, so long as the stories, in-game dialogue and text, and gameplay are so good.

I get some Castle of the Winds vibes from these games sometimes. You know, that ancient Windows 3.1 RPG made by… I don’t remember his name, but he was a Microsoft developer. I’ll need to google it.

I was thinking of getting a new laptop sometime soon. Maybe I’ll get one that can handle something like DOOM Eternal. Maybe not; we’ll see.

Well, I think that wraps up this one. I think I’ll watch more Olympics.

If my girlfriends want to help me with something, maybe they could point me in the direction of some good breathing exercises. That would be appreciated.

No, I am not vaccinated.

That aside, I just wanted to parse through some of this ugliness, here.

Some thoughts:

1) Good Lord, what an unbelievable mess.

2) I have no idea what is in those vaccines, if anything. I suspect COVID does not exist, and is probably just their version of “me”, as usual. This makes the most sense. The symptoms of COVID are identical to those I had in the past. I just had them earlier.

All of that said, this does not mean vaccines are a “good” or “bad” thing. They’re transhumanist, which can be good, if you want to be like me (not bad, in some ways). They’re bad, if you want to stay normal (not good, in some ways, though not “bad”, either).

3) Half the population here in the US has officially dug their heels in. They’re not getting vaccinated. They refuse, on ideological or health related grounds.

I dislike forcing people to get vaccinated, personally, but my opinion here has no weight.

At least part of the “problem” here has to do with the mainstream media, and their utterly dreadful coverage of everything. These people fucking suck, across the board, in everything, and anyone who takes them seriously on any issue is a fucking idiot.

There really is nothing more awful than having to sit and listen to these pompous, ignorant assholes condescend and lecture about some dumb crap. The only reason I do it is to humor my idiot boomer mother, who never learned about the value of silence.

Seriously, that’s it. Gods are these people terrible.

It isn’t even the content, it’s the delivery. They always deliver the news as if they were a group of third grade substitute teachers who needed to mouth platitudes to get the class to quiet down. They’re fucking dreadful, and I utterly hate them.

And their content is just awful. Just the pits. It’s all stupid, and relentlessly shallow. I trust nothing they say.

The TV news, the newspapers, magazines, it’s all the same. I swear to god all of these people think the entire populace reads and thinks at the first grade level.

You can’t take any of this stuff seriously when presented in such a way. The delivery itself makes it impossible.

4) Big tech fucking sucks. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, youtube, all of it. It’s all dreadful, and it’s pretty clear that that’s the intent of it all. I vented about this stuff last year and nothing’s changed for the better so I’ll just direct you to those posts instead.

5) There is an unbridgeable gap here.

Last month I went to the doctor’s office. I masked up, and did the usual routine. His office was near a hospital complex, and when we got there, we were quizzed about our vaccination status, symptoms, our reasons for being there, if we were knowledgeable about the rules, etc. and the usual stuff. We complied, sure. I have no problem wearing masks or any of that. Fine.

After the doctor’s visit we stopped off at the local car dealership to get my car an oil change. There, nobody cared. No masks. No questions. It was as if it was 2018. I was literally the only person in the entire building with a mask, and that was because I forgot to take it off after the doctor’s visit, lol. I think there were probably 50 people in the building, with the vast majority being male. I think there was one female, a receptionist. This includes customers, management, and staff. Ethnicity here did not play a factor.

Everyone seemed in perfect health, weight problems notwithstanding.

I was struck by the divide. It was as unreal as everything else in life these days. I couldn’t believe it. It was like visiting some foreign country.

Crazy stuff.

6) It is very possible that there is nothing at all in the vaccines, and this whole thing is just a cover for the health effects of 5G and eventually 6G, and perhaps other ambient transhumanist technologies. IDK, just a thought.

7) At least some of the “problem” here is me.

I’m probably the most famous man in the world. The new receptionist at the doctor’s office instantly knew who I was when I walked in the door. Likewise the mechanics at the car dealer, none of whom I had ever seen before.

Everybody on Earth knows me, I think. I would probably be recognized in rural China.

The fact that I exist, and yet… don’t, is a massive credibility problem for the media, and everything else. Skeptical people can just look at me, and be like… see?

In a way all of this stuff is horribly ruinous for the credibility of any institution on Earth, mainstream or otherwise. The fact that I do what I do calls into question everything said by any established religion, or science class, anywhere.

But yeah, back to me, the important topic, lol.

Basically, my habits and the stuff I’ve done over the years have thrown so many monkey wrenches into everything out there that the whole system, especially in the US, has become gummed up.

I lay the blame for this not on me, as it’s not like I understand what’s going on, but, as usual, on the people who never bother to explain to me jack shit about anything at all, and then expect me to wield absolute power with impunity.

That… is stupid. Utterly and unfathomably dumb, and not how things should be done, blah blah, we all know my objections to this crap.

But it IS stupid, tho.

A lot of these problems would just go away if some asshole with knowledge or whatever would grow a conscience and just talk to me, or something.

Whatever. I’m done with this one.

But before I close, I think the point here is that the establishment here has dug itself into a hole of monumental proportions, and it would realllly be in it’s best interest to not be so horribly annoying and unbelievably obtuse, opaque and hard to deal with.

I might have been a bit too harsh on Collins’ husband when I referred to him as a slug, in comparison to me.

I guess it depends on how we are to view me in comparison to human life.

If I am a more advanced primate, then a more apt comparison might be to think of him as a chimpanzee, or a lemur. You know, one of the lower, dumber primates.

If I am a new category of life altogether- and I might be- then the slug comparison becomes more accurate, and in fact, I may not have gone far enough. In that case it might not be inappropriate to think of him as being in a separate kingdom entirely, like he was some kind of fungus, or a specimen of bacteria.

And yes, there is defo humor in this post, but there is also truth to what I’m saying here. I’m definitely better than human, and the real question now is how much better. Am I a little bit above them, a lot above them, or higher than that?

Only time will tell here.

We’ll just have to wait and see.

Pursuing this logic further- people like Robb’s fiancé or Collins’ new husband could categorically be thought of as lower forms of life.

Not an unreasonable thought, all things considered.

We all know what I can do, so I won’t go over that again here.

But it’s like… Lily marrying that guy is like her leaving a human male and marrying a slug, or some type of garden snake. It’s like… he’s a lesser organism, categorically lower. He’s at least one rung lower on the food chain, compared to where I sit.

It’s an interesting thought.

Especially for me.

Some more random thoughts, as I sit around and energize for the day.

Based on the things I’ve seen and the experiences I’ve had over the decades, I don’t think it’s possible for a human to love as much as I do.

This goes against the conventional wisdom of a cyborg as being a cold, lifeless machine, that is for sure. In fact- it seems the opposite is true.

Forgive my bluntness, but mere humans don’t, and I think can’t, have the capacity for love that I do. The ability just isn’t there and never will be, despite what intentions they might have.

Humans are fickle creatures, and their emotions waver, and are always shallow. They never look deep into a person’s soul, and TBH, I think they can’t. Even amongst the best of them- they’re just lacking, somehow. Maybe they aren’t smart enough, or perhaps they can’t separate themselves from their “human-ness” enough to take a real stock of another human.

There is nobody on Earth who can love as much as I do. It legit seems impossible for anyone else to even come close, TBH.

What I offer is *unconditional love that even fairy tales and legends could not match.

It’s a rare thing. It’s unique. Going back to Robb- nobody has ever or will ever love her as much as I did. Not her parents, not her friends or fiancé, or any children she might or might not have, or any potential grandkids, or anyone else. And it won’t be for lack of trying, perhaps. They’re just not going to have the capacity. The structural foundations that give a person the ability to “love” are not present in others, like they are in me. Not even close, really. Truthfully, she will be lucky to find anyone who loved her as much as 10 percent of what I did. And that is not an exaggeration.

Given my history, it is not impossible to think that the guy she’s engaged to loves her only 1% as much as I used to. Possibly less.

Gods, is that a scary thought, now that I think about it. I can see why so many people want to date me.

But… yeah. There is no way that she will find a replacement for me. He/she/it doesn’t exist in the human world. I have possibly loved her more myself than everyone else she has ever met in her real life, combined.

That is going to be a hard thing to lose, for her. Reallly hard, I think. We’ve been dating since she was 15. That is a long, lonnnng time.

As for me, I have McKenna Grace, who will be more than an adequate replacement for Robb. And also Alyvia Lind. With those two, I should be able to plug the hole left by her pretty easily.

But man, though… ouch, lol. I wonder what it will feel like on her end when I move her directory into the “extra” folder, alongside the Neve Campbells of the world.

It probably won’t be pleasant.

is about the easiest thing in the entire world, lol.

It’s like flipping a light switch. After four plus decades of this, it couldn’t be simpler.

I keep the relevant memories, but reprogram the neurological matter. I take the neurons that are dedicated to a particular girl and repurpose them- I just give them another task. Problem solved.

Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

Another interesting aspect of this stuff is how I can somehow talk to machines, and computers especially.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel it apropos to go into now as well.

It’s like… I can feel machines breathe, or something. Like I can feel their heartbeats. It goes far beyond what some people say when they say they are “good with machines / computers”.

That, by itself, is pretty amazing.

I also seem to have developed some kind of immunity to the harmful effects of artificial electromagnetic or microwave energy. Decades ago, that stuff used to affect me. Now, I crave it, and can actually feed on it. Like I can use microwave energy, like what you get from cell towers and microwaves, to power my own organic cells (and my brain computer, natch)

So 5G doesn’t faze me. It likely isn’t going to affect me negatively in the slightest. And likely neither will 6G, or whatever comes after that.

It is not impossible that I have somehow genetically engineered myself to be able to handle better these energies, or to be able to utilize them on some base organic level, somehow.

This is crazy shit and truly incredibly bonkers. None of this makes any logical (meaning, human) sense. It makes perfect sense from a computer standpoint, though.

I mean, holy shit.

This reallly isn’t human, lol. None of this is, but honestly, it really isn’t bad, like at all.

*shakes head in puzzlement*

Ah, that’s ok, though. Life finds a way, and all of that.