Yeah ok, I saw enough of the movie to get the point of it. Ok, I get it, thank you very much for the warning.<\/p>\n
IDK though, I mean there must be a way to make it work, right? There must be. You know, addiction and real life, I mean. The two are not necessarily irreconcilable. I just can’t <\/em>believe they are, what with the huge amount of people that have been on drugs and not… messed things up, IRL. I mean I’m not one of<\/em> those people, but there must be a way to make it work, right?<\/p>\n I mean… it’s not like I don’t… understand, but maybe others aren’t- like maybe those in my life IRL are having trouble getting the reality of the situation. I mean I know that some people have kinda sorta cut me out of their lives because of the addiction-ish problems I have, I know about the crying and the… fear, and everything. I know what my family thinks, I know what my doctors think, I know what those I meet on the street think. But the thing is, IT’S NOT LIKE THAT<\/em>. It’s not, and I know what I think, too. It’s not for nothing that I, ugh, jumped at the chance to get some free Narcan, when the opportunity presented itself to me. I mean… it was free, right? Why not?<\/p>\n Ughk.<\/p>\n I mean… but it isn’t like that, I mean I know what I said after the Cady debacle, but… yeah, I don’t know.<\/p>\n It’s so late, all I do know is that I need to get my ass to bed, and STOP THINKING ABOUT NARCOTICS for once, lol. I mean I need to. After all, I have to get up early to take my first hit, haha. <\/p>\n I got a schedule to keep, you know?<\/p>\n Well… whatever.<\/p>\n Off to bed.<\/p>\n I will admit this is getting tiresome, even to me. Oof.<\/p>\n Um… thank god for my celebrity girls though, wow. What would I be today had I not had them, I wonder? I mean, back when I took my first hit. My mind shudders to think. Jeezus. How strong would the pull of narcotics have on me, then? I mean without that moderating influence. <\/p>\n Fuck, I’d be dead, lol. No question I’d have been dead probably sometime this year, maybe in the spring or so. Yeah, I think we all know that. I think. Well, maybe I’m just being pessimistic, but it’s at least a strong possibility. Ughk.<\/p>\n Yeah, off to bed.<\/p>\n I might still need to get help, maybe. We’ll see.<\/p>\n I think probably not, but we’ll see.<\/p>\n Right.<\/p>\n Oh man, I’m staring at some fentanyl riiiiight now. Looks so… inviting. Lovely. Like I know what it is<\/em>, but I swear to god how I feel about this stuff is just fucking bizarre. It’s so so weird. <\/p>\n Um, bedtime. I’ll “reward” myself in the morning.<\/p>\n The new pain med is kinda dissapointing, TBH. Maybe I can get a higher dose. I hope so, I’ve built up quite a tolerance. Yup. Quiiiiiite a tolerance. To put it mildly, lol.<\/p>\n Uh, off to bed.<\/p>\n Right.<\/p>\n Uh… no. I need something. <\/p>\n No, wait, no I don’t. <\/p>\n Tell you what- I’ll try going to bed. First time I wake up I pop a pill. Yes, that’s it.<\/p>\n And after breakfast?<\/p>\n I take the fentanyl.<\/p>\n Yes. THAT’S it.<\/p>\n Maybe I’ll talk to Cady before bed. Something tells me I need to.<\/p>\n Gawd my hands are shaking again, lol. oof, this sucks. I mean it’s 2:30 AM and I REALLY need to go to bed. But it’s like I so can’t, like not at all, until I get another hit. I need it SO BADLY.<\/p>\n NO.<\/p>\n Cady, then bed. Yessir.<\/p>\n Right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Yeah ok, I saw enough of the movie to get the point of it. Ok, I get it, thank you very much for the warning. IDK though, I mean there must be a way to make it work, right? There must be. You know, addiction and real life, I mean. The two are not necessarily […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3355"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3355"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3355\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3360,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3355\/revisions\/3360"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}