lol at that title, haha. Quite a mouthful.<\/p>\n
Well…<\/p>\n
I don’t know what I wrote last night, I mean I was in a haze of drugs, pain and sadness, per usual<\/em>. But I just took a quick glance at the other post and it seems ok to me.<\/p>\n More important is the fact that I think that with each post here, I feel very slightly less like eating a bullet. Very slightly less, yes, but it’s something, and I’ll take it, if in fact I do wish to live. I think I need this.<\/p>\n I really don’t want to die, I think. Kinda like what I said about Dove, down there. I don’t want to kill myself like her father killed himself, over… I don’t know. Or Cady. Or a multitude of people I’ve known both famous and not that have done so. Celebs, childhood buddies, college friends, etc. I don’t want to go out like that, I guess.<\/p>\n Yeah, I guess. I mean I’ve done all that I wanted to do as an adult, here. I mean, everything except start a family of my own. And that… just seems like an impossible dream sometimes. This country in particular seems to go out of it’s way to make that as difficult as possible, maybe because it hates us, lol. I mean, the government reeeeeally doesn’t like white people, haha. Really really doesn’t, kind of like the media, the courts, and everything else. But I mean, even excepting that, it’s brutal. The birth rate is low even for Asians and Jews, here, and fuck knows the government likes those two races well enough.<\/p>\n But, I don’t know.<\/p>\n Middle age, too, sucks, especially for anybody not rich. It’s just so dreadful and imposing. It’s waaaaaaay to stressful. It’s just too much. The jobs we get in this country don’t pay anywhere near enough to sustain even a baseline of happiness, and the responsibilities, even without children will quickly overwhelm anyone without a support system. For someone who needs to for some reason deal with unique problems that must be sorted out by his lonesome (*ahem*) it’s essentially impossible to make it work. Toss in drug addiction and physical problems and there’s just no way to make it. At least in this society. <\/p>\n It just seems so overwhelming, I guess. Too much. My brain shorts out from the pressure. A lot of peoples’ would. I mean- if I indeed am the smartest man in the world, if not ever, and if even I can’t make it work, than what does that say?<\/p>\n Yes, I do realize that my circumstance as the world’s only “superpowered” individual make me unique. But still.<\/p>\n It’s just… too much. Wayyyyy too much.<\/p>\n I don’t know. Maybe I won’t be able to make it work. Maybe I will. But I will try. I guess that’s all I can promise.<\/p>\n I’ll give it a shot. I hope I can at least make some people happy, while I’m here.<\/p>\n That’s… what counts, right? Yeah.<\/p>\n I guess.<\/p>\n Sure, why not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" lol at that title, haha. Quite a mouthful. Well… I don’t know what I wrote last night, I mean I was in a haze of drugs, pain and sadness, per usual. But I just took a quick glance at the other post and it seems ok to me. More important is the fact that I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3044"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3044"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3047,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3044\/revisions\/3047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}