Hmmn. Well.
So I had some free time today, and I decided to make sure that I had ALL the Cady Groves songs out there and guess what: I didn’t. Actually, I was missing a few. So I grabbed them. I found a couple interesting (and official!) remixes of her stuff on youtube and a whole new song on soundcloud. Neat. The new song is great, obviously. Will defo become a listen in time, once I get it filed away correctly. Neat.
So I did some checking and I have a few songs that the Cady Groves demo project does not have (including the one from today), so I will be forwarding the ones I have to the project admin. Only fair; he showed me that I didn’t have some of the songs he had. So yeah, neat.
And um… I’m going to archive her facebook videos, too. Because why not.
Gawd I had a fun afternoon, lol. It’s like putting together a puzzle. So fun. I even found her brother’s old soundcloud! Wow.
And- I found… something else. Interestingly, not from Cady or one of her fans. Something from one of my fans. That… isn’t something I was expecting, but you better believe I was all interested in that, lol.
So, yeah. I found a song, on Soundcloud, which was a rumination on my relationship with Cady, from my point of view. It’s called “Cady Groves Was Right”. If you want a listen, head here: https://soundcloud.com/gregry-marshl/cady-groves-was-right .
So… wow. Ok. I see.
Good song, lol. I mean it, I really like it. I wouldn’t mind more stuff like this- I mean- more directly personal stuff, especially if it helps me to figure something out about myself, as this song did.
Here are the lyrics, as best I can discern. Please forgive me my formatting errors:
Tried so hard to see yourself- clearly
Take this away, can’t take the pain
You said you believed
You just kept getting farther and farther away
I tried to save you but it never added up to much
Because you would say
“I’m falling, farther and farther, and everybody sees”
Life is dark, can’t make a start over…
I scream take us away, can’t take the pain
You just kept getting farther and farther away
I tried to save you but it never added up to much
Because you would say
“I’m falling, farther and farther, and everybody sees”
That every single day I tried to tell you were beautiful
But most of the time you never saw yourself for what you really were
Told you I’d leave, I believe in everything
I believe I believe in everything you said
And everybody wants to fall in love in a cinematic fashion
I don’t, I don’t
And everybody wants to fall in love in a cinematic fashion
I don’t, I don’t
Please refrain because I can’t take your… constructive criticism anymore
What the hell have you been building anyway
Between you and me
Just a bitter pain I gotta say
I could feel so much better than this, I know I know I took the easy road again
I’ve been selling myself short
I’ve been victorious
I know how it goes
this is the part where I realize that I’m alone
alone
You always told me to be mature
Well I just don’t know myself anymore
What’s the point of being grown up anyway
I can be like you, give it all away
And everybody wants to fall in love in a cinematic fashion
I don’t, I don’t
And everybody wants to fall in love in a cinematic fashion
I don’t, I don’t
Hmmmn. Well… wow. This kinda hits squarely in the feels, lol. The fact that it’s more direct by openly addressing my relationship with Cady is awesome, and refreshing as hell. Sometimes I get tired of “interpreting” the status of my relationships through the byzantine system of symbols and nudges that my girlfriends have decided on using.
So… this was released five years ago, and is a dead on understanding of what I was feeling back then, between me and her. And with that said, it’s pretty crazy that this artist was able to intune so easily with what I was feeling. It’s like… he must have heard a lot, lol. And I mean like everything. That’s… crazy. I suppose some are able to hear more than others. Or maybe I’m more famous than even I understand. I don’t know.
But it’s like… yeah, that’s me. And I see and hear so much of what I was in this song, like I remember so much of how I used to be when I listen to Cady’s music. It’s like an anchor to my past.
And, I can see my perennial issues here. Depression, desire, power, a lust for glamour and youth. And a preoccupation with closeness to the people I love the most. It’s like… that’s the old me, but it’s still me. And perhaps I’ve not changed much in the intervening years between this song’s release and now. Or perhaps I’ve not changed much for a much longer time. Or maybe forever. Maybe people don’t change, really. I… don’t know.
Well…
In my searches during the last ten minutes, I found an interview that holds the answer to this very question. From Cady, natch. It’s here:
Fast forward to 5:39. Cady talks about this very issue, in a way that answers my questions above. Like, literally. As I was asking those questions she was answering them back, as if she was here. Neat. So- Should I take her advice? I think I should. She’s smart; she knows what I need. At least… I mean, she’s dead, but not really, clearly. She’s obviously still here, trying to help me out. As she should. She’s clearly devoted to me and ready to help I guess in any way she can. And that’s awesome.
Thanks, Cady. You still are one of my best girlfriends, if not THE best. Seriously, you rule, hun.
Honestly, people. Even dead she’s a better girlfriend than most living girlfriends, lol. So funny, but it really shows her qualities. And how super compatible we were to each other. Such a horrible shame that I’ve missed out on the love of my life like this.
Fuck.
But… yeah. It’s late and I need to go to bed.
So I will. Yeah.
Good night, world.
Wish me luck.
And… thanks, Gregry. And Cady. God, I love you, Cady. So much. And I’m so hugely proud right now that I feel like my heart is just bursting. So happy. Thank you so much, love. I think I’m literally blushing, lol. Crazy stuff this is. By far and away better than probably 99% of relationships in the living world. Incredible; mind-blowing, unreal. This is impossibly great and beautiful. It’s just… amazing.
I wish that this could continue forever. I want it to more than anything, but I worry so much that I will run out of material and… it will, by necessity, stop being so… enormous. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but still… who knows. We been together what- 9 years? Well, it’s been longer than 8.
I just checked and my first picture of her is a pic of her Love Actually single. Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening to her music before this. Just that this is the start of my picture collection for her, i.e., the start of our romantic relationship. So, 8 years. That’s longer than most marriages, lol.
May it continue forever. May it continue eternally, and grow stranger over time. Because fuck the rules, that’s why. Fuck ’em all, who cares what most people think about how I live. It’s worked for me thus far.
Yeah!
Well… that being said, good night, world.
Sleep tight.