I think something snapped in me that morning.
Last weekend, I came to another realization. I’ve been using gratuitous sex as a way to distance myself from people. Especially celebs.
This sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s the truth.
By making everything super-sexual, I’ve intentionally limited the time I spend with people, and made it tough for others to reach me in ways that are normal and personal. It’s a barrier.
It took Christina’s death to make me realize this.
I should have been with her. I really should have. We were the ultimate fit for each other. We had identical interests and found each other fascinating. So- why didn’t I, when I had the chance?
Maybe it’s because we would have been so perfect for each other that I didn’t. Maybe the reason I didn’t hang out with her is because we would have had more things in common than just sexual stuff, and for some reason, that fact pushed me away.
As in, we could have been real friends, instead of mutual sex objects.
You know, it used to be different. I used to relate to people telepathically in more ways than sexual ones. But lately, that just hasn’t been happening as much. I wonder why.
There’s some interesting psychology going on here, somewhere.