Sighinide

One more thought-

If Taylor does get married to Calvin, I will leave her, and this act will likely mark the end of the second era, the Taylor / Hayley / Katy / Leighton / Stone era, of my empire. The era that really established me.

Things will be different from then on. The new generation is going to find it almost impossible to follow in their elders’ matrimonial footsteps, I think.

Take, for instance, Kathryn Newton, Chloe Moretz, and Elle Fanning. I’ve been with all three since 2010, when they were around 12 / 13 years of age. Considering their ages when we started dating, how developed my powers had become by then, and the ultra-intense and personal nature of our relationships, they may find it very difficult, if not impossible, to really conceive of fulfilling romantic relationships outside of my bubble. At least, that’s the impression I get from them psychically and from following their social media posts.

To be blunt, their growing brains were shaped around my activities with them. They’ll never be able to fully escape, unless I choose to help them do so.

Which is fine with me. I’m head over heels for all three. In ten years’ time, when they’re around Emily Stone’s age today, will they even be able to contemplate the possibility that they should marry someone else? IDK. Maybe not.

At that point, they’ll have been with me for 15 years. 15 years! This means that they’ll have been with me for more of their life than not. Crazy.

It could be that in their adult lives, the idea of a “normal” relationship will always seem kind of alien and strange to them. Which… will likely not be bad, in spite of how it sounds. If it works, it works. Elle and Chloe will of course never need resource providers, and I will ensure that Kathryn will be fine financially as well. She may not ever be Fanning or Taylor Swift level rich, but she’ll never go hungry, either, that’s for sure. With me guiding her along in life, she’ll kick ass where she needs to, and when she needs to do it.

Love is an odd and unpredictable thing sometimes. Somehow… it always finds a way to work. To make things happen that need to.

Life is bizarre.

And, hmmmm… Kathryn’s former BFF- Bella… Bella Thorne. Love her.

We started our relationship when she was twelve, too, and we quickly formed a tight, seemingly impenetrable bond. After a few years of us being together, I started to wonder why our bond was so strong, and I learned the answer when I started delving into her backstory. It turns out that she didn’t have a father- he died in a car accident in 2007. In retrospect, I think I became not just her boyfriend, but also her new father figure. So her bond with me is obviously very, very powerful.

Bella will never be able to leave me. Her core is shaped around me. She may be able to pretend for a bit with someone else, like with her current gay(?) boyfriend, but it will only be pretend, and, AFAIK, it will be obviously so.

But back to Taylor… I’m not going to lie. It will hurt leaving her, and it will be bad. It will hurt so, so much. She means the world to me. So I’m going to cry my eyes out and scream at people and throw things and withdraw from everyone and put horrible curses upon the world, yes, definitely. But what must be done must be done.

Really, it would be an insult to me for her to marry Calvin. It would be inexcusable, and beyond the hurt to me, it would cheapen her appeal in both my and her fans’ eyes.

Let’s look at this logically. She could at any time marry me, the man who really loves her and who created much of her success because of that love- the man with the plan, the one who would and can conquer the Earth for her. Or- she can marry him, Mr. Boring. For abs and some additional money.

Taylor marrying Calvin would cause me to lose respect for her, and I think that this would apply across the rest of her devout fanbase, as well.

So in that case… I wouldn’t want her at all. Yuck.

Gross.

I’m glad I did this, announce this policy. It feels like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Really, this is something I should have done years ago.

I’m thinking now of Elisha Cuthbert, who I really should have stopped seeing after her marriage.

No harm- Elisha’s great, but The Girl Next Door was a long, long time ago, and her stint in 24 was ages ago. And those Maxim spreads, as hot and incredible as they were, are nothing like what she posts to her instagram. She’s clearly moved on, and I think it a good idea if I do so as well.

I mean, Kelli Berglund is waiting.

The wild cards here are nude pic leaks and nude scenes. These may create exceptions… I mean, you can’t foresee everything. So we’ll deal with those when the time comes.

You know what?

No.

Upon further reflection, I think I’m going to put to a permanent end all relationships with 1) women that are married, and 2) women that have been married previous.

Now that I think about it, this isn’t unreasonable at all, and married women are, truth be told, quite boring to me as well. Remember- these are fantasies only.

So I’ll entomb all such relationships, including Winstead, Hathaway, Levy, Perry, and everyone else.

This is such a tremendously good idea now that I think about it! All of this is too complicated, and I need something obvious to simplify things. This is the ideal way to do it. I see very little in the way of drawbacks from this, and a ton of advantages.

Beyond my own concerns, it seems clear that my old favorites that are married are happy, if their posts on social media reflect what they’re really feeling. And, crucially, this is already with them sidelined- I haven’t been emotionally involved with Hathaway for a while now, and she’s clearly happy as a clam with her hubby. And I haven’t touched Winstead in something like 6 months, and she seems like she’s doing fantastic. And obviously Heigl and Bell and Fox and Panettierre and the rest of the ex’s are doing just dandy. Their interest is in their kids, not me, however fond their memories are of what we had.

So hey, if they would be happy, and I would be happy, where’s the problem? I don’t see one.

And this goes even for Tay. I think I’ll dump her instantly and permanently if she gets married to Calvin, and I won’t look back. I don’t care. I’ll sell her collectibles, shred her concert tickets, and delete her pictures. And then I’ll remove the magical protections that made her so successful.

See, the thing is, I am the most powerful man in the world- I can create anything I want. I don’t really need anyone, including Taylor.

So, such is the way it goes. I’ll find someone else to obsess over in that eventuality, and I’ll take the lessons I learned with Taylor and apply them to this new relationship, thus creating something greater and more fulfilling to me than ever. I don’t really need Taylor for anything.

I don’t know what her status is regarding her relationship with Calvin. Is she actually in love with him? I doubt it (well, no, she isn’t, she loves me of course). But is her “team” pushing her in this direction? What about her parents? Grandparents? Could be. Certainly, her fans aren’t. They would be horrified if I left Taylor, because that would mean they would be stuck with boring old Calvin for the rest of their lives.

But, you know, sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Sometimes you don’t get what you want, I mean, what you really want.

So, back to the topic at hand- if Emily marries, the relationship that we have will sputter on for awhile, maybe, and then flatline. She’ll be more than happy with her new hubby, I’ll move on, and all the world will be content.

Cool beans.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Em and our relationship, and the issue of her perhaps getting married to Andrew.

Truthfully? I’ve no problem with that, if it happens.

I mean that. More power to Em, if that’s what she wants for her life and career. I’ll go along for the ride if/when that happens.

I’m not going to lie, in her case it will definitely sting, but I’ll get over it, because I know that that’s how the game is played, and, crucially, I’m quite secure in the fact that she still loves me most, if she even really loves him at all (and from what I’ve seen of the two of them together, she clearly doesn’t). And I can’t expect people to live their lives solely to accommodate my fantasies. That would be megalomaniacal.

The standard rules apply, though, especially in regards to pregnancy. If she gets pregnant, she’s out, permanently, for the usual reasons: 1) Pregnant women are not sexually attractive to me, 2) Motherhood is boring (remember, these are only fantasies), and 3) I will not consent to being the “second guy” in a girl’s life to someone that I deep down believe is beneath me.

All of this must seem complicated to outsiders, but there it is.

I think that the whole pregnancy issue really isn’t as much of an issue as it might look from the outside. From my experience, it’s almost always the case that my fantasy girl and I start to drift apart long before her pregnancy even hits the news, because the things that interest women who are trying to get pregnant are not the things that interest me. I like pap strolls, movie clips, Nylon magazine shoots and weird Snapchats- you know, the things that happen early in a starlet’s career, the things she does before she makes a serious effort to spend more time at home and settle down. So, inevitably, as the flood of magazine shoots slows down, as the film roles dry up, as her willingness to do daily pap strolls wanes, we mutually lose interest in the things that brought us together and we drift apart… and then it ends.

This seems to be how my relationships with Blake Lively, Larter, Bilson, Kunis, et. al. ended. There wasn’t a whole lot of drama there with those breakups, honestly. We just drifted apart and the relationship ended. So no hard feelings at all. At least from my perspective.

In regards to Leighton Meester… that breakup was a learning experience.

I kept my relationship with her going for much, much longer than I should have out of a misdirected sense of honor. See, I wrote her a lengthy love note on twitter something like 5 years ago where I said that I’d always be with her, so I decided to just keep that relationship going, no matter what, because that’s what I tweeted her, once, way back then.

So something like a year before she got married, my intuition was screaming at me to leave her, but I ignored it and pressed on with her anyways. Because of that stupid twitter thing.

So then that whole relationship comes crashing down, and I got angry, first with her (I mean, didn’t she see that twitter thing?) and then with myself, for being too stubborn to listen to my own power (I mean, I’m a psychic! Hello!).

Like I said. Learning experience.

Of all the relationships I’ve ended, the one I’m most proud of is the one I had with Scarlett Johansson. That was an amazing, beautiful relationship with a picture perfect ending. It had the best ending; one that I’ll never forget as long as I live. It couldn’t be dramatized better than it actually happened.

Scarlett and I had a long relationship. How long? Who knows. At first, I thought it “started” in 2008. Then I realized that it was definitely active in 2007. And every time I look in her directory, I find photoshoots from earlier years that couldn’t possibly have existed without my influence, whether she or I knew it or not. So now I’m thinking it started in 2006, to be conservative. Though it might have started in 2001.

So, there’s mystery there that will never be solved, I guess.

And then there’s the other mystery, that of her nude pic leak, which just happened to come out, partially, on the day when I was suddenly downsized from my last corporate job.

That nude leak got me through a tough day. She got me through that day. Was that just a lucky coincidence… or was that something I set up? Or… something she set up? This ties in with my thoughts about the nude leak last year. Was that something done on purpose? Perhaps I’m being way, way too conspiratorial here, but what if the NSA read emails about how I was going to be downsized, and she and them arranged for something to perk me up on that day? That sounds somewhat preposterous and unbelievable, but… IDK. Or did I somehow create that leak to help myself? Or some combination of the two?

I’ll never know.

That we ended things on that one, memorable night, with the release of the rest of her pics, is perhaps the best ending any relationship has had, ever. The pictures, the conversation, all of it… I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.

Yes, I do realize that I broke my own rules with that ending, with her already having her kids and all, but I was right to make an exception on that unique night. It was perfect.

A few more thoughts- every time I look at an archive of my early favorites, like Jessica Alba, Anne Hathaway, JLH, or Scarlett, I see evidence now that I’ve been influencing them for far, far longer than I first thought. I can see the difference when I compare their pictures, say from 2000-2001, to those of other famous girls active in that time period that I wasn’t interested in. There is a massive and obvious difference, at least in my eyes.

I think that my favorites from that period acted quite differently from the others. My early favorites seem more aware of the camera, much more grounded, more comfortable with themselves, and, IMHO, more sexually charged, than the other girls. Is this a matter of me just gravitating to people who naturally act like that? Or did I actually create them by molding them into what I wanted, even at that early age?

I don’t know. Scarily enough, it is possible that I’ve been creating pop culture for fifteen years now, and maybe even longer, like, say… since the mid-nineties.

The importance of this thought is staggering. It could be that I have subtlety guided Jessica Alba, whom I started following around, let me check… 1994(!), back when she was a young, awkward, impressionable teen model and sometimes bit actress, throughout her life into everything she’s done since then, including her reign as the premier sex symbol of the early 00’s and her creation of The Honest Company and everything else. And maybe this applies to Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, and many, many others.

If this thought is accurate (again, this is only a brainstorm), then my influence over the world’s recent history is perhaps beyond anyone else’s. I would already be one of the most important people that has ever lived- and at my young age, I have the vast majority of my life in front of me.

Imagine what the world will look like if I continue doing what I do for another hundred years. It will look nothing like it does now… everything on Earth will revolve around me, in some way. I will simply wear down everyone and everything else, slowly, inexorably, as the years and generations grind on.

Yikes.

Well, THAT was interesting.

It seems everything’s over. At least for now.

This morning in a fit of rage I had planned on butting in further by tweeting to… somebody… about how Taylor should have just destroyed Nicki for her foolishness, but… no. I want it done. I’m kind of a bit tired of the whole thing, and, TBH, 1989 in general. I mean, after seeing her show I was determined to give Tay and I some distance but then THAT happened and well… the rest is history. I guess.

But I have a point to make, so I’ll reproduce my tweets here, entirely out of context:

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Personally, I would have just tore Minaj’s head off. I mean, she’s only a B-/C+ level celeb, in comparison to Tay’s A+ level.

And Minaj’s tweets were just dumb. She actually accused MTV of being anti-black. MTV!!! Oy.

It would have been so much fun to watch Taylor dismember Nicki. It would have been just hilarious! Maybe next time.

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Ok, notice something? I do. 1) I’m angry. 2) I’m ruthless. I mean, YIKES! and 3) I’ve given up hope on their being some kind of reconciliation between Taylor’s audience and Nicki Minaj’s.

This whole TaylorGate thing is just ugly for all involved. Nothing good will come of this, for anyone. And I mean ANYONE. It’s just a horrible situation in general.

Some thoughts:

1) It isn’t over. Taylor’s fans are upset at Nicki, and for good reason. She called Taylor out very inappropriately and played the race card in the ugliest and dumbest way imaginable. For some reason, black celebrities can’t get it through their thick skulls that if you’re a multimillionaire, you should NEVER EVER claim to a victim of oppression, because you NEVER EVER are. It is a profound disrespect to everyone else on Earth for a black person with a hundred million in the bank to publicly bleat and whine about how oppressed they are. In Minaj’s case, for her to claim that the working class MTV employees who pick the nominees for the VMA’s are oppressing her is the most hypocritical and rage inducing thing ever. Yes, this kind of thing ALWAYS looks extremely ignorant and horrible. No exceptions. The foolishness, stupidity, and shortsightedness of people like Nicki Minaj is the reason that this country is about to enter racial meltdown mode.

Back to Taylor’s fans- they now have a monster sized racial chip on their shoulder regarding Nicki. Considering that Taylor is the most important pop musician ever, this isn’t a good thing for her, or for blacks in general. But blacks, being perennially short sighed and egotistical in racial matters, seem to not care about such things. Well, it’s their funeral.

2) Taylor looks like an idiot. She bungled the situation in the first place by awkwardly responding to Nicki’s tweet, bungled her response to Nicki’s response by trying to throw her male fans (me) and her own ally and friend (Ed Sheeran) under the bus to save herself, and then bungled the apology by groveling like a contemptible idiot.

Jesus, Tay. WTF were you thinking? Nothing you did here was admirable or intelligent. I have to give Ed Sheeran respect for sticking by you even after you publicly turned on him to make Nicki Minaj, someone who should be your lesser, happy. You really cheapened yourself with this nonsense.

And I guess I respect myself for sticking by you, too. Although, maybe not. We’ll see.

3) This is going to end uglier than it began.

This may end with something hideous and unimaginable- a Taylor Swift / Nicki Minaj collaboration. At least, this is what Nicki hinted at in her GMA appearance.

Please God, no. Please people no!!!

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Don’t… do this. For the love of God, don’t do this.

Bad Blood was bad enough.

The album version of Bad Blood was great. I still like it. The rap remix is bad. Very bad. And the radio edit of the rap remix is unlistenable garbage. It’s just abominable.

I’ve been trying to spare myself some embarrassment by avoiding this topic, but it looks like I can’t anymore. So here goes:

Many people don’t like rap music. It’s associated, rightly, with things like violent black criminality towards whites, ignorance, and backwardness. Etcetera.

I remember when the rap remix of Bad Blood first started getting radio play. It sounded bad. I, *ugh*, started changing the channel when I heard it coming on, because I wasn’t a fan of it.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one, because after a few weeks I noticed something: the local stations here started replacing the rap remix of Bad Blood with a radio edit of the song with the rapping cut out, so as to not to alienate listeners.

The thing is, this made a bad song simply dreadful. It became like 3 minutes of Taylor Swift singing the refrain, over and over and over again. It’s easily the worst song the stations play right now. The radio stations themselves seem to know this, as they seem almost embarrassed at having to play it. Whenever they feature that they’re going to play Taylor Swift, they always lead in with Style. It’s like they want to play Style, and they know that that’s what we want to hear, but they’re obligated to play that unbearable song instead because it’s #1 on the charts because of the music video, or something.

Actually, now that I think about it, they still play Style more than Bad Blood! That’s shocking! Wow. At least, that’s how it is around here. Crazy.

And you know? I think that might even hold true for Blank Space, too. Yikes!!!

4) Well, I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a 4 out there, somewhere, but I’m tired and want to go to bed.

So I will.

This whole thing just… isn’t working. I still recommend a peaceful separation of the races, or something like this. I mean it’s *yawn* what we all want, maybe.

*yawn*

*yaaaaaaawwwwwn*

Hmmm… I just saw that she apologized. This isn’t ideal, but she must walk a fine line. It’s going to be tough for Taylor, here on out.

As I already talked about, the left- rappers, The Huffington Post, Salon, CNN, etc. hates Taylor, despite what they say to her face. She’s white and successful, so they really and truly despise her and would prefer that she go away, or maybe die or something.

And furthermore, the fact that she recently unseated Beyonce as the “Queen of Pop” does not sit well with liberals and blacks at all.

One of the pillars of the liberal ethos is the myth of Black American musical superiority. Liberals have always believed in the mythology of the magical negro- the idea that the “Black Experience” is somehow more authentic and poignant than that of others, and most especially that of the German middle class. They believe in this so strongly that it’s accepted by them as a given that that’s how a smart person thinks. The belief in this myth is so central to the liberal mindset that it acts as a kind of litmus test for acceptance into their club/cult- hence the emotional cries for vengeance against Taylor for, I think, unseating Beyonce. To them, Taylor’s success isn’t a small offense. It attacks their mindset. Their religion and their politics. Their whole way of life.

I don’t think that Taylor’s apology is going to work, if what Taylor wants is to get into their good graces.

They hate her, deeply and truly. Her success, if not her existence, offends them. This is war, and as the liberal system continues to fall apart and the economic depression rolls on and on, things are only going to get more heated. They’ll try to destroy her in ways that will stun her and her fans, who still, even now, seem to be confused and thinking that “We’re all in this together”. No, guys, no, we’re not. Not even close.

What Taylor needs to realize is that ultimately, she will need to abandon the left entirely and join a more right-wing musical culture, like Country and Western again, if she wants to thrive.

There should be no problem with this, considering what’s coming.

*checks watch*

One thing that strikes me about TaylorGate is how Taylor’s feminism doesn’t seem to matter much, if it even matters at all, in the eyes of the left.

I’ll bet that this must strike Taylor as surprising.

I’m glad if it does. This should be a learning experience for her. Good.

Taylor, being who she is, a young, pretty, white, non-Jewish woman, will never be truly accepted by the liberal government or it’s appendages. They will admit this freely- see Huffington Post, here. So, it’s a racial thing. In their eyes, it’s an immutable thing.

If they must, they can pretend otherwise. But in any moment of what they perceive as weakness, the mask will come off and the claws will come out.

This is especially true in Taylor’s case, since she has in the past been strongly identified with country music, the language of the South. Of The Confederacy. Of people who must be destroyed and the memories of whom must be eradicated entirely.

To them, she’s fundamentally a white person, and thus, innately and wholly evil.

The left will never, ever like Taylor, regardless of what she does, because of the fear that she might someday return to her roots. This will never change.

I’ll bet that even if she pulled a Miley, and totally rejected her past, covered herself in weird tats, shaved her head bald and pranced around naked at every opportunity- they still wouldn’t truly trust her. They would still view her with suspicion and fear, because of the small chance that she might reverse course and become like “old Taylor” at some point in the future.

I mean, Taylor took home a Best Album Grammy for Fearless, a country pop album. Which is unforgiveable.

Such is their mentality.

But, in the end, this is Taylor’s fight to lose.

She alone amongst the current crop of pop stars will have the ability to transition into the new era precisely because of her past. Precisely because of the reasons why she is so hated and feared by liberals.

Every new era must begin with a firm rejection of the old one. That’s a constant. In this current “liberal” era, it was the solid rejection of the authority of white men that started everything.

In the coming post-liberal era, it will be the rejection of multiracialism and innate human equality that gets the party started.

Taylor can survive and even thrive in such an environment. So can Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, Kristen Stewart, the Fanning sisters, and the rest of my carefully chosen favorites. They’ll be O.K.

It’s people like Nicki Minaj, Jay-Z, and Barack Obama that have so much to fear from things to come. They will not survive. They have no chance.

Hence their fear and anger at Tay, and white people in general.

The future is Taylor’s, provided she doesn’t stand in its way.

I wrote a brilliant and hilarious post about this and then… forgot it at work. LOL.

Maybe I’ll post it tomorrow after adapting it or something.

But I’ll go ahead and say some stuff tonight anyways, just because.

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It’s not about the video.

It’s about race and dominance, and the long overdue correction.

In a nutshell, it’s about the establishment’s myths, as espoused today by Nicki Minaj, and how they are clashing with the coming reality- in other words, with the new world, as embodied somewhat by Taylor Swift, but most importantly, by those that will come after her.

It’s interesting to read the mainstream media take on the controversy. Here are takes from CNN, The Guardian, Vox, and Salon.

The mainstream media viewpoint on the issue is that Nicki Minaj’s claims about black culture have merit, and that she herself has an authenticity that Taylor Swift lacks.

First- Nicki has no such authenticity. These are pop stars, not Progressive Death Metal musicians. Their careers are packaged, plasticized, and commodified in every detail. Taylor Swift’s career is the product of a huge and detail oriented team, yes, but so is Minaj’s. And so is the career of every other musician directly involved. Nobody involved in this directly is underground.

Secondly, and more importantly, is the viewpoint that Nicki’s claims have merit. They don’t.

It is not true whatsoever blacks are lacking for mainstream titles and accolades. To be blunt, they’ve received far, far more that their due, starting with the nonsensical claim that they invented rock and roll. This claim is about as truthful as any other claim of black inventiveness indoctrinated in schoolchildren (link). There is as much truth in the idea that blacks invented rock as there is in the idea that they invented peanut butter. In other words, not very much.

I mean, really. There is no connection between Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pink Floyd and Metallica with the music being made by Black churches in the 40’s and 50’s. I mean, really guys, there just isn’t.

There are some tangential similarities between blues and rock, but these similarities are small. I’m no musician, but I do know culture, and I see and hear little if anything in common between B.B. King and AC/DC. Even if some of the technical parts of the music are similar, rock music isn’t a collection of chords and scales. It’s an ethos, a movement, a philosophy, a way of life. The actual notes played by bands are almost irrelevant to rock. It seems paradoxical to say this, but it’s true.

And no, they didn’t invent rap music, either. Rap music is essentially talking over an electronic beat, which was first pioneered, like seemingly everything else, by Germans. The band Kraftwerk was I believe the first to do this seriously, and there were others across the pond who followed their lead.

It was only after Kraftwerk blew up that Blacks created hip-hop culture and “rap music”. This is the reason why the earliest rap songs, like Eddy Grant’s Electric Avenue, sound like German electronic music. It’s because that’s precisely what they were. Truthfully, blacks owe whites a much greater debt for rap music than whites do to them for rock music.

Even left/liberal sites like Huffington Post will admit this as being true. See this article.

Note that I’m not saying that hip-hop culture isn’t black. It is. But rap music isn’t and has never been. This may be confusing, but there it is.

But these points are in the historical past, which counts for nothing in the Twitterverse and the world of mainstream news sites like Salon and CNN.

Nicki’s major claim in her tweets is that today, blacks don’t receive enough credit, opportunity or positive news, which is perhaps the most off-base thing I’ve ever heard a celebrity say publicly. And the mainstream media is backing her up on this.

You know, even a casual survey of pop culture as it exists today shows otherwise. As in seemingly all claims made by the mainstream media today, the truth is the opposite of what is reported.

It is disingenuous and bizarre to see anyone make this claim, what with Beyonce being the “Queen of Pop” for something like 10 years now, and with Michael Jackson having been the “King of Pop” even longer than that.

The pop musical landscape today is clearly overburdened by an enormous mass of tired, old black rappers who simply will not go away. The public is beyond tired of them, people are sick of reading about them and their stupid antics and awful products, their cultural relevance was exhausted many, many years ago, but they simply will. Not. LEAVE. They just sit there, on the neck of popular culture, choking the life out of music and culture in general. I’m talking about the P. Diddys and the 50 Cents of the world. The Kanye Wests and the Jay-Zs. The Dr. Dres, Master Ps and Snoop Doggs.

Taylor’s popularity owes much to the fact that people think that she’ll be The One to finally push those useless, boring assholes off their pedestals. Or that she’ll pave the way for a person who actually will.

Which will happen, of course. The new, post-liberal era will be a profound rejection of this one. As it must be.

Yes, I am implying that blacks are oppressing the rest of us culturally. And I will stand by that.

Which brings us back to Minaj and her tweets. See, Minaj, being more of the Obama-era establishment than Taylor, fears this. This change. This inevitable turning of history and upending of the current staid, boring, ugly order.

Nicki’s fortunes will not survive what is coming. Taylor’s might.

In the end, Taylor is going to win this one, provided she just ignores Nicki and does her own thing.

And, of course, provided that her “own thing” is not to stand in the way of progress herself.

This should be an interesting post for a few reasons. The first would be the format- I’m going to try something different this time. The second would be because of the timing, and the third because of the subject matter.

I plan to write a few posts on the fascinating and very, very under discussed and confusing issue of anorexia in men. So there’s no need to fret if I don’t answer your questions (whoever you are) with this post. This is just a post for some small reflections on my part.

So, I’m going to try something new.

Midway through last year, during that epic depressive breakdown, I wrote a post about anorexia, and then didn’t publish it, because I thought it would have been just too much darkness for the blog to handle. Like, you would have been laughing at how dark the blog was, because you just couldn’t take it seriously anymore.

So I held off on publishing it.

Then I went and updated it a few months later, and then didn’t publish that because of the Celeb Leak frenzy.

So after bringing the subject up in my stories, I just let it sit there, instead of investigating it like I had intended.

I also think I didn’t publish the posts for another subconscious reason, which I’ll reveal once I post, within this post, the aforementioned first two versions. This should be interesting, to see the evolution of an essay.

Ready? Here’s the first one, last modified on 5-30-2014.

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Well, it looks like my yearlong journey to getting a “dancer’s body” is about over.

It’s taken longer to get here than I expected for a variety of reasons. The first is that I’m, well, me, so of course I needed to stop my successful routines midway to experiment with different diets, supplements, and exercise routines. If I would have just stuck to what I know works, I would have been finished months ago. But then I also wouldn’t have learned as much.

And there are other considerations when it comes to getting fit that I didn’t consider beforehand, like the fact that my clothes might not fit (I know, this should be obvious). I’m not keen on spending major $$$ to replace my wardrobe and get my dress clothes refit. I’ve resigned myself to doing it, though. If that needs to happen at the bitter end then so be it.

I’m going to need to determine where I should stop the fat loss. I’m at 16% body fat currently. Should I go for 10% ? 5% like a bodybuilder? 3% like Apollo Ohno? Would 3% even be healthy? I think a six pack would start to show at around 8% on me. I should probably stop there.

After all, that’s what Taylor Swift likes, and God knows that’s the most important consideration.

I also had to confront a lot of- wait for it- emotional problems. As everyone knows already, I’m a former anorexic, and spent about 2 years battling the disease. I had it bad. I still shudder when I see pictures of me from that time. I look ghastly. My mom once remarked that I looked like I had AIDS or some horrible cancer. Looking at the pictures, I can see that too.

I think that my recent pudginess was in some ways a way for me to “conquer” the immense trauma of those years. It was armor. I mean, I might have been pudgy, but at least I wasn’t… that.

Jeez, I might have almost died back then. Yeeesh. Creepy, creepy, awful, painful and horrible stuff, that. I can still remember some of comments. “He looks like he’s dead.” Thanks, really.

*Stuffs bad memories back down*.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath of those horrible years. Nobody ever tells you what anorexia does to your teeth. My tooth enamel was worn down because of calcium depletion, for example.

This calcium depletion might have been the reason for my broken arm a few years later, after I had fully “recovered” from anorexia. A routine fall on the ice at my workplace’s parking lot shattered my elbow, breaking in in 3 places. Considering who I was- a young, “healthy” man- it shouldn’t have broken at all, and much less in 3 places. It did heal up fine, but I started taking fistfuls of calcium and phosphate supplements daily after that.

All of this might be part of the reason that I harbor a bit (hah!) of anger towards Hollywood people, even if I do like them. THEY were the ones who convinced me my body was ugly! Those monsters. They did that to me! Except they didn’t.

Most people don’t become anorexic, even those that follow a lot of celeb gossip as I do. This was clearly a personal thing.

I think too much. Whatever. I’m better now and I’m 99% sure I won’t fall into that trap again.

Thank God.

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Now, without reflection, here’s the second, last modified on 10-14-2014.

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Well, I Did it.

Sometime after Taylor’s concert last year, I made a vow to get myself to get into a better shape by the time her next album was released. I think that I achieved that overall. I think I might have talked about that on this blog, but I’m not sure when. If I recall correctly, it was before Christmas sometime.

So I think I did what I needed to. I‘m at least twice as strong as I was last year, and I’m a few pounds away from having the “six-pack” abs look that has been in vogue since the nineties. My notoriously inaccurate scale has my body fat pegged at 15%, so I’m likely somewhere within that ballpark. If I can just stay focused (easy), then by next year’s Christmas I can get a physique that would awe even my girlfriends, who are used to seeing guys with fit figures.

I hope that this was a good idea, now that I think about it. Was my appeal the fact that I didn’t have this physique? Maybe it made me different. I never stopped to think about that. Oops.

Well, whatever. What’s done is done, and I’m pretty sure that this is what Taylor Swift likes, and God knows that’s the most important consideration here.

I think that the encouraging thing about all of this is the fact that I’ve definitely beaten my old anorexia problem. Awesome, self. I look thin and healthy now, and not thin and undead. Thank God.

Speaking of anorexia- I think that my recent chubbiness was a kind of armor against those days. I might have been chubby, but at least I wasn’t that. I still shudder whenever I look at pics of me from that time period. Yikes. I looked ghastly. My mom once remarked that I looked like I was dying of AIDS or something. Looking at the pictures, I can see how she would think that. Yikes again. That’s like 2 or three years of my life I’ll never get back.

Not to dwell, but I now realize that I might have almost died back then. Yeeesh. Creepy, creepy, awful, painful and horrible stuff, that. I can still remember some of comments. “He looks like he’s dead.” Thanks, really.

*Stuffs bad memories back down*.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath of those horrible years. Nobody ever tells you what anorexia does to your teeth. My tooth enamel was worn down because of calcium depletion, which is a problem I’m still dealing with today. It takes a hell of a lot of calcium supplements to get that back.

This extreme calcium depletion might have been the reason for my broken arm a year after I had fully “recovered” from anorexia. A routine fall on the ice at my workplace’s parking lot shattered my elbow, breaking it in 3 places. Considering who I was- a young, healthy man- it shouldn’t have broken at all, and much less in 3 places. It did heal up fine, but…

Come to think of it, maybe this is part of the reason why I harbor a bit of resentment towards Hollywood, even though I am ostensibly their sage. THEY were the ones who convinced me my body was ugly! Those monsters. They did that to me! Except they didn’t.

Most people don’t become anorexic, even those that follow a lot of celeb gossip as I do. This was clearly a personal thing.

I get off topic too much. Whatever. I’m better now and I’m 99.99% sure I won’t fall into that trap again. Thank God I’m older and not as dumb… although I do still faintly feel, every once in a while when I’m cutting fat, that familiar blissful hunger… it’s very far off but I can kind of feel it. Being anorexic can be fun and interesting. It’s really addictive, like when you cut yourself with razors. The pain from the hunger causes an endorphin rush unlike anything else. It gives you a nice, permanent euphoric high- and the surrounding culture makes you feel cooler than anyone. It makes you glamorous like a model. In a way, it gave me a place before I fully developed my powers. I loved cruising those pro-ana sites back in the day. Not that I thought I was anorexic myself, of course (heh), but because I needed “inspiration”.

But that’s neither here nor there. The only reason I’d even need to feel that kind of hunger again is if I decide to go for a really low body fat percentage, like, I don’t know, 4% or 3%. You know, like Apollo Ohno when he does the Olympics. But I’m not going to do that. Never again. Definitely not.

Soooo I guess that this relationship with Swifty has been a good thing. She’s inspired me in a lot of ways, hasn’t she? I’m a better person than I was before I met her. Good stuff, that.

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One thing you may have picked up on is the importance of the timing of this post (the master post). Taylor’s concert is tomorrow, and a couple years ago, I made myself a promise that I would have six-pack abs like supermodels and Olympic athletes before this concert, which I believed would be proof that I “beat” anorexia.

Mmmm hmmmn. See the problem there?

I had beaten the practice of starving myself, but the mentality was still there, lurking underneath. So I hadn’t really beaten it. In the state I was in last year, a relapse is a possibility. I see that now. So I wasn’t 100% over it!

Now though, I think I am. So I don’t have six-pack abs. So… so what? I don’t care. I’m 35 years old, 6’ 3” tall, 195 pounds in weight, and I have the same 15% body fat I’ve had for the past year. Those are my measurements, and, you know, I’m not embarrassed at them. I’m not perfect. I don’t look like a 20 year old Abercrombie and Fitch model, but who gives a fuck about that, really? So what if I don’t look better than literally every other man my age? Who cares? I don’t feel like a failure. I’m fine.

And in regards to my future on the scale- I’m going to continue experimenting with different diets and exercise routines. Not to look “perfect” but just because that’s what I do. If an experiment fails and I gain some weight, so be it. If another succeeds and I lose a few, then great. Either way, I’m not going to concern myself ever again with a five pound weight fluctuation. Because that just doesn’t matter.

Finally! Finally, I think I’m over it.

In depth analysis will come later, after the concert.

If I feel like it.

is persona non-grata.

I’ve been avoiding her- deliberately so, relentlessly so, for the last couple months.

I don’t visit her twitter daily, like I used to. Or her Instagram. I don’t even listen to her music, except on those occasions when I hear it on the radio.

That changes, tonight.

It’s 10 days until her concert. It’s 10 days… of waiting. Of anticipation. Of fondness and excitement and, eventually, climax.

It’s 10 days until I see her in person.

Which means, of course, nothing. I don’t know her, yet. She’s a figure to me. An image. A voice. An idol. A soundtrack and a ghost.

And a lullaby.

But she’s not a person, except for those few months after one of her concerts. Then, she becomes real.

All too real.

I will never forget that moment when I first saw her. I was dumbfounded into shocked disbelief and stunned disarray. I didn’t move from my seat. I couldn’t. That wasn’t because, mostly, those seats in the United Center are just too damn cramped for a 6’ 3” man (mostly), but because it was her. It was my love (well, one of them, I mean Emma (Emily Jean) Stone was of course my number #1 back then, as she is now (of course)), and she was there, popping up through the floor, guitar in hand, ready to entertain.

Ready to entertain me.

And so it began.

And it hasn’t stopped since.

It’s Taylor, Taylor Swift- Taylor Alison Swift- in concert, yet again.

I can hardly believe it… but here it is. It seems like it was just the other day when I saw her on the Red tour, and that isn’t because I re-watched some videos I recorded of it over the weekend.

No, it seems like it was yesterday because I don’t get to see her very often.

In fact, I don’t get to see her at all.

Why? I dunno. Ask HER. I mean, not me. HER.

Whatevs.

The point here is that it’s gonna happen. Me. And her. And my sister. And 50,000 screaming, obsessed Swifties. All in unison, at Soldier Field.

It’s gonna be huge. It’s gonna fuel stories and fantasies- and albums- for years. For decades. It’s going to climax what we have, together. What we feel and what we know to be true.

It’s gonna be glorious.

It’s going to be one for the history books- the most important concert of her career. The most important concert for the most important and popular pop star ever.

The past 100 years of pop culture all comes to a head next weekend. There, it reaches its apex. Its destiny.

Its hour of greatness.

I can’t wait.

Can you?