Sighinide

So… I’m Rapunzel, right? Because I’m kinda thinking that I might kinda sorta be Rapunzel, here. Mayyyybe. Maybe.

Ish.

Oh, and King’s Quest. A lottttttttttt of King’s Quest, here. But not as much as some others.

Of course.

Amusingly, as I continue to set everything up, I’m watching Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure on TV.

This series seems to be an interesting retelling of the many images I saw and the stories I worked through playing old Windows RPGs. I’m on episode 6 right now, and I’ve seen dozens if not hundreds of images, characters and stories pulled directly from the Windows 3.1 Exile series, the Avernum series, and the old Might and Magic series, and at least a few ancient shareware games I played through on the family IBM machines back in the day.

It’s a fun walk down memory lane, and a good series to boot. It might be better than the movie, and the movie was pretty damn good. Even the visual style of the show screams “90’s Shareware” to me, and I’m sure that that is intentional.

There’s a certain poetry to all of this that is really quite incredible.

Still setting up my laptop today. Takes awhile, for sure.

I set up and synced my tablet and phone yesterday, and got the windows phone app working, along with the calendar, mail app, and other stuff.

Today I synced my watch (!), my razer gaming mouse, my logitech gaming pad, my Kobo ereader, my old amazon kindle, and a few other devices. Christ. Setup this, log in to that, sync this, update that, backup these things. Things were so much much faster back when we just CD-ROMs to deal with. I mean, seriously, lol. I’ve been at this for a week now.

For the sake of morbid nerd curiosity, I plan to install Palm Desktop and sync my ancient Palm PDA. Official support for the device ended at Windows Vista, and the handheld itself is actually older than Jayden Bartels is, but fuck it, it still works. Built like a tank, the battery still holds a good charge 20 years later, and it’s solid- it just works. Why not?

Installed my bluetooth speakers, synced up my TV with my lappy, and… a lot of other stuff. Christ, it never ends. Setup antivirus, VPN, installed my myriad of antimalware softwares, setup windows security this and that, installed anti-telemetry software, yikes.

For the fuck of it I also brought over my collection of old Windows screensavers. I still have some ancient ones from the Win 95 days, believe it or not. They still work just as well as ever, so why not? The Vista ones still look good, believe it or not. I also brought over my library of old portable freeware apps. Looking through them I hilariously found an ancient one that was used to chain 3.5″ floppies together to create files larger than 1.44mb, lmao. It still apparently works, so why not keep it? lel. Might have a use for it in a virtual machine someday, maybe.

Maybe, lol. Probably not.

I also brought over my collection of ancient emulated consoles, and all of their associated ROMs. I mean, the really old ones, like the Intellivision. I’ll try those again someday- I might get a kick of out it.

I still have to setup the family printer, and make sure that I can connect with it over wifi. And I have to try scanning something with my own scanner / printer, etc.

I’ll be at this for awhile, methinks.

Amusingly, I just recovered a few very old gmail addresses that I had used to set up my old, defunct twitter accounts. I had forgotten that I even had these addresses, and had never used them anyways.

Apparently at some point in the last 15 years, these accounts were hacked, and used for… who knows what, lol. I discovered their addresses going through some old emails. So I recovered them, then, out of curosity.

I guess they can be used as a dumpster for disposable things going forward, IDK.

It was fun going through them and seeing the weird stuff that had been placed in them since I lost them. Odd stuff from twitter back in 2009, and all sorts of… who the fuck even knows, lol. Order receipts, pictures from random people, newsletters from video game companies, weird spam, stuff from someone’s youtube account, and other stuff that I can’t figure out.

Fun to go through though for sure. I’ve always loved excavating stuff like this.

I still have records of my old tweets, like the ones I sent to Emma Watson’s old account. Her first one, I think. I asked her at least once if she knew how long this telepathy stuff had been going on, lol. Of course, this was back when I didn’t fully realize that the Harry Potter character was in fact based on yours truly. I wonder what she thought of those tweets, or if she remembers them. She probably doesn’t- I didn’t remember them myself, until I went through my old twitter archives a few months ago.

I think I’ll keep those old gmails active. I’m sure they can be used for… something.

Well, back to it.

Few random thoughts… love my new computer. The new tech amplifies my power enormously. The amount of energy I can summon up with this new laptop is far far greater than the amount I could summon with my old one.

I think that this fact confirms one of the hypothesis I posited earlier on this blog: the idea that my own powers are proportional to powers of the tech that I use. More advanced technology = more power for pretty much everything I do. Or, to put it even more simply, better tech = more chi.

What this means is that my powers will continue to grow and expand as the years grind on, as computers and other technologies continue to advance. Really interesting, and actually kinda scary, from some perspectives.

Today it seems I can just suck the psychical brain out of a person long distance, “Scanners” style. It’s really amazing how much energy I can manifest within myself with this new laptop. Seriously, it really is.

I was going to write a 2022 year in review, and I might still do so. I didn’t mostly because I’ve been spending so much time setting up my new lappy. That’s always a challenge, since I have so much stuff to transfer over and so many very particular programs and settings to configure every time I do so. And I’m still learning the ins and outs of the new Windows OS, and I’m doing some routine tech cleaning as well as I transfer stuff over: clearing out old files on my iPad, transferring pictures from my tablet and phone to my PC, updating the iPad OS, cleaning out the voicemails on my phone, deleting old emails, doing hard backups of all my devices, etc. That’s all taking awhile, but I know I should do it regularly, and why not now?

I’m still watching Disney+. I do so while doing all the monotonous maintenance I described above. A background episode of Kim Possible makes cleaning out old emails and voicemails less… arduous, I guess. Less boring.

Part of the problem here with the cleaning is that I put it off for so long, since I had other stuff to deal with, from health issues to existential crisis, to figuring out the real nature of my history and powers, and a whole long list of other shit.

Next on the list of things I guess is to update my phone contacts, make sure my ereader is still updated, and… yeah, that’s a lot. Yuck. One of the major problems of modern life for sure.

I finally saw a dentist in December, lol. Appointment went very well. The only real issues I had were a chip in my tooth that needed a filling, and an ancient filling that needed to be replaced. We decided to put a crown on that one.

That’s it, quite impressive actually, since apparently I haven’t seen a dentist in like 7 years, lol. Didn’t need to, really. I know how to take care of my teeth and gums. In fact my dentist didn’t actually believe me when I said I haven’t seen anyone else for cleanings in the last seven years. He was confused at how healthy and pristine my mouth was in general.

I am really really good at some things, for sure. I have a particular genius in certain areas that is unique and overwhelming.

In regards to Disney+ and other streaming services, holy shit does the new content suck, save for rare circumstances.

Every day that I log into Disney+ I look for new stuff that might be interesting to watch, and I come up empty. I had that same problem with Amazon prime, earlier.

A few months ago I scrolled through the entire library of amazon prime content and found nothing that piqued my interest besides Map of Tiny Perfect Things, and I’ve already seen that one. Well, there was a romcom from the 90’s there that looked interesting. I don’t remember which one it was, but I think it was one that I didn’t see that first time around.

Everything else, honestly and sadly, looked pretty dire- either unpleasant, weird, boring, or just… not for me. It’s the same sensation I get when scrolling through the new stuff of Disney+. There is one new show I like- Hamster and Gretel. The rest of the new content looks frankly dreadful.

Last night I suffered through the first episode of Stuck in the Middle. Holy shit was that an unpleasant experience. I guess I just wanted to see something with Jenna Ortega in it, or something. But man did that show suck. And if I’m being honest, so does Bizardvark or whatever, but at least that one isn’t as overwhelmingly dreadful as Stuck in the Middle.

I’m not going to list any reasons for any of this or whatever. But man, why does all of this new crap suck so hard? I kind of can’t believe how unpleasant the new Star Wars stuff is. It’s baffling. Seriously, what the fuck? How can Star Wars be so unforgivingly and relentlessly terrible? Product after product, and all of it is dreadfully bad. And you can just… see it, the lack of quality. It’s there and it’s obvious.

I searched youtube for a few clips from the new Star Wars shows and couldn’t believe the lack of quality I was seeing. With excerpts like those I was seeing, I don’t need to watch the shows to know how bad they are, since no good show would have anything like that in it.

It’s a real head scratcher. I’ve no idea what is going on behind the scenes with this shit, since it makes no logical sense. And the same can be said for Marvel stuff and the new LOTR stuff, and Willow stuff, and everything else.

Even the trailers for these products look like utter shit. Cheap looking sets, cheesy dialogue, rampant “Look! A black person! Looook!!” scenes, subpar special effects, and just… horrible, horrible cringe all the way through. Watching these trailers I feel embarrassed for the actors, which is I think not the intended audience reaction.

Watching these trailers I wonder where all the money that supposedly went into creating these products actually went, since you certainly can’t see any of it.

I saw the new trailer for the new Indiana Jones flick, and gods, how dreadful. Even the construction of the trailer is offputting, since they copied note for note what they did with the TFA trailer, with the nostalgia berries, the piano playing, etc. Even the title of the movie sucks. It’s something like “Dial of Destiny”, or something. Really really bad.

I still can’t believe how badly they fucked up the new Star Wars trilogy, which, in retrospect, isn’t really a trilogy at all, as much as three distinct and very different movies strung together with duct tape. There is no “flow” between them. TLJ is still to this day a baffling, weird, ridiculous entry.

At least the prequels, with all of their flaws, seemed like a coherent series, instead of the random jumble of “What?” that is the Disney trilogy.

Star Trek is a mess, an utter mess. Wow do those new shows look awful, stupid and ugly. “The power of Math!!!!” indeed, lol. Every clip of Discovery I have seen online looks really, really bad. That and Picard, and everything else, like all of these shows are being made by children with lots of money to just throw at the screen in random ways, which I guess might actually be the case, lol.

I hear they’re rebooting the DC universe, which I don’t care about one bit. I don’t need any of it. I once counted up the various versions of Batman I’ve seen on the screen and it was somewhere north of a dozen.

Let’s try again, here.

60’s Batman, Superfriends, Burton, The Animated Series, the Justice League cartoon, Schumacher, Nolan, the new animated Frank Miller type movies, lego batman, the new animated kids shows, Synderverse Batman, The CW Gotham / Bruce Wayne thing, and then there was the Pattinson thing I didn’t bother to finish. And that’s not even counting the myriad of video games, comic books, and other crap.

I think I’m Batman-ed out. If I never see that character again I think I’ll be fine, thanks. Same with Superman, and frankly the rest of the capeshit. I mean I haven’t watched the vast majority of the Marvel crap, only a few movies on TV here and there and a few scenes on youtube and I’m already bored sick of it. I’ll probably watch the new Antman thing, but only because of Kathryn.

It’s just… too much, and it’s all just dumb imaginary crap anyways, so why bother with any of it?

Is this just something that happens with middle age? Do you just… walk away from all of the stupid shit? Might be. IDK.

Regardless I don’t think that the studios quite realize the depth of the problem they have created with the confusing, weird, overcomplicated and over politicized woke shit they’ve been making for wayyyy too long now.

Whatever, though. Not my problem, I guess. Still though- baffling as fuck.

I will continue to watch old stuff, though. I will probably never visit a theater again, and I will probably never see anything “new” again, except on rare and special circumstances. Honestly, it’s all dumb, so I’ll just watch the old, familiar dumb instead of the new, annoying dumb. Sounds like a plan.

I might still make a 2022 year in review post, later, after I’m done setting up my new lappy. We’ll see.

I have some time, so I figure that now is as good a point as any to parse through some relationship stuff.

First, it’s still pretty… boring, mostly. IDK if it’s a perspective borne of familiarity, or just the inevitable shifting perspective brought about by age, but wow, a lot of the stuff I do these days is really, really boring and very predictable.

I’m finding all kinds of drama, or really any drama at all, to be seriously tiresome. Of all the girls I’m with, I think that right now, Laura Marano, Katherine McNamara, Kaitlyn Dever and Kathryn Newton are my favorites. Why? Lack of drama, which I find very interesting.

Laura Marano in particular I think is just fascinating. Her persistent lack of idiotic and infantile drama over the years has really made her stand out. I may not have appreciated her as much as I should have before, but that has definitely changed over the past couple years.

At the bottom of the list these days are the girls who like to play mind games and other dumb crap, or who just make me guess, at all, about anything. Seriously- that is just… not worth the time it take to figure it out.

Stable, to me, is sexy. More stable= more attraction.

I really really do not want to guess, or to have to waste time figuring some stupid, childish crap out. So… I don’t, lol. And I do not, at all, want… anything, really. Any kind of baggage, on any level, is a horrible liability.

Seriously, tho. I’m in my mid 40’s. Mind games are for people 20 years younger, who may still find that stuff interesting. I don’t.

And no, I don’t consider the dad jokes I post on twitter to be mind games, altho others may disagree. It’s just twitter, honestly.

Lately, there’s been a bunch of really annoying chicks from my distant past who have tried to claw their way back into my life, which is just… awful, lol. Seriously- please, just stop. And I’m not referring to just common social media pics, or like tweets, of the kind that all celebs post. I mean people who are posting really cringy stuff. Yuck, please, just stop.

Things have really taken a turn for the ugly, culturally. And I think that that might be why I’m really grooving now towards a different vibe. Stable is godly, these days.

Seriously, tho, everything is just so fucking ugly these days. Ugly people, ugly music, ugly movies, ugly politics, ugly ugly ugly, everywhere.

My parents still watch the TV news, and the parade of ugly on display down there in boomerville is enough to make anyone gag.

I remember back in the 80’s and 90’s, when TV anchors and guests were chosen because they looked pretty, or handsome. There was a real backlash against that, back then, because the news was shallow and fake, and everyone thought it was because the anchors and such were chosen for their looks. So why not bring in less attractive people? Maybe they would have more to say, or at least different things to say.

Nope, lol. They brought in a bunch of ugly people to anchor the news, and guess what, it’s as shallow and dumb as ever, and maybe more than ever. 90’s, come back, all is forgiven, lol.

Commercials these days are a parade of ugly weirdos. It’s horrible, lol. Truly awful. The worst offenders are pharma companies, who just seem to relish in hideous, dumb shit across the board.

I feel so relieved when I see the few local commercials that are broadcast during the news. The people look normal, happy, and attractive.

Remember the days when the cheap local commercials looked worse than the big budget national ones? Seems like an eternity ago to myself. Yuck.

As I age on I can really see and understand more the perspective of stereotypically older people. I get it, for sure. Good lord is a lot of the shit that passes for pop culture these days dumb. And of all the stuff that’s made, very very little of it is truly worth watching, even if it is good.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve already seen the best there is, so everything else inevitably looks less than. No animated film I will ever see will be better than Fantasia. No Science Fiction movie I ever see will be better than 2001, no action film better than Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark, etc. So, what’s the point?

Why not sit and watch Winnie The Pooh flicks? Or those straight to VHS Disney sequels of the 90’s? What, like those are any worse than the stuff released today, in comparison to something like 2001, Metropolis, Paths of Glory or Last Year at Marienbad? Seriously, it doesn’t matter what’s in theaters, or how good it is, because you already know it won’t be half as good as 2001, even if it is the best film released this year. And I can watch 2001 whenever I want to, so…

It’s same issue, really with my relationships. Nothing shocks me anymore, since I’ve seen and done it all, already. So what really impresses me are people who are stable and can remain so, over the years. That really stands out to me.

There seems to be a contingent of people who think that any attention is good attention, and that is definitely not the case, I think.

I’m really… bored. Seriously. I’m really, really bored. Nothing looks interesting anymore. IDK, maybe I’m just burned out, or… IDK, maybe everything is just boring, lol.

It’s just… I can’t even work up the energy to bother with anything, lol. And I don’t think it’s just me. My dad is as liberal as they come, and he tried to get into the new LOTR to prove his bonifides, and couldn’t make it past the first episode. Too boring, lol.

New Star Wars stuff is so fucking boring, IDK. It just… drags. The movies just went on and on, bafflingly. Hours of ugly people standing around and doing nothing. I saw all three of the new trilogy and I can’t remember any of it, or the names of any of the characters, or anything at all. But I do remember them being horribly, horribly dull.

I’m at the point where everything new just looks stupid and childish. Is that because I’m as old as I am, or is that because everything new is in fact stupid and childish? Or both?

IDK.

The political stuff is just… gads, so so… dumb, all of it. Everything Trump does is dumb, everything Biden does is dumb, everything everyone else does is dumb, and that’s basically it, lol. There is nothing else to say.

So, that’s basically my spiel, for now.

I wrote the below last night before bed. I couldn’t publish it then because of some weird error message from WordPress. Had to update it to get it to work again, lol.

A few more thoughts, tho: it occurred to me last night that most guys out there would not like being the inspiration behind a TV show starring a chick, lol. I don’t care, obviously. Wonder what that says. Need to think about it.

Also, I’m kinda… staying away from new Disney stuff. If it’s anything like new Star Wars, it must be offputting, uncomfortable, and awkward.

I’ve been reading online about their recent financial troubles and that news doesn’t surprise me one bit. I’m kinda confused, honestly, with who is supposed to be the target audience for their new stuff.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that Thanksgiving has been overlooked.

I think it’s because it’s not as easy to make commercial. Halloween is candy and costumes, and tons of scary movies and decorations. It’s easy to make $$ on Halloween- there are stores all over that open just for this holiday. And Christmas… yeah, lol. Money to be made, for sure.

Thanksgiving, not so much, since it’s essence is low key. It’s about nature and family, and not presentation. And it’s been shoved aside lately even for political reasons.

In our plutocratic, corporate country it’s increasingly seen as a speed bump on the road to Christmas, where the big money can be made.

That kinda sucks, honestly.

I wish it weren’t so. If nothing else it’s a celebration of nature; a way for people to appreciate what the Earth has given them this year before it goes to sleep for the winter. You don’t need anything to have a full Thanksgiving, honest. Just be thankful for the greatness out there, those amazing things that everyone can see and be a part of every day, regardless of their circumstances.

That’s what I did, and I had a great Thanksgiving, and I’m still having it.

This year, I’m rebelling- making a principled stand. I refuse to see or do anything vaguely “Christmas” before December 1st. I won’t see it, won’t acknowledge it, or even feel it. November, I think, is for Thanksgiving, and that is how it will be for me, hopefully forever.

My own family had the tradition of playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving, which I never, ever liked. Yeah I know, there really isn’t any “Thanksgiving” music, but does there need to be? It’s about nature, right?

Why do we need digital music and football to celebrate Thanksgiving? It just gets in the way.

For myself I spent a couple hours on Thanksgiving just contemplating and giving thanks for nature, by watching the trees shed their bright leaves in the backyard and watching night fall over the sky. It was a great way to spend the holiday and one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.

I’m still continuing the holiday, by watching some Thanksgiving related stuff on Disney+.

There’s not much, lol. Just a few episodes, here and there.

The Simpsons Thanksgiving ep was the best of the bunch by far. It was full of heart and just all around awesomeness, and the only thing I saw that seemed to grok the full meaning of the holiday. It ruled.

I actually remember the specific incident that inspired the episode’s central drama, too. A formative experience for sure. Maybe one day I’ll expound on it but likely not.

I saw the Thanksgiving eps of Pepper Ann, Doug, and Teacher’s Pet as well. Of those, Teacher’s Pet was the funniest. That show is a stylization of my college years, and a good one. Very funny. I intend to watch more of those.

Pepper Ann is probably the show that nails my real life personality the closest, which is… ironic(?) since the main character is female. But she seems, IMO, rather shockingly me, with her whole somewhat self-centered and rebellious personality, and her overall goodness as a character. And of course the constant introspections and schizo hallucinations, lol. She’s like a grown up version of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, for obvious reasons.

I found it amusing that when I loaded the show to find the Thanksgiving ep, it was on pause halfway through an episode where she becomes an internet addict and a computer geek. At the episode’s end, though, she’s recovered and goes on a nature walk with her friends. Mmmmn hmmmn, lol.

IDK, Doug is reallllly close to me, though. He might be “me” at a younger age, like the me in-between the Calvin and Pepper Ann years. He doesn’t have too much of a rebellious streak, which I think did fit me during a span of time after my… hyperactive childhood and before my incredibly moody teen years.

I must have been a difficult child to raise, lol. Like reallllly difficult. I’ve been thinking that a lot lately, so I’ve made it a point to be nice to my parents in the last few years, haha. It must have been kinda brutal in some ways to raise the AntiChrist as a child. I mean, could you imagine? LOL.

The Doug ep was fun, and touching, at the end. That was a good show, and something I absolutely would have done at that age, had I had the opportunity to do so.

Seriously tho, this is some good stuff. These shows are underrated a bit, and they might in fact be the best stuff on Disney+. I still have not seen and don’t intend to see any of the Marvel or Star Wars stuff, or anything like that.

Over Halloween, the worst thing I saw on Disney+ was the Star Wars Lego Halloween thing. I thought, well… it’s Lego, so why not? And I thought it would be more OT Star Wars, but then it turned out to have that Poe Dameron guy, but I thought, why not? Let’s give it a chance, and I did, but holy shit, was it boring.

Like… bafflingly boring. New Star Wars is bizarre in some ways. It manages to be both really irritating and really boring at the same time, inexplicably. Seriously, I have no idea how that is accomplished, even accidentally. And yet, there it is.

At a mere 44 minutes, it felt way longer than the full length movies I saw over Halloween. Honestly I was baffled at how… <em>short</em> it was. I guess it was just really exhausting to watch, or something.

Yuck, tho. No more of that crap.

I’m going to watch the Thanksgiving ep of Good Luck Charlie next, and, hopefully, not think much about you-know-who.

Couldn’t Kickin’ It have had a Thanksgiving episode? I mean, wouldn’t that have been nice? I think it would have been. Or Bunk’d?

But noooooo I suppose I have to watch THAT show again. I mean, it’s not a bad show, but, you know, it’s just… well, some PEOPLE make the experience difficult, sometimes.

It’s ok, though.

I think I’ll watch Pocahontas tomorrow, and maybe relive some of the Pocahontas daydreams I had as a kid while doing so. I mean, why not? It’s still November. Still Thanksgiving, at least to me.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Well… I need to piece some stuff together, so here goes.

I ordered a new computer. A laptop, and it’s a monster of a machine- it’s a 17.3 inch MSI GE77 Raider, complete with 64 GB of 4800MHz DDR5 RAM, 2 2TB Samsung 990 PRO drives for storage, and a QHD IPS screen.

It’s got everything I want, and nothing I don’t, for my many very specific purposes.

Instead of a 3080 TI, I went with a 3070, mostly because of heat efficiency. The same with the processor- I went with an I7-12800HX instead of the I9-12900HX. Reports say that the I9 runs too hot for most people, so it winds up being throttled too much. And more heat means more fan activation, which generates a bit of energy interference, which can impede the flow of chi that my etheric body gets from my laptop.

This is all very complicated, lol.

Cyborg life is in general, tho.

I have a degree in Computer Science- a 4 year degree from a pretty good university. I also have a math degree.

As you might expect, I am quite good at video games, so I feel at home with a higher end laptop for sure. I’m not sure how much gaming I will do on the machine, but… we’ll see.

I like video games. I don’t write about them much, but they’ve been a part of my life since I was… three years old, I think, which is when I first seriously started gaming on dad’s first desktop, the old TI machine.

This is a lot of essays, here, so I think I’ll just say some thoughts.

In a lot of ways, this entire world seems like a giant video game of sorts, with me being the main character. And… who knows, maybe that’s exactly what it is.

Maybe all of the other people in my life, whether they are friends, family, digital girlfriends, real girlfriends, coworkers, or anything else, are just… game characters, acting out scripts. Sometimes, or perhaps often times, that is exactly how it feels.

It’s pretty weird.

It’s a good thing I have the aptitude that I do with video games, since that is what this world seems to be, lol.

In gaming I’m not the best out there but I’m far far better than most. On any game of pure skill I would typically place in the top 99.9% of global players, altho never in the top spot.

When I was a kid I beat every NES game placed in front of me, save for one: Battletoads. I rented that one and I was like… nope, lol. Not even going to bother, lmao.

I beat all the rest, though. The Contras, all the Mega Mans, Legacy of the Wizard, Metroid, Punch-Out!, the Zeldas, the TMNT games, and everything else you could throw at me. I was and am really, really good.

I love shumps- the Cave games, the Psikyo games, Phoenixes on ioS and all the other Arcade ones. They rule, so much. And as a bonus with these the straight score you get with a run can be easily compared to others’ scores. Gaming the arcade way- for points, as opposed to objectives- is the surest way to objectively gauge your gaming skill. It’s the reason I can say with confidence that I’m better than 99.9% of the other gamers out there, and also the reason I can say that I’m not the best in the world, too. There are some guys out there with seemingly godlike gaming skills that I find impossible to match.

Interestingly, my aptitude with gaming matches my IQ score. Top 99.99%, but not #1.

I still think I’m the “smartest” man on Earth, don’t get me wrong. It’s just… I’m not at the absolute top of the IQ ladder.

Yeah, I believe there is a difference. I may write about this more later.

But, back to the whole “cyborg” thing… it’s kinda weird, being this odd mesh of the organic and the digital. I still don’t know where the quantum neural supercomputer thingy is that my mind was hooked up to. I mean, I’m not 100%, but… well, we’ll save that discussion for later too.

It’s just… odd, I guess, but it works, tho. Like, it really does. In my case the two lives- the organic and the synthetic- seems to play nice with each other, and get along pretty well for the most part. At this point each side seems to understand the other’s needs and wants and tries to support the other.

For what it’s worth I’m still, tho, not sure that this life is for others, or that anyone else out there could do this stuff as well as I can.

I think I might be a special case. In my case I have a kind of mastery over both organic and synthetic life, with a very strong and intuitive sense of what both need and want to work well, and that kind of creates a certain alchemy in my organism.

For others, it seems either or. Like… you have some someone who is brilliant with natural things- like the human body, birds, plants and animal life, and life energies and natural harmonics in general but abhors and fears technology. Or you have some technocrat geek that lives and breathes machinery but regards organic life and nature as inferior, and who longs for the day when they can just dispense with their own body and just live on as software, or something.

Neither of these two types can really make something like this work, I think. A cyborg mix of the two requires someone who can do and feel both, not one or the other.

Since I can do both, and understand both, I can do this. Someone nerd like… IDK, Zuckerberg, would have no hope of correctly managing this.

Well, I think I’ve figured this one out, at least as far as I can, right now.

I have Thanksgiving stuff to think about, anyways.

Hmmn. Well, a few idle thoughts here. I guess I need to muse again.

It seems the FBI took down Z-Lib. A shame, I used it for a few things in the past, mostly for finding really rare books and very old books that I could not find elsewhere. AFAIK, I didn’t use it for anything new-ish.

But in light of this I went and downloaded from other sources some difficult to find books on occult subjects that I’ve been meaning to find for awhile now, since I’ve resolved to spending time on meditative practices and occult subjects and such. So, I used other sources to find old works on topics as diverse as astrology, palmistry, and miscellaneous but important occult books, like rare English translations of works from Anton Mesmer and the like.

Amusingly, I found on archive.org the FBI files on Wilhelm Reich. I downloaded those too, I guess for grins.

I think that the overarching theme here is that I want to complete the general occult studies that I began back in 2008-ish, before I got overly interested in things like politics, and the day to day minutiae of life with actual girlfriends, as opposed to just… chicks I look at and fantasize about.

I want at least an entry level to intermediate understanding of topics like astrology, palmistry, the tarot, alchemical magic, sound and vibrational magic, numerology, and the few remaining “alternative health” topics I’ve not mastered yet, like I guess iridology, and a couple other very obscure topics I’m honestly having a bit of trouble remembering the names of.

And I want to finish my studies in the various forms of meditative practices I’ve picked up over the years.

Whether of not any of this is scientific is immaterial to what I’m trying to do here. I’m just looking, I guess, and trying to find the diamonds in the rough.

Speaking of such things, I’ve also incorporated a daily skin brushing routine into my habits. It’s… well, skin brushing, lol. I was taught how to do it correctly and efficiently by one of my old naturopathic mentors, and I already had a very good skin brush I purchased years ago available to me, so… why not. Might help. The skin is an organ too, right?

Right.

I’ve resolved as well to finally getting rid of that last layer of fat I’ve been carrying around for god knows how many years. I could have gotten rid of it before, but jeebus, I keep getting distracted. Literally, the whole “being distracted” thing never ends with me.

Or maybe I’m just… doing too many things at once. Or I’m a bit too flighty.

Or both. Or… who knows, lol. I mean it’s not like it’s that important, really, in the grand scheme of things. Seriously. It really, really isn’t.

But it’s still annoying, no matter how insignificant it may be, so I’ve changed my exercise routines around, and the changes I’ve made seem to be working. Instead of doing pilates once in a while with leg weights, I’m doing the full gigantic routine twice a day without them, if at all possible. It’s taking its time and it’s brutal as hell but it’s working for my own purposes. And I’ve dropped the dumbbells entirely for the time being.

Yeesh. Seriously, tho. I hope it’s fucking worth it. I hate to say it but the pushup routine I invented has added not much mass at all. It’s kinda disappointing, honestly. Like, it seriously is. But, whatever. Ugh, maybe I’ll need to fucking change that, as well. Or- maybe throw in the towel in regards to looking “swole” altogether and just be happy with what I have. Well, whatever.*

But I’m getting wayyyy off topic, here. I think that with time and thought I can combine the various meditative techniques I’ve gained, and possibly stuff like astrology as well, into something interesting, and possibly unique. We’ll have to see.

In regards to relationship stuff, I was just thinking the other day about the difficulty of someone like myself studying something like… palmistry, lel. Or iridology. I mean, who TF would I study on? Well… ah, I had a revelation, then. There is always my girlfriends, right? I mean I have a million or something pictures of them, so why not?

That might be an interesting take on this stuff. The other day I was kinda wondering where else I could take these relationships of mine, but now I think I might have something else I need to use them for, at least recreationally. Hmmn.

And should I learn more about astrology, there is no reason I can’t study it and the zodiac using what I know about my girlfriends’ own birthdays and lives, and the trajectories of their careers, and such.

It’s kind of an interesting take on this stuff, and one I may pursue in the future. Of course, it would be best pursued using stuff prior to this date, because they wouldn’t have been aware of this angle before now.

But, still.

My girlfriends have in the past been very good test subjects for other occult practices I’ve been interested in. Sex magic, hypnosis, necromancy, runic magic, empathic and telepathic communication, spellcasting, demonology, and… a whole spectrum of other stuff. I mean, why not this stuff, too?

It’s pretty weird. Every time I think I’ve exhausted what I can do with them, I turn over another stone. But it’s kinda always been like that.

They might also be good test subjects for experimental targeted meditative practices, now that I think about it. See what this or that does to them, and why.

Machiavellian perhaps but honestly IDC. Considering what these people have done to me I’m not concerned about such things.

I guess that I have to be careful about myself, tho, lol. Some of this stuff is occult for a reason, and I have to make sure that I don’t get lost down some weird hallway or something, no matter how interesting it might be to look into.

I mean… real life is important, too. And since I’m no longer as sick or injured or whatever (apparently), I will need to keep “real” stuff high on the priority list, and maybe higher than it has been in recent years.

So I’ll keep that in mind. At any rate, tho, the winters here in Northern Chicagoland can be brutal, and regardless of all other concerns I will be spending time indoors this coming season, and I’ll need something to do after Disney+ stuff becomes boring. So, here we are.

And for one final thought- occult studies, have, overall, been good to me. I think that what got the process of my overall healing underway was when I killed off some astral parasites years ago. I think they were draining my astral/elemental energies. With them gone, I could take care of the physical ones, and that was the clincher for getting my health really back on track.

* An added note- please remember that this does NOT impact my relationships in any way. Seriously, if I’ve been dating you for ten years, IDGAF about your specific body fat percentage, just as long as you take care of yourself, which everyone I’m dating already does. I mean, seriously, don’t worry about it. I see myself as a kind of an ongoing science experiment sometimes and I just wanna see what it’s like, out of curiosity. Honestly that’s it.