Oh man tho, it is hard to breathe. Uhgk. I mean, I’m dry, so I’m in no danger, but still, it really is.
It’s like I have to fight for each breath of air. Oh lordy, what a terrible inconvenience. oof.
And the headaches- yikes, they just SCREAM sometimes. Like my skull is in danger of splitting open and the contents of pouring out my ears. The headaches are just unreal. So massive, so brutal.
Which would… make sense. Narcotics attach themselves to your nervous system- i.e. like your brain, and solar plexus, if I understand them right. So the nausea and the migraines have a simple, logical explanation. It’s my body trying to rid itself of what it considers a poison.
Then why, tho- why the cravings? If it’s a poison, shouldn’t my body be glad to be rid of it? That would make the most sense, yes?
So why do I need it so?
Why can’t I be happy when it’s purged? It’s like… I need it SO. BADLY.
Like I can’t afford to be happy, or something. It’s a sick game, this is.
I kinda wish I had someone to talk to about this. I mean, I talk to Cady a lot but she’s… dead, lol. So that doesn’t really count.
I know I know. Therapy, right? Like, right now.
I know guys, I know.
But maybe I can… fix this… like, I was an addict before- there was the time in college. And last year, with a different set of narcotics. But this year is so so much worse. This shit I’m taking now is just sooooooo intense, and direct. And I’ve been on it for… a very, very long time.
I….. don’t know.
I need to think.
If I can, with this headache, I mean. Ouch.
sigh…