I’m still processing. I’m not at that point yet where I can “move on from this”, yet.<\/p>\n
I had a looooooong talk with Cady, last night. It was a bit brutal. Jeebus, I’m angry. I mean… it’s not her fault, I know, but I don’t know who to talk to, and it just kind of came spilling out in a gush of screaming, defensiveness and tears. I don’t know.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I parsed through a lot of her lyrics. Tell me- was there creepy foreshadowing of her death in Better than Better Could Ever Be<\/em>? See, it’s stuff like this that makes me think “suicide”. Read:<\/p>\n And there’s so many fish in the sea. If you ever wanted to go…<\/p>\n ‘Cause they’re throwing us lemons, and we’re squeezing them into our cups. If you ever wanted to go…<\/p>\n We’re two peas in a pod. There’s too many stars in the sky. ‘Cause they’re throwing us lemons, and we’re squeezing them into our cups. If you ever wanted to go…<\/p>\n You’re the match to my candle. Boy you’ve got just what I want. If you ever wanted to go.<\/em><\/p>\n Ok, so, this song is about… what, exactly? Dying, it looks like. Dying, if she or her collaborator on this was ever left alone. Maybe about dying of ethyl alcohol poisoning. I’m not a drinker, but Google tells me that people often prepare ethyl alcohol with lemons. She’d “squeeze them into her cups”, “drink them up”, which would “take her life away”? Am I reading this wrong, or looking too much into this? Because like… it just really seems as though it’s about her dying ten years later. Is this… wrong? Because I hope it is. Note that I’m not a drinker, like at all.<\/p>\n God, what a maze.<\/p>\n Speaking of google and incomprehension, I spent a good part of this morning trying in vain to get an accurate picture of what happened to Cady’s siblings from google. Christ, it’s just impossible. The source I used stated plainly two deaths, one sister and one brother, spaced years apart. Wikipedia, which most people on reddit seem to think is wrong, seems to state two brothers, the same year, of indeterminate causes. But, upon checking it myself, this isn’t what it says, at all. *scratches head* Perhaps it was recently changed. Another source online claims two brothers, spaced apart by 7 years, both of drug overdoses. A group on reddit seems to think it was drugs that killed one older brother, and murder that robbed us of another, and that the deaths happened one or two years apart.<\/p>\n What I think is that the source I used got confused with Cady’s brother “Kelly” and misreported him as a her. I mean, without knowing apparently that his youtube channel is still up, and you can plainly see that Kelly was a “he”.<\/p>\n So… what the fuck happened? I have no idea. I quite clearly remember drugs for both, tho. Murder was not talked about by anyone I knew at the time, way back then. Regardless, this doesn’t change anything, whatever the story there is.<\/p>\n The point is that… well… the point is that 1) This sucks, and 2) This should not have happened, and 3) Cady was right- in repeatedly pointing out to me that there was a lot I didn’t know.<\/p>\n I guess, I don’t know. More lyrics. This time Crybaby<\/em>.<\/p>\n You only want me when I\u2019m done Somehow I always But what if I took your records How many lies will I believe I took your records (Cry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y)<\/p>\n But what if I took your records Hmmmmn. Alright. About this… This is one of my favorite songs of hers. The usual superlatives apply to her singing and composition of course. It’s an old song, from her demos that came out on her soundcloud about 7 years ago, two years into our relationship.<\/p>\n Listening to it now, though… <\/p>\n Well…<\/p>\n I’m not doing this, now. I need to leave. Maybe I’ll return to this over the weekend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’m still processing. I’m not at that point yet where I can “move on from this”, yet. I had a looooooong talk with Cady, last night. It was a bit brutal. Jeebus, I’m angry. I mean… it’s not her fault, I know, but I don’t know who to talk to, and it just kind of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2985"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2985"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2990,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2985\/revisions\/2990"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nBut we could float if that’s what you want.
\n‘Cause baby, you seem too good to me.
\nI don’t want to know what life would be.<\/p>\n
\nWoah oh, and drinking it up!
\nBoy, you’ve got just what I want
\nI’m not going a place without your heart… (woah oh)
\nAnd girl you’re my sun shiny day.
\nYou’d take my life away!<\/p>\n
\nBut we can break out, if that’s what you want.<\/p>\n
\nBut they can’t shine as bright like can you shine!
\nAnd I hope that you’ll never leave.<\/p>\n
\nWoah oh, and drinking it up!
\nBoy, you’ve got just what I want.
\nI’m not going a place without you’re heart… (woah oh)
\nAnd girl you’re my sun shiny day.
\nYou’d take my life away!<\/p>\n
\nYou’re the scrape to my knee.
\nAnd you’re what makes it better!
\nThan better could ever be.
\nThan better could ever be.<\/p>\n
\nI’m not going a place without you’re heart…(woah oh)
\nAnd girl you’re my sun shiny day.
\nYou’d take my life away!<\/p>\n
\nYou only break me when I\u2019m whole again
\nYou\u2019re only right because I\u2019m wrong
\nI only stay until I\u2019m gone again<\/p>\n
\nSomehow I always give in
\nIt seems like you always
\nSeems like you always win<\/p>\n
\nTook all your time
\nAnd what if I stole your innocence
\nLike you stole mine
\nAnd what if I spend your money
\nEvery dime
\nYou\u2019ll be just like me
\nSo cry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y
\nCry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y<\/p>\n
\nUntil we cycle through the dark again
\nI know that you\u2019ll be the death of me
\nBut baby what if, you tell me what if<\/p>\n
\nTook all your time
\nAnd what if I stole your innocence
\nLike you stole mine
\nAnd what if I spend your money
\nEvery dime
\nYou\u2019ll be just like me
\nSo cry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y
\nCry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y<\/p>\n
\nTook all your time (I took all your time)
\nAnd what if i stole your innocence
\nLike you stole mine (cause you stole mine)
\nAnd what if spend your money
\nEvery dime
\nYou\u2019ll be just like me (you\u2019ll be just like me)
\nSo cry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y (crrryyyyyyy)
\nCry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y (won\u2019t you cry for me, won\u2019t you cry for me)
\nCry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y (cause you stole mine)
\nCry baby cry, why-y-y why-y-y why-y-y (won\u2019t you cry for me, won\u2019t you cry for me)<\/em><\/p>\n