Sighinide

Uhhhhmmmm ok, back to the blonde stuff, because holy shit, what the fuck is even happening in this world.

I’m honestly kinda shocked at the sheer volume of blonde joke related stuff that has been tossed in my general direction for god knows how many years.

I spun off the alter for… who the fuck knows when or why. But it happened, and I needed to keep things that way as I figured out all the weird stuff that’s been happening for… lordy, the last fifteen years or so.

But like… holy shite. Going through my archives I realized that Victoria Justice’s song Gold is basically a blonde joke, and I literally didn’t even realize it until just now. The “Gold” that she’s referring to is hair. And to be more specific, my hair, not hers. I honestly thought she was singing about the metal, lol. Like jewelry, or elemental gold, like just a lump of it, or something. Noooope. The ulterior meaning of the song has literally gone over my head for the last ten years.

I mean, natch. But still.

The same with Shake it Off, which is just another massive blonde joke directed at yours truly. Literally, I had no idea, even though she name checks “the fella with the hella good hair” (me) directly in the lyrics. Stunningly, I see Reese Witherspoon of Legally Blonde fame covered this song in Sing.

The same with Emma Robert’s Dummy, which works on two levels: a dumb blonde one, and a remote mind controlled / cybernetic one. I had no clue. I mean, I actually figured out the cybernetic aspect to the song lonnnnng before the blonde one, but wow, now that I see it, I can’t unsee it, because it’s too… obvious. And I still think that Emma said my name directly in the refrain of the song itself, but substituting “Tom” for “Time”.

Jeebus, I had no idea. Like, literally, not the slightest clue about any of this.

And the more I peel this stuff back the more stuff I’m seeing here. It’s kinda… amazing, actually, and also kinda… IDK… disturbing? Like, how much other stuff and I missing, and how important is it, exactly?

Does… everyone else already understand all of this? I mean, Shake it Off, for God’s sake. Did everyone else already pick up on this, and it was just me that didn’t? McKenna Grace’s Ugly Crier too.

Literally, tho. Woosh. Right over my head. All of it.

How in world did I not notice any of this?

The mind just boggles.

And mine especially, by the looks of it.

Just to follow up with some thoughts, yeah, IDK.

I really dislike the modern trend of too much facial hair on guys. It’s like the cartoonish muscles and tattoos, it looks like they’re compensating for some shortcoming. It’s looks garish and ugly. The people who sport that stuff don’t look good, which I think might be the point of it. Like they’re insecure in who they are as people, or something, and thus just want to drive others away with their comical appearance.

Well, this was one hell of a rant, lol. But I mean, there you go.

I guess I needed to do this, just to take stock of some stuff. If nothing else, of my own place in the world, in relation to others, or something.

Ok then.

Right.

Been doing some more thinking, off and on.

Wow, are people ugly and weird these days.

I mean OFC, but seriously, holy shit.

For my own image I go out of my way to look as “normal” as possible. I’m almost aggressively suburban and middle class in my appearance and demeanor.

Everyone else… well, for the people I see IRL, they tend to look the same or similar. I guess.

For many people in the media… holy shit, what a freakshow.

The other day I decided to give Taylor another chance, and tried to re-connect with her. The day after, she released some horrifying, monstrous garbage as a music video, and I quickly realized why I was staying away for all those years.

Guys- What. The fuck are you doing?

I read a lot on online, and one common complaint I see, and I mean it’s disturbingly common, is how ugly and strange so many people look… everywhere, basically, in the media. Really nasty, weird looking people are just everywhere these days.

I mean, everyone knows it but I guess it bears repeating. And it’s worth a wonder. Why is it that so many people these days choose to look as ugly and weird as possible?

I guess I could list the ways people look so strange, but everyone knows them already, I guess. Or maybe not, lol. But, here goes: face tattoos(!!!); a weird, repulsive bovine fatness; overinflated and cartoonish looking muscles; comical and aggressively ugly facial hair; wayyyy too many tattoos in general- I mean, to the point where the entire body start to look like an enormous, nondescript smudge; idiotic, chaotic hair with way too many colors and highlights; way too much plastic surgery, to the point where the person starts to look more like an anime character than an actual human, and… everything, really.

Too many people just look so fucking ugly these days, and this is a lot of the reason why I stay as far away from modern top 40 and modern movies as much as possible. Literally, I can’t stand to even look at the people.

I’m old enough to remember when Hollywood stars and pop musicians were people you wanted to look like, and not stay as far away from as possible. It’s kinda amazing, really.

I’ve been thinking this for awhile: part of my own appeal is that I don’t look like these people. Never done any of that stuff. Everything’s “normal” with me. No tats, not a one. Normal BMI. Taller than most, but that is my only differing quality, really. No facial hair, except sometimes for a light scruff. Normal clothes. No hair dye. No piercings. I look almost early 80’s, with traditional parted kinda wavy hair. Sometimes I let my hair grow a bit longer than most do these days.

But, that’s it.

Yeah, I don’t know WTF is going on anymore in Tinsel Town. When did a baffling jumble of face tats become a necessary part of the “top 40” lifestyle? Jesus Christ, lol. Or that trend of the overinflated, weird looking muscles that are featured in media so much these days. A real uncanny valley thing, there. That look is just… awful.

Just a segway here, but it looks gross as fuck when people force their bodies to grow and maintain larger muscles than their frames can naturally and logically hold. You can do this with steroids- go past your natural limit. But the problem with going past your natural limit is that it looks unnatural, and thus… weird. I seriously don’t like that look and I don’t think many people do.

I mean, that look is fine on a printed page, in a comic book. It’s the “style”. But IRL… no.

I mean, this is just kind of a long slog of an angry rant at this point, but I think this stuff needs to be said. There are non-famous people who choose to emulate these looks IRL and face disastrous consequences because of it. A mass of face tats might look “acceptable” on some top 40 pop rapper but try getting a desk job- or any normal job, really, after making that choice yourself. And the rest of it; I’m sure we can figure out the problems and such.

I would include the muscles, too. I mean you can’t get those looks without steroids and shedloads of other toxic, horrible substances. I mean, there’s the natural limit, and then there’s going beyond it, which you have to actually fight your own body to do. Your body doesn’t “want” those muscles, and tries to shed them if at all possible. So you have to circumvent and sabotage your own healthy equilibrium to maintain them. Not healthy.

And everything else.

But… yeah. I mean… well, there you go.

I don’t understand the appeal of half the stuff I see today. Like that Taylor video, I watched it and I was more baffled and repulsed than anything else. Her “love interest” was this weird looking monster that had at least three checkmarks off the list I made above. Literally, everyone in the video looked horrible, Taylor included. It looked intentional.

And I mean I could just rant further, but I’m sure people can see my point already.

Just… well, there you go.

I mean I’m fine with tasteful tattoos. Olivia Holt looks fine, etc. I’m also fine with no tattoos. But to cover your entire body in cheap looking tattoos is just… why? lol. I’m thinking that people don’t realize that it just becomes a stringy smudge after a certain amount. It’s like… there’s so much… stuff there that you can’t make out what you’re seeing without breaking out a microscope and studying it, and who TF does that? So it just looks like… IDK, a giant smudge, lol.

And the fatness stuff… guys, if you’re three times your normal BMI, please do something about it. I mean, we’re all human, but jeebus. A little bit of work every day, spread out over the course of years, can do wonders. You don’t need to work out to the point of exhaustion every day. Just… work on it.

Well… ok, I’ve vented enough.

Just thought I’d follow up on a few ideas, here, and expound on some more stuff.

I think that my explorations are probably over, and that means… well, I’m not sure what that means. But it might mean the end of pretty much everything that most people have ever thought of about me, and possibly the end of everything in general, too, including possibly… well, everything, lol.

And it definitely means the end of “woke”, which I have identified I think correctly as my own attempts to learn stuff about myself, and others, and… IDK, everything, lol.

I mean, I think that that is where “woke” comes from. It kinda started at around the time when I, well, “woke” up, and realized what I was actually doing, and to who, and why. And it was I guess a feeling where I needed to investigate this, or that, or this other thing, with other groups of people, in order to determine WTF was actually going on.

For what it’s worth, I verified that the other morning by trying to capture that feeling again, and I think it is what I thought it was.

But I don’t need it, anymore. So at least as far as I’m concerned, “woke” is over, done, finished. Whatever it was, it’s no longer a part of my world, which- if I’m correct in my assumptions- means that it isn’t a part of the world as a whole, either.

What I’m thinking is that we’re going to have a problem in the future. Or at least, what looks like one. See- I’m a god. Not a human. Literally, a god, and maybe even a God. Seriously- I might be, if in fact I can create life on my own, which I in fact might be doing with the nanobots and synthetic life forms.

This stark fact is going to cause some massive, possibly horrifying problems down the road. What I’m thinking here is that possibly things didn’t go as planned with me, and that this dumb blonde wound up being far, far more powerful and capable than he was supposed to be.

I mean- I could well be physically immortal, here, possessing eternal youth and the greatest intellect on Earth- not to mention the godlike superpowers beyond that.

So basically, for the rest of humanity, it’s over. It’s / they’re done. From now on, the only way anyone else survives on this planet is by my own good graces. Basically- I have to share my power with them, willingly, which is kinda what “woke” was.

Was, since that is over.

Basically, I “win” the game of life, I guess. I mean, I suppose, if this is what people are supposed to do. I guess your opinion might be different, and that’s cool.

But that doesn’t change the reality on the ground, which is that I control the ground, lol. And I mean that literally- I actually, physically, control the ground. All those nanobots and synthetic lifeforms the chemtrailers have sprayed on the Earth for the last 50 years or so are things I control, now, with my brain.

It’s… kinda over, then. I mean, for everyone else. Like… that’s it, you might as well pack it up and go home, lol. With the power I have of pulling stuff from parallel universes with my DNA, I mean… it’s over, lol.

And I think that that last part is crucial. There really isn’t anything that anyone can do about this. It’s my DNA that’s the issue, here. So… yeah, there you go.

I’m not sure of what else to say, but the fact that I’ve officially, finally “woken” up means that everything and everyone else on Earth is going to get ground to dust, literally. I mean… lol. But seriously, I mean, think about it.

In the past I’ve blunted my powers, and shared them with others, because I didn’t want to change too much, because I didn’t know WTF was going on, who I was, or where any of this came from. But… now I know, you know?

So… why share?

Seriously, tho. In a hundred years, that it’s for traditional humanity.

Anyhoo, I think an interesting point of all this is that what I think was happening is that the people who ran the world back then maybe thought they could keep running it, their way- I guess, by keeping the ditzy kid on a leash, and thus controlling his awesome power. But, no, that isn’t how it’s worked out.

I’ve heard that a lot in past media relating to yours truly- the phrase “He Belongs to the World”. I’ve heard it multiple times. It’s wrong, though. It’s actually “The World Belongs to Him”, if the interest here is in accuracy, which it probably should be.

So… that’s kinda it, then.

*Shrugs*

IDK. Food for thought. Off to bed, then.

But I mean like… not sure people are really comprehending the totality of what is / might be happening / going to happen, here, in general. I mean, in it’s complete essence.

IDK. Well, something to think about. I might review this in the morning or something.

Uhmmm…. ok.

I guess I’ll continue this series tonight.

Still doing routine tech cleaning, believe it or not. Tonight I’m deleting the old voicemails and text messages from my phone. And I’m also steadily going through and deleting old emails from my main accounts, just in case of some miracle where someone actually gets in, past my insane passwords.

This process is taking quite a while, but I do it in pieces- one pass through this account, then another through that one, etc.

I set up a bunch of games for when I get around to playing them. And I’m going to set up one of those free AOL emails to use as a junk drawer, and an icloud email, just because. Might as well. I also went through and recovered some more ancient emails from decades past, like my old yahoo one. Just because, I guess. I mean, maybe it can be used for something.

But, whatever.

I think I got more of a handle on the hyperdimensional physics aspect to what I’m doing sexually- I mean, how my powers effect things on both the lower and upper, as well as the parallel, dimensions. It’s been a fascinating journey for sure, figuring that stuff out.

I think that the nano robots and synthetic organisms I summon and use telepathically likely belong to the realm of lower dimensions, and the astral, etheric and mental entities I conoiter with likely belong to the higher ones, or, at least, to higher levels of the third dimension. And the godly / angelic entities are certainty beings who reside in the higher dimensions.

The parallel universes are I believe mostly accessed through the bio-resonant photonic rhythms of my own DNA, with my DNA acting as both a transmitter and a receiver of information and energies from parallel universes- e.g., like a universe in which, IDK, I’m dating Anna Kendrick, or whatever.

The cybernetic devices I use- like this laptop- obviously belong to the general third dimension. Not sure about the quantum computers I communicate with telepathically, tho. I mean, they’re here, but…

The demonic entities seem kinda… IDK, from I think lower realms. Or, perhaps lower parts of this Earth, in the third dimension. Not sure which.

I mean, I think. This is kinda complicated stuff.

But I mean… it’s interesting to think about, for sure. It’s kind of like living inside my own mystery, or my own Sci-Fi novel. Pretty weird and cool stuff.

Just thinking about all this- I must be the greatest physicist alive, lol. Certainly I’m the greatest computer scientist. I’ve never heard of anyone else even begin to approach what I can do with technology. I mean, the gulf between what I can do and everyone else is… to large to comprehend, frankly.

And, while we’re on the subject of CS, I’ve been thinking about college lately, and one of my alters in particular- the ditzy blonde one. You know, the one who inspired Legally Blonde, Tangled, and a bunch of other stuff. I’m sure you’re familiar.

It’s just… how could I not think about this. I’ve been binging Disney+ while I do all of this, and it’s just… right there, lol.

For sure, this is one of my most important alters. I mean, the list of celebs that took stuff from him is practically limitless- I mean, the two properties I mentioned up above, and Clueless for sure, Mean Girls, everything Paris Hilton has ever done, a lot of the stuff Bridgit Mendler did including her music and Good Luck Charlie, Ron Stoppable, Naruto, and a long long list of other stuff I’ve seen over the years, including a lot of things Elle Fanning has done, for example. And Taylor Swift, too, has used this alter, like a lot. So we’re talking shedloads of stuff, here. This might be my most important alter all things considered.

I mean… might be. This stuff is complicated.

But I mean, yeah. Wow. It just doesn’t end.

I guess I developed this alter to hide myself from a world and a situation that I just didn’t understand. Well… that’s not to say that I don’t have a little bit of ditz in me, I do- it’s just… I developed this alter, and enhanced it, because it works, lol.

Acting vaguely ditzy has gotten me out of more bad situations, and gotten me into more good ones, than almost anything else I’ve done. I mean it works, lol. That is- it works, if you can pull it off, and you have the right “look” for it, which almost nobody does of course. Which, come to think of it, might be why it works so well.

I mean… it works so well it actually works on people who know you’re smart, lol. It’s quite fascinating.

But… this is another whole essay in and of itself.

So anyhoo, it’s been quite a journey for me to get accustomed to the reality of this alter, in particular. It ties in oddly with many of the things in my past, and even the stuff I’ve listed above.

I must say that it was quite humbling to realize that Paris Hilton, Reese Witherspoon, Bridgit Mendler, et. al. were taking their cues from me, and not the other way around. Typical story, I know, but… it was kinda mortifying to go from thinking that I was seducing the ditzy blonde that was Paris only to realize that she was in fact basing her ditziness on my actions, and that she probably learned how to act the part of an airhead blonde just by watching me live my day to day existence.

And, speaking about college, Legally Blonde.

I mean, YIKES.

I wasn’t… that bad, right? I mean, not that it’s a problem, but…

I guess that this ties into the cybernetics, even, because I think that this weird alchemy of brains and airheadedness is precisely what my invisible handlers were looking for- they wanted someone smart, someone very smart, preferably, but also… someone able to be controlled, perhaps someone they thought was naïve, or ditzy. And potentially slutty, too, just for kicks.

And with that apparent list of qualifications… well… I can see why they chose me to be their standard bearer.

Kind of… amazing, really. If you were to write a book on this and present it at fiction, people would reject it on account of it being too unrealistic.

But… whatever, it is what it is and I am what I am, I guess.

But that does raise the question- what is it that people actually think of me? I mean I legit can’t even imagine. Does everyone on Earth, literally, think of me as some kind of slutty, persistently airheaded ditz with supernatural powers? I mean, it’s possible, certainly. I mean, I hope not but…

Right now I’m getting the incredibly darkly hilarious image in my head of the collapse of civilization, if not reality itself, being caused by one epic, apocalyptic blonde moment. Uhm… lol?

I might need to kinda go through this topic again, sometime. I can already think of some interesting places to take this. I mean, not necessarily more interesting than the end of humanity, but… you know.

Right.

Uhm… ok.

Well…

*Ahem*

For the cause of maximum geekery, I went and installed a RAM disk today, and the latest version of VM Ware, with the intent of using it to install DOS and Windows 3.1, just for nostalgia kicks. And to play that awesome SkiFree game. I know you can get a… version of that in the latest Edge browser, but it just isn’t the same.

And to play Castle of the Winds, and maybe Scorched Earth, and maybe even that ancient snake game in GWBasic. Because why the fuck not. And to just… drown a bit, in some nostalgia. Because sometimes I need to, sometimes.

I also installed my old TI-99/4a emulation programs, along with the ROMs and tapes. For the same reasons.

I will need to write about all of this further, much further, one day.

If nothing else, just to document all of it for whatever comes after this.

But not now.

And ANOTHER thing…

No… no.

I’m better than that.

Why do all of these people think I’m girly, anyways? Because I’m clearly not.

Seriously, it’s like these people don’t even know me.

Hrumph.

I mean I’m not that much of an airhead, right? I mean, not that’s she’s an airhead, she clearly isn’t, but I mean… I’m not… that bad, right? I mean I know what’s going on, I do– or, at least, now I do- it’s just that it’s… complicated.

It’s not mortifying, at least.

No, it’s ok. I’m smart, I know what I’m doing, and all of these people just… keep me in the dark, because that’s just who they are, evil cruel people who just toy with others because they have nothing better to do with themselves. Which is ok, everyone’s different, but still.

You know- I don’t want to travel down this hallway, at least not now. I have stuff to do, and I will do it, and that’s that.

So there.

The whole Rapunzel being me thing does make a lot of sense, honestly. She’s voiced by Mandy Moore, an ex who was probably my favorite girlfriend for quite a few years, and certainly one of my favorites during the time I played a lot of these games. So it makes sense that she would pattern Rapunzel after yours truly. I mean, who else would she use? I mean… that’s me, there. Rather… nakedly, shockingly me. Like, wow.

Not that that’s nice. Clearly it isn’t. I mean, to do that and not tell me is clearly not… very… nice. But I guess that that’s just how she does things. Which is ok, but all of this probably does explain why she’s an ex, when you think about it.

I mean, not that that matters, because it clearly doesn’t, anymore. But still.

Not… nice. Which is ok, but still.

Not nice.