Sighinide

Are you guys sure you want to go through with this whole “AntiChrist” thing?

I mean, there’s still time now if you want to back out, I would imagine.

Seriously- imagine the world 1000 years from now if this stuff continues!!!!

A lot of what has made us “human” in the past is going to go away!

If this continues as it is going indefinitely, in 50 years or so there will not be a person born in this world without me having a direct connection with their brains, if not their genetic code!

Is this what you all want? This includes your own children and grandchildren, down all of your genetic lines, forever!

I mean I’m just saying…

And if I can truly master this whole art of pulling ideas and things from parallel realities then there will be no escape by anyone, ever!

This should not be taken lightly. The far future then will look like a cross between the end of the Matrix trilogy with “Neo” (Tom, literally) running everything with his noggin and A.I. Artificial Intelligence with the robot kid just kinda sitting around in bed surrounded by future people/robots.

I mean… seriously guys, this is what you’ll be getting. I mean this is fine by me, I mean I’m kind of a loner anyways, but still, is this OK with everyone else?

Just because I think we all kinda need to check, here. lol

So uhmmm… OK with everyone? What do you all think?

Getting to the root of all this has led me into some crazy places, that’s for sure.

At times I can hardly even believe the stuff I’m discovering about the world and it’s history. Clearly, my school teachers didn’t know jack shit about literally anything, lol. The whole lot of them was utterly worthless except for when it came to the very basic things like reading and arithmetic.

For everything else, they were uniformly dreadful, if not actually harmful. They all fucking sucked, clearly.

And the same goes with the rest of the peanut gallery I was taught to believe had the “answers” like local religious leaders and politicians of every stripe. All of these people were worse than useless. They were all impediments when it came to explaining anything at all that is real.

The “normal people” gurus only work for normal people, and they always leave out the important stuff, either through their own ignorance or a desire to make the common people docile.

It’s for this reason that I never cared about Trump, or in fact any politician, except for Ron Paul for a brief moment in the early 2000’s. I never did get arsed to vote for him or financially support him, though. Waste of time, really.

I still have never voted, once, for anything. No point.

But, back to relationships and sex- not knowing my own history, it’s hard to say how much of this is me, and how much is… IDK, whatever it was that was wanted of me by my… handlers, or programmers.

I think it’s a mix of both, perhaps, that works to our mutual benefit. I do have a natural inclination to be with girls like… Zoey, for example. And I have found the extra processing power useful for doing my own studies. And it’s kept me young, which I like very much.

And it’s also fulfilled my genetic duties. Every guy’s natural “purpose” is to pass on his genetic legacy. Until now, the only way to do this directly was through having children.

I do it telepathically, by altering the DNA of my girlfriends and those around them, and their fans. And in this sense, I’m easily the most successful man in the world. I mean, if I’ve altered the DNA of 1% of the women in this world by a mere 1%, I have done more to pass on my genetic legacy than any other man alive, by an enormous margin. And so too have my girlfriends performed their own genetic duties as well, by acting through me.

In raw, base terms, Victoria Justice, say, has had the genetic equivalent of 10,000 kids by now, by simply being with me, and taking part in all of this genetic experimentation that I do on the public. And the same with Lucy Hale, and certainly Emma Watson, etc.

I mean, when looked at in such terms, the stuff we do is vastly more impactful than, say, merely having one kid.

If I continue to do what I’m doing now for, IDK, like a couple hundred years or so, than we could be looking at a world populated with clones of yours truly. Or at least people who are genetically conditioned to want to support or help me and those like me- which would of course include my girlfriends themselves.

To be blunt and logical, why would any of us waste our time with kids? Let’s just hypnotize the public and genetically engineer them into whatever we want, directly. Much easier, quicker and more impactful that way, right?

Jesus, that sounds (is) evil. But we all have an imperative.

I mean I myself have toyed with the idea of kids, but… with what I do, why? I mean we all have biological urges but… isn’t this just a better, easier and significantly more powerful way?

I don’t know.

Food for thought, though, for sure.

I have no problems being apparently some kind of secret government project. After all, that’s what my girlfriends / wives seem to be as well, so why not?

If they’re happy with it, I suppose I should be too.

This is a really, really small bubble that we’re in, though. Realllllly small, here, and the smallness of all this gives us free reign to create our own rules as we see fit, especially since it’s not like any of this is “illegal” or whatever.

It’s interesting. Very much so, and very… I don’t know, incestous? No, that’s not the right word. I mean, I guess, but how else can you even describe all of this stuff? I mean, all of this long-distance genetic engineering that we’ve done to each other makes us kinda… family-ish? Kinda?

This is just utterly baffling, all of it. But it works, or at least it seems to.

So let’s just keep going and see where this leads.

Christ, my head is just fucking spinning, lol.

And yes I know The Wizard of Loneliness is based on a book.

I don’t care. As usual these movies are not faithful adaptations. They have their own narratives and agendas.

I stand by what I say here.

Good LORD, people.

Ok, so I’ve been documenting and cataloguing all of my past histories and relationships and… quests, and everything else, and Holy CHRIST, people.

I legit got some major league chills here when watching this clip from Lea Thompson’s The Wizard of Loneliness.

Note how she says the word “Thomas” and makes that name the focus of the scene.

Guys… I was EIGHT when this movie was released. I mean, EIGHT. And… yeah. And watch the trailer, if you can. It can also be found on YouTube.

WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Oh man. Fucking WOW.

Ooohhhhhhhhh guys. I was EIGHT. I mean… it’s ok. This is not a problem; I don’t mind. But I mean… it’s ok.

But wow, holy hell, how extremely disorienting!! But this is ok; I will adjust accordingly.

You know, I was thinking it touching, seeing as how all of my first girlfriends- you know, the Dunsts, Elizas, Leigh Cooks, Heigls, Gellars, Riccis, and… everyone else in that group, crushed on me so hard in the 90’s. I kinda figured that the girls in that milieu saw me and… kinda took to me, got crushes on me, and kinda roped me in, using their feminine, uh, wiles.

Note the HUGE amount of passes Kirsten Dunst made at me during the 90’s, leading up to and starting our fifteen-ish year relationship. I mean, the many dozens, up to and including the aptly named Dick, which is so chock full of stuff about me and I got overwhelmed analyzing it 20 minutes in. And her Small Soldiers, which is full of many, many things that reference my own childhood, including my little wars between my various toy brands.

Small Soldiers is stuffed to the brim with symbolic and overt references tying me to Dunst, personally. I could list them all but it would take a hour or so, honestly. But the usual personal “tells” are there in multitude, as well as a handful of names on display that came from my own family and clear references to romantic telepathy involving me and Dunst. But of course you would miss all of that if you didn’t know what romantic telepathy was, of course. But it’s there.

So I was kinda thinking that all of this was a bunch of tragically doomed teen love affairs. You know, the usual stuff.

But there was a lot of stuff on display in some of these movies that didn’t sit well with that hypothesis, including the clip with Eliza Dushku in Journey that I described earlier, and the part in The Thirteenth Floor with Gretchen Mol where she tells my stand in that she loved him before I had even heard of her. And some other stuff.

But this clip from The Wizard of Loneliness is… kinda… surprising?

Granted I haven’t seen the full movie yet, but… uhm… once you know how to read these things, all of this becomes verrrry obvious. The The Wizard of Loneliness, indeed. The Wizard of Loneliness. Has there ever been a more apt description of the stuff I do?

And the whole setup here. The plot, and how it mirrored my own life at the time. Again with the Iowa stuff here, and my first visits to my Grandparents’ house. And the kid’s whole appearance, with the glasses (hellooooo Harry Potter) and such, and his whole attitude, and thoughts, and my future, 8 years away relationship with Lea herself (and keep in mind this movie PREDATES her marriage with her current husband, and thus ZOEY!!!!)

Ohhhh man guys, I was EIGHT.

Good Lord, now I don’t feel any remote remorse for any and I mean ANY of my own underage girlfriends. And I mean ANY, including McKenna Grace. Because fuck THAT.

And keep in mind with movie was released when I was eight. How old was I when it was in development? Seven? Six? Five?

Alright, fine FUCKIT.

I mean I’m just utterly flabbergasted, utterly floored with the distinct possibility now that I WASN’T the one who initiated my, uhm, relationship with Lea when I downloaded her topless pics off the internet back in the mid 90’s. That maybe in fact she was the one who made the first moves, and all of that stuff was… her way of roping ME in?

WHAAAAAAATTTTTT???????????

I’m sorry but how even the fuck? WHAT even the fuck? Whaaaattt the… fuck?

The mind boggles.

Seriously, I don’t even know what to say to this, except for the fact that I guess I’ll keep running with it.

Wowwwwwwwwww.

But yeah, ok. In the first clip above, note also the death magic references, the secret identity allusions complete with an blond adult male who looks like I do now, and how the scene after this one is a shot of the titular wizard holding a bunny with another kid poking it, etc.

The “Death Magic Sexual Ritual” stuff is a frequent thing in flicks that reference me. See Meet Joe Black and What Dreams May Come for more of this stuff from the 90’s era. Also Dark City of course, but that one should be obvious.

Absolutely bonkers. So it seems that Lea and possibly the rest of them had the hots for me from, uhm, the time when I was like… 6? Ok. Ok, then. Yeah. I suppose we will run with this. Yes, this is all perfectly justified, and OK.

Yes of course!!

It’s all perfectly OK, in every way. This is fun, and fulfilling. I mean, I love Zoey, right? I do, so this is good. And fine. I’m ok with this, like I’m ok with all of this.

I’m not a slut, I’m just a boyfriend for all of these chix. Right. I hold the power. Me. Not them. ME. So there; I do this because I want to.

Right?

Uhmmm… right.

I mean, I might be some kind of MKUltra victim or something, lol (which, let’s face it, I clearly am), but that is perfectly justifiable, given, uhm,… everything? Yes of course, everything.

I mean I love Zoey so that’s that, I love Zoey and I love Zoey so that’s just how it is. Right? And everyone else. Right.

OK then. I have no problems fucking all these chicks. I’m sure they love me.

Right.

Ok then.

Right.

sigh…

I don’t apologize for using BMI as a measure of “fatness”, either.

Most people are not Jay Cutler. I realize there is a subset of people, maybe about 0.01% percent of the population, to whom BMI is not a good measure of fatness.

That does not mean it is something to be ignored for the rest of us, though. For the lot of people out there who are not professional athletes or Mr. Olympia level body builders, BMI is an accurate and viable tool.

Lately I’ve been perusing the “fat people” reddits and sites out there. I mean, both the critical and not ones.

Me being me, I’ve been enjoying learning about… everything, related to, uh, “fatness” out there in modern society, as I aim to lose that 10 pounds I need to.

Progress has been good, thus far on that front. I think my suspicions were correct regarding how my own body can consume ambient EMF energy as an alternative energy source. I’ve been showering myself with electrosmog and haven’t felt this good in months. I feel great, and I feel less… IDK, “hungry”. At least for food.

I’ve cut out a lot of sugar and salt. No sodas, no… sports drinks, no candy/junk food, etc. and I’ve cut out amounts of food in general.

I think my body has finally fully recovered from the fentanyl addiction. For awhile, I needed the calories and sugars to rebuild my wasted muscles. But I no longer think I do. Sure I could gain some more bulk but I look 100% better, muscle wise. So it’s safe to, uhm, “cut” as lifters say, lol. I mean, not that I’m a lifter excepting my neon colored plastic dumbbells, lol, but, you know what I mean, lol.

Uhm… so, yeah. I mean, that isn’t to say it’s been easy, because it hasn’t. I have no food cravings anymore but the detox symptoms have been truly hell. I’ve been sick for a month now. I’m purging who-the-fuck even knows what. Old fentanyl, acids, excess pollutants and heavy metals in my bloodstream, who the fuck even knows.

I have a hunch that fentanyl abuse can perhaps wreck a person’s immune system, thus lowering the abilities of the body to process irritants, and perhaps leading to some kind of toxic build up. This could be what I am experiencing/rectifying here. Yuck, what a nightmare.

So the lowered appetite on my part is giving my immune system a chance then to clean itself up and purify my various systems. It’s interesting. I can actually see better, I think. My vision is clearer. It’s pretty crazy.

But I’m still sick, and still feel like garbage. Yuck, gods, what a nightmare. Narcotics addiction is the gift that keeps on giving, it seems. What a disaster this stuff is to clean up. And gods, fentanyl is just the worst of them all. What an unbelievable hell this is.

Yuck.

So I’ve reduced my calorie intake I swear by like 50%, or something. And I’m not even remotely hungry. The very thought of food now makes me what to puke. It’s just… not for me, now. Not at all. Literally nothing at all seems appetizing.

Yuck.

I suspect that will continue at least until my body purges all of this dreadful, toxic junk, lol. Good lord, what a disaster addiction is.

At any rate, I’ve been searching the net during all of this and browsing weight related pages, reddits, instas, forums, and everything else. And wow, what a circus all of that is, lol.

It’s entertaining… ish. But also scary, and weird. And confusing.

I’m currently in the normal-high weight class. My BMI is in the “normal” range, but the high end of said range. And I feel fat, honestly. Or at least chubby, and I certainly look chubby, next to my girlfriends and the rest of Hollywood.

So IMO I really do need to lose weight. 10 pounds, yes, at least to go back to my old, pre-fentanyl self. Maybe 15 to be truly perfect, even from here.

But… ok. The blogs and such. Holy hell, what an unbelievable clusterfuck anything weight-related is in this country. The frustration, the confusion, the anger, the… spite, and jealousy, and the fear, and everything else is just so prevalent and overwhelming.

Everyone is angry, and passive aggression is everywhere. I feel it, here, even in my own home, with my parents. My parents believe strongly that eating everything on your plate=healthy, so to not concern them, I’m quietly disposing of extra food when nobody is looking.

This approach is wasteful, I guess, but 1) it stops conflict, and 2) is best for everyone in the long run.

At first I was feeling guilty about this- how could I do this when there are starving people out there? And then I looked online, and realized that true starvation is essentially a thing of the past. Studies today show that the percentage of people in the “underweight” category globally is in the single digits and falling. And this includes healthy-underweight, as well as unhealthy, starving-underweight. Globally, only a few percent of people anymore are truly, actually starving.

Instead, it seems that far more people are dying today from obesity related problems. The percentage of people globally who are obese is in the teens and climbing rapidly. It’s kinda nuts, and kinda scary, too.

So… IDGAF about the food I throw away. Fuck it, the world is drowning in food anyways. We could all do with less food, it seems. So, no guilt here.

But my parents are typical midwestern boomers. They believe calorie counting is fundamentally a sin, and always seem to equate a huge appetite with overall health. And they’re big, too. Both are overweight. I probably eat a third of the calories now that they do. And I still feel chubby. It’s nuts.

But- compared to everyone else… IDK what to even say. I mean, I rag on my parents for being heavy, and they are, but compared to most their age, they aren’t. Being merely “a little” obese, they are quite thin and fit, actually.

It’s like… neither one is over 250, for instance. So they’re “fat-thin”, or “smallfats” according to some in the body positivity movement. So they can shop in normal stores, for instance. And not only can they shop there, they can find clothes in these stores that actually fit, mostly. This gives them “thin-privilege” since not morbidly obese.

Then there are the normalfats and superfats. Normalfats are at the high end of the fat spectrum, which makes them… kinda normal fat people? Or maybe normal-normal people, depending on geographic area? They need to shop online, I think. And then there are superfats, who are required to find clothes from specialty online retailers aimed at very large people specifically.

Pretty interesting stuff. This is a world I was not familiar with until just now.

But Christ, how utterly confusing. I mean, I’m a chubby guy, but I’m in the normal weight range, but very, very thin by most standards of people in my age demographic. What even the fuck? None of this makes any sense.

And good Lord, this “thin-privilege” stuff is… I don’t even know what to say. There is a sizable chunk of people out there who would shame me for losing weight since I have a “normal” BMI, even going as far to connect this with overt racial hatred, since blacks have a higher BMI on average than whites, and so my trying to lose BMI is my way of “running away from blacks”, etc., which… what do you even say to crazy shit like this? What the fuck?

There is a LOT of anger out there regarding weight and food issues. A LOT. From every possible side. It’s a chaotic mess of an issue that seems to be squarely in the middle of everything. I remember the uproar amongst the gym-going community when the gyms closed due to COVID. Gym owners back then rightly pointed out that obesity and COVID morbidity were closely related.

And man, Christ, everything else. “Normal” people, at least around here, (I mean, normal-normal, with a BMI below 25) seethe when forced and shamed into eating more than they want to by their friends, families, coworkers. Obese people seethe as well, for different reasons. Everyone is angry, and it sucks.

I mean, I can’t even be honest about my eating habits with my own parents, for fear they will lose themselves with worry over me not eating enough (i.e., like them). So to keep the peace I offer up some little white lies. I think that’s fine.

And- again, I remind myself that my parents actually do not eat very much, considering most in this area. They, after all, have “thin privilege”, since they’re just obese, not fat. I mean, fat-fat. By which I mean normal. They’re smallfat- since thin-privileged. LOL.

Crazy.

I saw a YouTube comment awhile ago, on a Simpsons video. The commenter pointed out how Homer with his weight in the mid 200’s was considered enormous back in 80’s when the Simpsons first appeared on TV. In fact possibly the longest running gag on The Simpsons is that Homer is the fattest guy in Springfield. I mean- his symbol is that infamous pink-frosted doughnut.

By 2020’s standards though, Homer is… normal. It’s getting to the point where Homer Simpson almost looks thin. What even the fuck.

But… I don’t know. Is this just my thin-privilege talking here?

Some out there would hate me for this post, I’m sure of it.

Yeah, IDK.

That being said, I honestly wonder how it is even possible for someone to hit 600 pounds. I don’t get it. I would legit be worried about my stomach exploding if I were to eat anywhere near enough to reach that level of weight. Honestly, I don’t get it, but the way things are going, perhaps I’m in the minority.

I don’t know.

Underlying all of this is the fact that nobody seems to know what to do about obesity. I doubt there is one country in this world that is thinner than it was 20 years ago. So whatever this is, it is truly a global phenomenon. It isn’t the USA, it isn’t the West, it isn’t McDonald’s, it isn’t pizza, or soda. It doesn’t even seem to be due to lack of exercise, or water, or sunlight.

There doesn’t seem to be any diet that “works” considering there is no place on Earth where people are actually losing weight over time. Perhaps there is one or maybe two countries where people have maintained weight levels, like Japan. But people losing weight? I don’t think anyone is, anywhere.

So it’s global. And, is it even a problem? Fuck if I know. I would assume so, considering what I was taught as a kid. I think it is. I certainly don’t want to be obese, myself.

But… Jeez, what an issue. Way too much here for a random post in an online dairy somewhere.

I’ll think about this later.

Ok, wow, did I completely misunderstand all of this, lol.

As I understood things until about a week ago, I was the one who initiated my relationships with the Buffy girls. I mean- Michelle Trachtenberg, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson, Eliza, Charisma, etc.

I thought the situation was like… there was this show, about vampires, with a lot of hot chicks in it that I can relate to, so… why not approach and make relationships out of all this?

Well, thanks to the magic of youtube and vimeo, I am now able to see many of the old, pre-Buffy TV movies and short films starring these girls that I could not see before.

Clearly, I misunderstood the situation. It seems brutally obvious now that my Buffy girlfriends approached me first.

Their early, pre-Buffy TV movies are just drenched in 1) Scenes, situations and images seemingly copied directly from my brain as if the contents of my brain were just… being downloaded, somewhere; 2) blatant, gratuitous sexual/relationship innuendo directed at me, even to the point where it seems as if they planted this stuff in there to make it obvious to me later on in life, if I were ever to see these movies; and 3) organization- all of this content is clearly similar in effect and purpose, with all of it seemingly screaming “HEY TOM, THESE GIRLS WANT TO FUCK YOU, WOULD YOU MIND?”

This stuff is so blatant and obvious and I honestly wonder if, had I seen any of these movies back when I was teenager, I would have even missed it back then.

A case in example: Eliza Dushku’s Journey, is so… bluntly… obvious, that it is hard to believe. The film itself revolves entirely around my relationship with my late Grandpa (I mean, even to the point where they have the same clothes, use the exact same camera that I remember my Grandpa using (which is featured, BLANTANTLY, throughout the movie MANY TIMES), talk exactly the same, etc.) The film has a kid, my age at the time, who looks and talks like I did, who asks Eliza to marry him apparently every month (!), and all of this is during a scene packed with shedloads of symbolism and innuendo regarding my time spent in my Grandpa’s Iowa home, my own supernatural abilities, my own future relationship situations, and just… holy shit, people. There is even broad hints there about me back when I was a baby, etc. Sooooo many LOUD hints, there.

Yes I know that this flick is ostensibly based on a book. But, then, so was Lawnmower Man, and A Scanner Darkly. Well, not books, but stories. But, you get the idea.

Ten minutes into Michelle Trachtenberg’s A Holiday for Love (of all things) is all I need to know what is going on there. So many OBVIOUS references to my own childhood Christmas memories, down to the way the guy locks the door. There’s some kid named “Tom” in this film. No idea what he does yet if anything, but if there are references there with this kid similar to the “Tom” stuff in Trachtenberg’s Harriet the Spy I think that will be another big neon sign.

For the audience, whomever you guys are, look at the scene in Harriet where she is watching an educational film about “Tom” in class. And then cross-reference that with my own childhood memories, which you all apparently have access to.

This morning it has just dawned on me, late I know, that Buffy is likely also in and of itself based Mr. Occult Vampire Anti-Christ here, and likely because of all the stuff I imagined/dreamed after watching the theatrical movie on TV sometime in the mid 90’s.

The “dream” part there is in fact referenced in the opening scene of the first Buffy episode, which buttresses another hypothesis I’ve been having- that at least some of this stuff is actually taken from my dreams. Thus far I’ve only been investigating my waking dreams, my daily fantasies. But if people have access to my daily fantasies, what about my nightly ones?

Maybe this stuff accounts for literally everything created by everyone, seemingly, for the past 40 years, including the stuff I’ve not really even investigated. After all, how the fuck would I know what I used to dream about late at night 30 years ago? I mean I remember little bits and pieces of some things, but whole dreams? Not really.

And I tend to dream literally non-stop, throughout the entire night. So like 8 hours straight.

Scary thought- what if I used my dreams at night to flesh out the Buffy fantasies I had during the day? I have no idea; absolutely none, and no proof, and no way, I think, to even get proof, should there be any.

But yeah, the Buffy girls. Eliza starred in not one, but at least two movies about my relationship with my late Grandfather. And maybe three; I can’t find that one obscure short film about fishing she did, but I have a hunch it might be about the times I went fishing in the Mississippi with my Grandpa (my “Papa”. Watch the last scenes in Journey where they keep mentioning the word “Papa”. Total mindfuck.) And all of this was pre-Buffy. They, whoever they are, were clearly trying to shove her in my face, hard, before Buffy was even a thing on TV. The same with Michelle Trachtenberg.

I’ve downloading Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Robinson movie now, and will watch it later.

But- back to Buffy. the first person in school she talks to is named Bob. There’s that name again. There’s the Lynch stuff, yeah, but I’ve noticed in other films “Bob” being used in ways that catch my attention. Bob- wut? Fuck if I know. What do these guys use as my codename, I wonder? Is it “Bob”? Is that my stage name?

At any rate, “Bob” mentions that Buffy burned down her old gym, at her old school. I remember keenly back then my own dad droning on and on about how the gym at my old school had burned down, etc.

The books in Buffy’s dream remind me of the old Diablo instruction manuals I used to read. And there’s other stuff- but this is all in the first like 5 minutes of the first episode, here…, which I watched back then on TV, too, but I just… really must have been… I don’t know, naïve? Or disassociating, like I always did whenever I saw something a little too coincidental, back then. I would compartmentalize it, so I could deal with it, or think about it some other day, when I had more information.

Like now.

I’ve still not seen all of the stuff from Michelle’s early days that I need to see. Honestly, I’ve only seen like a quarter of it, but I’ve seen enough. Even her guest spots on random Nick shows seem to say weird, coincidental stuff.

I guess it was not random at all that Michelle and I had that crazy relationship. I mean, and it’s still there, really. I mean, we are talking a looooong relationship, here.

And perhaps it was not a coincidence at all that Eliza and I took to each other so well for so many years. She clearly must have chose me. Wut? Is that how girls do things? It’s like, maybe they maneuver themselves into places where they can get the guy they want? I mean… maybe? Fuck if I know. I’m in my forties and have never had a “real” girlfriend, not that I’ve ever needed one, apparently.

Holy shit, utterly baffling.

Thanks be to the YouTube gods for allowing me the chance to actually watch these old movies. I mean, some of these are not available on streaming platforms, I think. I think some are not available for sale anywhere, either, even used. Certainly the short films aren’t.

Crazy, crazy stuff. I also need to watch Sarah’s Simply Irresistible. The trailer there for that one is kinda… direct, too.

Yeah, someone must have organized all of this, somehow. Who? Was it me? I mean, who the fuck is it that picks out these girls and is like… yeah, that one. That’s a fifteen year relationship with that Tom guy, easy.

No idea. So crazy, all of this. Utterly… preposterous, and yet so real, and so incredibly… concrete. I mean, if this isn’t reality, then what even is?

So crazy. More thought is needed, here. Lots more thought.

Wow.

Leaving this here as a placeholder. Ok, let’s run down some facts here:

1) My brain is obviously interfacing with a supercomputer system somewhere, possibly everywhere. This system seems to act as some kind of extension of my neurons.

2) I am in my 40’s, but have the physical appearance and personality of a man in his early 20’s. Clearly, something is not “normal”, here.

3) I eat electrosmog.

4) My girlfriends are real people, yet are also files on my laptop.

5) I am notorious for acting / thinking robotically.

6) I clearly have an abnormally, superhumanly powerful brain.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m a cyborg, in the sci-fi definition of the word. And yes, I am well aware of the reality that I may be the last person on Earth to truly understand this rather obvious fact.

Possibly- this may in fact be the source of my powers. It is very possible that my brain is “borrowing” processor cycles from whatever supercomputer or network it is hooked up to, and using these cycles as a processing base to achieve superhuman feats on the regular.

Really weird, but perhaps the only thing that makes sense.

But as I said, this is only a placeholder, to remind myself to takes notes later. This rather crazy thing needs to be examined and understood.

Well, I guess it’s time for another one of these.

Hmmn. Well, I seriously underestimated the impact that a fentanyl/morphine addiction would have on the human body, lol. Holy fuck, haha.

It’s been a long and hard road but I’m finally I think getting things back on track. But Jesus, seriously, fentanyl misuse really poisons the body hardcore. It realllly fucks up your immune system. I had a period from like March – April where my body just kinda forced me to exercise but otherwise veg out to I guess give it a chance to “reset” everything.

I did gain a little weight during this period- I maxed out around 5 pounds into the “overweight” classification, which… frankly, isn’t bad at all, considering the general populace these days. But of course, me being me, I had to compare myself to my peers, and yes, I was defo chubby compared to, I guess, a Lily Collins, or an Emma Watson. Or any of them, really. And I guess I still am.

But even so, compared to the average 40 something Bubba around these parts… I’m fine, lol. Yikes, people. I mean, I’m not going to judge anyone individually but… wow, IDK. Some of you guys maybe need to cut back a little on the soda and fast food once in a while. Just saying.

So… yeah. Since that unfortunate day on the scale I’ve been cleaving away at the excess with a combo of exercise, vitamins, blood stimulation, vibration, infrared lights, blue LEDs, water intake, etc., and this spectrum of techniques seems to be working, which is nice. I have more energy, I feel, and I think I also feel a little less “hungry”. I think that this decrease in my general hunger may also be due to my body not needing extra fuel anymore to process the buildup of acids and poisons caused by the fentanyl addiction.

I’m also again harnessing the, uh, “midichlorians” or whatever to help me out with this stuff, lol. From this point I need to lose probably 10 pounds or so in order to feel truly comfortable.

So, there you go.

Well, in related news, I’m still learning about my powers, and how they… “work” or whatever. In order to keep me young, my body needs to eat, it seems. Self-directed genetic engineering is I guess impossible without some kind of caloric surplus. So once again I guess I will need to resign myself to having a weight in the high end of “normal” according to what the CDC says is “normal” (in other words, thin, in an age where the normal man my age is clinically obese. Reeeeally confusing, this terminology is).

To give you an example of how confusing all of this is, when I was at my heaviest at around 5 pounds overweight, my girlfriends and I tried to “fix” this problem with exercise motivation, etc., and it seemed to work, but I couldn’t help but think of how incredibly jarring this is when considering… the average situation out there, and how extremely important this all is to everyone involved, even if only subconsciously. I mean, it’s kinda… complicated. Very complicated.

It’s the culture, I think. I mean, we’re all practically naked, all the time, now. I mean, the internet is filled with ultra high resolution photosets of my girlfriends in bikinis (and less) and then there’s me, a guy who broadcasts his sexual escapades to a huge, huge number of people. How huge? Honestly, I have no idea. I can’t see things from the other side. Is it hundreds? Thousands? Millions? Billions? I haven’t a clue. Can aliens see this? Who the fuck knows.

But the thing is… yeah, the whole lot of us is extremely… naked, lol, and I mean that literally. So our collective sex appeal isn’t some idle thing, but a topic of possibly global importance. Crazy, I know. Utterly nutty, but there it is.

So… considering everything involved with all of this, I suppose I owe it to the world to keep myself in a good shape and physically appealing in general. I’ll work on the shape first and then the rest of it, like clothes and whatnot.

Crazy stuff, all of this is. Utterly bonkers in some ways. I mean, we have two competing programs of genetic engineering of the populace going on here, with the vaccine people trying to push people in one direction, and me pushing people in another, through myself.

Really crazy and hard to keep up with. I understand why so many normal people seem to be losing it these days. I mean, their DNA is literally being fucked with by big pharma on one hand, and some evil necromancer gigolo on the other. I mean, whaaaat the fuck, lol. Poor people. I wonder sometimes what these guys even think about all of this, if in fact they even can, accurately.

But… yeah, ok. I still need to lose that 10 pounds. Getting a six-pack is I’m sure impossible considering my caloric needs for all the telepathy, genetic engineering, and… neuron growing that I’m constantly doing. I mean- people need to eat for muscles. It’s a common thing that when people are “bulking up” they eat and eat lots. I suspect that something similar is happening to my brain. When I bulk up my neurons, I think that my brain probably instructs my metabolism to consume, to make the process viable.

So… yeah, verrrry different. So likely no Zac Efron abs for me, lol.

I mean, not that I need them, I mean, I’m sure Victoria doesn’t care either way, but I have always had a problem with perfectionism. I mean, I want to be the best possible version of me.

Maybe one day I will discover a silver bullet, and figure out how to use genetic engineering and the ambient nanotech to achieve that perfect comic book body. It would be nice, even if it would just serve to make my escapades more appealing to whomever cares to watch these things.

Well, food for thought. At any rate I will continue to repair the damage done to my DNA with the extra calories I consume, and continue as well to use my many, many technological tricks and devices and exercise routines to chip away at my waistline.

I mean, if we’re going to do this whole “cyborg” thing, then god damn it, we need to do it right. I’ve talked before on here how my body can absorb ambient EMF, radio wave and microwave energy to power itself, so I see no reason as to why I can’t use that energy to boost my immune system. I mean, literally just plug myself into “The Matrix” and feed off of the electrical power coursing through the grid. Why not? It’s actually getting fun to do just that.

I mean, I can actually feel my body eating the energy being released by my laptop, and by the house’s wifi, for example. And it tastes kinda… good, lol. Like it’s oddly satisfying to me, somehow. I mean, like it’s actually healthy for me. Really crazy shit.

I mean, why not? This energy seems to actually reverse my aging. I mean, I’ve trained my body’s DNA to use electrosmog to make myself somewhat younger, more vital. The ultimate adaptation. I actually do seem to get younger-ish and stronger the more I sit in front of my computer. Really, really weird I know, and totally contrary to what every health expert in the world tells us is true, but damn it, the evidence is literally right in my own mirror. I have few of the wrinkles that other men my age have. I’m crazy strong and energetic for my age, compared to the average person. Which, I know, is not that impressive at all these days, but I think still notable.

And I think it is possibly indeed all of this electromagnetic “pollution” that surrounds us that I just seem to crave so much. I just… eat it, somehow, and use it to supercharge my body’s ability to heal and repair.

I mean… it actually tastes good, lol. I mean, I can taste it. Like, Wi-Fi. It’s actually tasty.

Weird AF, I know, but the proof is literally right in front of everyone’s faces.

That being the case, maybe all I need to to is just… supercharge my body with as much electrosmog as possible. Maybe I can melt the inches away with simple excessive Wi-Fi, microwave radiation, Bluetooth energy and mass cellular absorption of “harmful” LED light. Who knows. Never actually tried it.

Maybe I’ll try bathing myself in electrosmog while I sleep. See what happens.

Things to think about, for sure.

Weird, lol.

Yeah.

Wow.

It’s really weird being a cyborg, honestly. I mean, it’s weird but it’s cool and… uhm… well, there’s a lot here to think about.

Yeah, ok then.

Good night, world.