Alright, so I set a date. Dec. 31St, 2021. If nothing\u2019s better by then I\u2019ll make it a point to kill myself on that night. Great, fantastic. <\/p>\n
I mean, it\u2019s a year away. If by then things aren\u2019t better for me, than they never will be and it\u2019s frankly dumb to continue on. Should be easy to justify, then. Great idea, Tom.<\/p>\n
Yeah, and it truly is, isn’t it? I feel so free<\/em>. Like a tremendous load has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel great<\/em>. I’ll give it a year and two Christmases, then. And we’ll see. If I still want to die by then, boom, off goes my head, lol. Or narcotics- I have enough to kill an elephant. Or both<\/em>. Not an issue.<\/p>\n In other stupid news, I went and left a message on Cady\u2019s insta, on her first post, using my real name this time…<\/p>\n I wish you were still alive. You had a uniquely beautiful soul and your music meant the world to me. I will always treasure what you gave to this world and I thank you every time I listen to one of your songs. You were one of the few bright spots in this ugly world and it hurts that you had to leave so early, when you were so young… I wish you all the luck in the next world. Who knows maybe I will meet you there and we can talk music or something. Thank you so much for everything, Cady. Farewell and God bless.<\/em><\/p>\n Gerd I STILL feel like crying. And I don\u2019t want to, because I don\u2019t know if I will ever be able stop when I start. I mean it’s about waaaaay more than that one chick, I feel. And it\u2019s the middle of the day and I don\u2019t want anyone to see me, ’cause I don’t want anyone to know<\/em>.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll need to wait for tonight, and we\u2019ll see. It\u2019s so empty and lonely and cold and dark in my grisly room that I should be able to do what I want to do, uninterrupted. I mean I have the whole floor basically to myself, thank fuck. Not that I WANT to spend tonight crying, mind you, but I think I\u2019m going to, whether I want to or not. I just don’t think I will be able to contain it, I think.<\/p>\n Maybe I just need more drugs, lol. Maybe that\u2019s it, I always feel dreadful when I hit the precipice of getting withdrawals, lol. That is such an awful feeling, it is. Just nasty as hell.<\/p>\n Yeah, that\u2019s it. Drugs it is, then. I\u2019ll pop a handful of pills and let\u2019s see how I feel tonight. Hopefully not sad, lol.<\/p>\n Yup, sounds like a plan! <\/p>\n Glad my life is going so well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Alright, so I set a date. Dec. 31St, 2021. If nothing\u2019s better by then I\u2019ll make it a point to kill myself on that night. Great, fantastic. I mean, it\u2019s a year away. If by then things aren\u2019t better for me, than they never will be and it\u2019s frankly dumb to continue on. Should be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3197"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3197"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3197\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3198,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3197\/revisions\/3198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sighinide.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}