Sighinide

My mom, who when she was shopping for a Christmas present for my nephew, asked me about Beats by Dre, which she pronounced as Beats by Dree. Yes, Dree, as in rhymes with tree. Beats by DREE.

LOL

is the cause of enormous consternation.

I don’t like her much, in spite of, or perhaps because of, how much I love her.

She completes me even as she leaves a gigantic hole in my heart. She makes me contented and happy as she drives me insane with worry.

I just saw the new trailer for Colonia, and as a hardcore celebriphiliac, I am excited as hell. Moments like these are why I live. The movie looks fun, cool, and sexy; and beyond that, this trailer promises great things for Watson herself. Today, she’s finally moved beyond Hermione Grainger and established herself as a power in her own right in the celebrisphere- she’s Emma Watson, a talented actor.

Yeah, she’s finally done it, and I couldn’t be more happy for her.

Well… to be more accurate, we did it, and I couldn’t be more happy for us.

Watson’s been one of my big projects. She’s been project #3, behind Swift and Elle Fanning. I never told her this, but for the past eight years, I’ve purposely avoided watching or having anything at all to do with Harry Potter specifically because I wanted this transition to go smoothly. So I never finished watching the movies, in spite of how I wanted to. And so I never read the books, even though I wanted to. And I never fantasized- not even once- about Hermione, in spite of the massive crush I had on her character back in the day.

That’ll all change, believe me, now that the Emma Watson project is done. That’ll DEFINITELY change. I mean, I’m a real wizard that loves cinema, for God’s sake- and one who is actually in love with the real Emma Watson! And I haven’t even seen half the Harry Potter movies!!!

I need to watch them. I have to. I’m just so damn curious about them. I want to see how the story ends and also if maybe there is a reference or two to me in there, somewhere (I’ll bet there is!).

But back to Watson… what I wanted most for her was longevity. I wanted her to feel comfortable exploring things outside the Potterverse, and so I did what I could to open new vistas in her subconsciousness to separate her from it.

Things started to click internally years ago, and publicly with the UN speech and #HeForShe, but now with Colonia it looks like the rocket is finally taking off. Wonderful! It was worth it, then. All of the effort, all of the energy, all of the hard work… it was worth it.

I did it!

Great. Now… I need to deal with the consequences.

Oy!

So, I love Emma. Obviously. But in that trailer, she kissed another guy. A guy who, although he is not more handsome or famous or appealing than me, is nevertheless someone who is well-known and successful in his own right. Which is good, I guess, I mean, seeing sexy celebrities do that stuff is fun, but… she’s my fucking girlfriend.

AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH

It’s OK. I mean, I made this happen. Yes, it was… intentional. So it’s OK.

Breathe, Tom, breathe!

Oy.

It’s OK, I guess. So, it’s done.

Good job, Tom! Good job, Emma!

We did it!

Now, we just need to live with it.

So- what IS the deal with British people and celebrity hacking, anyways? Especially in regards to American celebs. It’s bizarre.

Tonight I went through my archive of files related to the old Paris Hilton Sidekick hack of 2005, and I was struck, once again, by the British voice of the primary Paris-Hacked.com website owner, and how similar he was in style and substance to many of the hackers of last year’s great celeb leak.

I mean, even the ACCENTS are similar. At least, to my untrained ears they are.

It makes one wonder.

Games today lack a sense of wonder, and a feeling of genuine awe for the medium. They lack that sense of primal excitement- that belief that each new game will change EVERYTHING; that sense that every new detail represents something Earth-shattering.

People today just don’t much understand what it was like back then, in that beautiful dark age of gaming.

Here, I quote from Gamespot’s review of Quake II:

“Whatever else may be said about Quake II, one thing is certain: It is the only first-person shooter to render the original Quake entirely obsolete. Within moments of starting the game, it is safe to say that all but the most irrationally loyal players will acknowledge that Quake II is better than the original in every respect, and that no one who can afford to upgrade will have any reason to ever load Quake again. Considering the countless hours invested by countless players in the game, that’s a remarkable achievement.

It’s also significant because since Quake shipped 18 months ago, we have seen a steady stream of challengers, games that have been trumpeted by press and players alike as the successors to the first-person throne. But none of these games has actually come through on that count – not Hexen II, not Jedi Knight, and certainly not any of the half-dozen “Quake Killers” that have yet to make it out of alphaland and onto store shelves. But Quake II does come through, delivering at least incremental and occasionally monumental improvements over its predecessor.

Many gamers describe playing Quake II in semireligious terms, and when immersed in the 3Dfx version of the game, it’s easy to understand why. The visual effects are awesome, as in awe-inspiring. The masterful weaving of subtle graphic effects – colored hues that blend seamlessly into one another, intricate textures cast over complex and beautiful architectural features, and realistic transitions between light and shadow – creates a graphic environment that is without peer on the PC.”

The dark age of gaming was one of breathless excitement. It was an era that we knew was going to mean something to the development of the world. We were there, that group of us driving everything forward, and we knew we were pushing all the boundaries and making those great leaps into the unknown.

Gaming today has good games. Interesting games. Games that can look great and have good voice acting. But no game today can harness the lighting. No game today can become a quasi religion for wayward youth, like Quake or DOOM.

No game today is spoken of in hushed tones.

Back to Unreal- you can feel the love put into this game by its creators. The attention to detail on all levels is just astounding; the enemies have personality, the controls are spot-on, the music and sound is pitch perfect, and, as I said earlier, the game’s look is still excellent, even when played on a PC without 3dfx acceleration. The game’s base graphics, while obviously made 15 years ago, impress today with style. Even now I can get lost in those beautiful backgrounds, just as I could so long ago.

AAA games today are detailed but boring. Very little stands out in the playing experience. The music is designed to be forgettable, the backgrounds are designed to be bland, the weapons lack punch and are all samey, the enemies are all non-descript clones of each other, and they’re just… boring.

I like old games, most especially those of the dark age, because they actively tried to distinguish themselves from Hollywood. They purposely stayed away from cut scenes and voice acting, and they on purpose gave their protagonists minimal personality, to allow the player to fully immerse himself in the gaming experience.

Video game reviewers today don’t seem to get this aspect of things. They see games like DOOM and Hexen and they assume that the hero’s lack of personality is a defect. That is not so. Subduing the main character in the game allows for greater immersion by the player, and allows other things to shine in the playing experience, like the enemies, the guns, the backgrounds, and the music.

Playing an old FPS is a more artistic experience on many levels than playing a new one. It is certainly a much more video game experience.

I think that this is why these games just don’t go away. They’re still here, and still the topic of so much discussion, in spite of being released so long along ago. It’s because they’re still the most “video game” of all the video games ever released.

And the mythology of the dark age, with it’s place in the history books, is just icing on the cake.

It could be that we’ll never see that kind of excitement in gaming, for anything, ever again.

Such a shame.

It was nice while it lasted.

So I booted up Unreal for the first time in 15 years tonight, and was unexpectedly blown away. Everything was good- the gameplay, the difficulty level, the ambiance, the huge world contained within the game, the sound and music… hell, even the graphics impressed me. They seemed a bit less incredible than they were when I first saw them back in HS, but not by much. I was stunned.

This. Game. Kicks. Ass!

I couldn’t believe it!

All this time, I thought I had left the world of big-budget gaming behind because I grew older. Gaming is a kid’s endeavor, right? That’s why I stopped.

It was tonight that I realized the truth.

I stopped gaming because the games started to suck.

Mind. Blown.

So- I’ve been thinking.

About things.

Important things.

When I shouldn’t, really, be thinking about them.

Anne Hathaway has a special place in all of this- the stuff I do. She’s proven quite useful to me in advancing my Empire and in being a cool chick that I like to look at and hang out with.

And she provides a useful and unique thing to me. As I mentioned, she’s my go-to girl for when I want to see a naked chick at work.

Really, it’s just so easy to see Anne naked without taking unnecessary risks in the local cubicle farms. All I need to do is go to google images and search for “Anne Hathaway Havoc” and I instantly get page after page of nude pics- and I get to do it without tripping any of the alarms that IT depts. set for porn searches. I mean, there’s no “topless”, “nude”, “porn”, “hack” or anything of that sort in that query. So I just search and Viola! naked celebrity tits.

And I get to blow up the pics to full screen size without actually visiting the site in question. So, nothing in my history. Muhahahahaha!!! *Rubs hands gleefully and with gratuitous malice*.

LiLo has also proven useful in this regard. I’ve googled “Lindsay Lohan (magazine name with nude pics)” more times than I can count. And there’s a few other searches I’ve constructed that have yielded fantastic results, beyond Anne’s and Lilo’s. Natch.

This is all very important stuff, people. Trust me, it is.

So at work I’ve been turning stuff over in my head lately regarding the “No Married Chicks” rule, especially in regards to Anne, and a few others, like Amber, and even Katy. And even, potentially, Hayley.

See, here’s the thing. The girls I just mentioned are quite obviously still in love with me. I mean, I just don’t see any chemistry between them and their SOs. I mean, I don’t see any. And I see them all very much attuned to me.

Hayley, especially. She has a whole body filled with tattoos that are homages to me and the time we’ve spent together. I mean, seriously, EVERY TAT SHE HAS IS ABOUT ME. Even last year’s tat on her hand, ostensibly a homage to her fiance, was clearly designed to appeal to me more than him. I mean, those letters are Greek letters, not Chad’s initials. And who amongst those she knows would be most inspired by that?

I mean, just look at the tattoo! It’s not even close.

TBH, I almost feel pity and contempt for their SOs. I mean, yes, they’re rich (some of them) but they’re… I won’t say it. It would be cruel, and I’ve said it before.

And there’s no reason to, anyways. We’re all thinking it.

And, truth be told, I feel a bit sorry for the girls, too. I mean, it’s every girl’s secret dream to bag a real vampire (apparently), but be careful what you wish for, eh?

So… I’m going to give Anne another go. We’ll see how this works out, this time.

And I have to admit, it did feel weird moving her pics onto the external. It just doesn’t look right to see the Celebrity directory without her in there. It just looks… off.

And it would be a useful thing for me to not burn too many bridges. At least, not yet.

Ok, well, they’re probably in jail now, and if they’re not, I’ll bet their moms gave them a whole earful of disappointment. I mean, I’m just shuddering right now as I think about what MY mom would have said to ME had I done that.

Was it worth it, I wonder? Was touching her legs really worth all the inevitable trouble? Was it worth the universal scorn? The permanent marks on their records?

Who knows, maybe it was!

But… there’s that nagging feeling. That feeling that says it would be wrong to wait too much longer with this one.

Hmmmm. I think I’ll dive in and test the waters tonight. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her and I so want to see how she’s changed since I jump started her motor a few years ago. I’m just so… curious.

She’s 85% there. Is that far enough? I don’t want to jump the gun and start things prematurely.

*licks finger, tests wind*

Almost. Alllllmost…