Um… so… well, I found the texts.<\/p>\n
Yeah. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.<\/p>\n
I looked on my Dad’s phone, I mean. Yeah, ok. And of course I overhear stuff that people say in this house all the time, of course. Guys, I’m not an addict. Seriously. I mean I joke on here a lot about that but I’m not, I mean, at least not that KIND of addict. I’m not.<\/p>\n
I’m kinda sick of hearing what people say about me behind my back. Because I can hear things, you know. In fact I have super-enhanced hearing, lol. Guys… seriously. I’m in no danger of… overdosing. Or dying. I’m not. I’m smart, probably the smartest guy out there. I’m smarter than you guys even understand, really.<\/p>\n
I have toyed with those ideas, though. Yeah this is about more drug stuff, so feel free to not read this if you don’t want to. In fact, go right ahead and not read this, please. I mean I wouldn’t be putting this up here if I could express myself some other way, I think.<\/p>\n
I’ll need to do that, later. I’m sure I will.<\/p>\n
So…<\/p>\n
Well…<\/p>\n
Yes, I know where I am in the process. At least I think I do- I think I’m on “the precipice”, basically, the line that separates a “healthy” addict and one that has fully given in to their addictions to the point where they… seriously make a break from society in some way to feed their addictions. I mean, I’ve already overdosed about a half dozen times at least, so I’m well past the point of the drugs doing damage. But I’m still within the middle-class bubble I’ve always lived in. <\/p>\n
Thus far.<\/p>\n
I’m considering a lot these days. Weighing a lot, researching a lot. Following this or that lead, trying out this or that idea.<\/p>\n
IDK. I don’t “work”, don’t have a job, and spend all day in my room, reluctant to leave, save to do things that lead to my possibly getting high. And, truly, getting high is my raison d’etre for living, sometimes. But with that being said, I haven’t… truly flipped. I mean, I can substitute hardcore narcotics with magical simulations, I guess, lol. But that wouldn’t be the real thing.<\/p>\n
I don’t know, I’ve written on here before about my… desire for heroin. I mean, I know where to get it, of course. Even I’m not that <\/em>isolated, lol. This area may be “middle class”, meaning, top 10% of the population, income wise, but that isn’t near enough to have a neighborhood without some obvious dealers. Unfortunately, they recently took the life of a kid (heroin overdose) down the street. So, yeah, I know they’re here. They congregate in the park after dark, around midnight or so, and sell their narcotics there to the kids and such in the neighborhood. Don’t worry, they’re white, so they’re safer to deal with. And I have guns of my own, so no danger to me.<\/p>\n But still, yikes.<\/p>\n Scary, at least to me. Creepy shit. I don’t know. Like usual these days, I saw some documentaries about narcotics addiction on youtube this weekend. They’re… all the same, mostly. But I guess I need to be re-introduced to the stuff I need to avoid, so as to not forget. <\/p>\n My drug of choice is fentanyl. I LOVE that stuff, it is beautiful… wait, no, it isn’t, lol. But yeah that one is by far my favorite. And yes I am well aware of how dicey it can be to get that stuff on the street, and how dangerous it can be. It’s like, each dose of that stuff on the streets is it’s own game of russian roulette. Even a small amount off on the dosage, and you die. Scary shit. I guess that’s why I’m thinking about heroin, instead. Because it would be… safer? At least, it would be much less unpredictable. <\/p>\n But yikes, though. Ugh. Heroin. I’m still middle class enough to get chills even hearing the word. They really did a number on me during those middle school health classes, lol. But… I don’t know. Once in a while, right? Not terrible. Easily survivable for a young man like me. Right? I mean I have so much experience with narcotics now, having taken them so much in the last few years that I can figure that shit out, no problem. Just a bit to take the edge off. Not an issue.<\/p>\n I don’t know. Fentanyl is… scary stuff, when it turns on you. Reeeeeeeally frightening. Heroin shouldn’t be… that much better, though, I wouldn’t think. Hmmmn, I don’t know. <\/p>\n I mean, I’m a genius, right? So, nothing to worry about. Right? -ish?<\/p>\n I don’t know, it’s still scary. And it probably doesn’t help that I can hear Kathryn Newton telling me right now that I’m being an idiot, lol. But still… I’m a member of Mensa, right? And that was like easy <\/em>for me. This should be no problem.<\/p>\n Um… is this just a lot of words to justify something incredibly stupid? That’s probably what Kathryn would say. And… would she be right?<\/p>\n I mean, so okay, why am <\/em>I doing this? Writing this all out, I mean. Am I trying to convince myself not to? Or am I trying to tell myself this so I can outline the dangers now, so as to avoid them when I finally go for it? <\/p>\n I… don’t know. I do know that when I imagined myself 20 years ago at 40 years of age, being a heroin addict was not on the list of possibilities, lol. But then again, being the boyfriend of half the chicks in Hollywood wasn’t, either. And that <\/em>didn’t turn out so bad. But… then again, you wouldn’t think something like that would. Heroin addiction? Yeah, that kind of tragedy pretty much writes itself.<\/p>\n I… don’t know. I just don’t. See, I REEEEEALLY want to at least try it, now. At least once. Like, I really want to, lol. Uhmmm though, I want to do A LOT<\/em> of things. Some of which I prolly should, lol.<\/p>\n Uhhmmmm, I don’t know. I would be careful if I was to try. I know it. Very careful. I’m so sure of it. So sure. Um, right.<\/p>\n Well, I REALLY need another hit. I’ll take it, and make it a big one, and plan out tomorrow. Should be fun, I need to try out some Christmas presents I’ll be getting this year.<\/p>\n Neat. So, I think I’ll wrap this post up, then.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Um… so… well, I found the texts. Yeah. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I looked on my Dad’s phone, I mean. Yeah, ok. And of course I overhear stuff that people say in this house all the time, of course. Guys, I’m not an addict. Seriously. I mean I joke on here […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3343"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3343"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3343\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3348,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3343\/revisions\/3348"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3343"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3343"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3343"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}