Sighinide

This should be an interesting post for a few reasons. The first would be the format- I’m going to try something different this time. The second would be because of the timing, and the third because of the subject matter.

I plan to write a few posts on the fascinating and very, very under discussed and confusing issue of anorexia in men. So there’s no need to fret if I don’t answer your questions (whoever you are) with this post. This is just a post for some small reflections on my part.

So, I’m going to try something new.

Midway through last year, during that epic depressive breakdown, I wrote a post about anorexia, and then didn’t publish it, because I thought it would have been just too much darkness for the blog to handle. Like, you would have been laughing at how dark the blog was, because you just couldn’t take it seriously anymore.

So I held off on publishing it.

Then I went and updated it a few months later, and then didn’t publish that because of the Celeb Leak frenzy.

So after bringing the subject up in my stories, I just let it sit there, instead of investigating it like I had intended.

I also think I didn’t publish the posts for another subconscious reason, which I’ll reveal once I post, within this post, the aforementioned first two versions. This should be interesting, to see the evolution of an essay.

Ready? Here’s the first one, last modified on 5-30-2014.

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Well, it looks like my yearlong journey to getting a “dancer’s body” is about over.

It’s taken longer to get here than I expected for a variety of reasons. The first is that I’m, well, me, so of course I needed to stop my successful routines midway to experiment with different diets, supplements, and exercise routines. If I would have just stuck to what I know works, I would have been finished months ago. But then I also wouldn’t have learned as much.

And there are other considerations when it comes to getting fit that I didn’t consider beforehand, like the fact that my clothes might not fit (I know, this should be obvious). I’m not keen on spending major $$$ to replace my wardrobe and get my dress clothes refit. I’ve resigned myself to doing it, though. If that needs to happen at the bitter end then so be it.

I’m going to need to determine where I should stop the fat loss. I’m at 16% body fat currently. Should I go for 10% ? 5% like a bodybuilder? 3% like Apollo Ohno? Would 3% even be healthy? I think a six pack would start to show at around 8% on me. I should probably stop there.

After all, that’s what Taylor Swift likes, and God knows that’s the most important consideration.

I also had to confront a lot of- wait for it- emotional problems. As everyone knows already, I’m a former anorexic, and spent about 2 years battling the disease. I had it bad. I still shudder when I see pictures of me from that time. I look ghastly. My mom once remarked that I looked like I had AIDS or some horrible cancer. Looking at the pictures, I can see that too.

I think that my recent pudginess was in some ways a way for me to “conquer” the immense trauma of those years. It was armor. I mean, I might have been pudgy, but at least I wasn’t… that.

Jeez, I might have almost died back then. Yeeesh. Creepy, creepy, awful, painful and horrible stuff, that. I can still remember some of comments. “He looks like he’s dead.” Thanks, really.

*Stuffs bad memories back down*.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath of those horrible years. Nobody ever tells you what anorexia does to your teeth. My tooth enamel was worn down because of calcium depletion, for example.

This calcium depletion might have been the reason for my broken arm a few years later, after I had fully “recovered” from anorexia. A routine fall on the ice at my workplace’s parking lot shattered my elbow, breaking in in 3 places. Considering who I was- a young, “healthy” man- it shouldn’t have broken at all, and much less in 3 places. It did heal up fine, but I started taking fistfuls of calcium and phosphate supplements daily after that.

All of this might be part of the reason that I harbor a bit (hah!) of anger towards Hollywood people, even if I do like them. THEY were the ones who convinced me my body was ugly! Those monsters. They did that to me! Except they didn’t.

Most people don’t become anorexic, even those that follow a lot of celeb gossip as I do. This was clearly a personal thing.

I think too much. Whatever. I’m better now and I’m 99% sure I won’t fall into that trap again.

Thank God.

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Now, without reflection, here’s the second, last modified on 10-14-2014.

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Well, I Did it.

Sometime after Taylor’s concert last year, I made a vow to get myself to get into a better shape by the time her next album was released. I think that I achieved that overall. I think I might have talked about that on this blog, but I’m not sure when. If I recall correctly, it was before Christmas sometime.

So I think I did what I needed to. I‘m at least twice as strong as I was last year, and I’m a few pounds away from having the “six-pack” abs look that has been in vogue since the nineties. My notoriously inaccurate scale has my body fat pegged at 15%, so I’m likely somewhere within that ballpark. If I can just stay focused (easy), then by next year’s Christmas I can get a physique that would awe even my girlfriends, who are used to seeing guys with fit figures.

I hope that this was a good idea, now that I think about it. Was my appeal the fact that I didn’t have this physique? Maybe it made me different. I never stopped to think about that. Oops.

Well, whatever. What’s done is done, and I’m pretty sure that this is what Taylor Swift likes, and God knows that’s the most important consideration here.

I think that the encouraging thing about all of this is the fact that I’ve definitely beaten my old anorexia problem. Awesome, self. I look thin and healthy now, and not thin and undead. Thank God.

Speaking of anorexia- I think that my recent chubbiness was a kind of armor against those days. I might have been chubby, but at least I wasn’t that. I still shudder whenever I look at pics of me from that time period. Yikes. I looked ghastly. My mom once remarked that I looked like I was dying of AIDS or something. Looking at the pictures, I can see how she would think that. Yikes again. That’s like 2 or three years of my life I’ll never get back.

Not to dwell, but I now realize that I might have almost died back then. Yeeesh. Creepy, creepy, awful, painful and horrible stuff, that. I can still remember some of comments. “He looks like he’s dead.” Thanks, really.

*Stuffs bad memories back down*.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath of those horrible years. Nobody ever tells you what anorexia does to your teeth. My tooth enamel was worn down because of calcium depletion, which is a problem I’m still dealing with today. It takes a hell of a lot of calcium supplements to get that back.

This extreme calcium depletion might have been the reason for my broken arm a year after I had fully “recovered” from anorexia. A routine fall on the ice at my workplace’s parking lot shattered my elbow, breaking it in 3 places. Considering who I was- a young, healthy man- it shouldn’t have broken at all, and much less in 3 places. It did heal up fine, but…

Come to think of it, maybe this is part of the reason why I harbor a bit of resentment towards Hollywood, even though I am ostensibly their sage. THEY were the ones who convinced me my body was ugly! Those monsters. They did that to me! Except they didn’t.

Most people don’t become anorexic, even those that follow a lot of celeb gossip as I do. This was clearly a personal thing.

I get off topic too much. Whatever. I’m better now and I’m 99.99% sure I won’t fall into that trap again. Thank God I’m older and not as dumb… although I do still faintly feel, every once in a while when I’m cutting fat, that familiar blissful hunger… it’s very far off but I can kind of feel it. Being anorexic can be fun and interesting. It’s really addictive, like when you cut yourself with razors. The pain from the hunger causes an endorphin rush unlike anything else. It gives you a nice, permanent euphoric high- and the surrounding culture makes you feel cooler than anyone. It makes you glamorous like a model. In a way, it gave me a place before I fully developed my powers. I loved cruising those pro-ana sites back in the day. Not that I thought I was anorexic myself, of course (heh), but because I needed “inspiration”.

But that’s neither here nor there. The only reason I’d even need to feel that kind of hunger again is if I decide to go for a really low body fat percentage, like, I don’t know, 4% or 3%. You know, like Apollo Ohno when he does the Olympics. But I’m not going to do that. Never again. Definitely not.

Soooo I guess that this relationship with Swifty has been a good thing. She’s inspired me in a lot of ways, hasn’t she? I’m a better person than I was before I met her. Good stuff, that.

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One thing you may have picked up on is the importance of the timing of this post (the master post). Taylor’s concert is tomorrow, and a couple years ago, I made myself a promise that I would have six-pack abs like supermodels and Olympic athletes before this concert, which I believed would be proof that I “beat” anorexia.

Mmmm hmmmn. See the problem there?

I had beaten the practice of starving myself, but the mentality was still there, lurking underneath. So I hadn’t really beaten it. In the state I was in last year, a relapse is a possibility. I see that now. So I wasn’t 100% over it!

Now though, I think I am. So I don’t have six-pack abs. So… so what? I don’t care. I’m 35 years old, 6’ 3” tall, 195 pounds in weight, and I have the same 15% body fat I’ve had for the past year. Those are my measurements, and, you know, I’m not embarrassed at them. I’m not perfect. I don’t look like a 20 year old Abercrombie and Fitch model, but who gives a fuck about that, really? So what if I don’t look better than literally every other man my age? Who cares? I don’t feel like a failure. I’m fine.

And in regards to my future on the scale- I’m going to continue experimenting with different diets and exercise routines. Not to look “perfect” but just because that’s what I do. If an experiment fails and I gain some weight, so be it. If another succeeds and I lose a few, then great. Either way, I’m not going to concern myself ever again with a five pound weight fluctuation. Because that just doesn’t matter.

Finally! Finally, I think I’m over it.

In depth analysis will come later, after the concert.

If I feel like it.

is persona non-grata.

I’ve been avoiding her- deliberately so, relentlessly so, for the last couple months.

I don’t visit her twitter daily, like I used to. Or her Instagram. I don’t even listen to her music, except on those occasions when I hear it on the radio.

That changes, tonight.

It’s 10 days until her concert. It’s 10 days… of waiting. Of anticipation. Of fondness and excitement and, eventually, climax.

It’s 10 days until I see her in person.

Which means, of course, nothing. I don’t know her, yet. She’s a figure to me. An image. A voice. An idol. A soundtrack and a ghost.

And a lullaby.

But she’s not a person, except for those few months after one of her concerts. Then, she becomes real.

All too real.

I will never forget that moment when I first saw her. I was dumbfounded into shocked disbelief and stunned disarray. I didn’t move from my seat. I couldn’t. That wasn’t because, mostly, those seats in the United Center are just too damn cramped for a 6’ 3” man (mostly), but because it was her. It was my love (well, one of them, I mean Emma (Emily Jean) Stone was of course my number #1 back then, as she is now (of course)), and she was there, popping up through the floor, guitar in hand, ready to entertain.

Ready to entertain me.

And so it began.

And it hasn’t stopped since.

It’s Taylor, Taylor Swift- Taylor Alison Swift- in concert, yet again.

I can hardly believe it… but here it is. It seems like it was just the other day when I saw her on the Red tour, and that isn’t because I re-watched some videos I recorded of it over the weekend.

No, it seems like it was yesterday because I don’t get to see her very often.

In fact, I don’t get to see her at all.

Why? I dunno. Ask HER. I mean, not me. HER.

Whatevs.

The point here is that it’s gonna happen. Me. And her. And my sister. And 50,000 screaming, obsessed Swifties. All in unison, at Soldier Field.

It’s gonna be huge. It’s gonna fuel stories and fantasies- and albums- for years. For decades. It’s going to climax what we have, together. What we feel and what we know to be true.

It’s gonna be glorious.

It’s going to be one for the history books- the most important concert of her career. The most important concert for the most important and popular pop star ever.

The past 100 years of pop culture all comes to a head next weekend. There, it reaches its apex. Its destiny.

Its hour of greatness.

I can’t wait.

Can you?

Okay- for those last two posts, I wrote them last week, before the Fourth. I didn’t post them because I wanted to breathe a bit.

I just re-read them and still found them apropos, so I decided to publish them… just to clear the plate I guess. I hope to kinda stop thinking about the unbelievable disaster that is the American political scene for a bit, at least until after the Swifty concert. I mean, one thing at a time, you know? The concert’s gonna be huuuuuuuge and I want to be ready for it.

But before I stop writing about politics, I just wanted to give a conclusion. I think I’ve identified the root cause of the insanity. Hopefully, with that identified, we can move on and maybe fix the problem in the next era. I mean, this era is pretty much over, I think. But maybe the next one can be made better with this realization.

Diversity is only a tool. It’s like a hammer or a keyboard. In some situations, it can be good. In others, necessary. In some, diversity is only a hindrance. Being only a tool, it is foolish to the extreme to try to solve every problem with it. You don’t fix everything with a hammer. So why would you do the same thing with diversity? I mean, that would be madness.

So it goes. It is really unfortunate to see all of what’s happened lately, because I know what it means. It means that liberals have gone “all in”, which is a disastrous political strategy in and of itself. Times change, always. It’s the only constant.

It is always wisest to never go “all in” on anything political, in case you need to backtrack at some point, or in case you need allies for some reason. But as of last week, liberals have just burned 100% of their bridges. They have no allies left. Libertarians left them years ago. Traditionalists think they’re insane. Even socialists and communists are backing away in horror from them at this point- I mean, just look at what happened in Greece with the referendum. And most other groups, like nationalists and very religious types of any stripe, have never liked them, really. I mean, it’s obvious that liberals feel they don’t need allies ever again but… of course they will. Times change.

I think that the future for them is going to be a series of sudden, hard declines, followed by a fall into oblivion. This will be painful to witness, but they’ve made their choices. They’ve intentionally alienated everyone else in the planet, so they must go it alone now. On everything.

So on those occasions when catastrophes happen and they need allies or friends, there will be nobody for them. So we’re talking about sharp, sudden losses of power in a series of successive disasters. In particular, they will be ultimately blamed for the coming bankruptcy of the United States government, regardless of which “party” is in power, since they are both correctly regarded by the public as run by and for liberals. This event may be their final, ultimate undoing. I suspect it will be. From this, they will never recover.

For their sake, in going it alone, I hope they know what they’re doing.

As for me, IDK. *Yawn*.

So after that last one… I was kinda hoping, again, to write about other stuff. I mean, I really want to, you know? That Swifty story I published was just so fun to write!

So… you know.

In my last post, I listed some statistics. Of those, it’s the money velocity stat which will ultimately be the real killer.

Money velocity is the speed at which money flows through a society- it is what its name implies, the velocity of money. A high money velocity keeps money from pooling in the hands of the few, and flowing into the hands of the many. It creates a middle class.

A low money velocity means that wealth stays in the hands of the wealthy. It creates oligarchy and poverty. It kills capital and destroys the middle class. It exacerbates class conflict and generates anger, envy, and instability. A very low money velocity creates chaos and civil war.

It was the low money velocity of the thirties that created what we call the “Great Depression”. See the chart below from the St. Louis Fed, and note how the plunge in money velocity in the early part of the century matches exactly with the years we’ve labelled the Great Depression, and the second World War and its aftermath:

And yes, it took the US until the mid- 1950’s to finally crawl out completely from the Great Depression and the chaos, violence, and war it left in its wake. It was then, in the mid-50’s and beyond, that we entered the “Golden Age” of American history, a time of great stability and prosperity for all. That time that ended in 2008, with the horrific and unimaginable plunge in money velocity that kicked off Great Depression II, which is the hell we’re living in now.

See- note how the money velocity of 2008 to the present is lower than it was during the Great Depression and World War II!

This stat is extremely alarming! Or at least, it would be if anyone in the “intelligentsia” knew what was going on or what they were doing.

It is insane and incomprehensible that in Obama’s seven years in office, that he has not even attempted, in any way, to address any of the problems I listed, or that the real problems facing the nation seem to not interest him at all.

It does make one wonder if his goal is in fact the annihilation of the United States.

The oligarchy doesn’t seem to know or understand what it’s doing on any level. Its messages are always garbled, clumsy, and given out at the wrong times. It’s recent “successes” with Obamacare, gay marriage, the Confederate flag, etc. were pushed through at exactly the wrong moment. They don’t seem to understand that this isn’t the 60’s anymore, so that kind of stuff isn’t going to work now and doesn’t fit, at all, with the current zeitgeist. And they don’t seem to get that these “successes” can easily be undone at the point of a gun wielded by an angry populous.

There is no “give and take” between the wealthy and the rest here anymore. It’s all take, take, take by the wealthy, long term social consequences and global stability be damned.

It’s like they see the rest of society as a playground, and the rest of the population as toys created for their amusement.

It’s sick.

And it can’t last.

Remember that Gallup poll that showed that a third of Americans believed that Obama didn’t even like this country? Well, they haven’t seen anything since then to change their minds, and these recent matters aren’t going to help any. At what point does that percentage become a crisis scenario in the eyes of the regime? 40%? 50%? 75%?

It’s nuts. What are they doing? We’re deep into an economic depression, and at the threshold of Civil War already, and they’re pressing highly volatile things in the public’s face? WTF?!?!

Are they intentionally stroking the fires of war? I wonder. Is that what Jade Helm is about? Is that a preparation for Civil War II?

If it is, there is no reason to think that the regime is going to get anywhere in a war on the American people, and much reason to think that any force against them will fall apart, like their recent offenses everywhere else- you know, in Syria, Ukraine, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.

It’s crazy. Do they not realize that the “boots on the ground guys” in the police and the military secretly despise the African in the White House? The minute a shooting war starts, they will defect to the other side. They’re not going to kill their own friends and families to appease “Obama”, the Israeli lobby, and the Kardashians. To think that they would is the height of delusion.

I don’t know what they’re doing, but this B.S. needs to stop and stop now. The oligarchs need to ground themselves back in reality, apologize to the public for their recent actions, and make amends like responsible grownups.

And if they are trying to destroy this country on purpose, I don’t know what to say, except that they all must die. I will not stand for that, and neither will the rest of us. My life is important. My culture is important. My way of life is important, and I will not allow my future to be extinguished by others as long as I can draw breath.

I don’t get it, but I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

I think it unfortunate that the economies of many if not all Western countries are in free fall mode, and the establishment’s primary domestic initiative in recent years seems to have been the one to make gay marriage legal.

To wit- the real unemployment rate in Greece is something like 45%, and it’s not a whole lot better in many other European countries. Here in the US, less than half of all working age adults actually have a job. And I’m not talking about a full time job, I’m talking about any job, including menial temp work, seasonal work, and part time work.

The college debt problem has never been higher- total student loans in the US clock in now at an ungodly and unpayable $1.3 trillion. The housing problem has never been worse- who in the hell can afford an actual house these days? It’s insane! The federal debt is at $18 trillion and rising fast- deficits have never been higher, the money velocity is lower than it was during the Great Depression, etc, etc.

One would think that these facts would cause great alarm amongst the press and intelligentsia, especially now, with food prices and insurance premiums rising across the board and peoples’ savings tapped out.

But no… we get a campaign to save gay marriage. A campaign to save the world’s economy? Not important. Gay marriage is what matters! The world’s economy can go fuck itself!

They’re nuts.

I don’t know what they’re doing, but to my eyes, it looks like they’re afraid. They’re too scared to tackle the big problems, so they’re going after B.S. “problems” like the gay marriage issue.

A federal ruling on gay marriage isn’t important. It’s not going to change things for any but an infinitesimal percentage of the population. The states that have a large amount of gays (i.e. California and New York, amongst others) have already allowed gay marriage. The ruling changes nothing for them. So now, who, Louisiana, needs to allow gay marriage? What does that change? Why is this news? Why was this even done? I get that some people wanted it, of course they did, but was it really a good use of time and resources to pursue this as the world’s economy is literally melting down?

I call attention again to the ridiculous campaign against the Confederate flag. Why is the regime going after supporters of the Confederate flag, when the Wall Street bankers who almost destroyed the world’s economy in 2008 are walking about with not a care in world?

The recent “victories” of the left are pyrrhic victories at best. They’ve won, but again, they’ve sacrificed their legitimacy to do so.

They’re wrecked the future of their movement. They’re now seen universally by outsiders as enemies and children. They’ve made compromise impossible. After all, what can you say to someone who seems to find gay marriage in Texas more important than the stability of the world’s economy? Someone who thinks that is a zealot, a religious loony.

I don’t know. All of this is just sad.

So I was walking down the street when it happened.

BOOM.

Taylor Swift.

She was there, walking down the avenue, a bag of oranges in hand, in an orange coat with a pair of orange plastic sunglasses.

So I was like, orange sunglasses? ORANGE?

Who the fuck wears orange sunglasses?

So I walk up to her, and I’m like “Hey Taylor, nice sunglasses.” Then I roll my eyes, but she didn’t see that because she wasn’t looking at me.

So she turns quick to look at me and is like “Hey thanks. Tom.”

So then I was like “What are you doing here? I thought you lived in New York.”

And then she was like “I do live in New York. I’m just visiting here.”

Okay, THAT’S weird. Why is she visiting here?

“Yeah, I know.” She says, like she just read my mind, like she was me or something. “It’s a bit slow here.”

Duh. That’s why I became a telepath, obviously. I mean, there’s nobody cool to talk to here. NOBODY!

So then a dude with muscles and a bright orange T-shirt like a traffic cone saunters up between me and Tay. “Taylor, is this guy bothering you?”

I sure hope so! I thought to myself, unfortunately not aloud.

“No, it’s OK. That’s Tom. You know, the vampire?” She sighed. “My husband.”

“Him?” He squinted, as if trying to process this apparently complex info. It took him a minute, and then he understood. Kinda. “Ohhhhh, you’re the wizard!!!”

“Yup.”

“Wow, uhhh, Tom. So what are you doing here?”

“Um, I LIVE here. I mean, in this area.” The bright orange midday sun was getting stronger. I pulled out my sunglasses, thankfully ones for normal people, and slipped them on with a wry smile out of an early Tom Cruise movie.

Taylor rolled her eyes. Not that it mattered, with those glasses of hers.

I reached into my pocket, took out a stick of orange Trident and popped it into my open mouth, my gaze never breaking hers. I chomped on it, good and hard, and let the sugary sweetness douse my mouth in effervescent orangy flavor. MMMmmmm.

“So Taylor, what ARE you doing here, luv?” I asked, in between syrupy chomps.

“I’m… shopping.”

“Obviously. But it’s a bit weird, you know, to see you grocery shopping something like a thousand miles from your apartment.” I gestured around, to the other shoppers here in the local Farmer’s Market, all of whom were busy stuffing their bags with food. Well, oranges and corn, really. We don’t have much in variety of produce, here.

“I know… I’m actually here on business.”

“BUSINESS!?!?!?” I stifled a laugh, but not too much. Business, here? In a small town in suburban Illinois?

“Yes Tom, business. And I really need to go.”

“NOT before the requisite selfie!!!!”

I swooped up close to her while whipping out my phone, in a move so smooth it would have left onlookers gasping, if there were any. Taylor’s bodyguard just stood there, still processing the “wizard” thing.

In a quick flurry of thumb taps, I snagged a good 5 selfies with me and a surprised Taylor.

“Okay Tom, you need to do this right.” Tay’s face was flushed. It was red, but it looked orangish underneath her layers of pancake makeup. She grabbed my phone and with the deft hand of a master, took some proper selfies with me.

I kissed her on the cheek. I mean, you have to take the chances you’re given, right?

“Tom… don’t.” She sighed. “You’re sweet, but I don’t have time for this.”

“Okay.” I grabbed her hands. My lips tasted like petroleum. “What are you doing, really? Because I know it isn’t business.”

“I’m here… to see a fan.” I thought about cracking a joke like ‘Mission Accomplished!’ but her dour expression told me nah, don’t do that.

“A fan?”

“Yeah. A few. At the Children’s Hospital.”

Ohhhhhh. I get it. “Ah, I see. I get it.” I put on my concerned face. “So the oranges are for…”

“The kids. I was hoping to get a variety of fresh fruit for them but…”

“It’s OK, Tay. Oranges are pretty much the healthiest thing ever.”

“Yeah, I guess. And that’s why I have the sunglasses. You know, to break the ice with the kids. To make them laugh.”

Ah, Iiiiii see. That’s my Tay, always thinking ahead. I pulled on her coat and hugged her tightly. The hot orange sun enveloped us both. In the heat of the midday sun, I took off her sunglasses and kissed her waxy lips. She relaxed a bit and for a minute we played tonsil hockey with my gumwad.

I won, and then we separated. She still had half my gum in her mouth. So symbolic!

“Tom…” She smacked, her mouth filling with flashes of orange as she spoke. “You can come with, if you’d like.”

I was surprised. I chewed a response. “Naw, it’s OK…” *Snap* *Pop* “They wouldn’t know me, anyways. They don’t care about me.”

She smiled, her newly orange front teeth glistening in the bright sunlight. Against her ultra white back teeth, her front teeth looked really bizarre. “Are you sure? You might be surprised.”

I turned to Tay’s bodyguard. “I don’t know. What do you think, bro? Would the kids know me?”

“Yeah… yeah.” He started. “Yeah, I think so!!” He was looking at Taylor while saying this, not at me. I think he just wanted to keep her approval.

Tay smiled again. Her teeth were now clean. Any evidence of slight imperfection was now gone from her appearance.

I sighed. “I don’t know. Remember, these kids don’t have too long to spend with you. And they want to see you, not me. Nobody’s ever given me a Make-A-Wish or whatever request yet.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” We hugged again. “I love you, Tom.”

“I. LOVE. You. Taylor!” I hugged her for another minute, put her sunglasses back on her face, and then pushed her away. “Go on! Make those kids happy!”

She laughed. “Bye!”

“Adios!” I turned and started back home.

This time, I didn’t look back.

I’ve always loved Greece. Never been there, but one day I hope to be.

Greece has always had a special place in my heart- ever since I picked up that book of Greek mythology from the grade school library.

I read it, front to back, again and again. I can still recite some parts of it from memory, although not the title. It was a YA novel, set in the present day, about a young man- a teenager I think- regaling stories about the Greek myths to a group of older, interested neighbors and their kids. God, I loved that book.

I must have read it twenty times.

And I read the rest. I read and reread every book I could find about the Olympian mythology. I know I almost memorized every book in the genre from my grade school library, and I at least checked out once every such book at the local public library. I loved it; all of it.

Before I even became aware of pop culture, I was interested in the Greek myths. The gods were my celebrities, then. I used to write my own myths- I wrote page after page of stories about them. I mean, I wrote books. I had grown so bored of simply re-reading the same stuff, re-told with minor variations in each new library book, that I wrote a volume of my own myths. It’s what I dreamed about in math class.

I used to practice rituals, even. The Greek myths became my religion- I still went to church, but not before conducting a private ceremony to Aphrodite and Apollo before going. I was dedicated. Luckily, I saw with my unsuspecting parents a PBS documentary about modern Greece which had a segment detailing the rituals of pagan Greeks. I adapted their rituals to my own life (without candles, say) and practiced my faith in my own way, privately, on the weekends and before school.

It was the Greek myths that broke me away from the Stepford suburbanite routine. I suppose that given my personality, that would have happened eventually, in some other way, later, had I not picked up that first mythology book, but that book resonated with me and opened my eyes and my mind early and powerfully.

Through the myths, I learned that my parents and Sunday school teachers were wrong. Pre-Christian, pagan people were not dumb. They weren’t ignorant. They were… different, and different could be good. And… if my parents and the nuns were wrong about that, then what about other things? This is what turned me into a questioner of authority. It’s what set me upon the path I’m on today.

I’ve long since moved on from Aphrodite worship, but the feelings are still there, I guess. And maybe I’m being histrionic on Twitter, but it upsets me greatly to see how Greece is being treated. It’s personal to me.

What’s happening is appalling. The country is being destroyed. Important things- important Greek artifacts and symbols, not to mention vital businesses and industries- are falling into the hands of who I believe are the most despicable people on Earth, the Wall Street bankers. Well, them, and some corrupt Chinese oligarchs. And God knows what their plans are.

It’s wrong that this is happening. I want to stop it, somehow, and something tells me that Putin will be better for Greece than the EU and Obama.

I know I’m being loud and grating. And shrill. But this stuff means something to me.

In the back of my mind, I’ve always kind of planned on returning to the Greek pagan religion at the end of my life. At least, that was the plan back when I was a kid.

Since then, I’ve been involved deeply with Satanism and a bit with Odinism, but IMHO, neither has really resonated with me as powerfully and completely as the Greek myths.

I’ve always wanted to visit Greece, but I’ve intentionally avoided doing so. That’s an end-of-my-life thing. It will mean I’ve come full circle and have finished my real work, so I can be free and be myself again.

But for that to happen, Greece needs to be Greece. It needs to stay as it is. I don’t want it to be Morocco and it shouldn’t be. Greece should stay Greece- I don’t want its heritage destroyed because some Islamic fundamentalists took over and destroyed everything that isn’t Islamic. And I don’t want it to be a smoldering ruin because the EU’s constant raping of the Greek economy has destroyed the country.

So I’ll continue to fight for the country, in the best ways I know how.

I’ve always loved Greece. Never been there, but one day I hope to be.

One more thought- it is interesting and unprecedented to see what’s happening on the ground floor of the conservative, white male demo. For the first time ever, the group is unifying across geography. So now, Southerners are finding staunch allies in traditional Midwesterners, and those in Appalachia, and with Mormons… and with so many others, all over.

This is shocking and new, and it might be the root cause of all the embarrassing problems, setbacks, and mishaps that the regime has had domestically since Obama’s inauguration. And I think that this fact may be the stake that kills liberalism dead forever.

Reading the mainstream media, you can tell that liberals are thinking, wrongly, that the Confederate flag is an issue that concerns only Southerners. This is very wrong- in these times, when everyone feels like they’re under attack, an attack on one is an attack on all.

So I’m seeing an outpouring of messages and posts now from people outside the South who want to support the flag and even display it. And I’m still thinking myself of joining them.

After all, if we’re all just “Evil White Men”, than I guess that the Confederate flag really is my culture, even if my ancestors supported the Union. I mean, we’re all in this together now, right?

The regime is creating a monster with these actions- a monster it cannot defeat, let alone control. In not paying attention, in refusing to compromise, in refusing to listen to others, it has dug its own grave and handed its enemies a loaded gun.

Think- the largest unified demographic on Earth, armed to the teeth, and extremely pissed off.

They’re nuts.

The “logic”, such as it is, behind this push to ban the flag seems to be this:

Nazis are evil, and we (liberals) banned their flag, and everyone liked us for it. Even Germans! So let’s do it all over again and ban the Confederate flag too! People will like us.

Yes, I believe this is what they’re thinking. As impossibly simple and wrong as this is, I believe that these are their thoughts, in a nutshell.

The issue with this logic is that it doesn’t jibe, at all, with history. Germans didn’t want their flag banned. Of course they didn’t. Immediately after the German surrender, resistance to the US merely went underground.

They only reason that the German resistance to the US ended is because of mass bribery (the “Marshall Plan”). In short, we gave Germany an enormous amount of money- many billions of dollars (in 1950’s money, back when dollars meant actual gold) to hush up and accept US dominance quietly.

So the dominance was accepted, and it continued to be accepted long afterwards because of money. The Germans have now the most advanced and industrialized society in the history of the world. So yes, they’ve gone along with the plan. But primarily for reasons of self- interest and profit, of course.

There are no such reasons for conservative whites to go along with the regime’s plan to ban their symbols. There is in fact no reason whatsoever for them to “work with” any of this. So why should they? They won’t, of course. Self- interest trumps all. It’s human nature.

The problem, as I see it, is that liberals seem to have bought into their own hype. The really actually see themselves as being “above” such petty concerns. They’re not, and that’s not how others see them, but they’ve convinced themselves that those opinions don’t matter. Or their heads are so far up their asses that they don’t even realize how many people truly disagree with them.

Back to what I was saying earlier- the harsh truth is that money is also the reason that Southerners embraced the North. They stopped their resistance for the benefits of free economic development, and little else. For centuries, they got to bask in the glow of being in the richest nation in history. So of course they stopped resistance! Who wouldn’t in those circumstances?

So these things were more of an even exchange. Germany repudiated its past and got what it wanted, the South did the same got what it (really) wanted, and the rest was history.

But this new push to ban the Confederate flag… is no exchange. It’s pure bullying. It’s wrong, and it must and will inevitably fail.

Such is the way.

They’ve lost contact with reality. They’re acting out fantasies.

In no way are any of these attempts to ban the Confederate flag going to destroy any lingering pro-Confederate feelings, anywhere. The Confederate flag isn’t a potent symbol today, 150 years after the Civil War, because of sales on eBay or Amazon. Or because of games in the Apple App Store. Or because of some old statues.

Those statues exist not because the Confederacy is politically relevant today, but in response to the pro-Confederate feelings that existed when they were made, and that will still exist today, whether those statues are here or not.

All of these attempts to “ban” the Confederate flag, to push it off the stage of history, can’t possibly work, and anyone who really tries to think about this would understand it.

Don’t believe me? Try ordering a Confederate flag now. You can’t. They’re on backorder everywhere. And the conservative net is filled with people, Non-Southerners mostly, who are complaining that they can’t find a flag of their own in stock, anywhere, now that they want one themselves.

This whole Confederate flag controversy reminds me of how liberals’ “gun control” pushes always horribly backfire. They. Just. Don’t. Get it.

The flag isn’t going away, and their attempts to ignore the concerns of others and force the issue have only enshrined it as a permanent symbol of outlaw badassery. This is going to blow up badly in their faces (if it already hasn’t).

They’re nuts.