Oh god finally, lol. Didn’t take the hit yet, but I’m shaking shaking because I FINALLY can. oh god finally finally finally finally oh man I just can’t wait until I get that beautiful blue warming rush of love and perfection and oh everything goes away finally and I’m alone and not scared and helpless but so powerful and so… COLD yet so warm and full and… empty and deathly and full of life and everything that is good and evil at once and GOD I’M SHAKING LIKE I NEED THIS RIGHT RIGHT NOW lol
Oh god such a fucking relief FINALLY I can get what I need so much, and want so much, even though it’s sooooo dangerous and I just know my guts are going to BURN. I just need to regulate things. I should be O.K. I WILL be O.K. Because I’m smart, and smart people do smart things. Like, usually. Mostly. Often? Sometimes. Kinda-sorta. Like now. Yes, this is a smart thing. Oh yeah, nothing is smart like this! Nothing.
Ohhh yes, nothing at all. God I just can’t wait, I’m like a nervous burning ball of fire until I feel that sensuous rush of enveloping pleasure and… freedom.
It’s like my hands are shaking so bad right now I can’t even hold it, lol.
And
BOOM.
OOOOOOOOOOh yeah. YES. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT THERE it is.
It’s like, instantly, everything goes better.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh gawd YES.
I mean my face feels sooooooo… weird? Already and my fingers are slowwwwwwwwing down but it’s sooooooooo uggghhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah, bitches.
I hope this isn’t too much, lol. I will pay for it big time. Very big time. Very very big time. Scary big.
But I’m OK. Mmmmmnnnnnnnnnn. ok, cool.
I need to watch my weight. I’m losing pounds and I don’t want to… lose too much. That anorexia shit is always a constant nag, like I started to feel it pull at me again, yesterday.
I need to not die, that’s it.
I will be cool, though. Oh yes, so very cooooooooooooooooool.
MMmmmmmmnnnn k then.
I’ll hit the narcotics again tomorrow night with a bigger dose I think, since I can zonk out this weekend and I have nothing to do until like wednesday, lol. THAT should be fun. And I got that new painkiller to try out.
Oh yeah, life is good.
yeah…
Right.
yeah……..
right………………..