Ok, wow, did I completely misunderstand all of this, lol.
As I understood things until about a week ago, I was the one who initiated my relationships with the Buffy girls. I mean- Michelle Trachtenberg, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson, Eliza, Charisma, etc.
I thought the situation was like… there was this show, about vampires, with a lot of hot chicks in it that I can relate to, so… why not approach and make relationships out of all this?
Well, thanks to the magic of youtube and vimeo, I am now able to see many of the old, pre-Buffy TV movies and short films starring these girls that I could not see before.
Clearly, I misunderstood the situation. It seems brutally obvious now that my Buffy girlfriends approached me first.
Their early, pre-Buffy TV movies are just drenched in 1) Scenes, situations and images seemingly copied directly from my brain as if the contents of my brain were just… being downloaded, somewhere; 2) blatant, gratuitous sexual/relationship innuendo directed at me, even to the point where it seems as if they planted this stuff in there to make it obvious to me later on in life, if I were ever to see these movies; and 3) organization- all of this content is clearly similar in effect and purpose, with all of it seemingly screaming “HEY TOM, THESE GIRLS WANT TO FUCK YOU, WOULD YOU MIND?”
This stuff is so blatant and obvious and I honestly wonder if, had I seen any of these movies back when I was teenager, I would have even missed it back then.
A case in example: Eliza Dushku’s Journey, is so… bluntly… obvious, that it is hard to believe. The film itself revolves entirely around my relationship with my late Grandpa (I mean, even to the point where they have the same clothes, use the exact same camera that I remember my Grandpa using (which is featured, BLANTANTLY, throughout the movie MANY TIMES), talk exactly the same, etc.) The film has a kid, my age at the time, who looks and talks like I did, who asks Eliza to marry him apparently every month (!), and all of this is during a scene packed with shedloads of symbolism and innuendo regarding my time spent in my Grandpa’s Iowa home, my own supernatural abilities, my own future relationship situations, and just… holy shit, people. There is even broad hints there about me back when I was a baby, etc. Sooooo many LOUD hints, there.
Yes I know that this flick is ostensibly based on a book. But, then, so was Lawnmower Man, and A Scanner Darkly. Well, not books, but stories. But, you get the idea.
Ten minutes into Michelle Trachtenberg’s A Holiday for Love (of all things) is all I need to know what is going on there. So many OBVIOUS references to my own childhood Christmas memories, down to the way the guy locks the door. There’s some kid named “Tom” in this film. No idea what he does yet if anything, but if there are references there with this kid similar to the “Tom” stuff in Trachtenberg’s Harriet the Spy I think that will be another big neon sign.
For the audience, whomever you guys are, look at the scene in Harriet where she is watching an educational film about “Tom” in class. And then cross-reference that with my own childhood memories, which you all apparently have access to.
This morning it has just dawned on me, late I know, that Buffy is likely also in and of itself based Mr. Occult Vampire Anti-Christ here, and likely because of all the stuff I imagined/dreamed after watching the theatrical movie on TV sometime in the mid 90’s.
The “dream” part there is in fact referenced in the opening scene of the first Buffy episode, which buttresses another hypothesis I’ve been having- that at least some of this stuff is actually taken from my dreams. Thus far I’ve only been investigating my waking dreams, my daily fantasies. But if people have access to my daily fantasies, what about my nightly ones?
Maybe this stuff accounts for literally everything created by everyone, seemingly, for the past 40 years, including the stuff I’ve not really even investigated. After all, how the fuck would I know what I used to dream about late at night 30 years ago? I mean I remember little bits and pieces of some things, but whole dreams? Not really.
And I tend to dream literally non-stop, throughout the entire night. So like 8 hours straight.
Scary thought- what if I used my dreams at night to flesh out the Buffy fantasies I had during the day? I have no idea; absolutely none, and no proof, and no way, I think, to even get proof, should there be any.
But yeah, the Buffy girls. Eliza starred in not one, but at least two movies about my relationship with my late Grandfather. And maybe three; I can’t find that one obscure short film about fishing she did, but I have a hunch it might be about the times I went fishing in the Mississippi with my Grandpa (my “Papa”. Watch the last scenes in Journey where they keep mentioning the word “Papa”. Total mindfuck.) And all of this was pre-Buffy. They, whoever they are, were clearly trying to shove her in my face, hard, before Buffy was even a thing on TV. The same with Michelle Trachtenberg.
I’ve downloading Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Robinson movie now, and will watch it later.
But- back to Buffy. the first person in school she talks to is named Bob. There’s that name again. There’s the Lynch stuff, yeah, but I’ve noticed in other films “Bob” being used in ways that catch my attention. Bob- wut? Fuck if I know. What do these guys use as my codename, I wonder? Is it “Bob”? Is that my stage name?
At any rate, “Bob” mentions that Buffy burned down her old gym, at her old school. I remember keenly back then my own dad droning on and on about how the gym at my old school had burned down, etc.
The books in Buffy’s dream remind me of the old Diablo instruction manuals I used to read. And there’s other stuff- but this is all in the first like 5 minutes of the first episode, here…, which I watched back then on TV, too, but I just… really must have been… I don’t know, naïve? Or disassociating, like I always did whenever I saw something a little too coincidental, back then. I would compartmentalize it, so I could deal with it, or think about it some other day, when I had more information.
Like now.
I’ve still not seen all of the stuff from Michelle’s early days that I need to see. Honestly, I’ve only seen like a quarter of it, but I’ve seen enough. Even her guest spots on random Nick shows seem to say weird, coincidental stuff.
I guess it was not random at all that Michelle and I had that crazy relationship. I mean, and it’s still there, really. I mean, we are talking a looooong relationship, here.
And perhaps it was not a coincidence at all that Eliza and I took to each other so well for so many years. She clearly must have chose me. Wut? Is that how girls do things? It’s like, maybe they maneuver themselves into places where they can get the guy they want? I mean… maybe? Fuck if I know. I’m in my forties and have never had a “real” girlfriend, not that I’ve ever needed one, apparently.
Holy shit, utterly baffling.
Thanks be to the YouTube gods for allowing me the chance to actually watch these old movies. I mean, some of these are not available on streaming platforms, I think. I think some are not available for sale anywhere, either, even used. Certainly the short films aren’t.
Crazy, crazy stuff. I also need to watch Sarah’s Simply Irresistible. The trailer there for that one is kinda… direct, too.
Yeah, someone must have organized all of this, somehow. Who? Was it me? I mean, who the fuck is it that picks out these girls and is like… yeah, that one. That’s a fifteen year relationship with that Tom guy, easy.
No idea. So crazy, all of this. Utterly… preposterous, and yet so real, and so incredibly… concrete. I mean, if this isn’t reality, then what even is?
So crazy. More thought is needed, here. Lots more thought.
Wow.