Ughk, how dreadful. Feel like utter shit, naturally. Fuck, this sucks. Tried having fun with Chloe East and only ended up passing out. Fuck, how awful. I used to have so much fun with her. And yeah we talked about that. About how we don’t have fun like we used to, and how I just see her anymore to keep me from passing out yet again, and how that kinda wasn’t what she wanted from the relationship. I mean, I know, Chloe, I know. I’m sorry, ughk.
Fuck.
I do wish it was different. I saw a different doctor yesterday and voila, of course, he hands me the name of some addiction specialists. Says they might “help me”. Great, how rude. Usual with parents. Whatever. I just feel so tired. Fuck. Oof, ouch. And in pain, again. Like always. Always, always, always. Sooooo much fucking PAIN. Fuck.
I’m sorry Chloe. I mean I know how you feel when I say that but it’s true. And I know you’re feeling sad as I’m even typing this but I need to get it out, so… yeah. I don’t have a choice. It’s MUCH healthier than some other stuff I could be doing right now.
Oof, this sucks. Addiction really, really sucks, doesn’t it? Oh gods, it’s horrible.
I googled a few of the addiction doctors whose names I have been given and read some unbelievable horror stories from some patients and ex-patients and such who went to see them, or had family members who saw them. Ugly shit, about overdoses, destroyed families, suicides, and general hopelessness. There are not too many good addiction doctors, it seems. I mean maybe that’s just this area or something, but jeezus. Oof, how depressing.
Ow, fuck. This sucks, lol.
I’m coming up on post 100 in this series, aren’t I? Yeah. Wow. How dreadful.
I mean you just can’t get OFF the stuff.
Whatever. Fuckit.
Fuck.