Ok god damn it I can’t TAKE this anymore. I mean I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been tired of talking about drugs but I can’t take it anymore, I need to vent so badly.
I mean I can’t TAKE this anymore. It’s so Ahhhh FUCK, I REALLY need to get high, ugh, god damn, this tapering shit fucking sucks, help, ah jeez this SUCKS, ahhh, help me, please, someone help me, fuck, ugh, FUCK.
So yeah the other day I wrote this as a (very) rough draft and then was like… no. And I stepped away, thinking I prolly just needed some time alone. So yeah, I won’t even bother to read it, here it is
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Ah, another post in the familiar vein (heh), yes indeed, another. FUCK, I need to get high.
And yeah, I know, please don’t turn away yet, I just so need to VENT like… AH, fuck, I need some more drugs, I need them, they are good for me, so good, and I HATE confronting life without their beautiful, protective cover.
I still feel the fentanyl in my veins, caressing me, loving me, helping me know and be me, but I feel so much the onrushing horror of not having used in a whole day as well. I mean… not having used as much, you know? Which is basically the same, almost, as not having used at all. Mostly. Well, in the ways that matter.
I NEED fentanyl. Again. So much, so powerfully, my heart isn’t right without it, my soul doesn’t…
Ah, FUCK. My hands are acting up and shaking as I type this. Fuck. Ah, FUCK. GOD DAMN. Fuck. FUCK. Ah, FUCK. This SUCKS. AHHHH GAWD DAMN, lol. Ah, FUCK.
Nothing feels right, I really need more, and like a LOT more, but FUCK, it’s like late, you know? And I need to get to bed, and I have stuff to do tomorrow. Fuck. Ah, FUCK, I feel like I need to convulse again, lol.
FUCK. Gawd I need more fentanyl. Fuck.
FUCK, AHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDDDD this sucks, fuck this, I fucking hate this, I need some fentanyl NOW, like RIGHT NOW, so badly, FUCK. Ah, FUCK. I need it… ah, fuck me, this sucks.
I can’t scream. I wish I could. This is ridiculous, I feel like I’m burning inside, AHH fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
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So yeah, there. Fuck this, god damn it, someone shoot me, I want out of this shitty, shitty life. Ah god damn it, ah jeezus fuck, my hands just won’t stop fucking shaking. Ah, god DAMN this feels really really bad.
Fuck this “tapering” shit. Fuck it all to hell, it fucking sucks. What a prison all of this is.
Absolutely inhuman, this stuff is. Absolutely. There is no way OFF of this stuff. You just can’t do it.
Ah fuck, this SUCKS. Ah, god DAMN it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck this HURTS, AAAAHHHHHHHHH fuck FUCK THIS.
God damn it, my brain is splitting open, ah, FUCK. This SUCKS. Fuck me, ah, god, how horrible. How monstrous and unfair. This life is no good, no good like this, at all.
I need more drugs, more fentanyl. I need and fuck I swear I’ll kill to get it I SWEAR, lol. Well… maybe, maybe not. FUCK.
Ah, my hands, ahhhhh FUCK they hurt. And my feet, and my everything. God this sucks.
Fuck me.