Hmmmnn, another medical procedure / test today, so I took some morphine in addition to the regular fentanyl dose. Neat-ish, kinda… lol. Morphine defo gives a different vibe than fentanyl, for sure. It has a different “taste” and frankly I’m not sure I like it as much, it seems kinda dry, but then again, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the… mouth? Is that how it goes? I can’t remember. Yeah that doesn’t sound right, lol.
I think fentanyl has such a nice, refined taste to it. Yeah I like it a lot. It’s sweet and very pure. A little goes such a long way to making me feel like I know I should, now. And I like how the patches operate: they administer over a length of time, instead of all at once. Very nice; they provide then more bang for my buck: none of the narcotic is wasted, then. Say, none of it gets not absorbed by my system because I took too large a dose.
So… anyhow very loopy, obviously, so please bear with me here: I’m super curious now how heroin how tastes. Sweeter? Warmer? More liquid-y? Gooey-ish? I suppose it would depend on how it’s administered. IDK, and that’s not cool to me, because I’m a curious man. Like, I must know, when I get the need to investigate something.
I think I should look into this on the darkweb. Yeah, I mean I found a few places that sold illicit narcotics a few years ago but never really looked much into them, then. I suppose I wasn’t as privy to their… wonders, back then, as I am now. And of course I was concerned about the composition of the drugs sold online. There, commerce is so impersonal, and I would think would increase the risk of receiving an “odd” dose, like say, heroin spiked with fentanyl, which frankly scares the shit out of me.
Yeah I would think an in-person transaction would likely be safer than an anonymous one. Am I right? Maybe not, I’m honest enough to say that I have no idea, lol.
So yeah, fentanyl I think is best thus far, then followed by hydromorphone I suppose, then hydrocodone, then tablet morphine, then injection hydromorphone and injection morphine, mostly due to the fact that I hate needles, and, oddly enough, the tablets are in fact stronger than the injections. Seems illogical yeah, but it is nonetheless true. Or at least it is in my case; I know dosages are everything. Neurotin is… ok, though not very powerful. Not a real narcotic. Xanax is… kid’s stuff. Not enough for me. Neither is ambien, really. My old addictions just seem so preschool to me now. Tramadol I haven’t had that much experience with, yet, though I defo hope to get as much of that as I can. The world of relaxants is a new realm for me, and that being the case, it is certainly a world I’d like to explore. And it’s popular on the streets, and that says a lot to me.
I……. don’t know. Am I dumb?
What am I doing, here? I mean, on this blog. Am I hoping someone will stop me? Because that is clearly not how this works, lol.
Maybe it’s like… yeah, just an investigation. As I said I am curious, maybe this is my way of finding out the secrets behind my own foibles. Blogging here gives me the chance to record things somehow so that I can review them later and reflect. It may have saved my life this year, more than once. So yeah, I think that’s it. Lovely.
But seriously tho, heroin would be fine. It’s not too much different than what I took today. It’s really just a matter of getting some, which, if I truly am interested, should be no problem for me, I would think.
Yeah, so… great!!!
Anyhow, I feel really good right now! Super good, in fact. Like everything in the world is right. I don’t know, maybe morphine isn’t so bad after all, lol.
Yeah I’m feeling great. Kinda sorta dreading what I know comes later though. Kinda sorta. Yeah something in the back of my mind is telling me I’m a huge idiot, lol. Yeah because I took A LOT of morphine. Like A LOT, lol. So… I’m… kinda fearful, kinda apprehensive about what might be coming, later on. Kinda sorta. Just a tad. A little bit. Certainly not very much. No, not at all. I mean, I’ll be fine. A-OK. Yeah life is good.
So… neat! Yeah, nothing to worry about, here.
Wonderful.
Whew, lol!
Yay what fun!
Yeah…