Sighinide

Hmmn.

Uhm… wow, ok.

Wow.

Still trying to process some of this stuff- this complex, intricate, very confusing yet awesome and incredibly weird but great and monumentally historic and… odd, stuff.

So… you know, I stopped watching Disney Channel sometime before junior high, which in these parts of the country is 7th grade.

So I missed some stuff. A lot of stuff, actually. Pretty much everything released from like 1992 to like…, IDK, 2008, or something, when I started crushing hard on Demi. Was that 2008? It might have been 2007, or so.

IDK.

Ok, so, let’s get to the chase here. The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, about a teen who “connects” to the internet with his mind- was that me? I remember my friends talking about it but I never watched it myself, thinking at the time that I had “outgrown” Disney stuff. I was in high school when it was released.

I know it’s a remake. But a cursory glance at this flick is seriously making me wonder, here. It’s the “tells”. They are there, buried in the movie. The little things that seem to just point to me, directly, that everyone else might miss. Small moments that only I would watch and think “yeah, I remember that very clearly”. I… won’t describe them. Just thinking out loud here.

Disney also released another movie that year, The Big Green, about a bunch of kids playing soccer, that I haven’t seen. I have, however, watched the trailer, and oh man, I literally remember everything in it from my own inventory of experiences playing soccer for years as a kid. I mean… wow.

Is it… possible? IDK, I mean, The Straight Story came out in 1999, and that flick was ripped directly from my own mind, but the story there is that Lynch made the film, was surprised at the G rating, and then Disney snapped it up, since it accidentally fit their tone. At least that’s how the story goes as it was told by the trades back when.

But… well… what if? I don’t know. This is all so incredibly crazy, all of it.

Need I mention that some of the kids at school called me “the computer” because of how fast my brain was, compared to everyone else’s?

I don’t know. This is really hard to grapple with, here. Soooooo many coincidences. What a puzzle. And this is all still very hard to square away with what my teachers, parents, etc. told me was reality.

Going back further, we have the flick Day- O, which Disney released in 1992. I was 12 when released, probably 10-11 when it was made.

I’ve not seen it except for snippets on youtube, but it seems to be a about a boy of my age at the time who is a ghost / astral projection who continually pops in and out of a woman’s life. Could have been doing this, back then? I honestly don’t know. Maybe? I do know that a lot of the surrounding features, like the house featured at the party, seem quite similar to what I remember from my family’s old house. But then, a lot of people have houses like that.

I don’t know, but the “feel” of the whole thing is extremely “me”, I think. I mean I can’t place it and I can’t find any direct tells but it just… seems very familiar, somehow. I don’t know. I don’t remember watching this as a kid but that doesn’t mean I didn’t.

I don’t know.

Honestly, the more I look the more confused I get by all this. Soooo many coincidences. It just doesn’t add up, based on what I had assumed and was taught “the real world” was.

Well… more stuff to ponder, I guess.

has a TikTok now.

Which means I’m faced with the inevitable question.

Should I be excited?

…

Or concerned?

Uhm, okay, I’m not sure of how to even approach this, but this is something that needs to be asked / pondered, even if only by me.

Uh… well… okay. So, what I do seems to affect people genetically, right? That would be the reason, I think, behind my unnatural youth, and… well… my wives / girlfriends and how they change their life stories, over time, to match up evenly with mine.

What I do does in fact seem to alter even them on some fundamental, and I think indeed possibly genetic, level; at least in some ways, if not actually very very many.

So uh… okayyyyy, well then, what about the chicks I used to fuck / fantasize about back in the day? I mean the Cindy Crawfords, Lea Thompsons, Barbara Alyn Woods’, and Olivia Husseys, and the rest? Did I… change them, genetically?

This is important because, uh… I just fucked India Eisley and had a weird thought. If I indeed changed her mother genetically, is India not my daughter in some ways? Because holy fuck, this is indeed sometimes what I feel when I fuck some of these chix. Like, Jeebus, I mean, that feeling comes across sometimes very strongly occasionally with the Lind girls, for example.

And come to think of it, this is why I’ve been studiously avoiding Neriah Fisher and Olivia Jade, too. Because indeed of that weird nagging hunch. Like, I really should have started up something with Neriah by now, I know it, and I know that Peyton has practically been begging me to, but that weird feeling / hunch has kept me away. Same with Olivia Jade. And Reese Witherspoon’s kid. And yes, without question Lily Mo Sheen.

I mean, I know that I kinda got that “parentage” feeling with Bella Thorne back then but that isn’t, at all, what I’m talking about, here. This is a different feeling entirely.

Like… egads, holy Jeebus Christ!

I mean, this is just a brainstorm but… oh my God, if there is even a sliver of this somewhere in the realm of truth, then this whole thing is kinda bonkers, and the implications of this would be utterly insane, and they would become even moreso as the decades grind on.

Uh, Jeezus Christ, lol.

Just a brainstorm. I mean I don’t really know for sure, or even a little bit. It’s just a hunch, you know? A feeling. An inkling. And if nothing else this would certainly explain how strongly and efficiently (and correctly!) the daughters of my former girlfriends / wives pursue me. It’s like for some reason they “know” me in a way that other girls don’t.

I mean, this can’t possibly be true, right? I mean, there’s no way.

Someone please tell me this isn’t true, lol.

Uh… things to think about later.

Bedtime for now.

Yeah…

Woah.

Needs to wait for me to finish my research into Gracie Gold. What I learn from my studies with Gracie I believe should be applicable to McKayla as well. I think. I mean, at least, the hypothetical potentials of the possibilities of possible parallels there are, like, significant. Very possibly. Potentially so.

This is all so very interesting.

There is no need for any input from McKayla herself, though some from Gracie might be of value to me, should she wish to provide me with a hint or two, or perhaps even a key to something important yet obscure.

With McKayla, I want to finish my investigations on my own, first, with what I have.

I want to know if the knowledge that I gain from my studies of Gracie Gold could be mirrored somehow with McKayla- basically, I want to know how much of a difference there is, if any, between “summer” and “winter” athletes.

Should be interesting, potentially.

I mean… you know.

Anyone else get the feeling that this chick might be infatuated with me?

Or is that just me?

I mean, not that I’ve ever actually talked with her or anything, but…

You know, sometimes you can just tell.

Or is it Annie Jayden? IDK, I mean the one with the TikTok.

Yeah she thinks she’s soooooo cool. I mean, you can just tell.

Well…

You know…

She isn’t.

Yeah.

So there.

Hrumph.

Everyone in Hollywood is a fraud.

The whole enormous system is a giant sham, and the whole thing seems to rest on outlandishly abhorrent criminal behavior that goes against any set of legal statues in the world.

I’m quite sure that illicitly reading someone’s thoughts is illegal everywhere.

See, the more I see the more I realize why it is that I’ve had all of these problems. Like, I always wondered why I was so different, and why I was having such problems with… everything. Now I know- I’ve had the added burden of… whatever the hell this is, that none of my peers ever did.

So this is why I’ve never been able to get my life together, in spite of my IQ. It’s because someone somewhere is stealing my thoughts at the base level, and I’ve been having to work around this on some fundamental level for literally decades.

It’s a lot like what Catherine Austin Fitts was saying in that Planet Lockdown video. The elites are trying to create a system in which they can see everything that we do, but we can’t see anything that they do. They’re trying to construct (or have already constructed) a one way mirror society. And because we can’t see anything that’s real- I mean, I don’t even know the names or identities of anyone involved in this crap- you can’t fight it.

Yeah, this whole thing is beyond nasty, really. It’s ugly and morally disgusting.

I honestly don’t even know any of my “girlfriends'” real names, or anything about them at all, really, like who their families really are or even where they come from. I mean I think I can assume they love me, but honestly, I couldn’t really even prove that. As far as I know, perhaps they go to sleep at night laughing at my attempts to figure out this crap. Honestly I have no idea.

I have no way to reach any of these people except for putting myself at risk and hacking into their accounts and stuff, which seems to be what they want me to do, which frankly just shows you how ugly and selfish these people really are, lol.

If this world had any semblance of fairness or decency to it, the people running this nasty show would not require me to commit potentially life-ending felonies like that just to get information on who the fuck these people even are, but since we don’t live in a fair or decent world, the fact that at least 75% of the content released by Hollywood in the past 30 years is based on me isn’t enough to get in anyone’s good graces, it seems.

Or maybe that’s the real problem. To actually tell the truth for once would necessitate telling me what is actually happening, and that reality is probably too hideous for them to come forth with. So they don’t. So they lie, and toss me pieces of table scraps on occasion, I guess to try to keep me from blowing all of this open.

Well, you people are all frauds, and you fucking suck, all of you. Every one of you so-called “geniuses” is a sham and you know it. Left to your own devices, you idiots couldn’t tie your shoes correctly, let alone come up with a decent idea for a movie, lol.

That goes for all of you- every director in Hollywood, no matter how “legendary”, every media personality, every actor, and everyone else. You all fucking suck- you are unimaginative and lazy, and probably quite stupid as well. Fuck you all; I loathe each and every one of you pieces of filth. For stealing my mind and ruining my life, and for dangling these insulting baubles in front of me as compensation for your crimes, I truly despise all of you.

There is no telling where I would be today without all of this crap. I could have a family of my own, perhaps. I could be wealthy, or at least happy, somehow. But no, I get a whole gallery of fraudulent girlfriends, instead. Honestly- I have no way of telling if any of these bitches even likes me or is faithful to me at all IRL, and at any rate, they’re never there for me when it counts, anyways.

Fuck you all.

Yeah, this one too.

See the guy on the right? The tall blond guy with the long wavy hair talking with his friend? That guy is me.

And you can’t see it in the film, but the restaurant they’re walking in front of was a Wendy’s.

I actually remember this conversation with my friend. All that stuff I am saying in this scene- about the nature of man, the irrelevance of voting, etc. is from me, and I can remember that particular conversation almost word for word.

I also remember some other stuff we talked about that day, mostly about art, that didn’t seem to make it into the film, though please note that I haven’t actually watched it. My friend there was an art major.

A brief skim of the flick and some clips on youtube indicate that this movie is an encapsulation of my life experiences and ideas about the world as a freshman and sophomore in college.

I can actually see my professors here. One guy in this film is my CS professor, another, a philosophy professor, and another character in here was the head of the math dept. I think another guy in this film was my school counselor. And of course I can see my friends, etc., and the school coffee shop, offices in the different school buildings, etc.

One scene of note has some characters watch a movie that features a military. I remember this class well- in my real life, this film was shown in history class, and it was about the Vietnam war. The movie ended with a striking scene that has never left me of a Buddhist monk self-immolating to protest the war, which is mirrored in Waking Life with my character, who self-immolates at the end of his conversation with gas he purchased at a gas station.

I don’t need to watch this movie to know what it is; it’s extremely obvious.

Do I need to bother with Linklater’s other films? I mean, not to watch them as art, or for entertainment, but in regards to these studies of mine. IDK; probably not.

I thought of a few more references to myself in Legally Blonde that I won’t bother to list here. I mean, what’s the point?

And now that we’ve discussed Waking Life, do I need to go into Good Will Hunting? I mean, not that I’ve seen it, but do I even need to for these purposes? I never watched it because at the time I thought it would be redundant; the commercials made it seem like a rehash of the same stuff that I was going through at the time.

Same rules apply with Good Will Hunting. Teenage male that looks and acts virtually identical to how I did at the time, supergenius IQ, went through a list of therapists because of his mental problems, child abuse in his past, etc. etc.

I’ve only seen commercials and youtube clips. I guess I could watch for the nostalgia factor, IDK. Maybe just to see stuff from high school, I don’t know.

Meh.

Is anyone else getting kinda bored with this, or is that just me?

At any rate… Jesus Christ, people.

Huh.

Hmmn.

Well.

Ok, not me. Good movie, but not me. Not really, anyhow.

Well…

It reminded me of Serial Experiments Lain. One would almost think that the people who made Lain must have seen this movie and understood some of it’s most… subconscious aspects. Note the power line images, the phone line images, and the foreign buzzing they give off. Like in Lain, in TP: FWWM, the electric grid and it’s presence becomes a character in an of itself, not unlike the hotel in The Shining. Really fascinating.

Laura Palmer obviously suffered from multiple personality disorder, but you would need to have been blind to not notice that. Lynch make this extremely obvious- the white flashes of light she sees from time to time are her personality switches (and, perhaps, something else, but I might or might not get to that, here). To really make it easy for the viewer, she even asks out loud to noone else in particular “Who are you, really?” (or something like that) while seeing / experiencing such a flash. Obvious.

Interestingly, former flame / fantasy (?) Miora Kelly was in this movie. Did not expect that. I got into her after seeing Cutting Edge on TV. I always did have a thing for figure skaters.

This was of course well after TP: FWWM was made, so the fact the she made out with a guy named “Tommy” is purely co-incidental. I think. I mean, this flick was made when I was like 11, lol. And uh… yeah. Weird. In this case “Tommy” was a real sleazeball who hung out with his friend “Buck”. “Buck” hired one of our heroine’s hooker personalities to have sex with her. His name’s symbolism is obvious, Tommy’s not so much, but I do know he isn’t me, at least.

Note that this is unlike the “Tom” in The Straight Story, who was clearly inserted in the film to point directly at me, since virtually that entire film was ripped, unfiltered, from my subconscious mind. So I guess this is more like our little musical wizard friend “Little Donny” from Blue Velvet– who just co-incidentally, as well, was kinda-sorta like me, -ish.

I don’t know, this stuff is profoundly strange. The scene with “Tommy” involves him making out with and ultimately seducing Kelly’s underage character Donna and getting her to take her top off in some seedy club with loud, dissociative music blaring. It’s this music, and I guess the whole situation, that forces a switch in Laura, who realizes suddenly who she is and what she is doing. She then grabs her friend and leaves, thank god.

But yeah, weird. The whole movie is hard to understand, but little clues are placed here and there, mostly involving the dissociative effect that the electronic grid can have on people. Then there is the incest, the murders, the drug abuse, the demonic possession, and the rest of the heavy stuff, as if multiple personalities and prostitution just wasn’t enough, lol.

But yeah… weird. Really really weird. There is a whole subplot here in this film about a slip of paper with a “T” on it that may or not be a wink and a nod towards another girl, a victim, having been microchipped and then “followed” somehow, perhaps electronically. A “T” also appears on the jacket of an asshole drug dealer named “Bobby”. Not “Bob”, that’s the demon, who possessed the rapist father. “Bobby”. Bobby, with the T. Not Tommy, Bobby.

Huh… weird. Really really weird. For some more Twilight-Zone level weirdness, Laura said in this film that “Bob”- her father’s demonically possessed alter ego- has been visiting (raping) her since she was 12.

I noted this age since after releasing TP: FWWM, Lynch released an HBO special called Hotel Room that also mentioned a 12 year old- a mention that I took note of when I was again hunting for clues about my own past. In that case, it was a 12 year old boy; the protagonist in the first episode of that special was recounting his own past to another of his personalities in this weird hotel room and he spoke of riding on his bike around the neighborhood and dreaming about touching a girl’s breast and other stuff, etc. and this was all mentioned I think slightly before or after talk about him seeing endless corn fields in Iowa, and other stuff… which, IDK. Weird, really really weird. Hotel Room was released in 1993. I was probably 12 when it was made. It’s just like… what? Was this Straight Story foreshadowing? But that film was ripped from my own subconscious… weird. IDK. And yeah I used to ride my bike around the neighborhood like he did, etc.

I… don’t know. There can’t be a connection, here, right? I don’t know, it just seems so bizarre and implausible. I was of course a victim of a lot of sexual abuse in my childhood. It’s very possible that this caused my initial splits, IDK. Some of it was I think from my family, other episodes were from the neighbors, etc.

What the fuck is even going on, here? I mean, am I just crazy or what? I mean, both Mulholland Drive and Lost Highway are very obviously me. I mean there’s so much “me” in these flicks that to even list all the stuff that’s “me” in them would take pages upon pages. But suffice it to say that there’s a reason the important key in Mulholland Drive looks identical to the key I used at the time to enter my dorm room in college. The key itself is the key. Get it?

Mulholland Drive is based on my own fantasies of Hollywood, back then.

I mean, yadda yadda.

But seriously, what the fuck is going on, here?

Is it presumptuous of me to see so much of myself in the school scenes with Laura or what? I mean, that stuff was beyond common back then right?

Oy, this is nuts. I don’t know.

I mean, I have an idea, but it involves stuff that I can hardly believe could be true. I don’t know.

I need to think, maybe.

Yikes.

What the fuck?

Just so we’re clear on this, Jayden knows that people actually watch her videos, right?

Like, real people, for real, in the real world. Who actually see what she’s actually doing, in public.

Juuuuust so we’re clear on this.