is by far the greatest woman on Earth.
She is the pinnacle of everything a hot chick should be.
This morning was epic. It was incredible. Here’s what happened: First, I woke up a year older. Today’s my birthday! Epic! And when I woke up, I got a hunch that I *might* want to google Taylor Swift. Maybe her video leaked early! But I didn’t. Something told me it would work out better if I didn’t.
See, the video *DID* leak early. And it’s just awesome that it did!!!! See, maybe this video is a birthday present, and Tay wanted me to see it early! But I’m glad I didn’t see it before work, though. I saw it AT work, with the sound off, as soon as I got in.
It’s INCREDIBLE. WOW WOW WOW WOW Taylor is hot. Hottest girl in the WORLD by far. I mean, there is no competition in her class!! None at all!!! She’s perfect. That’s all there is to it.
So now because I didn’t fuck her this morning, I’m going to be thinking about Tay alllll day long at work, which is going to be awesome. I can’t WAIT to see her video with the sound on tonight. It’s going to be the greatest birthday present I’ve ever received. I just can’t WAIT for it. Tay is perfect. So perfect! It’s like she planned all of this out for me!
And then- an omen. An OMEN. I swear to God! Immediately after I saw the video, I went downstairs into the cafeteria to get some breakfast and I saw a Valentine’s Day cookie. A cookie that looked like TAYLOR!!!!
I’m not even kidding. It had a blushing girl’s face on it, with bright red lipstick in a heart shape, big expressive eyes, and it even looks like she’s wearing lots of makeup. I couldn’t believe it! The cookie is an omen. A sign. I bought the cookie as soon as I saw it.
All day today, I’m going to be munching on this wonderfully tasty cookie and dreaming of Taylor. It’s going to be the greatest birthday ever. My favorite birthday. See, it’s Friday the 13th- like any witch, I’ve always liked Friday the 13th, and it’s the 13th of the month. That’s important because Taylor and I both have a lucky number in 13. It’s just one of the magical things we share.
This is going to be awesome. I’m technically “middle aged” now. If this is what it’s like to be “middle aged” then thank God I’m old! This is amazing!
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I wrote this blog post today at 10:00 a.m.