I saw that, Stefanie.
Yeah… I saw it.
Thanks.
I mean it. It’s those little things that sometimes mean the most.
Thank you.
Well…
So…
Alright.
Let’s do this.
Another post, before bed.
Because fuck it, that’s why. And I know that I need to.
Ok… I… need to say some things. Debby… I get it. I mean, I get it, I really do. I’m sorry I said the things I did. I was just… really sad. Seriously sad. And seriously angry. You have a right to be defensive. But still. Considering the… situation… something, to me, should have been said, at the time.
You know that I can pick up on the subtle. I mean, c’mon, hun. Jesus Debby you KNOW what she meant to me. You had to have. You were fucking THERE. And you, being you, should know what is going on with me now. Right?
I mean of course NOW you know, since I’ve spelled it out for you. But you should have known before, too.
Well… thanks, though. I’ll look into it, I guess. It’s pretty sad though that it’s come to this. Maybe you should have done things different too, you know? Maybe you ALL should have. Maybe things would have been better that way.
I mean THINK about it.
Well, whatever. I know what I need to do, and I will do it. I don’t want Dove to suffer through that again. I’ll do it, even if only for her. Right? Is that how it works? Is that the rallying cry I need right now- for Dove Bar?
Sure, it works for tonight. But what happens if 1) It doesn’t work, 2) It doesn’t work out, or 3) It doesn’t… work?
You know?
Not to belabor the point, but if it doesn’t work, what does that say about TOMxDOVE? Or if it doesn’t work out, me without Dove? Or if it doesn’t… work, you know, what does that say about this whole thing?
I shudder to think.
But… I’ll do it.
Thanks.
I guess.
Um… so back to Steffy. I see that she just unlisted her music videos. I get why, but I don’t like it; those things meant something to me. And like a lot of the stuff I like, it apparently needs to be buried. I mean I get why, but I don’t want to. Sometimes this stuff is a real bitch.
And while we’re still kinda on the subject of Dove, so did Chloe East as well bury her old vlogs. Sucks, but I have at least the Halloween one saved. Maybe some kind soul will upload the rest of them somewhere? For her youngest (oldest?) fans.
Whatevs.
So. Steffy. It’s late, and I’m yawning, my eyes are watering, and the nightly narcotics cocktail is zonking me out… but… I need to know something, and I know you can’t help me. But maybe you can… give me something. Something I desperately need, now more than ever. I need a clue about what happened, that night. Girl That I Used to Know. The lyrics, and the band seem to… almost… foreshadow something dreadful. Christina Grimmie.
What… is the story there? I mean I know you don’t know the story but… maybe you can help me? Or if not you, maybe… someone else? Someone close to things.
Please?
I just need to know. With all of the stuff that has happened lately it’s like, I need to know. For my own sake, to understand me. To understand us.
You see- we’re going to need to fix this thing, and that means asking the difficult questions. That means understanding where we came from, what we did wrong, and perhaps doing things in a better way, next time.
I can’t feel like that again. Like it felt after Cady passed. No way, no how. Not with someone like that.
And Cady- God damn, I’m STILL hung up over this! It still hurts, and fuck I still feel sometimes like a little cry or two now and again. Very uncharacteristic of me. It’s just that this really shouldn’t have happened.
Like oof. I hate it because in way too many ways it touches a nerve. It’s like it hurts everything, even the things she wasn’t involved in. As in- I’ve withdrawn from everything romantic since she passed. IDK why, perhaps I’m trying to figure things out, first. Maybe I need to. I don’t know.
I still need to decipher the Cady Groves conundrum. Maybe that is for another day.
Actually- yes it is. I’m tired, and bed calls.
Good night.