So… tomorrow’s the day. Bella will be 18. Crazy.
Sooooo many incredible memories with her. So so many in so many years, from the first time I saw her to today.
I’m not sure which one is my favorite. It could be the time where I teased her for wearing shoes on her hands in those pictures of her in the gifting suite at the 2010 MTV Movie Award Lounge. Or those times when we talked as I collected her child modeling pictures. Or that time when I collected ALL of her Instagram pictures. Or that time when I first heard Bubblegum Boy. Or that time when I teased her for visiting ISU but not coming to see me. Or that time when I teased her because I couldn’t find any pictures of her with her back turned to me. Or that time when I first saw her video for Call it Whatever. Or that one Thanksgiving with her and Dani. Or that one time when she had that Instagram pic of her with the cookies standing in front of the airplane. Or that one time when I had fun with Kingston. Or that one time when I went nuts after some of her Fappening pictures leaked. Or that one time when I made her a fairy princess in those pictures of her and Kathryn Newton at the Megamind premiere. Or that one time when I watched a couple episodes of Shake it Up and talked to her while doing so. Or that one time when I teased her while watching one of her youTube Q&A sessions. Or that one time when I danced for like an hour to Watch Me. Or that one time when my door was off its hinges and I had to be real, real quiet even though I wanted her so, so badly that night. Or that one time when I first started seriously following her on Twitter- she was the first celebrity that I followed, even though she wasn’t even a celebrity then, and had only about 10K followers. Or that one time when I gave her her first, real, non-acting kiss. Or that one time when I saw her first ever paparazzi pictures. Or that one time when she wore that one piece over Independence Day. Or that one time when I searched through literally every picture of her on the internet to find all of the ones where she was with Kathryn Newton. Or that one time when I tweeted her that snarky reply to her tweet where she pretended to slam dunk a basketball. Or that one time where I poked fun at her for being in MTV’s Scream because it wasn’t the real Scream that I watched as a teen. Or that one time when I got into the Snapchat world so I could follow her Snapchats. Or that one time…
So… it’s been awhile. It’s been six years now, or a little bit longer. And a lot of stuff has happened between us. A lot of drama, too, only some of which I’m aware of. But I think it’s been good overall.
Her childhood is now officially over. Wow… you know, I used to wonder, back then, what she’d be like at 18. This was a long time before Shake It Up. I wondered back then if she’d even have a career now, or be in the industry at all. You know, like maybe she’d go off and become a librarian or something. You can never be sure.
All I really knew back then was that we had great chemistry, and that I had a crush on her, and that my gut instinct told me that I needed to be with her and guide her to… something, so that’s what I did.
I think that to an extent, the relationship has cooled off slightly, but that’s probably a good thing. She needs to transition out of child stardom and into the next step of her career, so I think some distance would be good for now. It will allow me to create a new relationship with her after that transition is complete. You know, one based on more adult terms.
Sometimes I wonder about all of this. I mean, I’ve never met Bella. Is it good for me to have had all of these experiences with her? I mean, it’s been incredibly fun sometimes, but it’s not real, right? I mean, really real. Like… as in, she’s a real figure, in my real life real.
I just checked her early twitter, her first one, @bellathorne143. It’s gone… all of it. It’s like a wasteland. So much of what we had was on that twitter, and nobody goes there anymore. That Twitter was huge to me. It was my introduction to that world… to her, as a person, and not a distant actress… and now it’s gone. A hundred years ago, something tangible would have remained. Love letters, initials carved into a tree, you know, something.
But these days it’s one button push, one click of a mouse, and it’s been deleted forever, permanently. In the world of the internet, and most especially in my own little world of telepathy, such a relationship may as well have never existed.
IDK.
I checked something else today, though: Kathryn Newton’s old twitter, @kathrynnewton88. It’s also been deleted, save for one solitary retweet from Bella, where she said to Kathryn that she’d always be her BFF. Bella’s tweet also has a link to an Instagram pic of hers of the two just being close and happy with each other.
That’s… touching. To me, the fact that Kathryn took the time to save that one retweet says so much, and has so much feeling behind it. And the Instagram pic in the tweet reminds me so much of what things were like way back then, with her, Bella, and me.
I know that Bella and Kathryn aren’t as close as they used to be… so I wonder if Bella appreciates what Kathryn did as much as I do, or if she even knows about it at all.
I really hope she does.