I think I’ll vent some random stuff tonight.<\/p>\n
———————–<\/p>\n
I took a couple days off from sex mostly because I needed to deal with some mental and physical stuff. <\/p>\n
I’ve been detoxing in a few different ways this year. Lately, I’ve been using LEDs- I use a combination of red, blue, white, infrared, and UV LEDs to… I guess activate my body, or provide energy, or something. I’m not sure how it works. I do feel better, though. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the lights interacting again with my cybernetics, or something. I’m not sure. We’re in uncharted territory, here.<\/p>\n
But I do feel good. I feel very clean inside. It\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n
I think I figured out why I always have trouble with pushups. Its my wrists. I have very small wrists for a man. They\u2019re only 5 inches in diameter, way smaller than average. They\u2019re about an average woman\u2019s size, or maybe even a little smaller. This makes pushups problematic, because I don\u2019t have a woman\u2019s frame. I\u2019m 6 foot 3, 195 pounds. So this whole arrangement is difficult.<\/p>\n
And frankly speaking, I don\u2019t have a body shape that would make pushups easy, or even convenient. I have long arms even for my height, for example. I would imagine that if I were more compact they would go a lot smoother.<\/p>\n
What I\u2019ve needed to do is target the wrists directly, to get them more stable. I\u2019ve been using grip strengtheners, and some dumbbells I bought that have really large handles. And these things do seem to have worked, so I\u2019ve (finally) made the transition to \u201cnormal\u201d pushups, albeit in small numbers.<\/p>\n
My plan here is to work up to 100 pushups, using my own style of mixing different kinds. Knee pushups, military, diamonds, pikes, knuckles, fingers, Indians, etc. I never do more than 10 of one kind of exercise. I lose count and it\u2019s boring (to me), besides.<\/p>\n
Sure, why not. And I thought about pull ups but fuck that, lol. I had one of those pull up bars for my doorway but was never brave enough to use it. I\u2019ve seen enough of those \u201cPull-Up Fail!\u201d videos on youtube to know what happens with those things, lol.<\/p>\n
I figure that the pushups will get me the strength and speed I need to punch and block quicker. You know, for that fight I will never be in, lol. But\u2026 yeah, sure. It works as kind of a \u201cMcGuffin\u201d I guess.<\/p>\n
I still use the leg weights, and am slowly increasing my balance, flexibility, and strength, etc. It\u2019s a slow road- but if I can increase my flexibility in all directions by 1 mm a week, that is good enough. By next Christmas I should be in good fighting form, then. I don\u2019t care if it takes \u201clong\u201d. I\u2019m doing so much at once, physically, that that works just fine.<\/p>\n
I also do barre. Ballet stuff- I do a good 20 or so barre exercises every week. The ultimate balance enhancer. I do them with dumbbells and leg weights to make them harder. I don\u2019t give two shits if people think that\u2019s \u201cgirly\u201d. Fuck them. These exercises will give me kicking stability and leg balance better than anything I have ever had, even when I was at my peak. I think. Well, maybe not. I was 18 then, and now I\u2019m\u2026 not, lol.<\/p>\n
Well, that does it for the exercise stuff.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m also doing various cleansing stuff for my organs. Why not. I feel better and I think that I needed it, owing to all of my past drug addictions, lol.<\/p>\n
And I use those electrical zapper machines, and vibration machines. Why not, lol. It all seems to help.<\/p>\n
I still have two inches on my tummy that I need\/want to get rid of. It\u2019s frustrating. I don\u2019t know, can I even get rid of them? I\u2019m in my mid 40\u2019s. I just want my teenage body back, dammit. But\u2026 I don\u2019t know. Should I go cardio? <\/p>\n
Do I already do cardio? Does barre count? I haven\u2019t the foggiest. Does that mean just \u201cwalking\u201d? I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n
———————–<\/p>\n
I hesitate to use the treadmill downstairs because I don\u2019t want to go into my mom\u2019s \u201czone\u201d. It\u2019s alllll politics in there, like it always has been. It\u2019s kinda\u2026 ugly. And dumb. I mean it\u2019s not even political theory. It\u2019s just\u2026 dumb crap, about this or that political somebody. And it\u2019s always whatever is the democratic talking point of the day.<\/p>\n
She hates republicans, which I agree with. That I don\u2019t care about. But she seems to think democrats are somehow better than they are. She\u2019s wrong- they are both dreadful, but that never seems to have ever registered with her, and she\u2019s been following this stuff for literally generations now. It\u2019s kinda\u2026 baffling, honestly.<\/p>\n
She watches political TV, allllll day long. CNN and MSNBC, mostly. She even watches those weird shows on CNN that only get thousands of viewers a night. I mean, literally thousands of viewers, in a country of 350 million.<\/p>\n
Ugh, dealing with that crap is obnoxious at best, and toxic as hell at worst. And it\u2019s always tiresome as hell to hear her rant about Trump, yet again. Ugh, good lord. I mean he\u2019s not even in office anymore! <\/p>\n
This wouldn\u2019t be as bad, I think, if this hadn\u2019t been going on now for generations. She\u2019s been like this since the 90\u2019s. <\/p>\n
At times I\u2019ve been political, too, but that was only when I wanted to actively change the system, and then, only temporarily. And I could<\/i> change the system, and I knew it, so it wasn\u2019t just a waste of time. My mom\u2019s ranting, though\u2026 ugh, it\u2019s so useless, and annoying.<\/p>\n
This political nonsense occupies wayyyy to much of her thought processes. She doesn\u2019t seem to do anything else, at all. She never goes anywhere, never ever even exercises, even to do something very basic, like use an exercise bike (one of which is literally 10 feet away from her at all times) or use some of my really light plastic dumbbells, which I have given her at various points. They just eventually collect dust, so I eventually take them back.<\/p>\n
Politics is fine for entertainment purposes, I suppose. Or to learn this or that about the world, or something. But to take it seriously as it is presented is always toxic, and wrong.<\/p>\n
I mean, obviously.<\/p>\n
———————–<\/p>\n
I\u2019m still excavating more of my past. I plan to watch some of Michelle William’s old films, to see her opinions of me, and I guess to revisit myself.<\/p>\n
I feel sometimes like an archaeologist. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure I can find Timemaster<\/i> somewhere.<\/p>\n
And in other news I need to watch Neverending Story<\/i>. All of them; I think there are three.<\/p>\n
I think these might be based on me playing with the dog I had as a kid. In fact I\u2019m like 95% sure of it; the dog in those movies looks<\/i> like she did. And they would have been released at the right time for that, too.<\/p>\n
Yeah.<\/p>\n
And how much do you want to bet Titanic<\/i> is based on the fantasies I had of that one relative of mine that went down with the ship? I\u2019ll need to look his name up, again.<\/p>\n
Draw me like your French girls, indeed. <\/p>\n
And I\u2019m noticing stuff now in Terminator 1<\/i> and 2<\/i>, even.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s fascinating, all of this.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s like Calvin and Hobbes<\/i>. I guess it isn\u2019t the case that all kids had that particular sandbox, or tree fort. Or that personality, or those toys, or that imagination, or those parents, or that wagon, or those woods, or that sled, and everything else.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s\u2026 pretty amazing, really. I grew up thinking that my childhood must have been exceedingly common and unremarkable- why, it\u2019s portrayed in everything! Everyone<\/i> had a childhood like mine, only theirs were a little more fantastic!<\/p>\n
Not so, apparently. My childhood was in fact extremely and actually literally unique. <\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know, though. There was always this weird, nagging voice somewhere in head, that would tell me to look closer<\/i>. And I did, but I couldn\u2019t really process what I was seeing, or feeling. It just didn\u2019t make sense.<\/p>\n
Reading the comic now, though, I get it. <\/p>\n
Is it the case that Calvin\u2019s real name isn\u2019t in fact Calvin? That is the impression I\u2019m getting, now. Kind of like how Hobbes isn\u2019t really \u201cHobbes\u201d. In fact, if I\u2019m reading the early comics right, I think Calvin\u2019s real name might be Tom. <\/p>\n
Reread the first book, if you have it, and tell me what you think. Look for the \u201cTommy Chestnut\u201d strip, and think about the implications.<\/p>\n
Kinda of like Tom as \u201cNeo\u201d, and a shedload of other people. I\u2019ve been namechecked in a lot of things, including, very interestingly, Jhonen Vasquez\u2019s Johnny the Homicidal Maniac<\/i>.<\/p>\n
And yes, I got that same weird uncanny valley effect reading that work as I did Calvin and Hobbes<\/i>, so many years ago.<\/p>\n
And a lot of other things, but\u2026 this is getting too long, here.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a lot to think about, to say the least.<\/p>\n
———————–<\/p>\n
What else\u2026 the vaccines, maybe?<\/p>\n
I purposefully have not really talked about them, yet. Not much, at least. I wanted to make this blog a \u201cvaccine free\u201d zone. It\u2019s just\u2026 so political, and goddamn, am I tired of politics. <\/p>\n
I suppose I\u2019ll get the vaxx, but it won\u2019t be the Pfizer one. Probably the Novavax one. The one that uses the old vaccine tech, like you get with flu shots.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m just not sure of the others.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not worried, just not sure. I mean, I\u2019m already a cyborg, so\u2026 lol. I suppose that a techno vaccine couldn\u2019t make me more of a machine that I already am, lol.<\/p>\n
———————–<\/p>\n
So\u2026 what am I? I think I must have been some kind of shadow government \/ deep state experiment. I mean I clearly was. Interesting stuff, and honestly, kinda humbling. But it is what it is.<\/p>\n
I guess the question is whether I was conceived as an experiment, or they turned me into one after I was born.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know, but I have an idea. <\/p>\n
But that will wait for another time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think I’ll vent some random stuff tonight. ———————– I took a couple days off from sex mostly because I needed to deal with some mental and physical stuff. I’ve been detoxing in a few different ways this year. Lately, I’ve been using LEDs- I use a combination of red, blue, white, infrared, and UV […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4424"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4424"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4424\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4426,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4424\/revisions\/4426"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}