Question: Are my relationships transient?
They’re hard to classify.
They last a long, long time by today’s standards, but they have no material foundation.
There’s a lot of emotion and give and take in my relationships when they’re firing on all cylinders. So, they’re certainly powerful while they last. I’m thinking of Swifty in general, and Anne back in the day.
By “in the day” with Anne, I mean from 2002-2013. So a little more than a decade.
Surely, a decade long intense sexual relationship couldn’t be called transient, but… it just formally ended today, without so much as a whisper between us.
I don’t know.
The give and take in my relationships tends to be intellectual and emotional, rather than… IDK, “physical”. As in, Anne and I reached out to each other indirectly, through little emotional cues and leadings rather than direct contact.
I think I’ve gotten my abilities to “read” instagram pictures and paparazzi sets down to a science. I see everything, even the stuff that the celebrities themselves miss.
Does this mean that my relationships have a firm, physical foundation or not?
I’m thinking now of the tail end of my relationship with Anne. We both made significant attempts to jump start things between us to no avail. For me, see a few of my previous blog posts regarding me with married celebs. I tried very hard to create friction and drama between us, to reignite the spark we once had. And I did other things- I downloaded all of her Instagram pictures, for example, to try to shoehorn her into the Disneygram culture I am so fond of. I mean, she’s a Disney chick too, right? She was in The Princess Diaries!
And I tried a few other things, too, like downloading her very early photoshoot sets, just to give myself more material. Because who knows, maybe there’s something amazing that I missed!
But… none of that really worked. It was frusterating.
And Anne tried too. Those bikini pictures from August were a clear signal from her that she wanted things to keep going with me, like they had in the past. Come to think of it… if Daily Mail is to be trusted, and Anne really is 4 or 5 months pregnant, she was pregnant in those bikini pictures! They might have been her attempt to keep things with me on life support through her pregnancy, or whatever. Could be.
You know… something was “off” in those pictures, like she wasn’t 100% into it, like her mind was elsewhere. It was as if she was distracted, or worried, or something. Even back then I could see that something was amiss, although I couldn’t put my finger on just what it was. So the pictures didn’t take with me. I think I used them once, out of a sense of duty, but that was it.
So, we both tried.
And now it’s over.
So… transient or not?
Judging from what I’ve just written, I guess… not.