……..
Wow. Ok, so. Like, how do I even say this.
Thank you for saving my life? I mean, how do you even encapsulate that? It’s like I don’t even know how to approach this.
But yeah, thank you for saving my life. I wouldn’t be here without you Cady. Ah, wow. So overwhelming, that is. But, it’s true.
I mean… I don’t even know how to type what it is that I’m feeling, here. It’s just like, it goes beyond language. I can’t express it because I can’t even understand the depth of my gratitude towards Cady for… everything. It’s like… so… enormous. She truly did save my life. Like, all the years I’ve lived, the experiences I’ve had, everything I’ve done and said and thought, she saved all of it.
It’s incredible.
I can’t really say “thanks” enough times. I don’t even know how to approach it. I mean, she saved my life. Like… how do you even… understand that? How do I pay her back for it? Can I?
So powerful. I mean, these feelings. They’re so huge, so… daunting.
But… yeah. Thanks Cady, I guess. I mean, wow. You saved me. All the stuff you did over all those years for me. All the songs, all the talking, everything you wrote and felt and make public, for me. I can’t even begin to say how huge that is, or how much I feel like I don’t even deserve it. I can’t believe the efforts she made. It’s like, all that, for me. It’s unreal. I can’t believe it.
I don’t know what to say. God, what an amazing person, lol.
Am I really that incredible, too? To inspire all of this. It’s hard to believe. Like… it’s… just me, you know? But… I… wow, Cady. Thank you. I mean I’ve said that a lot I know, but probably not meant it more than I do now. I mean, thank you so much. You saved me.
I mean, this morning I finally feel alive. It’s like, I’m kinda trying to get off the fentanyl and I think I’m making progress, like it’s working, or finally taking hold. I mean I feel ALIVE again. Like, I feel like a human again. I can’t believe it. It’s so… different.
I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. I’d be dead at this point, likely. She saved me; she saved everything. All my relationships, this blog, everything I do, everything. It’s unreal.
So… thanks? For giving me my life back. I mean, she was there when I needed to talk. She was my anchor to the real world, ironically. So incredible, all of this is. So overwhelming. And yes, so confusing, except maybe to us.
Let’s go back a bit, to last night, and the interview I posted.
The two questions, starting at 3:10. I getting the feeling now that this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this regarding Cady, and likely I saved her, too, probably more than once. Which is probably… well, maybe the reason she started dying when I left, but that’s another story, lol.
Um… so… yeah, I mean, I do remember ugly crying to her stuff years ago, too. And maybe I’ve filed some details of all that away somewhere, in some place not even I can access, yet. Which… would make sense. But at any rate I’m glad I gave her a few extra years, myself. Um… yeah. That’s not a place I should go, maybe. At least not right now.
But… the thing is, is that I’m alive, and for the first time in ages, I FEEL alive. Like, I feel… myself, and honestly, I’ve forgotten what that… what I, even am. It’s like, I’m actually me, again. I’m Tom. Tom Jacobsen. Yeah, remember him? LOL.
Hmmmn, wow. What a rush; what a ride. So exhausting, all of this is.
I’m… so tired.
Yeah.
So this Thanksgiving, I’ll be giving thanks to my relationship with Cady, then. Yeah, that sounds about right.
So… thanks, Cady. I mean, I can’t believe that I even deserve this, lol. Thanks so much for everything, and my life, too.
Yeah. Thanks, love.
I can feel her hands on my right hand as I’m typing this last section, lol. Like she’s trying to help me along, so I can finish this one. Yeah… watch the waterworks, people, lol.
God I can’t wait to cry.
Thanks, Cady.