Sighinide

Come ON!!!!!!

I’m still working at this stuff but it seems to be drying up. I’m sorry, but that can’t happen.

Christ, I just despise this personal/relationship orientation of mine. Celebriphilia must be the worst of all possible orientations. I would rather be into anything that this. There’s nothing else in the world as unsatisfying, because your pool of potential suitors is miniscule and impossible to reach. I will probably never achieve any kind of equilibrium or comfort.

Damn.

Nevertheless, I have faith that the stuff I’ve been taunted with will emerge. I’m sure that it will. They won’t disappoint me… I know people realize how important this stuff is to the economy and everything else. Yes? Good.

I do know now that a Taylor Swift set does exist, though it is unknown to me what is in it. I’m going to be expecting this and the other sets I need in the future. So I’ll play the waiting game, then.

While I patiently sit and relax, I’ll take some time out to do some mopping up. I think I’ll hack the password on that one jpg filled rar file I got back then. It has a collection of Katy pics, but I know not which ones. That should take some time- I’ll do that and sort while I chill for awhile.

I might go through some of the old records I’ve kept, too. That one \b thread where Victoria was first leaked… wow. That was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen. I will NEVER forget that.

Eventually, I’ll see the rest. I just know it. Surely everyone is well aware of the dire consequences that will ensue if I don’t, so there’s no need to worry.

Meanwhile… Hollywood needs to lay off on the alarmist rhetoric. The chats are starting to organize away from public places and onto messaging clients because of the extreme pressure that some have been feeling lately. If you’re listening, chill out, guys! Remember- it always looks bad when a bunch of millionaires start to gang up on broke ass college students. Watch it!

How you ever known that thing? You know, that thing you thought you knew but it turns out you really didn’t and you think like WHY?

Yeah.

I’ve got your mochi right here, people. Right. Here.

*Shock*. *Gasp*. Yup, I’m doing it.

The Olympics have been over for a long time now, so I thought it apropos to have a small reminisce.

The months since the closing ceremony have given me the opportunity to indulge in some thinking.

One thing that has always interested me about the Olympics is the experience of seeing other types of athletic cultures up close and personal. It’s fascinating to watch and compare them. I do miss this when they aren’t on. Example- comparing the different takes on speed skating that the Dutch and South Koreans have is interesting. Both countries are so, so dominant in the two types of speed skating, yet are so different in their approaches to what is almost an identical sport.

Also the Austrians in ski jumping, the Nordics in cross country, and America in free style skiing. Why does Scandinavia crush everyone in cross country, yet are not a factor in ski jumping? Why does America dominate in skiing half pipe, but never in cross country? Watching the Olympics gives one the chance to expand your mind in a way that isn’t possible in other athletic events. It’s cool. You actually learn things you never knew while watching. The lack of this is one reason I just can’t get into mainstream sports; once you know everything, they’re just too boring to watch.

One thing I remember keenly from the Sochi Olympics was the striking likeability of the athletes. I actually *liked* those athletes. It was almost miraculous. I mean, I actually had favorites and rooted for someone to win sometimes.

I can’t do that today with American sports. Take the NFL for instance. Bluntly, I despise professional football players. And coaches. And frankly, fans. NFL players are primitive thugs. They are stupid, ignorant, violent monsters. I mean, there are convicted murderers playing for the NFL right now. Murderers! Christ, how can anyone root for someone like that?

Whenever I see Michael Vick, I think of him as a dog torturer and killer. I can’t get past that and don’t want to. He will never be a hero to me.

I *cannot* like the NFL. Sure, I will watch the Superbowl, mostly for a family bonding experience, and possibly to gather intel on what the opposition is up to, but that’s it.

Olympic athletes are actually likeable. I miss that in sports terribly during those long droughts when the Olympics aren’t on. Sure, I’m convinced that some of those ski jumpers and swimmers are on roids. I mean, of course they are. But they still seem to embody those characteristics of fearlessness, discipline, and bravery that once made athletes such admirable people. They are, succinctly, sporting people.

They’re not monsters.

The racial angle here is impossible to ignore. Blacks get a pass that whites do not. If Michael Phelps tortured dogs to death as a side job, would he still have fans? If Nastia Luikin was revealed to be a serial killer, how would people react?

Yet there are people in the NFL who fit both of these descriptions and nobody seems to care. What the fuck?

Let’s back up a bit, though. That word I just used… sporting. It used to be that the purpose of sports in America was to shape the youth and teach it proper morals. You can still see the remnants of that mindset in the language. Someone that is driven, yet likeable and law-abiding, is a “sporting” person.

I don’t buy the notion that sports are somehow “better” today because people broke all the old records. Rather, I think that sports, especially the big name, mass market show sports like football and baseball, have been cheapened as their overall purpose has become less about building character and maturity and more about running faster and getting shoe contracts. I do not think that modern developments “raised the game” as people say today. In fact I think they lowered and debased the overall culture.

This is especially true in regards to the majority black sports like the NBA and NFL. The players have no depth. There is nothing to them that I see beyond a desire for magazine covers. They are boring and freakish, and I do my best to avoid them when I can.

Perhaps this is just an old conservative talking, but it’s what I think.

And while I’m on the subject of racial double standards, the Sterling controversy comes to mind.

I remember when the Donald Sterling controversy unfolded. Here was a man who committed no crime. All he did was reveal his private thoughts, on the phone, to a loved one that he trusted, not unreasonably, to keep them secret. That loved one then released his private thoughts to the public (!), specifically to ruin his life in what was clearly an extreme violation of his privacy… and Sterling was not considered to be a victim, although he obviously was. He was crucified by the diversity police and driven out of the NBA by the league itself, in spite of not actually committing a crime or even hurting anyone.

And meanwhile, NFL stars can attack people on camera and nobody cares. They can do this because they’re “oppressed”. Even when the videos are made public, nobody in any official capacity cares, and it takes a tremendous outpouring of anger from the public for the league to take any action at all against the players.

Note the difference. In the Sterling case, the anger came not from the public, but from the oligarchy- the media; the poor, oppressed NBA stars; and the diversity police. In the case of the insane, roid raging, sub-80 IQ NFL players, it came from the people.

This stuff is truly sick.

So yeah, fuck the NFL and those that watch it.

To be frank, the hideous antics of NFL players have left me with no interest in seeing blacks in sports, period. They always bring to the table the same boringness, ridiculous behavior, and stupidity. I don’t like watching them, and I’m much too old to pretend to care about that diversity bullshit anymore. So fuck it and fuck them.

Anyways, back in the same universe as the original topic of this essay… beyond the social and political considerations, I do miss seeing Gracie Gold, Ashley Wagner, McKayla Maroney, et. al. doing their thing. Excepting following them on twitter, there isn’t much I can do to keep up with them professionally. That really sucks. This is the reason why my friendships with Gold and Wagner, and Yulia and the others, have somewhat sputtered out. The NFL just crowds out everything, damn it!

I remember one blissful time during the nineties when one of the major networks here in the states tried programming some figure skating events opposite NFL games on the weekends. I was over the moon. It was counter programing at it’s finest.

Then, naturally, the diversity police showed up and attacked the network. A bunch of feminists attacked the station for “stereotyping” women by programming figure skating opposite football. The skating events were quickly pulled from the schedule.

Assholes.

Whatever.

Perhaps there are ways around the barriers between me and Gold. Now, if I could just get Taylor out of my head for ten minutes…

An endless labyrinth.

That is my impression after yesterday. Right now, I have over 20 tabs open on my browser, all of them waiting for updates. Chatrooms, message boards, IMs, IRC clients, Tor pages, pastebins, download clients, reddit threads, email accounts… and others. It just doesn’t end.

Thus far, only one of the communications I’ve had with the big name leakers has borne fruit. I spent three hours persuading one of them to give me an unleaked full set of C-lister Ashley Blankenship, which I thought I would be able to use to leverage myself into a better position with the other traders… only to have the set leaked by someone else a few hours later.

So now I’m back to square one.

It’s a good thing that I’ve kept a store of good, unleaked amateur galleries. They make good currency in these situations. I had to trade a couple of these and lie a ton to get the Ashley set… but I guess it was worth it for the experience.

I think.

Thus far, I’ve yet to even get an accounting of names for the rare, high value sets. I’ve heard rumors, but only rumors, of Dianna Agron and Taylor Swift. And even Emma Stone and JLH. I’ve offered up much only for names, and not even pictures, but have been shot down every time.

Damn.

The message boards change their rules every day as the situation changes. Email addresses change every other day. Onion pages come and go. Chatrooms will open and close literally every hour, even when I’m at work.

The picture sets themselves are riddled with fakes, misdirections and unknowables. I’ve still yet to inspect a number of supposed “Jennifer Lawrence” and “McKayla Maroney” pictures. I’ll get to those later. And who are those other girls in the Kate Upton set? I’ve never seen any of them before.

Complicating things is the fortunate reality that many things are being leaked that the media is not revealing, and that even the major traders and leakers seem to have no idea of the existence of. I’m convinced that some of the “fake” images are not really fake. I’ve talked about this a bit before, but for now, I’ll keep my current knowledge of these “hidden” leaks to myself.

It’s a labyrinth. There’s too much to keep track of but I hope it doesn’t end. I MUST see this to the end. I’ve come so far and what’s been started must be finished. Everything will be different, but maybe that’s a good thing.

As an aside, I downloaded all of the pics and vids from the snapchat leaks too. That’s some interesting stuff. I’ll need time to go through it but a brief browsing of the leak’s contents has made clear that the media was being too alarmist in it’s prognostications of mass disseminations of illegal images. Everything I’ve seen thus far has been 100% legal.

Which brings me to the last topic on my mind. I’ve thus far been able to avoid 99.99% of the illegal porn on the darknet. Well done, self. But of course I stumble upon some, accidentally, once in a while. That stuff is really frightening, isn’t it?

Where does it even come from? It’s baffling. I consider myself to be a jaded, desensitized person, but some of the images I’ve seen over the past month have shocked even me. Wow. What in the world? There must be studios set up somewhere for it… but how? Where do they find… participants?

To be honest, the most shocking and unsettling parts of the images are the enthusiastic smiles of those “participating”. The ropes and blindfolds, the graphic penetrations and abuse- that stuff is sick and disturbing but is information I can process. Some people are just nuts. Some are extremely nuts. But the innocent, carefree smiles from the victims… that I don’t get. It runs counter to every notion I’ve ever had of what is normal behavior for people. Stockholm syndrome, perhaps? Or do they just not understand?

I am too curious for my own good, I think.

I’ll never know the answers to these questions as this is one of the few dark alleys I will never walk through.

I’ll stick to celebs, thank you very much.

So I lied and manipulated my way into getting a new set for myself… only to see that it might be leaked by others shortly. Do’h!

That sucks. I still have the right email addresses for the key traders, though, in case I can get something else worth trading.

Ashley dear… that wank was only achieved after three hours of clever lies and hard work. And it was worth it.

Oh come on, please don’t be over. I don’t think it is but having been teased with so much… I need to see the rest. I’ve heard so much about what is out there floating around, and I have only seen such a small part of it. I need the rest too. Come on, please give! It won’t be right for me to miss it!

I’m sitting here listening to Sarah McLaughlin’s Building a Mystery and loving it. There is depth here… real depth, maturity and intelligence that in my opinion goes farther than what you’ll hear today from any pop star, including those I associate with.

Now I’m listening to Tori Amos’ magnificent Spark. What a masterpiece! This song crushes anything played on the radio today.

And it’s worth noting that these songs are not close to the best from either artist. They’re just the ones I’ve heard first from them… back in high school. I’m reminiscing.

Today’s stars are okay. They’re cute and likable… but they really lack something, don’t they?

The Fappening has given me much and taken my time in return. It’s one of those things that seems so awful until it seems so right.

Holy Jebus!! I’m frankly stunned and awed. I’d no idea who she was before this, but it looks like she’s going to pick up a fan or two from this experience. She’s now ranked #17 on IMDB, having climbed up 272 spots this week. Again, holy Jebus!

See guys, this is how attraction works. It’s an alchemy with equal parts intelligence, talent, sexiness, humor, and bravery. This is why I’ve no interest in porn stars. They tend to lack elements 1, 2, and 4.

Let’s expound further on the problem of greed in our society, especially that of the .01%.

The yawning, baffling, and very dangerous gap between the rich and everyone else is still widening, and with nary a peep of concern from the media.

The only member of the .01% who seems to have some limited understanding of the problem is Swifty, who occasionally makes a token effort at appearing concerned for others. Witness her routine photo ops at kid’s hospitals.

The stupid, ignorant incomprehension of the rich in this country about anything outside their little sandbox is really dispiriting. It’s awful. They just won’t listen.

The statistics are horrifying. Real unemployment- meaning people who are out of work, as opposed to those simply collecting unemployment benefits- is around 22%. The average income keeps falling as food prices keep rising. Every month more temp jobs are added than permanent ones, and every month more permanent jobs go overseas than are created here.

And all “our” President has to say about the economy is that we need to look on the bright side of things. What a fool. What an utter fool. He makes me and so many others ashamed to be a part of this country.

“My” president has given Wall Street over a trillion dollars to ensure that their executives could get their Hanukkah bonuses. With that money, he could have paid off every student loan in America. What a selfish, stupid monster he is. I can’t wait for someone to kill him. I hope he keeps the White House security chief in her job because she’s horrible at it. Fuck you, Obama.

And, frankly, the same to my “friends” in Hollywood. I appreciate the pictures, I really do, but there must be something at the end of this that I can hang my hat on. I need something substantial. Something concrete that goes beyond pictures. I must have this. Without this, I’m not going to be able to continue this stuff forever. I need to know, damnit!

It’s fantastic if Swifty wants to be with me forever, it really is, but I need to be able to actually talk to her if something important comes up. No talking = no real relationship. It just isn’t going to work long term without real, in-person communication. Frankly, it’s rude of them to keep egging me on like this if that necessary component isn’t an option.

If talking isn’t an option, they could at LEAST express some general concern and do something constructive, for once, with their fame. That won’t keep me around forever, but it will engender some good will. I mean, do something beyond staged photo ops and bland platitudes about “equality”.

Their world is too closed off from everyone else. They’re too isolated from everything- the economy, the lives of others, the rest of the country, me.

I’m kind of dreading the hopefully-not inevitable moment where I delete my celebrity pic directories. Again: no talking = no real relationship. There’s no ring on my finger.

Swifty, the ball is in your court. Give me something real.