I’ve been extremely sick, so I’ll try to keep this short.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I have been withholding sex. I need to. I am very, very sick. Such is life, sometimes.<\/p>\n
Instead of sex, what I have been doing instead is focusing my energy on healing myself- my skin, my joints, my bones, etc. And that is not easy, since we are talking superhuman levels of healing energy that need to be focused correctly.<\/p>\n
It works but it takes a lot of time and effort, and must of course be done alone.<\/p>\n
I have also been forced to turn to my old crutches- Fentanyl, Neurontin, and now Pregabalin. Don’t worry, I can handle everything better. I’ve mastered the situation, this time. I believe I know what this problem is (the cybernetics, doing something- like upgrading itself) and that knowledge has let me conquer the pain.<\/p>\n
So, I’m happier, this time. Neat!<\/p>\n
Ugh. I suppose I must say a word or something about all of the stupid bullshit going on in the celebrity world.<\/p>\n
Alex D is engaged. Thank fucking God. I have been searching for a way to toss that albatross overboard for years. Thanks!<\/p>\n
I really really don’t like her much, anymore. I mean she’s nice <\/em>but… It had gotten to the point of my fantasizing over her once a year, out of a sense of duty. And that is ugly, and I would always feel like shit afterwards.<\/p>\n The reason I hadn’t formally dumped her was because of her proximity to Kat McNamara. Alex is the sister of Kat’s Shadowhunters<\/em> costar, so I felt I could… make myself look more impressive to Kat by fucking Alex, since word would inevitably get back to her. <\/p>\n Yeah… reading what I wrote there… how toxic. Yuck. And I’m not sure who’s fault it is. Probably mine, somehow.<\/p>\n And regarding her career- Alex peaked with True Detective<\/em>, and everything else since then was… less than. Or honestly, boring<\/em>. Or flat out awful.<\/p>\n Her YT channel wasn’t my thing. I saw one video and then… grimaced, and never saw another. Really, not my thing.<\/p>\n Note that I didn’t bother with her new show- the one with Sydney. I heard good things about it and heard that she might have gotten topless or something on it but wow did I not care.<\/p>\n I downloaded some clips from it. I guess I’ll watch them to see what the fuss was about and then delete them.<\/p>\n I really need to delete some clips and stuff, at least from someone. I’m running out of space.<\/p>\n Her fianc\u00e9 is ugly as sin<\/em>. Seriously. WTF, Alex. Your fans are dumbfounded. Is that all it takes to get a celebrity? Christ is he nasty. Seriously, that facial hair is horrid.<\/p>\n He reminds me of that disgusting A-Hole that was recently filmed eating out Lily Mo Sheen. Oh God, I was at the height of my sickness at that time and actually vomited into my mouth a little when I saw that. That guy has some nasty, nasty <\/em> facial hair and the last thing I wanted to see at that moment was this creep pushing it into Lily Mo’s vagano. Jesus Christ, YUCK<\/em>.<\/p>\n I once had a trader try to sell me the Lily Mo set as being good because she was “very sexual”. What? Why the hell would I care about that? I have eighty, ninety wives (at the very very least). I don’t care how “sexual” a girl is.<\/p>\n My interest is in how committed <\/em>a girl is. You know, to Tom Jacobsen. That is what makes them interesting and unique.<\/p>\n I don’t care about things like boob size. I just want to know that if I come down with a debilitating illness, that you will be thoughtful and help me through it, even if only in some small way.<\/p>\n I suppose I could rant about Willa Holland about the same shit, but honestly that would be redundant. <\/p>\n I’m thinking now about that heartbreaking scene in The Map of Tiny Perfect Things<\/em>, where Margaret visits her mother in the hospital, who… well, I won’t explain it, but it hit me in the feels very squarely for a multitude of reasons. It would take me a half hour to explain why this scene was so good, and why it made me feel so… contented. So fulfilled. So gloriously happy<\/em>-ish. I know, it’s complicated, but such is the reality behind every truly great relationship. There’s something there that can’t be shown, that can’t be expressed, but is still very much present, even if nobody involved can grasp it.<\/p>\n I don’t know. I’m still very sick, so perhaps I was too harsh on Alex and Willa, Lily Mo etc. Maybe I will re-evaluate when I feel better and healthier. <\/p>\n But as for me… I’m thinking now of making a rewatch of The Map of Tiny Perfect Things<\/em> a birthday tradition for me. I’m sure that I will be able to spot new things every year. It will give me so much to think about.<\/p>\n I’ll talk about Laura when I feel better.<\/p>\n My arms feel like they are about to fall off. I am so so so very tired.<\/p>\n k, good night.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’ve been extremely sick, so I’ll try to keep this short. Yeah, I have been withholding sex. I need to. I am very, very sick. Such is life, sometimes. 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