Okay so… WHY do I want to cut myself? Why am I so depressed? Why do I feel like this now? Why am I ALWAYS feeling like this now?
I feel like I’m being used. No- I AM being used. I connect with people, work on their problems with them, try to help them, and then… nothing. They take my advice and use it to better themselves while working to ruin my future. Not all of them, of course, but ALOT of them do this. They use my advice and the confidence that I give them to suck their own country dry of all of it’s money and resources, thus impoverishing myself and everyone else. And they do this while plotting even more terrible things. And if these plans don’t work? Why, they’ll just leave, of course! Why would they stay to help clean up the horrible, nightmarish disasters that they’ve created?
Okay, that’s it. I’m done. DONE. I feel like a prostitute. No- at least prostitutes get money and compliments. I get nothing but a ruined future and a hole in my heart. I feel, honestly, like a sex slave.
I’m tired of being in relationships with people that I now suspect never really liked me or respected me that much in the first place. I want to be with someone without feeling like I should just kill myself because I had sex with them.
I think I deserve that. I don’t know, maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m just a big drama queen who has nothing to offer the world besides empty sex. I mean, I don’t THINK that’s the case. But if it is, then maybe I should just stick to fucking people that despise me. At least that way I’ll bring some happiness, however fleeting, into this gloomy world.
Or maybe I need to focus on the others. Katherine McNamara will never make me feel bad after seeing her. Ever. That will never ever happen. Ditto for Sammi Hanratti and Kira Kosarin and Stephanie Scott, and even Audrey Whitby. I had so many good relationships that I put on hold, or didn’t even start, because I wanted to “save” people who only cared about their bank accounts and didn’t even want to be helped. Ugh.
Truthfully, I’ve come to the realization that the near totality of American celebrities over the age of 30 are damaged goods. The adage “You shall know them by the company they keep” is very true.
If you support and promote brainless criminals like Obama and his accomplices, if your cultural world consists of the “authenticity” of the illiterate thugs of hip-hop, if you hang out with New York’s fraud kingpins, you yourself are likely a criminal and a big part of the reason why the world spits on American culture and “leadership” today.
So- honestly? FUCK. YOU.
ENOUGH.
Whatever it takes- no more thoughts of suicide. No more thoughts of self- harm. NONE.