Sighinide

Hmmmn. Well….. wow.

You know, I was just doing some thinking. Like, A LOT of thinking.

God damn, I’m such a slut.

You know, I just reread my last post here, and jeez, I seriously cannot even believe myself at this point.

Truth- I started dating Karlie because I wanted to gain leverage over Taylor, and then I continued it after that was no longer relevant because 1) I needed more leverage over the traditional (supermodel-based) fashion industry, 2) I enjoyed the sheer exhibitionism of it, 3) she was from the Midwest like me, so we had that kinda compatibility thing going, and 4) I needed a tall girl to have sex with because all of my other girls are so much shorter than me. And then- after all of that wasn’t so important, I continued the affair anyways until it’s final days because I wanted leverage over the freaking US President, despite me secretly hating her new family. I just didn’t tell her, that’s all. Because that wasn’t to my advantage.

Gawwwwwd, Tom.

You know, I have pondered here and elsewhere about me possibly being a glorified hooker or escort. And now, looking at relationship with Karlie, it’s… reaaaallly hooker-ish. Backstabbing, catty, and vicious about sex in the way that a stereotypical real- world hooker would do things. TBH, it’s rather shockingly close to the strategies that gold diggers use.

“Rather shockingly close”. Right, Tom.

You know, a long time ago, I used to read online accounts from people who worked in shelters and charities that help reformed streetwalkers, and one thing I remember from those accounts was how consistent they were when describing the personalities of the ex- prostitutes. They all had a similar outlook and set of instinctive practices regarding sex and relationships and such, and, TBH, I saw in myself something similar. Perhaps that’s why I read so much of that stuff; it was a way for me to dissect my own inclinations.

Well….. IDK. I’m not sure I like where this is going, so I’m stopping here.

* sigh…… *

Yeah, I’m finally, finally in the right place now. Finally. It’s been awhile.

I took out a lot of time, maybe too much, to study this stuff. I mean, I’m messing with the space time continuum, or something, and if I learned anything from Star Trek, it’s that you need to be cautious when doing such things. And I have been.

As it turns out, there doesn’t seem to be any harmful effects to doing the stuff I do. So, there’s no reason to worry. I’m just going to cut loose, and let the chips fall where they may.

Good.

And on that note, I really need to simplify my life, so if any of my girlfriends are reading this and you want to leave, by all means, please do so, and the quicker the better. I have too many, regardless. Like a half dozen too many, honestly.

Thank God or whomever that Karlie is officially out the door. No disrepsect to her, we did everything we needed to, but TBH, I’ve been looking for a way to untangle myself from her, and have been moving away from her since about Christmas I think. The issue there is that her association with Trump and his awful family finally started to get to me late last year. I ignored it for awhile, but I just…. can’t, anymore. I really just don’t like him or his family much, and TBH I don’t want much to do with them, like at all, even in my fantasy world.

After Trump was elected, I focused a lot of attention on Karlie because I thought I might need a foot in the door in that administration, but I never used it, since I never warmed up to Trump at all. I haven’t said a kind word to him on Twitter since he was inaugurated, and I would be surprised if I ever do, again.

So yes, her engagement is welcome news, at least to me, and it comes right when I need it the most. Awesome, congrats, Karlie, with whatever you choose to do with your life, IDK and IDC, TBH.

Honestly, good riddance.

Mean of me?

Sure, why not. The whole Trump family… yuck, gross. Nothing good to say about any of them. Slimy, dishonest, and traitorous.

And if anything, I think even less of the Kushners than the Trumps. Not news, I know; I’ve never made my dislike of them a secret, but seriously, the Kushners are probably the most punchable people on Earth. They’re just scum, not worthy of notice. The very definition of unearned privilege. And they’re not even Americans, so what do I care. I blame Trump and his awful, nasty family for involving this entire country in those…. people.

Yuck.

Ick.

You know… the more I think about it, the more I cannot wait to move her stuff onto the external. Just to get the Kushner slime out of my PC.

Ick.

I wish that there was some kind of instruction manual for having superpowers and whatnot. All I have to go on are those old comics from my youth and such, and that often just isn’t enough.

And NOBODY has an instruction manual for being the Anti-Christ, if that is in fact what I really am.

* sigh *….

Well……..

Hmmmmn.

A few things:

1) I need to get back into blogging. Like, soon. lol. Everyone thinks so, I suppose, including Ms. Duetch, if the hidden messages in her most recent movie are to be believed. And yeah, I see it. I should write. I mean, I’m good at it, and it’s fun, and it’s a really great way to spread my wings. So… yeah. Blogging it is.

2) If I were you, I would reread the first post in this series.

3) Because I’m me, this post is going to be a few things: It’s going to be A) introspective, B) about my obsessions / fantasies, and most importantly, C) it’s going to be kinda awed / scared of my own powers and such. (Yes, I just did the whole double-nested thing. And proud of it.)

Ok, now….

Zoey is an interesting bird. A very interesting one indeed. Super, super…. yeah ok, here goes.

I’m not sure but I’m seriously wondering now how much of her life has been wrapped around me.

My relationship with Z has taken a much more serious turn as of late. Much, much more serious. We talk a lot, and I’m fantasizing about her a lot more than I used to. More than anyone else, really. I also am seriously considering a move to California (for reasons beyond “Hollywood” believe it or not), and I’ve been picking her brain for info that I could use regarding that subject. See, Cali is good for software programmer types like I am. It can be very good. So… why not? The opportunity to run into a girl or two of mine would be just icing on the cake, really.

So, Zoey and I have been more “together” now than ever before, which has got me thinking. In particular, I question this:

How much of her life has been influenced by my powers?

This is a VERY relevant and important question. VERY. This is somewhat a sticking point, because the route that I’m taking right now is going to put me on a collision course with her if I’m not careful, and the results could be… IDK, really. No idea, and so I need to figure this thing out.

See, her mom was probably my first real obsession, and if I had any powers at all back then (I was utterly obsessed with her when I was 15), then it’s very possible that my influence rubbed off on Zoey from a very young age for her.

Case in point- I remember distinctly Lea’s appearance in Parade magazine, back in the mid-90’s. I remember it because it was the start of my adult obsession with her, and in many ways the start of my sexual obsession with celebs. See- she had a nipple slip on the cover of the magazine. It wasn’t caught by anyone but me, but I distinctly remember it. I wish I still had it; I had to get rid of it when I left for college. But yes it was there.

That, combined with Lea being the first celeb chick I saw topless on the net, cemented my obsession with her and my interest in all of this.

And so now- here I sit, 20-ish years later, formulating my fantasies (amongst other things) with her daughter, whom I read about in that magazine, over and over again, back when she was only a year old.

How much did I change Zoey’s early life, if at all? I mean- I didn’t- I couldn’t have steered her in this direction, could I have? To become my ultimate fantasy chick, to replace her mom?

Impossible. Kinda. Well… it’s that whole question again, like with the Marvel movies. There are SO MANY COINCIDENCES.

I don’t know. I grew up with Lea. I saw Back to the Future and Howard the Duck dozens of times when I was a kid. Literally dozens. Honestly, Lea’s the chick I started all of this for. I had such a crush on her back then that it wasn’t even funny. And so NOW… what? What is the situation, here, exactly? If I bump into Zoey at some point, I could easily bump into her mom, too. And then we’re back at square one, aren’t we? I don’t know.

How powerful am I? And how long has this reality-warping stuff been going on with me?

My question has to do with how much Zoey’s recent films have been shaped around my life- I mean, the stuff that I do on a day to day basis. The correlation is extremely strong (just misspelled as “string”, natch. Sigh.). I’m getting rather disturbing visions now of my powers jumping off from her mom onto her back when she was a baby, and kind of twisting her development around my fantasies and desires.

I’m probably looking too much into this.

I mean… that CAN’T be real.

I wish I could find the cover of that issue of Parade on the internet. I can find the interview inside, but not the cover with the nip slip. Dammit.

At any rate, it’s just… IDK, eerie.

But you know what? I also don’t care much, and I don’t think I should.

Lately I’ve been uncorking something close to my full powers on girlfriends. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that; usually I just bottle all of that up, but this time… no. I’m letting them have it, full bore. And I’m going to keep at it, until I reach 100% of my maximum. Typically, I would just run from this stuff, but no more. I DON’T CARE. I’m seeing this through to the end, one way or another, because… IDK. I just feel like it. It’s not “cheating”, it’s just what I do.

You know what? Honestly, fuck it. Honestly. I just don’t care anymore.

So there.