Sighinide

Allison Williams’ wedding.

From Page Six:

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Allison Williams married Ricky Van Veen in a star-studded Western wedding at a Wyoming ranch on Saturday.

The “Girls” star married CollegeHumor founder Van Veen at the luxury Brush Creek Ranch in Saratoga in front of guests including Lena Dunham, Katy Perry and Seth Meyers.

Sources told Page Six that Tom Hanks officiated at the ceremony and John Mayer, who is a close friend of the groom, performed for the couple.

Allison, who walked up the aisle with her father, news anchor Brian Williams, wore a custom-made Oscar de la Renta gown.

Also present were her “Girls” co-stars Zosia Mamet, Jemima Kirke, Rita Wilson, who plays her mother on the HBO show, Bee Shaffer and Bravo’s Andy Cohen.

Multiple sources told Page Six, which exclusively broke the news of the hush-hush wedding on Friday, that the details had been kept top secret, even from the guests.

One source told us, “Guests were asked to fly into Denver, where they would be driven around three hours to the wedding location, but nobody knew where it was going to be.” A rep for Allison Williams confirmed the couple were married Saturday night.”

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Ok, sounds reasonable, but… TOM HANKS officiated this wedding?

I mean, the actor? Tom Hanks as in the dude from Forrest Gump and Apollo 13?

No offense, I’ve nothing against him, but is he actually allowed to do things like this? Since when? Don’t you need to be, I don’t know, certified or something? I can’t imagine that they’d just allow anyone to officiate weddings. Are they absolutely sure that this is actually going to be legally binding?

And what happens if they need an annulment for some reason? Are they going to have to ask Tom Hanks to forgive their sins? You know, like Catholics ask the Vatican? I mean, seriously people! WTF?

IDK. Tom Hanks is marrying people now. Wow.

Hollyweird… not a place for the rest of us.

Me. The only dude in the world who could sexualize tooth brushing.

My mom, who when she was shopping for a Christmas present for my nephew, asked me about Beats by Dre, which she pronounced as Beats by Dree. Yes, Dree, as in rhymes with tree. Beats by DREE.

LOL

is the cause of enormous consternation.

I don’t like her much, in spite of, or perhaps because of, how much I love her.

She completes me even as she leaves a gigantic hole in my heart. She makes me contented and happy as she drives me insane with worry.

I just saw the new trailer for Colonia, and as a hardcore celebriphiliac, I am excited as hell. Moments like these are why I live. The movie looks fun, cool, and sexy; and beyond that, this trailer promises great things for Watson herself. Today, she’s finally moved beyond Hermione Grainger and established herself as a power in her own right in the celebrisphere- she’s Emma Watson, a talented actor.

Yeah, she’s finally done it, and I couldn’t be more happy for her.

Well… to be more accurate, we did it, and I couldn’t be more happy for us.

Watson’s been one of my big projects. She’s been project #3, behind Swift and Elle Fanning. I never told her this, but for the past eight years, I’ve purposely avoided watching or having anything at all to do with Harry Potter specifically because I wanted this transition to go smoothly. So I never finished watching the movies, in spite of how I wanted to. And so I never read the books, even though I wanted to. And I never fantasized- not even once- about Hermione, in spite of the massive crush I had on her character back in the day.

That’ll all change, believe me, now that the Emma Watson project is done. That’ll DEFINITELY change. I mean, I’m a real wizard that loves cinema, for God’s sake- and one who is actually in love with the real Emma Watson! And I haven’t even seen half the Harry Potter movies!!!

I need to watch them. I have to. I’m just so damn curious about them. I want to see how the story ends and also if maybe there is a reference or two to me in there, somewhere (I’ll bet there is!).

But back to Watson… what I wanted most for her was longevity. I wanted her to feel comfortable exploring things outside the Potterverse, and so I did what I could to open new vistas in her subconsciousness to separate her from it.

Things started to click internally years ago, and publicly with the UN speech and #HeForShe, but now with Colonia it looks like the rocket is finally taking off. Wonderful! It was worth it, then. All of the effort, all of the energy, all of the hard work… it was worth it.

I did it!

Great. Now… I need to deal with the consequences.

Oy!

So, I love Emma. Obviously. But in that trailer, she kissed another guy. A guy who, although he is not more handsome or famous or appealing than me, is nevertheless someone who is well-known and successful in his own right. Which is good, I guess, I mean, seeing sexy celebrities do that stuff is fun, but… she’s my fucking girlfriend.

AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH

It’s OK. I mean, I made this happen. Yes, it was… intentional. So it’s OK.

Breathe, Tom, breathe!

Oy.

It’s OK, I guess. So, it’s done.

Good job, Tom! Good job, Emma!

We did it!

Now, we just need to live with it.

So- what IS the deal with British people and celebrity hacking, anyways? Especially in regards to American celebs. It’s bizarre.

Tonight I went through my archive of files related to the old Paris Hilton Sidekick hack of 2005, and I was struck, once again, by the British voice of the primary Paris-Hacked.com website owner, and how similar he was in style and substance to many of the hackers of last year’s great celeb leak.

I mean, even the ACCENTS are similar. At least, to my untrained ears they are.

It makes one wonder.