{"id":3522,"date":"2020-10-27T13:38:08","date_gmt":"2020-10-27T18:38:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/?p=3522"},"modified":"2020-10-27T13:38:08","modified_gmt":"2020-10-27T18:38:08","slug":"im-not-dysfunctional-part-xlviii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/?p=3522","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m not Dysfunctional, Part XLVIII"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Blech.<\/p>\n<p>Ughk, yuck.  I&#8217;ve been robbed of my ability to feel happiness, save for what the drugs give me.  This is hardly fair.  <\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not going to stop using, though.  I refuse.  I will use again, this afternoon.  I have the time blocked off on my calendar.  Not going to stop.  No, not for anything.  No, not, no matter how good it would be for me in the end.<\/p>\n<p>I guess it&#8217;s an excuse.  A reason to fail.  A reason at least to not try, maybe.  I don&#8217;t know.<\/p>\n<p>I just wish I didn&#8217;t get so horribly, nastily SICK when I didn&#8217;t use.  I wish I wouldn&#8217;t lose my mind with worry that I wouldn&#8217;t get it again.  A worry that seems to frighten me more than anything else.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m in trouble, lol.  I just feel so STUCK gawd damn it.<\/p>\n<p>Oof, oh god, this sucks, lol.  But at least for tonight I can avoid my problems again, like I always do.  Like I&#8217;m forced to.  <\/p>\n<p>Ooh gerd, lol.  The pain, lol, the horrible, horrible pain, lmao.  Whatevs.<\/p>\n<p>Life goes on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blech. Ughk, yuck. I&#8217;ve been robbed of my ability to feel happiness, save for what the drugs give me. This is hardly fair. I&#8217;m not going to stop using, though. I refuse. I will use again, this afternoon. I have the time blocked off on my calendar. Not going to stop. No, not for anything. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3522"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3522"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3522\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3524,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3522\/revisions\/3524"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3522"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3522"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3522"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}