Part 41. Wow.
So yeah, alright. A few hours of research today has yielded all of this, for me:
1) I was able to bookmark about a dozen websites selling “pure Afghanistan heroin”. Like any other commodity, some of these sites sell at better prices per gram than others. And ALL of them seem kinda sketchy (IKR, what a surprise, lol), and ALL of them need more research from me, in terms of safety, reliability, and consistency. That is, if I choose this route.
2) All in all, I’m not sure that these websites (found combing the darkweb and also my illicit website archives) are able to be judged effectively by me, with the information I have. I need more info about these sites, and I think I know where to get what data I need, too, after some reflection about my browsing history.
3) I don’t know the foggiest thing about heroin. Like, what to even do with it, or anything. The sites I visited about this left me gobsmacked about how little I knew about this stuff. Maybe I really am sheltered, lol. Ok, then. I’m clearly in no shape to make any moves, now.
4) I’m a major opioid addict. I mean, as if that wasn’t obvious, lol. But seriously, I know that for a fact, now, since I found websites that did comparison / contrasts between narcotic amounts and dosages, and comparison levels between casual users, serious addicts, and those weird junkies that live on the streets. I’m firmly in the “strongly addicted” category, judging my habit via the formulas they laid out for me. I mean like, “x micrograms of fentanyl and y mg of morphine in a day equals so many grams of heroin, and serious addicts take z grams of heroin in a typical day” type formulas. So yeah, I’ve got a major opioid “problem” though I’m not quite at “street junkie” status, which was my hunch. Also correct was my guess that I could easily make the transition over to pure heroin, if I wanted, without any major change in cravings.
5) I don’t know what to do about law enforcement. Honestly, I have no idea how to deal with any kind of police. The most I’ve ever got from them was a traffic ticket. I mean, they’ve been almost a non-entity for me, at least until now. Now I’m starting to… think about how to avoid them. And that’s weird for me. A new feeling. And I’m not sure I like it. I mean, what would I do if I buy some heroin, and the police find the package and search it at the local post office, before it even gets to me for some reason? And then what if they show up at my door with a warrant, or something? What the fuck would I even do, then? Would this blog become some kind of… liability? No idea.
6) My standards for what is “acceptable behavior” have changed massively. The “me” of five years ago wouldn’t take allergy pills because they were unnatural. Now look at me, lol. Yeah, wow. And I’m far from sure if these are changes are things to be proud of. Probably not.
7) As I said above, I have ALOT more to learn, especially about… taking heroin. How you prep it so as to not waste it, etc., how you I guess hide it, and other things. I guess heroin wouldn’t be too bad as far as hiding and shipping goes. A small bag of it takes up much less space than a huge carton of pills, and not so little space that it would get lost, like fentanyl. So heroin it is, despite my love for fenty.
good god, I just gave it a nickname. ohhh noooo, lol.
8) I need to stop this, like now. Seriously. This is like… a bridge way too far. I feel like I’m staring off the edge of a cliff here, into some distant void below. Like, I know where this leads. I’m sure everyone reading this does, too. Like, I need to stop this, as soon as possible. I mean, not today, but yeah, as soon as I can. Maybe next week. Actually, I was thinking next year. Yeah, start fresh with the new year, with a new outlook on life, and no addictions to worry about. I mean, who wants to deal with withdrawls during the holidays? Not me!
See? I’m smart about these things. I think ahead. Yeah, totally.
Um… so, to continue.
9) I guess I’m not that good of a role model. I mean, in case that wasn’t obvious, lol. But seriously, yeesh. Whaat the fuck are people thinking right now, lol. Yiiiiiiikes. Ye gods, I don’t even want to know about it. Yikes.
Ok than, I guess I need something else tho, to make it up to ten. Um, so…
10) I kinda hope that no matter which way I go, that it doesn’t change things with my girlfriends. Though I suppose if I get arrested, then it would defo be kinda sorta my fault. Kinda, I mean. Kinda sorta. Yeah.
So… ummm, what is the takeaway here? I’m dumb. Yes, that’s it! I’m dumb.
Sigh…