So I was walking down the street when it happened. <\/p>\n
BOOM.<\/p>\n
Taylor Swift.<\/p>\n
She was there, walking down the avenue, a bag of oranges in hand, in an orange coat with a pair of orange plastic sunglasses. <\/p>\n
So I was like, orange<\/i> sunglasses? ORANGE?<\/p>\n
Who the fuck wears orange sunglasses?<\/p>\n
So I walk up to her, and I\u2019m like \u201cHey Taylor, nice sunglasses.\u201d Then I roll my eyes, but she didn’t see that because she wasn\u2019t looking at me.<\/p>\n
So she turns quick to look at me and is like \u201cHey thanks. Tom.\u201d <\/p>\n
So then I was like \u201cWhat are you doing here? I thought you lived in New York.\u201d<\/p>\n
And then she was like \u201cI do<\/i> live in New York. I\u2019m just visiting here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Okay, THAT\u2019S weird. Why is she visiting here? <\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I know.\u201d She says, like she just read my mind, like she was me or something. \u201cIt\u2019s a bit slow here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Duh. That\u2019s why I became a telepath, obviously. I mean, there\u2019s nobody cool to talk to here. NOBODY!<\/p>\n
So then a dude with muscles and a bright orange T-shirt like a traffic cone saunters up between me and Tay. \u201cTaylor, is this guy bothering you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I sure hope so! I thought to myself, unfortunately not aloud.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s OK. That\u2019s Tom. You know, the vampire?\u201d She sighed. \u201cMy husband.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHim?\u201d He squinted, as if trying to process this apparently complex info. It took him a minute, and then he understood. Kinda. \u201cOhhhhh, you\u2019re the wizard!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYup.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWow, uhhh, Tom. So what are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, I LIVE here. I mean, in this area.\u201d The bright orange midday sun was getting stronger. I pulled out my sunglasses, thankfully ones for normal people, and slipped them on with a wry smile out of an early Tom Cruise movie.<\/p>\n
Taylor rolled her eyes. Not that it mattered, with those glasses of hers.<\/p>\n
I reached into my pocket, took out a stick of orange Trident and popped it into my open mouth, my gaze never breaking hers. I chomped on it, good and hard, and let the sugary sweetness douse my mouth in effervescent orangy flavor. MMMmmmm.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo Taylor, what ARE you doing here, luv?\u201d I asked, in between syrupy chomps.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m\u2026 shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cObviously. But it\u2019s a bit weird, you know, to see you grocery shopping something like a thousand miles from your apartment.\u201d I gestured around, to the other shoppers here in the local Farmer\u2019s Market, all of whom were busy stuffing their bags with food. Well, oranges and corn, really. We don\u2019t have much in variety of produce, here.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know\u2026 I\u2019m actually here on business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBUSINESS!?!?!?\u201d I stifled a laugh, but not too much. Business, here? In a small town in suburban Illinois?<\/p>\n
\u201cYes Tom, business. And I really need to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNOT before the requisite selfie!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
I swooped up close to her while whipping out my phone, in a move so smooth it would have left onlookers gasping, if there were any. Taylor\u2019s bodyguard just stood there, still processing the \u201cwizard\u201d thing.<\/p>\n
In a quick flurry of thumb taps, I snagged a good 5 selfies with me and a surprised Taylor.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay Tom, you need to do this right.\u201d Tay\u2019s face was flushed. It was red, but it looked orangish underneath her layers of pancake makeup. She grabbed my phone and with the deft hand of a master, took some proper selfies with me.<\/p>\n
I kissed her on the cheek. I mean, you have to take the chances you\u2019re given, right?<\/p>\n
\u201cTom\u2026 don\u2019t.\u201d She sighed. \u201cYou\u2019re sweet, but I don\u2019t have time for this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d I grabbed her hands. My lips tasted like petroleum. \u201cWhat are you doing, really? Because I know it isn\u2019t business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here\u2026 to see a fan.\u201d I thought about cracking a joke like \u2018Mission Accomplished!\u2019 but her dour expression told me nah, don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n
\u201cA fan?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. A few. At the Children\u2019s Hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ohhhhhh. I get it. \u201cAh, I see. I get it.\u201d I put on my concerned face. \u201cSo the oranges are for\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kids. I was hoping to get a variety of fresh fruit for them but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s OK, Tay. Oranges are pretty much the healthiest thing ever.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I guess. And that\u2019s why I have the sunglasses. You know, to break the ice with the kids. To make them laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ah, Iiiiii see. That\u2019s my Tay, always thinking ahead. I pulled on her coat and hugged her tightly. The hot orange sun enveloped us both. In the heat of the midday sun, I took off her sunglasses and kissed her waxy lips. She relaxed a bit and for a minute we played tonsil hockey with my gumwad.<\/p>\n
I won, and then we separated. She still had half my gum in her mouth. So symbolic!<\/p>\n
\u201cTom\u2026\u201d She smacked, her mouth filling with flashes of orange as she spoke. \u201cYou can come with, if you\u2019d like.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was surprised. I chewed a response. \u201cNaw, it\u2019s OK\u2026\u201d *Snap* *Pop* \u201cThey wouldn\u2019t know me, anyways. They don\u2019t care about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled, her newly orange front teeth glistening in the bright sunlight. Against her ultra white back teeth, her front teeth looked really bizarre. \u201cAre you sure? You might be surprised.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned to Tay\u2019s bodyguard. \u201cI don\u2019t know. What do you think, bro? Would the kids know me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah\u2026 yeah.\u201d He started. \u201cYeah, I think so!!\u201d He was looking at Taylor while saying this, not at me. I think he just wanted to keep her approval.<\/p>\n
Tay smiled again. Her teeth were now clean. Any evidence of slight imperfection was now gone from her appearance. <\/p>\n
I sighed. \u201cI don\u2019t know. Remember, these kids don\u2019t have too long to spend with you. And they want to see you<\/i>, not me. Nobody\u2019s ever given me a Make-A-Wish or whatever request yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, maybe you\u2019re right.\u201d We hugged again. \u201cI love you, Tom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI. LOVE. You. Taylor!\u201d I hugged her for another minute, put her sunglasses back on her face, and then pushed her away. \u201cGo on! Make those kids happy!\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed. \u201cBye!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdios!\u201d I turned and started back home.<\/p>\n
This time, I didn\u2019t look back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I was walking down the street when it happened. BOOM. Taylor Swift. She was there, walking down the avenue, a bag of oranges in hand, in an orange coat with a pair of orange plastic sunglasses. So I was like, orange sunglasses? ORANGE? Who the fuck wears orange sunglasses? So I walk up to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1500"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1515,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions\/1515"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}