Sighinide

Do I even need to explain this one? I’ve documented on here my thoughts about small town Iowa more than once.

Well… it’s David Lynch. So yes, I suppose I do, even if only superficially. I owe him one after all, since he was the key to unlocking much of my recent discoveries of what it is that I actually do and am.

So… for many years, well, decades, actually, I would make the trek to and fro Illinois to one of the smallest of the small towns in Iowa to visit my Grandparent(s). I would visit at least once a year, and sometimes two or more times. It was these trips and the experiences I had on them that are the obvious basis for this Lynch classic.

I missed this one in theaters. I was in college at the time and was intrigued but otherwise busy.

I caught it on the internet back in December, after Christmas, while I was trying to detox from the fentanyl. I guess it carried me through when I needed it. Consider this post a “thanks” to everyone involved with the production of this great film.

But… wow, was I utterly blown away. It was so… surreal, watching this movie. I mean, the main plot here obviously has nothing to do with me but everything else… wow. It’s utterly insane how many memories this movie brought back to me.

I mean, I won’t even list them, since there’s just… so many. I mean, memories, and situations, and places. The streets, the people, the… environment, the culture, the roads and hills, the farms, the hot sun. Even the chairs people sat on, and what they talked about. The houses, down to the details. The way the kitchens were laid out and just… everything. It was incredible.

And I mean just everything. I did some calculating on google maps and the journey of the protagonist was basically the same length in miles as the journey that I made every year. Of course, he was going from Iowa to Wisconsin, and not from Illinois to Iowa. And apparently the film is based on a true story. But I mean… wow.

I mean, I actually recognized the hero’s house. Literally. Like, I did a double take and legitimately wondered if I had been in that actual house, lol. I mean, it’s built so very closely to my grandparent’s old house that I kinda didn’t believe what it was that I was even seeing while watching the flick.

It’s kinda… amazing.

And yeah, I was looking for the key and I found it. The guy who sells our hero the tractor that he needs to make the trip is a man named “Tom”. IMDB lists him as “Tom the John Deere Dealer”. Special emphasis is placed on his name “Tom” when he is around. And he sells John Deere tractors, in a lot not unlike the Caterpillar tractor dealer located around my own small town experiences. Note that at the time this movie was made, I was also a salesman, selling computer stuff retail during the summer months, in much the same way as “Tom” sells the tractor in this film, which is not coincidentally the action that kick starts the whole process of his journey and the main arc of the movie.

I’m not going to bother listing the myriad other similarities and minor keys in this film that tie it back to me. I’ve already proven myself with all the stuff I’ve already listed, I think. And I’ve done these exercises enough, honestly.

But… yeah, there you go.

And I see that the Iowa parts of the new Superman show seem to be based on these memories as well, if the clips I saw on YouTube are indicative of the whole show.

And come to think of it, how much do you want to bet that ALL of the recent depictions of Smallville are based on my own memories of small town Iowa? By recent I mean anything from the early 90’s on.

Honestly, I don’t know this one myself. I’ve not seen one complete episode of Smallville or Lois and Clark. I was always more a kind of a Justice League Unlimited kinda guy when it came to my DC fix. But I mean… seriously. Anyone wanna bet against my hunch on this one? Because personally I wouldn’t.

I mean, well… there you go.

But… wow, though. It literally just doesn’t end, does it? I mean, I can see mirrors of my own experiences there even in stuff like old Leo DiCaprio flicks, which of course could just be mere coincidence of course. I will need to investigate further when I have time.

But… wow. This is kinda crazy, isn’t it? And kinda… dispiriting. Like, I really am different, and I mean very, very different. I’m not even remotely close to “normal”.

And yeah I will need to go back now into Lynch’s earlier works, like Twin Peaks and Blue Velvet, which is kinda disconcerting since I was like 5 years old when Blue Velvet was made, lol. but I mean… I think I’ll need to.

Well… IDK. I suppose I will dedicate my involvement in The Straight Story to my old life, the experiences I had, and the people I left behind there after my Nana passed on. And to the way things were, before all of the recent insanities on the national stage.

Well… there it is.

Sigh…

Thanks.

Alright, we need to talk about / unravel one of modern Hollywood’s weirdest mysteries, here.

We need to talk The Lawnmower Man.

I know, I know. WTH is “The Lawnmower Man”?

Alright, time for some backstory.

First, please read the following link: https://thespool.net/features/fotm/the-lawnmower-man-stephen-king/

It gives a backstory for this odd, forgotten movie that is relevant to what I need to talk about and unravel here.

Basically, the story goes like this: Stephen King wrote a short story called The Lawnmower Man. It was about supernatural stuff- demons, and demonic possesions, etc. New Line Cinema got the rights to the story, didn’t like anything about it except the name, and so rewrote everything about it, changing the plot, characters, setting, and… everything, basically, to make a film about some developmentally disabled blonde guy taking over the internet with his mind and ruling the world thereafter as some kind of God.

King absolutely loathed what was done to his story and sued to have his name removed from the credits. He won, and the movie was thus removed from King’s official cinematic oeuvre.

The movie seemed to do alright in theaters, I guess. It got a sequel.

I didn’t see it in theaters, since too young. I did find the commercials interesting, with their old timey 90’s CGI VR graphics. When I was at a friend’s house I saw the first sequence of the film from his VCR copy. You know, the sequence with the monkey? I mean, I thought it was stupid (because it was, lol), but I was young enough to think it kind of unnerving regardless, and stopped it after that to watch something else, or something. I don’t remember what exactly, lol. Though I guess that that isn’t important.

So, anyhow. I was young back then, and I mean like really young. I was 12 back in 1992.

So… on a whim I decided to see what I had missed 30 years ago, so I saw it online last week and have been processing since.

Uhm… hmnn. Yeah. Well.

You know, Katherine McNamara told me something in her recent adaptation of Stephen King’s The Stand. In the fourth episode (I think it was the fourth episode at least, lol), she pointed out to me that one of my alters was developmentally disabled, and even functionally illiterate, I guess. Which… kinda took me be surprise, but I thought about it for awhile, and yeah, holy cow, I think she’s right.

I mean, wow. Suddenly, some other stuff in my life started to make sense, lol.

I’ve had a weird, weird life. Like very, super weird.

Back in… 1st grade(?) I was stuffed into a class for a few weeks for LD kids. Or was that kindergarden? I don’t remember. After a while though the teachers realized what a mistake that was, lol.

Or… was it? IDK. My life is really, really weird, lol.

But, back to the movie.

The film was of particular interest to me because of the overarching plot of some guy taking over the world with his mind and the internet, which is of course basically me, yadda yadda. I mean, you know.

But beyond that, while watching our titular hero I was getting weird flashbacks to my own youth, particularly those scenes of him mowing the lawn like I used to do at that age and… yeah, I’m sure you can see where I’m going, here.

I mean, I was kinda like… oh no, lol. Like, noooooo, lol. But I mean, there it was, kinda. I mean the hair (obviously), but also the comic book and the kid who kinda seems kinda like me, too(?) who would walk with our hero and talk with him as he mowed and some other stuff, etc. etc.

The clincher to me was the gas station scene with the interaction between our hero “Jobe” and a bully “Jake”, which plays out near word for word like a memorable interaction that I had when I was young. And then… the scene ending, which shows “Jobe” in frame by himself, with another character shouting “Jake, Jake!” while he just stands there dumbly. And I was like… okay… does “Jake” mean “Jake-obsen”? I.E. me? I mean, are they giving the audience (or someone, or me) some kind of clue, here?

I mean, think of it like the Legally Blonde reference to “Tom” in that one scene, which was admittedly more obvious and direct. But, I was a lot older then, too.

Keep in mind that developmentally disabled or not, “Jobe” acted quite a bit like me, back then. I was just a kid after all.

I mean, all of this would be just a coincidence of course without literally the rest of the movie, where Jobe unlocks his latent telepathic abilities kinda-sorta-ish like I did (while in doing so coming to many of the same conclusions that I did as well, natch), which cumulates in him doing what I did, and taking over the world’s computer networks with his fantasies and thoughts and such.

I mean… I don’t know. But the coincidences are there, again. And there’s at least four of five scenes in the beginning of this film that really strike me as eerily familiar to myself, personally.

Really weird. And I mean it, this is all so very strange. I mean, I obviously had outrageous psychic abilities from a young age, it seems. But I mean… WTH? I was literally like 10 years old when they were making this movie, and the whole thing is pre-internet. I don’t get it.

And I won’t even get into the other stuff I noticed from this film, mostly because I know my legion of girlfriends or whomever gives them their marching orders would get mad at me if I did, lol. But I mean, it’s just nuts, all of it.

I guess that what I’m ultimately getting at is that I need really come to grips with this whole “AntiChrist” thing. I mean, this is very, very difficult. I mean, of all the hobbies to have, lol.

But I mean, this is just exceptionally tough, all around. I really wish that someone had pointed out to me what was going on when I was younger, just so my life would have make some kind of sense before now. I mean, all of this stuff in combination is like a lot, and I mean it. Like a lot a lot.

So… I don’t know. It’s just… baffling.

I don’t get it.

But, back to the movie. The story. There’s that old question again- that one I posed in my dissection of Serial Experiments Lain. Where did this story come from, if not from Stephen King? Who or what was the inspiration, then?

Was it actually me?

I don’t know, I really don’t.

Does anyone else?

So… do I even need to bother explaining this one?

I mean, I guess so, at least somewhat, but it isn’t like everyone isn’t already familiar with all this at this point. I mean, just watch the movies again and keep me vaguely in mind somewhere while you watch and it will become extremely obvious. I mean, just keep in mind that I was in college during the time Legally Blonde was made (and when the book was written), and just watch for all the typical symbols and remember the state of Reese Witherspoon’s relationship to me at the time and it’s like… yeah, this one is super, super obvious.

I mean, at least now it is, lol. I do remember the first time I watched the movie. I was utterly stunned at how… me it was. I mean, the whole thing. I was kinda floored, honestly. I was so stunned that I bought the book and read it (maybe the only guy in the history of the world to do so, lol). I was however kinda not… putting things together, I mean not fully, and I remember now when watching it that my mind was actively preventing me, I think, from understanding certain things.

I mean, I was like… is… that what I think it is? But then I was like… no? I mean, it couldn’t be. I mean, because that wouldn’t make sense, you know. You know? You know. I mean, I saw the sequel too, and there was like a ton of stuff in there as well. I think that scene of Elle Woods studying the book on politics was in the sequel. I mean, you know.

Um… well, just watch this summary, I guess. Legally Blonde: Elle Woods and the Philosophy of a Blonde.

Go to 7:40. Note how the camera zooms in on the book, which has a byline that starts “Explained by Tom…” and notice the wedding ring on Reese’s finger. Like… yeah. I mean, I like saw this stuff, I really did, I think, but it was like… I mean… you know. I was like, it couldn’t be, right? So I didn’t think it was.

But yeah, this one is super, super obvious. I mean I just saw the video I posted here as well as the accompying video by the same channel about the history of the “dumb blonde” trope and wow, I’m honestly thinking now that Legally Blonde might be more drenched in… uhm… “Tom-ness” than maybe any other franchise I’ve ever seen. I mean, it’s just… soooooo, uhm, there. You know? You know.

I mean, even reading the stuff I’m writing here and comparing it to Elle Woods is like… wow. It’s kinda unreal, yeah?

Come to think of it, watching a movie about you and not realizing that it’s about you at all is frankly probably the blondest thing that has ever happened to anybody, ever, in history. I mean, how could I not see this, back then? I mean I did, but… somehow, my mind refused to process what it was picking up. Or maybe the processing was done by one of my alternate personalities, somehow, and I just wasn’t aware of it. But… yeah. Wow, what a trip, lol.

I think now that Bruiser (Elle’s doggie) is probably a symbol for myself, in the same way that my girlfriends today use their dogs as symbols for me in various ways (see: Hale, Lucy, amongst others).

I mean, it’s like… oh yeah, I can reallllly see it. Like, wow. Very very strongly, and the more I type the more obvious it gets. Wowwwwwwww. Wow. Oh yeah; yup. I’m Elle Woods. Holy Jeebus.

Or at least… not Elle Woods, but her inspo. Whaaat even the fuck? I mean, wooowwwww. Yup, though. Yup, defo, there’s no question.

Wow.

Wow.

Uhm… yeah, I mean though, it’s all there.

Even in the book it was there, honestly, though in different ways. I really wish I would have kept it. Darn. I really could use a re-read of that right now. Maybe I can check it out online somewhere, from a library or something. Google books doesn’t give me much of a sample in this case. I mean, not enough to do a thorough study on.

But yeah, Reese and I. I suppose that this was our project together back then, as I was working through my college years. I mean, watching the youtube videos I talked about, I was really struck at how familiar many of Elle’s social interactions were to some of the ones I had back then. I mean, I just chalked that up to, you know, coincidence, you know, like a large train of shocking coincidences, but, you know, maybe that wasn’t it, you know.

You know.

lollll. Oh man, this is crazysauce.

lol

General Stats>

Katherine McNamara- Born Nov. 22nd, 1995 (25 years old) in Kansas City, MO. Start of relationship: Nov. 22, 2012. Relationship length: 8 years, 3 months. Person status: Living, actress, singer. Reason for relationship: I had known about Katherine tangentially for quite some time before dating her. A post on Just Jared Jr. about her birthday finally prompted me to investigate her as a candidate for a romantic relationship. Some internet sleuthing led me to her demo reel on Vimeo and that video provided me with more than enough infatuation material to spark a serious relationship.

Victoria Justice- Born Feb. 19th, 1993 (28 years old) in Hollywood, FL. Start of relationship: Sept. 7, 2008. Relationship length: 12 years, 6 months. Person status: Living, actress, singer. Reason for relationship: Seeing pictures of her appearance at the 2008 MTV VMAs on a celebrity picture forum. Good lord is she pretty.

Analysis>

Victoria and Katherine are forcing my hand, here. I need to analyze all of this and take stock of our relationships before Trust comes out. Seriously- I have to, and I know they know this, too, since they know me so well. So it’s like… yeah, okay then. I’ll play their game. I mean, I might not win, lol, but… I’ll play, too.

Okay. Kat, the KitKatsMeow. It’s been fun and wonderful watching her grow up and guiding her through life, her career, and everything else. Her acting career is varied and interesting. Clary, and Disney, and Mia, and Julie, and everything else- see my post here where I talked about her and the Tom Sawyer movie. I’ve had a blast shaping her into what she needed to be, and I know she loved every (*ahem*) second of it. I’ve turned her into a star. She’s so far evolved now from her early days that she’s hardly recognizable, except in spirit- which means I grew her the right way.

The key here is that she’s happy, obviously, and confident, etc. She makes good music and has good social media presence and provides plenty of well done photoshoots. She’s excellent on the red carpet and great in interviews; she kicks ass. Great actress, pleasant personality, and a very good singer- her rather unfortunate dearth of music videos notwithstanding.

But yes we have a good “thing” her and I. An excellent thing. A relationship that, as good as it has been, has even more potential now than it used to, possibly. The sky is the limit between us. … kinda. I mean, you know. These things are… complicated. Mostly. You know.

We’ll see.

Now- Victoria. Our relationship had a slow burn, at first. Katherine’s adorableness in her demo reel instantly rocketed her into the upper tier. With Victoria, her looks were so shockingly good that I initially held off a bit. Think of it as “Jennifer Connelly syndrome”. Katherine, being so young, was “cute” and had potential. Victoria came out of the box (for me) as something possibly completed already.

Example: Katherine had just started with Disney when I met her. Victoria had already completed all 4 seasons of Zoey 101 with Jamie Lynn Spears by the time we found each other.

So, I got to know Victoria a bit, but… held off with portions of my… soul(?) until I saw more of what she could do, potentially. Portions. Not big portions, I mean, but portions.

I did make a big deal about being with her before her 18th birthday, back when I found such things important.

As it turns out I shouldn’t have worried. Victoria’s social media game is phenomenal. She has an easy affability that made talking to her a breeze on places like twitter, back when I still checked those things. See- she uses social media as an advertising tool of course, but not to the detriment of her personality and relatableness. There’s a soul there, not just ads, politics and trailers.

She’s also, uhm, pretty. lol.

Her music game is very strong, with a bunch of good music videos with moods and styles that range from fun, to mysterious, to romantic and sexy, to the outright cute. Photoshoots galore of all different kinds from many years, many thousands of great social media pics and videos, and dozens (hundreds?) of notable and glamourous red carpet appearances make her a standout girlfriend without question.

She’s cute, nice, and… a great singer, honestly. She’s not as popular as her Victorious co-star Ariana Grande but… I like her music, a lot. It hits me in that “spot”, IDK.

Interviews with her are always fun and worth a watch. Her pap game hovers around “above average to very good”, so it isn’t close to Lucy Hale levels, but it’s overall a mark in her favor. She’s given me a variety of looks and styles over the years. Classy looks, casuals, bikini pics and dresses, workout gear, etc. It’s a good collection.

Her acting career is good. We made Victorious, her and I, and Victorious is fucking awesome. Eye Candy was good, I thought. And… her other movies were good to me, probably because that’s how and why they were made, lol.

Uhm… so… Katherine’s acting career is certainly stronger, overall. As much as I like Victorious it doesn’t seem to have resonated with the general public as much as Shadowhunters. I think that Katherine’s People’s Choice award is sufficient proof of that. Of the two, Katherine has, possibly, more star potential in the old ways of looking at celebrity. In the new ways- I think Victoria is slightly stronger, but only slightly, and only then in certain situations. I mean, her twitter is better than Katherine’s, but I’m not sure about her instagram, overall.

Victoria’s music career is obviously stronger than Katherine’s. And I mean that, seriously. People tend to rag on Victoria’s music career, mostly because they seem to have a psychological need to compare her to Ariana Grande, as if not having as good of a music career as the biggest pop star on Earth is some kind of failure. Ridiculous. I mean- just compare Victoria’s music video career with Katherine’s one, solitary music video from that low budget TV movie she did way back then. I mean, seriously, people. And this is not even counting the stuff she did in show in Victorious. And now I think that with this analysis that Katherine’s acting career and Victoria’s music career probably cancel each other out, leaving a wash.

And if you think I’m being too hard on Katherine, here, note that Olivia Holt was able to star in a Marvel TV show that didn’t seem to slow down her music or music video video output any, at all. But, that’s another story.

Victoria’s pap game has been better than Katherine’s. So, there’s that. But- Katherine wins awards, as I just mentioned. I mean, they’re not Oscars, but… it still adds up. Victoria hasn’t, yet. I mean, she got those ensemble awards with the Zoey 101 cast, but… yeah, not the same thing.

So… yeah, this is brutally tough. I’m again at a junction where I’m not sure I should go. You could make a case for either, really. It almost depends on my mood today.

Hmmmn. Yeah, I don’t know.

I have been with Victoria longer than Katherine, but that hardly seems like Katherine’s fault. I was filling out my Victoria directory as far back as 2008, which was two years before the aptly titled Matchmaker Mary. And- the relationship between Victoria and me wasn’t even that strong back then anyways, as I summarized above. It was mostly a “look and see” kinda thing at first, and only a little more significant than how I knew about Katherine for a year or two before dating her for the first time.

So it’s kinda… hmmmn. Well… hmmn.

Hmmmn.

Well… maybe… Victoria? Maybe? Kinda?

Maybe?

I mean I know that I’m supposed to be confident about this stuff but I’m not sure of this one, either.

Well…

Katherine’s IMDB page has more stuff in it coming up, but Victoria gave me that music video the other day. I mean, the song wasn’t necessarily better than the one Katherine gave me for Valentine’s Day this year, but there was a video to go with it- and the video, if you haven’t seen it, is seriously very good. It’s fun, mysterious, romantic, sexy, and not at all what you would get from a typical, run of the mill pop video. And it’s personal to us both, while being intellectually interesting, legitimately. But… I don’t know. Katherine’s IMDB page is so… interesting, in it’s own right. So… uhmmn… neither?

Nah, can’t do that. That or “both” would be a cop out.

Yeah, so… Victoria, then, and honestly it probably is just because I’ve been with her longer. I mean… this is by the hair on a sliver, here, lol.

Ah, who am I kidding, lol. Victoria wins because I have seen her boobs, and that does indeed slightly edge her out over Katherine, I think. Yes; I truly am that shallow, lol.

So, uh… yeah. There you go. I hope I don’t regret this one, lol. I mean, not that I would since… oh yeah, it’s THEIR fault that I’m even doing this in the first place! Yeah. So- it’s their fault, not mine. I mean, if they wouldn’t have made this… situation, so PUBLIC then I wouldn’t even need to be doing this. I mean, it’s not that I didn’t want them to, but… you know what I mean, right? Right. I mean, I know what I mean. I mean, mostly. Right.

So, yeah. If anything bad comes out of this I think we all know who to blame, then. Right?

Right.

So there.

Alright, let’s jump back on this bandwagon for a moment.

To put it succinctly: this stuff is fucking stupid.

I just perused the other entries in this series, and the same sentiments I had years past apply to now.

Again: this stuff is fucking stupid.

People, this is ridiculous and insulting. I mean, I know what you are doing, it’s just that I don’t like or appreciate it.

Seriously, guys. I think at this point that if any of my girlfriends want to talk to me they really should know 1) Who I am, and I mean I know you all do, and 2) How to reach me, since that is also obvious. I mean, if Victoria Justice or whomever wants to talk to me, it should be eminently simple to make that happen.

What is not simple, or easy, or fun, at all, is forcing me to jump through a myriad of stupid, embarrassing hoops to get to the messages that really should be sent to me directly.

I fucking hate the whole culture surrounding celeb hacking and leaks. I hate it; it’s filled with the worst of people, the real dregs of humanity, and I loathe going through any of these people to get to what should rightfully be given to me directly. I mean, seriously; this is just fucking stupid. Victoria and I have been dating for well over a decade at this point. Whose bright idea was it to have her communicate with me in this way? Whoever it was clearly doesn’t understand the nature of our relationship, it’s importance, or me, at all.

Guys, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m an extremely important person in the grand scheme of things. I’m probably the most important person on Earth right now. That being the case I have important things I need to be doing, and to do those things correctly takes time, study and patience.

What that means in that I lack the time to waste on this kind of stupid bullshit. It’s a tremendous waste of my time and resources to go chasing after these pictures and messages that frankly I should not have to spend one second on collecting.

To top it off, the whole culture is aggravating, and I mean like nails on a chalkboard aggravating. I fucking hate it, and when talking with the people in it, I am constantly reminded of why my girlfriends find most other men to not be worth their time. The people in the culture are immature, small-minded, ignorant, and dumb. They’re really not the kind of people that I find it worth talking to except in rare cases, and then only briefly. I hate being forced to communicate with these idiots; I just hate it.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to “fit in” with normal people? I have to lower my IQ at least 90 points to do this, and sustaining this over a period of time is draining and extremely annoying.

All of this nonsense is hugely inappropriate. I have been dating a huge list of girls now for a very long time; most of them, for longer than most marriages these days. Seriously, if they want to talk to me it’s insulting for that to happen in these kinds of demeaning and ridiculous ways.

This whole thing is just awful and insulting. This is the wrong way to conduct these relationships, and I think it appropriate for me to expect my girlfriends (really, wives) and whomever is managing this to find better ways to do things.

Ugh.

I suppose I will poke my head back into this community for a little bit again, perhaps to see if there is anything worth spending all of the precious time that I really should be spending on more important things worthwhile.

But I had better find something worth my efforts, and I had better find people worth talking to. I’m not dicking around here; I’m the most important person on Earth right now, and if I talk to you you had better fucking act like it if you want me to talk to you again.

I mean, think about it. The reason I developed telepathy in the first place was to avoid communicating in stupid ways. I mean, geez people.

That being said, my two names in this community are Aesir, a mod on the Celeb-Top forum, and CornFed, a hanger on in various underground groups. Just to let people know.

But I mean, seriously. Victoria, hun, I love you, but this is just… not cool. The same goes for the rest of you.

I mean, perhaps 10 years ago this stuff would have been more appropriate, but it clearly no longer is.

Find something better, people.

Leaving my stuff aside for a moment, WTF is going with the US economy? I mean, seriously. What the fuck even is this shit?

To be frank I wonder if we even have an economy anymore. Nothing makes sense financially in the country. The US economy today is a funhouse of nonsense that seems to be operating on it’s own, without any kind of leadership or wise guidance or… brains, of any kind.

Nothing makes any sense. Anything not “big business” is tanking horribly thanks to the lockdowns. The infrastructure here is just… crumbling, everywhere. What is happening in Texas is third world. And everywhere else, everything crumbles. The roads are a disaster, everything sucks. Our system was clearly never designed for this many people, and even stuff like basic maintenance seems to be becoming rare, if not a luxury. Seriously- the fuck, people?

Street violence is off the charts, and guns are flying off the shelves and into the hands of a terrified populace. Fentanyl and other narcotics continue to flood the streets, with much of it ending up in the suburbs now, since rural America is already drenched in the stuff.

The stock market is high, indicating again that stocks have nothing to do with the state of any economy. It’s a gambling hall for algorithms, and nothing more. Half the stocks that are doing well come from companies that struggle to turn a profit.

None of this makes any sense. Obviously, everything I was told about economic matters in school was either wrong or a lie. Financial success clearly has nothing to do with your contributions to society. It has to do with… who the fuck even knows. Nobody can figure any of this shit out that hasn’t 1) been born into the rich classes, or 2) devoted every waking minute of their lives to it.

Confusion reigns on the street level. Nobody knows WTF is going on or why.

Bitcoin continues to climb for reasons that nobody can figure out. Nobody really likes Bitcoin; it’s basically worthless from any angle you look at it. Contrary to popular belief, computer nerds don’t like Bitcoin. As far as cryptos go it sucks; it’s possibly the worst of the bunch. It’s dreadfully slow to transact, expensive to use, and horribly difficult to mine. There are many many better coins than Bitcoin from a technical perspective. Bitcoin is ancient; it is extremely old technology- it’s over a decade old at this point and in the computer world that makes it obsolete years over. Actually using Bitcoin for anything is like trying to game on an old Pentium IV laptop.

So what the fuck is going on? Nobody seems to know. Governments don’t like it, banks don’t like it, the public doesn’t understand it… nobody can figure any of this out, at least from the ground level. Is it money laundering? I suppose it could be, since that also explains the modern art market, and, frankly, probably a lot of other markets as well.

It doesn’t even work as a store of value. There are too many ways to lose the stuff. Lose access to your wallet and it’s gone. Reformat your hard disk accidentally and it’s gone, get a virus that affects your wallet and it’s gone, get your wallet hacked and it’s gone, forget your password and it’s gone, crash your HDD and it’s gone, never to return. There is no limited supply- it can just be forked, whenever. Try forking the Euro or the dollar and see what happens. There are millions of Bitcoins that have been just lost, and nobody knows how many millions, either. I’ve heard estimations that a third of the mined Bitcoins are just gone, somehow.

Stocks keep going up and up and the actual nation visibly decomposes in front of everyone’s eyes. None of this shit is remotely comprehensible based on the whatever trash was told to me by my parents and teachers. I always heard garbage about “The Law of Supply and Demand” and other such nonsense. Obviously, those people pushing that drivel didn’t know WTH they were talking about, lol. If that was true, Musk and Zuckerberg would be cleaning toilets for a living, lol.

For my part, I tried to course correct all of this by forcing the government to address the problem of massive corruption in the gold market. This was many years ago- I could kind of foresee this madness coming, and tried to push people, banks, governments, etc. into resolving some of that corruption, which I thought would cause some of these other horrific problems and insanities to course correct as well, in a kind of domino effect. Unfortunately, that didn’t work, since the establishment didn’t make much of an effort to fix that market, let alone anything else.

It could well be the the corruption in the metal market is in fact the reason behind all of these other corruptions. IDK; that was my hunch, back then. It might be right, or there might be a larger corruption tainting all of these markets somewhere above.

But, back to Bitcoin- it could well be that it gets mainstream adoption, but it will never actually be used, by anyone. Its among the worst of the cryptos when it comes to actual usage, being unwieldy, fragile, not anonymous, expensive and slow. Computer geeks will never like it, Joe Six-pack certainly won’t be using it, and the rich will use actual currency. Who TF is actually going to be using it? I mean, as opposed to investing in it? Nobody, that’s who. Maybe criminals.

But otherwise it’s just a massive speculative bubble being created by people who don’t know what they’re supposed to be doing, as the nation around them continues to crumble to dust outside their houses.

What it looks like is that the country has lost it’s economic center, and is spinning off it’s axis in ways that make it look as though it’s flailing around randomly in some kind of awful, ugly death.

None of these markets make any sense on the ground level. They all seem to be rising and falling back on the whims of oligarchs, and their intentions are inscrutable from the streets. It’s impossible to know where to go or what to do if you don’t have an insider feeding you info on what the oligarchs are thinking of doing- of what markets they favor, or where they want to go with their money, etc. I mean, since none of this has anything to do with profits or business practices or anything else, that is all you have to go by.

I’m not going to offer thoughts on the whole Gamestop and Robinhood debacles. Yet more confusion; who TF knows what is going on there, or where you are even supposed to invest, anymore. I mean… at least, I don’t.

These seem to be all aftereffects of the hyper over-financialization of the US economy. People here are wayyyyyy too interested in money. Way way way way too interested. I mean, money is severely overrated. I mean, you don’t need it for much, really. Example- I am possibly the most powerful single person in the United States, and I’m far from being a millionaire. Money is extremely, extremely overrated here.

What our infatuation with money has created here is an extremely top-heavy economy with way, way too many rich people and a preposterously large divide between the haves and the have nots. Consequently the economy seems to resemble a Jenga tower, or something. There’s too many people at the top and too many on the bottom, and nobody in the middle. So it’s constantly swaying to and fro in some scary balancing act, with everyone trying to not tip it over accidently.

This is nuts, and utterly stupid.

Oh man, another turn of the screw here.

Alright, today I am going to more seriously consider the possibility that I influenced / inspired late 90’s anime. I mean, modern anime, yes, but that is obvious.

I mean, I’m talking here about stuff like Serial Experiments Lain and Naruto. And possibly Bleach, I guess, tho I’ve not seen much of it. I don’t see much of the past myself in One Piece. I mean, the 90’s me.

But Serial Experiments Lain… yikes, that is a real puzzle box, there. I mean, there is the obvious similarities between the shows plot and protagonist and me and the life I live. I mean, that’s the obvious and easily discerned stuff. But then there’s the personal.

Well… I saw Lain the first time about 4 years ago, and the extreme and obvious parallels between Lain and me were… obvious and extreme. I mean, the whole “talking with your mind through the electrical grid to the general public” thing, and the whole “multiple personalities” thing, and the whole “computer geek” thing, and… a lot of other stuff, like her general upbringing, etc., that might just have to do with the times in which the anime was made.

But yeah, geez, the other stuff. The whole plot, her autism and telepathy, her mind control and ownership over all the deeper and higher levels of energy of the flow of life, and so much else- it’s all so very very “me”, excepting the Japanese setting and the hero’s gender.

And that’s really what made me pause and doubt that this had anything to do with me, until I remembered the opening of the show when I rewatched the first few episodes a few days ago.

The show actually kicks off with the voice of an American teenager who sounds like I did at the time, who gives the audience the cryptic message of “Present Day, Present Time!” which… I don’t know, what do you guys think? And after the American boy starts the program, the opening song kicks in, which, very notably, is in English, not Japanese. These are it’s lyrics…

————————————–

And you don’t seem to understand,
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear.
And you know what they say might hurt you.
And you know that it means so much.
And you don’t even feel a thing.

I am falling,
I am fading,
I have lost it all

And you don’t seem the lying kind,
A shame that I can read your mind.
And all the things that I read there,
Candle-lit smile that we both share.
And you know I don’t mean to hurt you.
But you know that it means so much.
And you don’t even feel a thing.

I am falling,
I am fading,
I am drowning,
Help me to breathe

I am hurting,
I have lost it all,
I am losing
Help me to breathe…

————————————–

Uhm… wow. I don’t know what to make of this. See, this isn’t just “a little bit” like me, it’s like… this song just seems to be directed at me, personally, with a kind of shocking, unnerving accuracy that I frankly can’t believe. When I saw this anime for the first time a few years ago I didn’t seriously expect it to reflect me, so I just watched it on it’s own merits and liked it, and perhaps put up some amnesiac walls between my real self and show’s content, to block it off from my consciousness… I mean, since I wasn’t ready to process it at the time, you know?

But this song- holy Christ. Tying this together with the American boy who starts the show seems to almost point the thing directly at me in a way that perhaps no other anime ever has. I mean, I think. Unless there’s another explanation for this, that accounts for the extreme similarities between Lain and I, and the shockingly accurate portrayal there of everything my controller personalities do.

I mean like, how she and I went through school? It was the same. The dissociation, and merest details of our powers? The same longing for normal human affection, the same autism / schizophrenia, the same effect of my powers as hers does, and… it’s just SO SIMILAR.

And take note that Lain was not based on a Manga, unlike virtually all other popular anime. So… what was it based on, then? What was the source material, there?

I don’t know, of course. But I can wager a guess, though.

Lain debuted in 1998, long after Hollywood started producing films based on my fantasies. No problem there. But I mean… it’s Japanese, right? So it… can’t be, right? Maybe? I guess?

Maybe? But seriously, how the fuck would I know?

I don’t know. I mean, I just don’t know. But it’s just… so similar. And again, all the weird coincidences and giant winking nods in my general direction, lol. But I mean… it’s Japanese, right? About a Japanese girl, who just happens to me, it seems.

Soooooo weirrrrrrrrrrd.

But… so cool, too. Lain is a great show; it really is. There are good reasons why it remains so popular. It’s great, really. So intriguing. Believe me that everything I say here I say with affection for the show and it’s creators.

I don’t know about Naruto, although I’ve considered it, lately. I remember writing about the show on here, before, when I considered once (very wrongly) that my development might have been influenced by it. I was very off base with that hypothesis of course, and in fact I was so wrong I am forced to consider now that in fact Naruto might have been based on me, instead of the other way around.

Maybe. I mean, this one is less clear. I mean, Naruto the character is clearly American- I mean, he’s technically Japanese, but he doesn’t look it or act like it, at all. He seems to have been based on a combination of Calvin, Bart Simpson, Dennis the Menace, and a Japanese martial artist.

And maybe more than a little of me- a different set of personal traits applies here, with my history of Karate (which I have documented was important to the media before Naruto was in print), my general American-ness, my personality (back then), my appearance, obviously, and… my fondness for Japanese culture, and… other stuff? I don’t know, it’s been awhile since I watched it.

But the hypnotic eyes, though, sported by other characters in the manga? Sure.

And… well… I’m kinda hungry-ish? I’ll finish this later maybe.

Uh, wait, I meant TAKE a walk, or something. Yes, take a walk. Not… you know.

Um, McKenna Grace Christina Grimmie and…

Walt? You and I need to have a little talk later today, I think. Because this is frankly ludicrous. I mean, someone needs to explain this to me. And maybe I’ll venture outside of my little box and have a chat with someone else Disney-related that I’m not actively having a torrid affair with, for once.

Yeesh.

So uhm… Maia Mitchell of course, the Michalka sisters, Aimee Teegarden obviously (I mean, how could I forget her?), and … Paris Berelc(?) and…

My God, how many personalities do I even have? I mean, literally, the names just keep coming, one after another, in a kind of never ending torrent. Like… wow, this is simply overwhelming. So. Many. NAMES. I mean, there must be hundreds, all told.

Each girl has a separate set of personalities from me, it seems. I mean, they each have a collection of boyfriends and friends in me, to suit whatever their needs might be at the moment.

So that’s like… A LOT. Wow, like, literally, A LOT.

Wasn’t Cady Groves played on Radio Disney? I mean, her early stuff. I think it was.

I mean, we’re talking A LOT of personalities, here. Hundreds at a minimum. Thousands would not be impossible.

I’m sorry but… what even the fuck? I mean, seriously. What the fuck is going on in me? WHAT?

I… don’t know, but it seems that my mind is taking the time to re-integrate some of these personalities, now that my body has been cleared of much of the drugs and is in general much healthier than it has been in… quite a long time, it seems.

Does Melissa Joan Hart count? Sure, why not.

Good lord, Tom. This is utterly preposterous. I mean I can hardly believe a fraction of this, let alone all of it.

I mean this is just ludicrous, lol. Like… what even the fuck, lol.

I guess that my childhood visits to Disney World had more of an impact than I had realized, or something. I mean, or something. I don’t really get it, honestly.

This is nuts.

But, whatever. I guess I’ll spend this weekend re-integrating, since I have a chance to.

Yeesh.

I mean… re-integrating, and escaping from all of this, by… IDK, listening to music, or something.

I mean, Laura Marano came out with a new music video today. Maybe I’ll watch it, along with Olivia’s new video, when that gets released later on. And I might I think re-visit Katherine’s new song, too, since that was the perfect Valentine’s Day present.

Yeah… I’ll retreat from this into… uh… uhm… songs from my nigh endless army of Disney girlfriends. Yeah, that’s the… ticket? Yeah. Sure.

Uh… yeah.

Yeesh.

Maybe I need a walk or something.

Yeah, this is nuts. I forgot to include Laura and Vanessa Marano and Lily James, and… Mackenzie Foy. Does she count? I mean, we are friends and I have been meaning to move to the next level with her and I think I will once I feel better so… I guess? And…

Holy Jeebus, this really is a TON of chicks. What on Earth do Disney execs even think about this, I wonder? Disney shareholders? The guys that clean the parks? Like… IDK, the guys that made the special effects? The animators?

I haven’t the foggiest. Do they care? Do they know? Do they worship me as some kind of god? Do they want me to just… go away? I mean, the execs don’t, clearly, but the park janitors? Who knows.

Weird.

Yeah, this is a fucking huge topic, and way way too big to tackle here, on this blog. I mean, I can try, but seriously, this requires a book or two, at least. Or, really, perhaps a book series- kinda like Harry Potter, only bigger, more complicated, and perhaps less realistic.

Yeesh, lol.