Sighinide

Alright, let’s jump back on this bandwagon for a moment.

To put it succinctly: this stuff is fucking stupid.

I just perused the other entries in this series, and the same sentiments I had years past apply to now.

Again: this stuff is fucking stupid.

People, this is ridiculous and insulting. I mean, I know what you are doing, it’s just that I don’t like or appreciate it.

Seriously, guys. I think at this point that if any of my girlfriends want to talk to me they really should know 1) Who I am, and I mean I know you all do, and 2) How to reach me, since that is also obvious. I mean, if Victoria Justice or whomever wants to talk to me, it should be eminently simple to make that happen.

What is not simple, or easy, or fun, at all, is forcing me to jump through a myriad of stupid, embarrassing hoops to get to the messages that really should be sent to me directly.

I fucking hate the whole culture surrounding celeb hacking and leaks. I hate it; it’s filled with the worst of people, the real dregs of humanity, and I loathe going through any of these people to get to what should rightfully be given to me directly. I mean, seriously; this is just fucking stupid. Victoria and I have been dating for well over a decade at this point. Whose bright idea was it to have her communicate with me in this way? Whoever it was clearly doesn’t understand the nature of our relationship, it’s importance, or me, at all.

Guys, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m an extremely important person in the grand scheme of things. I’m probably the most important person on Earth right now. That being the case I have important things I need to be doing, and to do those things correctly takes time, study and patience.

What that means in that I lack the time to waste on this kind of stupid bullshit. It’s a tremendous waste of my time and resources to go chasing after these pictures and messages that frankly I should not have to spend one second on collecting.

To top it off, the whole culture is aggravating, and I mean like nails on a chalkboard aggravating. I fucking hate it, and when talking with the people in it, I am constantly reminded of why my girlfriends find most other men to not be worth their time. The people in the culture are immature, small-minded, ignorant, and dumb. They’re really not the kind of people that I find it worth talking to except in rare cases, and then only briefly. I hate being forced to communicate with these idiots; I just hate it.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to “fit in” with normal people? I have to lower my IQ at least 90 points to do this, and sustaining this over a period of time is draining and extremely annoying.

All of this nonsense is hugely inappropriate. I have been dating a huge list of girls now for a very long time; most of them, for longer than most marriages these days. Seriously, if they want to talk to me it’s insulting for that to happen in these kinds of demeaning and ridiculous ways.

This whole thing is just awful and insulting. This is the wrong way to conduct these relationships, and I think it appropriate for me to expect my girlfriends (really, wives) and whomever is managing this to find better ways to do things.

Ugh.

I suppose I will poke my head back into this community for a little bit again, perhaps to see if there is anything worth spending all of the precious time that I really should be spending on more important things worthwhile.

But I had better find something worth my efforts, and I had better find people worth talking to. I’m not dicking around here; I’m the most important person on Earth right now, and if I talk to you you had better fucking act like it if you want me to talk to you again.

I mean, think about it. The reason I developed telepathy in the first place was to avoid communicating in stupid ways. I mean, geez people.

That being said, my two names in this community are Aesir, a mod on the Celeb-Top forum, and CornFed, a hanger on in various underground groups. Just to let people know.

But I mean, seriously. Victoria, hun, I love you, but this is just… not cool. The same goes for the rest of you.

I mean, perhaps 10 years ago this stuff would have been more appropriate, but it clearly no longer is.

Find something better, people.

Leaving my stuff aside for a moment, WTF is going with the US economy? I mean, seriously. What the fuck even is this shit?

To be frank I wonder if we even have an economy anymore. Nothing makes sense financially in the country. The US economy today is a funhouse of nonsense that seems to be operating on it’s own, without any kind of leadership or wise guidance or… brains, of any kind.

Nothing makes any sense. Anything not “big business” is tanking horribly thanks to the lockdowns. The infrastructure here is just… crumbling, everywhere. What is happening in Texas is third world. And everywhere else, everything crumbles. The roads are a disaster, everything sucks. Our system was clearly never designed for this many people, and even stuff like basic maintenance seems to be becoming rare, if not a luxury. Seriously- the fuck, people?

Street violence is off the charts, and guns are flying off the shelves and into the hands of a terrified populace. Fentanyl and other narcotics continue to flood the streets, with much of it ending up in the suburbs now, since rural America is already drenched in the stuff.

The stock market is high, indicating again that stocks have nothing to do with the state of any economy. It’s a gambling hall for algorithms, and nothing more. Half the stocks that are doing well come from companies that struggle to turn a profit.

None of this makes any sense. Obviously, everything I was told about economic matters in school was either wrong or a lie. Financial success clearly has nothing to do with your contributions to society. It has to do with… who the fuck even knows. Nobody can figure any of this shit out that hasn’t 1) been born into the rich classes, or 2) devoted every waking minute of their lives to it.

Confusion reigns on the street level. Nobody knows WTF is going on or why.

Bitcoin continues to climb for reasons that nobody can figure out. Nobody really likes Bitcoin; it’s basically worthless from any angle you look at it. Contrary to popular belief, computer nerds don’t like Bitcoin. As far as cryptos go it sucks; it’s possibly the worst of the bunch. It’s dreadfully slow to transact, expensive to use, and horribly difficult to mine. There are many many better coins than Bitcoin from a technical perspective. Bitcoin is ancient; it is extremely old technology- it’s over a decade old at this point and in the computer world that makes it obsolete years over. Actually using Bitcoin for anything is like trying to game on an old Pentium IV laptop.

So what the fuck is going on? Nobody seems to know. Governments don’t like it, banks don’t like it, the public doesn’t understand it… nobody can figure any of this out, at least from the ground level. Is it money laundering? I suppose it could be, since that also explains the modern art market, and, frankly, probably a lot of other markets as well.

It doesn’t even work as a store of value. There are too many ways to lose the stuff. Lose access to your wallet and it’s gone. Reformat your hard disk accidentally and it’s gone, get a virus that affects your wallet and it’s gone, get your wallet hacked and it’s gone, forget your password and it’s gone, crash your HDD and it’s gone, never to return. There is no limited supply- it can just be forked, whenever. Try forking the Euro or the dollar and see what happens. There are millions of Bitcoins that have been just lost, and nobody knows how many millions, either. I’ve heard estimations that a third of the mined Bitcoins are just gone, somehow.

Stocks keep going up and up and the actual nation visibly decomposes in front of everyone’s eyes. None of this shit is remotely comprehensible based on the whatever trash was told to me by my parents and teachers. I always heard garbage about “The Law of Supply and Demand” and other such nonsense. Obviously, those people pushing that drivel didn’t know WTH they were talking about, lol. If that was true, Musk and Zuckerberg would be cleaning toilets for a living, lol.

For my part, I tried to course correct all of this by forcing the government to address the problem of massive corruption in the gold market. This was many years ago- I could kind of foresee this madness coming, and tried to push people, banks, governments, etc. into resolving some of that corruption, which I thought would cause some of these other horrific problems and insanities to course correct as well, in a kind of domino effect. Unfortunately, that didn’t work, since the establishment didn’t make much of an effort to fix that market, let alone anything else.

It could well be the the corruption in the metal market is in fact the reason behind all of these other corruptions. IDK; that was my hunch, back then. It might be right, or there might be a larger corruption tainting all of these markets somewhere above.

But, back to Bitcoin- it could well be that it gets mainstream adoption, but it will never actually be used, by anyone. Its among the worst of the cryptos when it comes to actual usage, being unwieldy, fragile, not anonymous, expensive and slow. Computer geeks will never like it, Joe Six-pack certainly won’t be using it, and the rich will use actual currency. Who TF is actually going to be using it? I mean, as opposed to investing in it? Nobody, that’s who. Maybe criminals.

But otherwise it’s just a massive speculative bubble being created by people who don’t know what they’re supposed to be doing, as the nation around them continues to crumble to dust outside their houses.

What it looks like is that the country has lost it’s economic center, and is spinning off it’s axis in ways that make it look as though it’s flailing around randomly in some kind of awful, ugly death.

None of these markets make any sense on the ground level. They all seem to be rising and falling back on the whims of oligarchs, and their intentions are inscrutable from the streets. It’s impossible to know where to go or what to do if you don’t have an insider feeding you info on what the oligarchs are thinking of doing- of what markets they favor, or where they want to go with their money, etc. I mean, since none of this has anything to do with profits or business practices or anything else, that is all you have to go by.

I’m not going to offer thoughts on the whole Gamestop and Robinhood debacles. Yet more confusion; who TF knows what is going on there, or where you are even supposed to invest, anymore. I mean… at least, I don’t.

These seem to be all aftereffects of the hyper over-financialization of the US economy. People here are wayyyyyy too interested in money. Way way way way too interested. I mean, money is severely overrated. I mean, you don’t need it for much, really. Example- I am possibly the most powerful single person in the United States, and I’m far from being a millionaire. Money is extremely, extremely overrated here.

What our infatuation with money has created here is an extremely top-heavy economy with way, way too many rich people and a preposterously large divide between the haves and the have nots. Consequently the economy seems to resemble a Jenga tower, or something. There’s too many people at the top and too many on the bottom, and nobody in the middle. So it’s constantly swaying to and fro in some scary balancing act, with everyone trying to not tip it over accidently.

This is nuts, and utterly stupid.

Oh man, another turn of the screw here.

Alright, today I am going to more seriously consider the possibility that I influenced / inspired late 90’s anime. I mean, modern anime, yes, but that is obvious.

I mean, I’m talking here about stuff like Serial Experiments Lain and Naruto. And possibly Bleach, I guess, tho I’ve not seen much of it. I don’t see much of the past myself in One Piece. I mean, the 90’s me.

But Serial Experiments Lain… yikes, that is a real puzzle box, there. I mean, there is the obvious similarities between the shows plot and protagonist and me and the life I live. I mean, that’s the obvious and easily discerned stuff. But then there’s the personal.

Well… I saw Lain the first time about 4 years ago, and the extreme and obvious parallels between Lain and me were… obvious and extreme. I mean, the whole “talking with your mind through the electrical grid to the general public” thing, and the whole “multiple personalities” thing, and the whole “computer geek” thing, and… a lot of other stuff, like her general upbringing, etc., that might just have to do with the times in which the anime was made.

But yeah, geez, the other stuff. The whole plot, her autism and telepathy, her mind control and ownership over all the deeper and higher levels of energy of the flow of life, and so much else- it’s all so very very “me”, excepting the Japanese setting and the hero’s gender.

And that’s really what made me pause and doubt that this had anything to do with me, until I remembered the opening of the show when I rewatched the first few episodes a few days ago.

The show actually kicks off with the voice of an American teenager who sounds like I did at the time, who gives the audience the cryptic message of “Present Day, Present Time!” which… I don’t know, what do you guys think? And after the American boy starts the program, the opening song kicks in, which, very notably, is in English, not Japanese. These are it’s lyrics…

————————————–

And you don’t seem to understand,
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear.
And you know what they say might hurt you.
And you know that it means so much.
And you don’t even feel a thing.

I am falling,
I am fading,
I have lost it all

And you don’t seem the lying kind,
A shame that I can read your mind.
And all the things that I read there,
Candle-lit smile that we both share.
And you know I don’t mean to hurt you.
But you know that it means so much.
And you don’t even feel a thing.

I am falling,
I am fading,
I am drowning,
Help me to breathe

I am hurting,
I have lost it all,
I am losing
Help me to breathe…

————————————–

Uhm… wow. I don’t know what to make of this. See, this isn’t just “a little bit” like me, it’s like… this song just seems to be directed at me, personally, with a kind of shocking, unnerving accuracy that I frankly can’t believe. When I saw this anime for the first time a few years ago I didn’t seriously expect it to reflect me, so I just watched it on it’s own merits and liked it, and perhaps put up some amnesiac walls between my real self and show’s content, to block it off from my consciousness… I mean, since I wasn’t ready to process it at the time, you know?

But this song- holy Christ. Tying this together with the American boy who starts the show seems to almost point the thing directly at me in a way that perhaps no other anime ever has. I mean, I think. Unless there’s another explanation for this, that accounts for the extreme similarities between Lain and I, and the shockingly accurate portrayal there of everything my controller personalities do.

I mean like, how she and I went through school? It was the same. The dissociation, and merest details of our powers? The same longing for normal human affection, the same autism / schizophrenia, the same effect of my powers as hers does, and… it’s just SO SIMILAR.

And take note that Lain was not based on a Manga, unlike virtually all other popular anime. So… what was it based on, then? What was the source material, there?

I don’t know, of course. But I can wager a guess, though.

Lain debuted in 1998, long after Hollywood started producing films based on my fantasies. No problem there. But I mean… it’s Japanese, right? So it… can’t be, right? Maybe? I guess?

Maybe? But seriously, how the fuck would I know?

I don’t know. I mean, I just don’t know. But it’s just… so similar. And again, all the weird coincidences and giant winking nods in my general direction, lol. But I mean… it’s Japanese, right? About a Japanese girl, who just happens to me, it seems.

Soooooo weirrrrrrrrrrd.

But… so cool, too. Lain is a great show; it really is. There are good reasons why it remains so popular. It’s great, really. So intriguing. Believe me that everything I say here I say with affection for the show and it’s creators.

I don’t know about Naruto, although I’ve considered it, lately. I remember writing about the show on here, before, when I considered once (very wrongly) that my development might have been influenced by it. I was very off base with that hypothesis of course, and in fact I was so wrong I am forced to consider now that in fact Naruto might have been based on me, instead of the other way around.

Maybe. I mean, this one is less clear. I mean, Naruto the character is clearly American- I mean, he’s technically Japanese, but he doesn’t look it or act like it, at all. He seems to have been based on a combination of Calvin, Bart Simpson, Dennis the Menace, and a Japanese martial artist.

And maybe more than a little of me- a different set of personal traits applies here, with my history of Karate (which I have documented was important to the media before Naruto was in print), my general American-ness, my personality (back then), my appearance, obviously, and… my fondness for Japanese culture, and… other stuff? I don’t know, it’s been awhile since I watched it.

But the hypnotic eyes, though, sported by other characters in the manga? Sure.

And… well… I’m kinda hungry-ish? I’ll finish this later maybe.

Uh, wait, I meant TAKE a walk, or something. Yes, take a walk. Not… you know.

Um, McKenna Grace Christina Grimmie and…

Walt? You and I need to have a little talk later today, I think. Because this is frankly ludicrous. I mean, someone needs to explain this to me. And maybe I’ll venture outside of my little box and have a chat with someone else Disney-related that I’m not actively having a torrid affair with, for once.

Yeesh.

So uhm… Maia Mitchell of course, the Michalka sisters, Aimee Teegarden obviously (I mean, how could I forget her?), and … Paris Berelc(?) and…

My God, how many personalities do I even have? I mean, literally, the names just keep coming, one after another, in a kind of never ending torrent. Like… wow, this is simply overwhelming. So. Many. NAMES. I mean, there must be hundreds, all told.

Each girl has a separate set of personalities from me, it seems. I mean, they each have a collection of boyfriends and friends in me, to suit whatever their needs might be at the moment.

So that’s like… A LOT. Wow, like, literally, A LOT.

Wasn’t Cady Groves played on Radio Disney? I mean, her early stuff. I think it was.

I mean, we’re talking A LOT of personalities, here. Hundreds at a minimum. Thousands would not be impossible.

I’m sorry but… what even the fuck? I mean, seriously. What the fuck is going on in me? WHAT?

I… don’t know, but it seems that my mind is taking the time to re-integrate some of these personalities, now that my body has been cleared of much of the drugs and is in general much healthier than it has been in… quite a long time, it seems.

Does Melissa Joan Hart count? Sure, why not.

Good lord, Tom. This is utterly preposterous. I mean I can hardly believe a fraction of this, let alone all of it.

I mean this is just ludicrous, lol. Like… what even the fuck, lol.

I guess that my childhood visits to Disney World had more of an impact than I had realized, or something. I mean, or something. I don’t really get it, honestly.

This is nuts.

But, whatever. I guess I’ll spend this weekend re-integrating, since I have a chance to.

Yeesh.

I mean… re-integrating, and escaping from all of this, by… IDK, listening to music, or something.

I mean, Laura Marano came out with a new music video today. Maybe I’ll watch it, along with Olivia’s new video, when that gets released later on. And I might I think re-visit Katherine’s new song, too, since that was the perfect Valentine’s Day present.

Yeah… I’ll retreat from this into… uh… uhm… songs from my nigh endless army of Disney girlfriends. Yeah, that’s the… ticket? Yeah. Sure.

Uh… yeah.

Yeesh.

Maybe I need a walk or something.

Yeah, this is nuts. I forgot to include Laura and Vanessa Marano and Lily James, and… Mackenzie Foy. Does she count? I mean, we are friends and I have been meaning to move to the next level with her and I think I will once I feel better so… I guess? And…

Holy Jeebus, this really is a TON of chicks. What on Earth do Disney execs even think about this, I wonder? Disney shareholders? The guys that clean the parks? Like… IDK, the guys that made the special effects? The animators?

I haven’t the foggiest. Do they care? Do they know? Do they worship me as some kind of god? Do they want me to just… go away? I mean, the execs don’t, clearly, but the park janitors? Who knows.

Weird.

Yeah, this is a fucking huge topic, and way way too big to tackle here, on this blog. I mean, I can try, but seriously, this requires a book or two, at least. Or, really, perhaps a book series- kinda like Harry Potter, only bigger, more complicated, and perhaps less realistic.

Yeesh, lol.

Lest you think I was inflating my girlfriend lists, please note that I left off Emma Stone of all people, since her Disney movie, Cruella, has not been released yet. And Miora Kelly (Nala from the original Lion King), since our relationship wasn’t a major one for either one of us, I don’t think. I mean… I don’t think. Perhaps it was and I’m not remembering correctly. I mean, it was quite a long time ago.

I also left off Lucy Hale and Hayden Panettiere from the Radio Disney list, amongst many others.

But regardless- Stone, Hale, and Panettiere were number 1’s for me at various points- and I left them out of the lists below on technicalities, or just because I couldn’t think of them at the time.

I also did not include Marvel, or Star Wars, or companies like Touchstone, which would have had me include yet even more lists. The post would have become unwieldy, even for me. It would have just become an unmanageable swamp of names.

So I left things at the “Disney Princess” level to make the lists smaller and more understandable, yet honestly I should have applied more qualifications to them perhaps. Yikes, lol.

But yeah, this is a lot and I mean a lot of chicks. So so many. And I feel that a real accounting of my Disney Princess relationships would be preposterously long. It honestly feels kinda unreal when I take a bird’s eye view of this.

Wow.

I mean, the rest of humanity could not begin to imagine even one relationship like the ones I’ve had, let alone… so, so many. It’s not like I’m just a little different, here. It’s more like I’ve lapped everyone else in the world millions of times in some kind of race that nobody else knew they were running, or something.

Wow. I mean, like, seriously. Wow.

How do normal people even deal with something like this? I mean, how do they incorporate… this stuff, into their lives? Do they even do it? IDK, maybe they don’t care. I mean, most people aren’t Selena Gomez, for example. Maybe most people just brush it off as irrelevant to themselves and go on with their lives; IDK.

Yeah… IDK.

Wow.

So, I just finished rewatching Disney’s version of Beauty and the Beast. I mean, the original one, not the Watson one.

Wowwwwwwww. Okay. I need to process, here.

So… I haven’t seen this flick since… I don’t know. I think I might have seen clips on, IDK, youtube or somewhere, a few years ago, but as far as rewatching the entire film… it’s been decades, I think. TBH I think I haven’t seen it since I got rid of the old VHS of it, back in… high school, or maybe right after college. So a loooong time ago.

So it’s been awhile. But damn did I love this flick when I was younger. I watched it, over and over again, and as I was watching it just now, all of those memories came flooding back, and so did I also pick up on quite a few new fascinating insights.

Some old stuff- I guess that the movie had more of an impact on me than I had realized. Like, wayyyyyyy more, lol. I mean, I can see very clearly in this film some of the skits and such that I used to do with my girlfriends. Take the talking candle, Lumière. I used to, I guess, re-enact this personality very often, back in the day. I used to do this character with Taylor Swift and Emma Watson I remember on a near daily basis for awhile. The same with a Cogsworth-ish character, a Gaston like character, and, I guess, the Beast, too. Only I didn’t recognize them as such. Apparently I thought these were original characters (alters?) of mine. Boy was I wrong, lol.

But apparently Disney wasn’t. Obviously they know me much better than I know myself, since they cast Watson herself in the live action remake of Beauty, apparently thinking I would get the joke (I didn’t, lol, at least, not until just now, lollllll). I mean, sheesh, I seriously can’t believe I missed this! Oh Lord, am I really this transparent?

Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to catch up to everyone else in this game we’re all playing, here. And sometimes it feels as though some people (like those at Disney, I guess) are already at the finish line- and they’re looking backwards, wondering WTF is taking me so long to get there. Ahhrrg, I mean, I’m not dumb, I’m just… slow(?)-ish? IDK, maybe I have more on my mind than they do.

Speaking of which, my girlfriends. As I was finishing the movie I was taking an inventory of all the Disney princesses and actresses I have had serious, lasting relationships with over the years, and failing miserably under the sheer weight of the numbers I was adding up. I mean… let’s list a few, here, just to keep my perspective grounded(!), here. To keep the list simple, I will limit it to girls I have had multi-year relationships with.

Okayyyyy… let’s see. Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Robertson, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Hilary Duff, Emma Watson, Zoey Deutch, Jessica Simpson, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Sarah Polley, Miley Cyrus, Samantha Droke, come on, Tom, you can do this… Dove Cameron, Kelli Berglund, Bella Throne, Dani Thorne, Genevieve Hannelius, Kathryn Newton, Bridgit Mendler, Chloe East, um, wow, keep going Tom… AnnaSophia Robb, wait, I need to check my records… Katherine McNamara, Olivia Holt, um, does Kristen Bell count? Sure, why not… Anne Hathaway of course, why was she not literally the first of the bunch, IDK. I had to kinda try to remember Linds TBH, lol, Michelle Tratchtenberg, uh, Peyton List of course, Audrey Whitby naturally, did I list Britney Spears yet? I think… Elle Fanning, Vanessa Hudgens, Meg Donnelly- wait, why was Nessa not the first? Or Watson? IDK. Does Annette Funicello count? You know, fuck this. I would need to dig into my archives to finish this and that’s just too much work.

Keep in mind that this is only a list of Disney princesses, and not their armada of BFFs. I mean, I’m not sure that Rachel Fox, Kaitlyn Dever, Kaili Thorne and the Dorsey sisters count. I would need to check their histories to see if they qualify. I mean- note that I left off Jamie Lynn Spears, here, as well as ALL of the Victorious girls. I mean- I’m leaving off even Victoria, here, even though her songs were played on Radio Disney. And come to think of it, so were Ariana’s and I think Emma Roberts’, too. And, uh, Taylor’s. And Skye Sweetnam’s, and… yeesh.

Of yeah- Stefanie Scott! What? How could I forget her? She should have been number one, lol. Who else am I forgetting? Probably dozens of people, and no, I’m not exaggerating.

Like- Sierra McCormick. And Anna Margaret, of course. Um, I’m stopping here. You get the point.

So overall- over the decades, we would be talking dozens if not hundreds of girls, if we include brief flings.

Oh yeah- Sabrina Carpenter! Duh! I mean I literally listened to her new song like yesterday! And Rowan, and…

Um, okay… that’s enough. I mean… jeebus, that’s a lot of chicks. Um, where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, the movie. Well, I guess I… reenacted the movie, or something? With the Disney chicks, or something? IDK, it’s been so long since I started the list that I forgot why I was making it, lol. Um, does Angelina Jolie count? lolllllllll

Mandy Moore? Oh yeah. She works! And… good lord, Tom.

Holy fucking hell, that is a LOT OF CHICKS. No wonder Disney knows me so well. Holy Christ, that is SO MANY. And my mind is still searching for others as I type this. Sammi? Sure? IDK, I’d need to check, but yeah, we are talking an unbelievably staggering volume of girlfriends, here. Wayyyy more than even I had suspected, which I guess goes to show you how trippy it is to go through life with so many multiple personalities.

Good Lord!

But, getting back to the essay, has anyone else noticed that the Beast’s castle seems, at least on the outside, to eerily resemble the Disney castle? I mean Belle even calls it an “enchanted castle” in the movie, which was I think an obvious nod there to the “Enchanted Kingdom” that is Disney world. And this, right after Be Our Guest? Ah, Disney, how transparent! See- I see you, too.

And I had fun tallying up the many, many references to Disney classics sprinkled throughout the movie. Fantasia I saw many times, Cinderella, Snow White, and… Frozen? What? But I swear it was there! I mean, I saw it. Or maybe Frozen took from Beauty. Probably that’s how it went.

But… yeah. Interesting. Very.

I’ll continue this train of thought some other day, I think.

Oh yeah- Debby Ryan!

Duh, lol.

I suppose that there’s no better time for reflection about myself and my place in the world than the late night eve of my birthday.

Tomorrow, I will be 41. That’s a lot of years, although I don’t feel the weight of them like I should.

One thing I must do this year is investigate more fully Harry Potter. I mean… it’s time. I have the context set up; I have dozens of examples of definitive proof that I was… involved(?) with the media telepathically at least as far back as 1996, and the first Harry Potter book was published in 1997. And after reading the first three chapters of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone I have enough circumstantial evidence to warrant further analysis.

My thoughts on the book? It’s… nice. A fun, easy read. It’s a kid’s / tweens book. I can see why it is popular. Thus far, I’m not sure I like it as much as the wizard-based series that I read when I was younger (let’s see… Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Prydain, the Narnia books, the Death Gate Cycle, The Dark is Rising books… lol, and a bunch of others. I mean, if it had wizards and it won a Newberry Award I read it, lol) but it’s not bad. I mean, it’s not a patch on Tolkien, at least thus far, but it’s neat.

For some reason I was expecting something more… difficult? Adult? Longer? IDK. I mean, considering the series’ incredible popularity and extremely long movies, I was expecting a literary slog of some kind, which is I guess why I didn’t investigate this really until now. But… nah, it’s a light read without question.

Not that I’m complaining. The lighter the text the easier it will be to run a concurrent analysis while reading it.

After three chapters, I see a few interesting similarities between Harry and I. I mean, there’s the blatantly obvious ones that I’m sure everyone sees, of course- like, the most powerful wizard on Earth is apparently a random kid 90’s kid raised in a working class household by parents who clearly do not appreciate him, and in fact hate and fear his potential- but there’s some small things, too, like Harry’s scar.

Harry has a thin, jagged / lightning bolt shaped scar above his right eye, like I do. It’s not exactly the same, but… it’s enough to make me wonder.

Truth- I saw the first Potter movie on DVD, and I did kinda wonder, somewhat, as I was watching it. Somewhat. Not much, but a little. This was a long time ago, like 20 years ago. Haven’t seen it since.

Obviously, if Harry’s name was inspired by anyone, it would be Prince Harry. But his adversary- the necromancer, Lord Voldemort- is it a coincidence that he shares the same first name as the most powerful and famous necromancer in the real world? And what a name- Tom Riddle? Is someone trying to tell me something, here? Like… hey Tom, figure it out, you lunkhead? lol.

I mean, I laugh, but… well… uhm, as usual, Harry Potter has too many coincidences for me to brush off.

And like I have done with other franchises, it may be possible for me to use Potter as a mirror to examine my own unique history, if I feel that the connections can be proven definitively, at least at some point in the franchise.

And if I can indeed prove some direct connections, I can also use those to figure out further what it was that the media was doing, behind the scenes, all of this time. Another very interesting subject, and one that I haven’t talked about much, here.

I’m not sure that Harry being British and me not is as much of an issue as it first appears. And in fact I suspect the opposite, though I won’t go into why, just yet. But I will say that I have a lot of suspicions about possible subtext in Potter– and some circumstantial evidence to support that subtext. I won’t get into it now, and maybe not ever, here.

Note that I didn’t mention Emma, lol. I mean, I know what you guys are thinking, some of you.

lol.

But yeah, though. The more I think about it, the more it seems as though Potter might be a very important key. It might in fact be a kind of skeleton key- a way for me to unravel everything that has happened to and about me for the last 30 odd years. Which, come to think of it, would put me as the same age as Harry himself when he got shipped off to Hogwarts. Hmmn. Interesting.

Weird stuff.

What a very small world this is, for me. But I suppose that that’s how it looks at the top. It’s like… it’s just you, up there.

Yikes, lol.

Hmmn.

Well, happy birthday to me, then.

Alright, let’s talk Powerpuff Girls.

Wait… what?

Yes, no, I’m serious, tho. We need to talk Powerpuff Girls, and this is the time and place to do it.

Alright, first, please everyone watch the following:

Ok. So… yeah. See- this was me, watching the Powerpuff Girls, after suffering from the debilitating and unrecognized illness after graduating from college. You know, that Lupus like thing that I have talked about on this blog before, like a few times. I mean… there it is. In a fit of recursive meta, we have the Powerpuff Girls acting like I did, back when I watched Powerpuff Girls– back when I thought that acting like the Powerpuff Girls was the thing to do to maybe fix whatever it was that was destroying my life at the time.

For those that have the episode, this clip was from the episode “A Sun Scream”, which was the first half of season 6, episode 5. To understand fully what I’m talking about here you will need to watch the whole thing.

Alright, so. The story goes as thus. I came home from college after graduating and my blood got infected, or something, and I nearly died. My joints froze up and I couldn’t move, and everything hurt, I was in constant and unending agony, etc. etc. I thought maybe it was Lupus or Churg- Strauss, or something similar. I never did get a formal diagnosis.

So yeah, I would use cartoons like Powerpuff Girls and Dragonball as kind of a tool to motivate me to get out of bed and moving around, in spite of the overwhelming pain and joint stiffness that I was experiencing. And yes- my skin would turn red. So for the many Powerpuff Girls fans who were wondering about this episode, now you know.

So it was during all of this that I kind of made a vow to never get sick again, etc. That really didn’t pan out of course but it did lead to me taking more direct control over my powers and such. I’m not sure if I would have the control I have now if this illness would not have happened. So- good thing? Nah. Painful, awful, ugly thing, and I wince now when I watch clips like this. They hit wayyyy to close to home by dredging up some super uncomfortable memories. I mean, the screaming in pain, the telephone, all of it. Yuck, such awful, ugly stuff.

An odd thing- I never knew at the time that this was based on me, of course. I mean, I think I watched all of the Powerpuff Girls episodes back then, so I must have seen it, but I just didn’t realize, like at all, what was even going on. I mean I had absolutely no idea. Or, at least, my front personality (the current me) didn’t. Not 100% sure about the back ones. They might have been chuckling at me the whole time; who knows, lol.

But yeah, this is some crazy, weird stuff. Watching the whole episode now, I see everything that is going on there behind the scenes so clearly. It’s absolutely packed with symbolism- some of it pertaining to me, specifically, others to intelligence, and others to… other people. Those symbols I “get” but don’t know who they are referring to, specifically.

Crazy. What I kind of think was going on there at least pertaining to me and the show’s creators was a lot of miscommunication. It’s like, I was the most powerful psychic / occultist in the world at the time, but it was all natural talent. It was raw, unbridled power, not refined and finessed power. So I didn’t understand the occult symbols, not having been exposed to them personally. So I didn’t “get it”, and I’m not sure that anyone on “the other side” knew that I didn’t. Maybe.

But… yeah, wow. I liked the bluebird hitting Buttercup’s left eye symbolism. I mean, see? Now I get it, but back then? How would I ever have known? I mean, now, I can pick apart the entire episode and dissect every scene, every line of dialogue, every image, and get essentially everything on the offer, but back then I guess I truly did not understand even a quarter of what was in this stuff- including the mountains of stuff even pertaining to me, lol. Yikes. I was seriously wayyyy out of the loop.

Crazy. Wow. Unreal, all of this. Just absolutely unreal.

You know- somehow, I feel more honored that the Powerpuff Girls liked me than perhaps anyone else I have ever met in media. I mean, they’re the fucking Powerpuff Girls. Literally the coolest people to ever appear on a show, ever. I mean, maybe except for Batman. Maybe.

But uhmmm, yeah. So, I would be willing to bet now that seasons 5 and 6 of Powerpuff Girls are literally packed to the gills with symbolism pertaining to me. That would make sense, since I started watching the show religiously in 2003, after graduating from college. It was the perfect escape from life and my health troubles. And since Powerpuff Girls season 5 ran from late 2003 to 2004… yeah, I have no doubt it’s all in there, and this likely explains some of the big stylistic differences between seasons 1-4 and 5-6. Some of the differences. Not all of course, but some.

So yeah, exercise. I used to watch the show while exercising. It was great, helped me through a lot, etc. Seriously, those chix rule. PPG forever, lol. I don’t have a favorite, but I was always kinda partial to Bubbles, for, ahem, one… very… obvious reason. lol. (So, like, am I the only one who didn’t get this stuff, back then? I mean, I couldn’t have been, right? I mean, yeesh.)

Uh, yeah. So, uhm… I forgot how I was going to end this, lol. So, I’m ending it here. I think that maybe Victoria wants to talk to me anyhow.

Soooo… uhm… yeah. Good night ppl, lol.