I’m happy that she’s happy.
I was just with her, and… it was so… us. So fun. And magical. And magnetic. And pretty. And expansive. And mysterious and curious and like a tidal wave of friendship and compatibility, drowning us both in each other’s arms.
In short, it fucking rocked.
I love her. Have I mentioned that before? Because I do.
Um… yeah. So cool. Selena, my dahhhhhling.
I’m so glad I started blogging again. My god did I need this. I’m becoming me again. It’s like, I’m allowing myself to be myself again, and it’s just a wonderful feeling of freedom. I mean, I’m smiling, again.
And yeah, I have the other stuff in the back of my mind as well. But still.
And now, I see that Selena is smiling again, too. She really needed this too, I think. Like, she needed to know that I knew. She needed to know that I had a handle on me, at least in some way. That I wasn’t… lost, I guess.
And I’ve noticed that in others, too. Vanessa, Haley, AnnaSophia, Laura, Elle, Zoey. It’s like a light switch has been flipped on, lately. And it was like it happened right after I started blogging again. Like something magical happened, like a piece of the puzzle was finally snapped into place after a long and frustrating search.
It’s kinda like, ok, now they know why, finally. Like they were missing that.
My only regret about all of this is that I wish it hadn’t taken Cady dying to get me doing this again.
So, I’m thinking now. What if……
No, Tom. Don’t you even dare. Don’t do that to yourself. You don’t deserve it.
I didn’t kill her. I didn’t. And that’s final.
Right, but back on topic. Selena wasn’t feeling happy, this year. I could tell, but check her insta now, and today’s set of pictures- the ones she uploaded a couple of hours ago. She’s radiant in them, positively glowing. She looks absurdly beautiful, like an inner light is pouring forth from within her. It’s amazing.
I mean, the blogging, and the recent changes I’ve made to myself, have just done wonders with her, I think. It’s great.
Yeah. Permit me a moment to generalize here, but it seems that women really want to get to know the guy they’re with. And, they really like reading. Call it a hunch, but I’ll bet anything that what women really want from a guy is to find their secret diary, somewhere. Some special journal of their innermost thoughts and feelings, those impulses that they hide from others. From everyone. Including themselves. And then to READ that fucking diary, end to end, greedily, in one fevered sitting.
Am I right in thinking this?
LOL.
And to expand on the idea, what if said diary is well thought out and occasionally very well written, and packed with sex, drama, magic, conspiracies, and lurid professions of obsession and love?
And vampires.
And melodrama.
And sex. Did I mention sex?
And magic.
And magical, melodramatic vampires having sex, for real, like some kind of insane, over the top and real, based-on-a-true-story mashup of the best (worst?) moments of Twilight, Harry Potter, Mean Girls, and Fifty Shades of Grey. And did I mention that it’s actually real?
Because it is.
Yeah. They would go nuts for that, I think.
For real.
But seriously, ah, Selena kicks ass. She’s great, and I’m glad she’s smiling again. So glad.
And I’m glad I’m part of the reason why.
Ah hell Tom, don’t undersell yourself.
Yup, I did it. Thaaaaat was ME, bitchez.
So glad I started blogging again. Ah, I’m thinking now of what I might be, right now, had I not, and I’m… not happy with what I see. And I’m not happy with what Selena is, either. Or any of us- my girlfriends and me. Maybe we would’ve gone down a… worse path. And maybe the consequences of that would have been awful. For everyone.
Yeah. It might not have been good, at all.
I really wish Cady had been alive to see this. It would have made her smile, maybe.
Fuck it, I’ll show her anyways.
Yeah! I’m sure she’ll be proud of me.
I know it.