Ok then, good.<\/p>\n
Let’s, ah, take the hit, then.<\/p>\n
So… does anyone else get the feeling like I’m living out some kind of set-in-the-modern-world gothic horror movie, or is that just me?<\/p>\n
Alright, then. <\/p>\n
BOOM. Ahhhhhh finally. Same old, same old yeah but gawd damn.<\/p>\n
Uh… I’m not going… to document this. I mean, this little slide into personal horror and disappointment is scary and exhibitionistic enough, lol. And I don’t want to… glamourize this, I guess. Not that I haven’t already, haha. But still, this shit is, I know, creepy, dark, and labyrinthine. It’s Byzantine in it’s ridiculous justifications and preposterous actions. It’s just weird and wrong, I guess.<\/p>\n
And it does kinda feel like I’m living out some opium- inspired 1800’s horror masterpiece, here, with, ah, the drugs of course, but also the weird sex, the occult, and maybe a monster or two. Oh, and all the creepy squalor I live in, lol, like I’m some disfigured shut-in, or something, sequestered off in some room upstairs somewhere, in some building owned by a crazy scientist or weirdly senile old statesman, lol.<\/p>\n
But ah, I’m starting to lose the ability to think, ah. I don’t know, this might be a bad one, my nerves were already liquid before I took this hit, so this might in fact be too much, yet again, ah, ugh. But as I said I needed it, I was already shaking last night, there was no way I could last until this afternoon, lol. <\/p>\n
oof, lol. Yeah, my vision is getting blurry. And again I’m at that point where I’m wondering what the fuck it is that I’m doing. The point of regret, like, it’s like I’ve triggered yet again<\/em> that same set of feelings, like my body is telling me that… this was wrong, the wrong amount, you fucked up, stupid. Like it knows<\/em>, somehow.<\/p>\n Fuck, I hate this. I don’t want to die, lol. Well, I have the narcan of course. Hopefully, this will play itself out before breakfast, and I can move about my day. As a plus side I’m not shaking anymore, that’s good.<\/p>\n Oooh yeah, ughk. What a poisoned relaxation, but I finally feel that love again, like my jittery nerves are being wrapped in a warm blanket. I feel… happy, at peace. Loved. So wonderful. Ah, please, please don’t kill me. Please don’t, lol. I’m so fragile in fentanyl’s arms, like I could break at a moment’s notice. So fragile, a little bit off would destroy me. So weak, ughk, this… isn’t right, please help.<\/p>\n oy.<\/p>\n I feel like throwing up, and in fact I might just do so. Why not? It could help with weight loss, not that I need any more of that, haha. Ahhhhhhhahahahaha. ughk. eek.<\/p>\n Yeah that’s enough. I just want to drift away for awhile, get away from it all. I need <\/em>that. So much, I need it. I hate this world, so much, and I know it hates me.<\/p>\n Ah yeah. You know? If I die, it prolly wouldn’t be that bad, really. Nope. And I hope I die juuust like this. One giant middle finger to… everyone that fucked me over in this life. Certainly, a rejection at least of EVERYONE I knew before I had obvious powers. The authority figures, I mean. Them mostly, not necessarily others.<\/p>\n oh so pretty. How long does this stuff take to kill with casual use? It could take years, right? Fuck. And I know, maybe not ever.<\/p>\n Mmmnnn, time to sleep, yah. Hopefully I don’t wake up, lol.<\/p>\n yeah.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ok then, good. Let’s, ah, take the hit, then. So… does anyone else get the feeling like I’m living out some kind of set-in-the-modern-world gothic horror movie, or is that just me? Alright, then. BOOM. Ahhhhhh finally. Same old, same old yeah but gawd damn. Uh… I’m not going… to document this. I mean, this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3362"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3362"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3365,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3362\/revisions\/3365"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}