Another MRI today. 2 fucking hours in that cramped, claustrophobic tube coming up. <\/p>\n
Gods, what a horror THAT is going to be.<\/p>\n
It’s going to be LOUD and LONG. And uncomfortable, and painful. And boring. And… hopeless, it feels. It NEVER FUCKING ENDS.<\/p>\n
It’s just test after test after fucking test. It’s awful. I HATE this. I hate this life, so fucking much. If it isn’t the drugs it’s this… whatever the fuck it is, this disease, or whatever, that seems to be just ruining EVERYTHING in my life.<\/p>\n
Gods it’s just HORRIBLE.<\/p>\n
So, another MRI. 2 in a row, today. After one just like, two weeks ago. IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS.<\/p>\n
God DAMN it.<\/p>\n
Fuck.<\/p>\n
Hopefully the genetic testing I got will shed some like on my… situation. I hope so. Though it will be months until I hear anything from that.<\/p>\n
I hate being sick. I hate being injured, and addicted. I hate being such a fucking anomaly. It’s like, I’m just so… different<\/em>. Everything about me is unusual, good or bad. I’m a very strong genetic outlier in all ways I can think of.<\/p>\n I mean, EVERYTHING about me is fundamentally different. My body, my mind, my soul, my emotions, everything<\/em>, and it’s been a long and painful process coming to grips with that- I mean, to even categorize my differences within my own mental framework so that I could understand them and my unique place in this world.<\/p>\n It’s taken years<\/em> to do this. YEARS. If not DECADES. I mean, I’m just so different<\/em>.<\/p>\n Am I part alien? I ask that sincerely. I mean… or at least, not human, fully? Somehow? I mean, I’m suffering right now from some autoimmune disorder that the best doctors in this country have never seen. <\/p>\n Add in the telepathy, my weird healing powers and my resistance to things that others find debilitating, my outrageously high IQ, my physical abilities, and… everything else; the out of body experiences, I mean, the uniquely full configuration of my soul, the subconscious impact that I have on EVERYONE I MEET, and… everything else; my unique birth (!!!), for example, and… fuck it, you know what I mean.<\/p>\n FUCK. I hate <\/em>being so unique, sometimes! It makes me so fucking lonely<\/em>. I have nobody to talk to. Nobody to RELATE to. Nobody to help me with the unusual problems I face.<\/p>\n Gods this SUCKS. Is it, like, that I’m allergic to something that nobody else in the world is allergic to, perhaps? Maybe; that wouldn’t at all be out of the question to me.<\/p>\n FUCK.<\/p>\n Ah, fuck me. This fucking SUCKS.<\/p>\n I do. not. WANT to do an MRI. I don’t want to do it. 2 hours in that cramped little prison is NOT how I want to spend my afternoon.<\/p>\n Ah… but… I need to. I must, I know.<\/p>\n See, I’ve been bleeding, on the inside. And I need to know if… I’m not, anymore. I mean, if everything has been fixed.<\/p>\n Because that is something that I need to know, of course. I mean, if I am to survive. <\/p>\n So…<\/p>\n In I go, then.<\/p>\n Yeah…<\/p>\n Fuck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Another MRI today. 2 fucking hours in that cramped, claustrophobic tube coming up. Gods, what a horror THAT is going to be. It’s going to be LOUD and LONG. And uncomfortable, and painful. And boring. And… hopeless, it feels. It NEVER FUCKING ENDS. It’s just test after test after fucking test. It’s awful. I HATE […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3958"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3958"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3958\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3960,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3958\/revisions\/3960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}