Just a few more random thoughts that I collected throughout the day.
For this, I’ll compare Anne to a younger girl, like Kira Kosarin (just to pick a name out of the hat).
Anne and I were sort of equals in our relationship. When things started between us, wayyyyy back then, she was obviously the important one. I was just an unemployed college grad with nothing to my name. I was a geek, a dork, a nobody. No girl, or anyone else for that matter, would give me a second thought back then.
And she was… Anne Hathaway, movie star. She was famous and rich and unbelievably talented and powerful. I mean, she starred in Disney movies! She knew how to sing! She was in magazines! She had websites devoted to her! She was my dream girl, an unattainable idol. I wanted her because she was someone I knew for sure I could never actually get.
But then… she fell into my lap. In all honesty, I never expected any of this. I trained myself through the years to communicate telepathically with people, but it was mostly something that I just did. I mean, most of the time I was doing my training I didn’t even realize what it was that I was actually doing. I was just doing what came natural to me. It was only later that I put the pieces together and realized how all of this was done. I mean, it was almost accidental. Kinda. Well, not really. I did put in many, many years of practice. I mean, like 6 hours a day, every day, for twenty years, starting at the age of 4 kind of practice. But for a very long time it was done unconsciously.
So, after I became a fan, I just fantasized about her. About the two of us being together. About how she should do things if she wanted to be successful. And I kept it up, over and over again, day after day after day.
And then it happened. Anne Hathaway, movie star, just fell into my lap. It was crazy. Absolutely nuts. I couldn’t believe it at first. It was like I was living a dream. No, it was crazier than a mere dream. It was indescribable.
To compare how I felt about things, say, ten years ago, with how I feel about them now is to see two totally different worlds. Ten years ago, if you would have told me that I would actually be in a real relationship with Anne Hathaway, and that I would be the one leaving HER, I would have tried to have you committed. I mean, no way could that ever happen on this Earth. No fucking way.
But it did. Unbelievably, it did.
And then… my star continued to rise to the point where she is now far beneath me in stature. This is just shocking to think about. It still seems kinda impossible, to be honest, but… it isn’t. This is the true world that we live in.
Wow.
So… Anne and I are equals. She was more powerful then, and I’m more powerful now. So, we’re on equal footing from my perspective.
This is also the same group that someone like Jessica Alba would be in. And Elisha Cuthbert, Britney Spears and Mandy Moore.
I think that this might help to explain some of the confusion. I look at my original favorites much differently than I look at someone like Kosarin, because of how things were back then.
It must seem odd to some to see me swear off someone like Anne. I mean, I’m one of the most powerful men in the world. What could I possibly be concened about?
Well, Anne still looks, I hate to say this, but… vaguely unattainable to me. Yes, even now, especially when I see her pictures from the early 2000’s. Those pictures remind me so much of the old me. The me that the people reading this never knew.
So I guess in a way this is me saying goodbye to my old self.
But… IDK. As usual, I’ll need to investigate if this is truly healthy for me. In breaking things off with Alba and Hathaway, am I trying to run away from myself? From something inside of me? Something I don’t want to confront? From my very normal, verrrry unglamourous and unpopular and deeply nerdy past?
IDK. I really hope not.
I’ll need to think about this later. Much much later, hopefully.
Back to the topic at hand.
Kira Kosarin is young, so young that for as long as she’s been in the industry she’s heard about me, and it shows. She can never be my equal, because she has always been beneath me on the totem pole. She’s a great friend and girlfriend but… she’s a kid who grew up in my shadow.
And… it’s clear that she isn’t as smart as me. I do like how the Hollywood of today communicates directly to it’s fans via social media, but there was something about the old way of being aloof that created mystery. I’m not sure that someone like me can be created in an environment like the one of today, where everyone can judge others so accurately and plainly. I used to imagine that Anne Hathaway and Jessica Alba were 180 I.Q. super geniuses, for example. Now I can see that they’re not. They’re both very smart, to be sure, but they’re not like I was sure they were, back then.
Things are just so different now. It’s a different world. A different universe.
I’ve nothing against Anne. Nothing at all, and certainly not if I look at things in the long term perspective. I might not be here without her.
Just some thoughts.
Congrats again, Anne. And- thanks for the inspiration.