Alright.
I get it now.
…
mostly.
Ok. So.
I’ve been researching, and now I can definitely say that this… lifestyle, of mine, this… telepathy, I mean, with my girlfriends and sexual encounters and relationships and everything, has been going on now since 2002.
In my mind at least, there is now no question.
Today, I found the pieces I was missing. The puzzle is I think complete, as far back as 2002. And mostly probably since the mid-90’s.
Allow me to explain, I guess mostly to myself, lol. Since it seems everyone else already knows all of this stuff, haha. Good lord, you would think someone would have, IDK, told me or something. But… anyhow.
Alright, there was this girl band in the UK. All Saints. Amongst the members, there were two sisters, Nicole and Natalie Appleton. I had relationships with both. Intimate relationships. Meaningful ones, that lasted for years. I’m not going to say exactly how long, I mean I would need to go into my archives for that, but let’s just say like… ten years, or so.
For the Zoomers, All Saints was an edgier Spice Girls. They were still pop, but many of their songs had a slightly harder attitude to them. To prepubescent girls, the difference between the two was probably significant. All Saints had some songs with a hip-hop vibe to them and some others with a vaguely “rock” styling.
For me, the interest was in of course the two very gorgeous and charismatic and fun leads, the Appletons. They were awesome.
I won’t get into the details because I’m sure you can guess them, but of course I got all their pictures from the internet, listened to their music, etc. etc. you know, the usual stuff from me.
What is significant here is two things: 1) The Appletons both starred in a movie, together, in which they both went topless (!), and in such a way that I realize now was probably designed to appeal to me, and 2) The Appletons embarked on a solo career after leaving All Saints that saw the two release some highly personal songs and videos, none of which I have seen, until today.
Thanks to the magic of youtube, I can finally see the videos I had missed, all those years ago.
Being an American, I had only the internet to rely on when it came to British pop music then. So- in the case of the Appletons, I had no way of knowing, really, what it was that they truly thought about me (if in fact anything). Ditto for, like, Atomic Kitten, etc. But I won’t get into that, now.
So, the videos. Let’s watch this one, shall we?
Alright. A few things stick out here: 1) The chair- I had a chair very much like this one, back then; 2) Her movements- I indeed used to rock back and forth in said chair in a nearly identical way; 3) Her boots- I used to need footwear that looked verrry much like this, back then, as this is when I was suffering from the first bout of my “what the hell even is this” disease, lol, and I had foot problems, 4) The aura- the way that light captures and wraps around the girls, like it does to me, 5) The song itself, which seems to be a way of encouraging me to find a way to get over the disease and relearn to walk again.
All in all, this video so closely mirrors every aspect of my life back then that was significant to me than I was having flashbacks watching it. There is no way, no possible way, that this video could not have been inspired by me. No way, no way.
To explain further, back then, my life was my chair, and my computer. The disease literally crippled me to the point where I couldn’t walk. Even putting my feet on the floor brought horrifying pain to me, and my poor feet were constantly bruised and bleeding from burst blood vessels. It was incredibly ugly. More details for a later post if there is interest on my journey to survival back then, but suffice to say, this video was, like… very much and clearly directed at making me feel better. In fact it legit warms my heart to see it, now. Thanks girls, that was very very nice of you.
So… everything in it, down to the smallest detail, just screams “TOM JACOBSEN IN THE YEARS OF 2002 AND 2003”, lollll. Yeah it’s… me. There’s no doubt.
And I know, I hate to scream but… like… the connection, the “vibe” is so strong here that it demands an exclamation, I think.
And their other videos:
Yup that’s “me”, alright. Or, well… no, not me. It’s “us”. Me, Natalie, and Nicole. These videos are a celebration of our relationship, our love, back then.
And it’s so OBVIOUS.
But it’s just… until now, I couldn’t see the videos. I didn’t know what it was they even were. Apparently I was lucky to even catch them on youtube; it seems the label keeps taking them down for some reason if the comments are accurate.
Maybe the videos are too personal. Too “me”. I mean, they don’t seem oriented to a mass market, really… almost. At least, the first one certainly doesn’t. Don’t Worry, I mean.
That one… was for me, personally. No question.
So… 2002, then. I was a telepath back then, and perhaps sooner.
And… while we’re at this… that chair, again.
Does that not remind you of the chair Britney Spears used in Stronger? It does, me.
Hmmmn. That would place it around 2000 and earlier. And let’s just be like… fuck it.
Baby One More Time? With the daydreaming about pop videos in class, like I did back then? Sure, why not.
In fact, fuck it. Pretty much everything Britney has ever released as a solo artist seems at least indirectly inspired by me, at least in some way. I mean gawd damn it her whole fucking debut album is basically the stuff I used to think about back in high school.
I mean, considering her history, and how I latched onto her when she was on Mickey Mouse Club, I mean like… you know… is it possible… that… her whole thing is basically, like, me?
I mean like… everything?
Like, maybe Britney was the origin point of all of this. I mean, when I watch her earliest videos, it’s like… is that not me, back in high school? And my dreams / fantasies?
I mean… isn’t it?
Maybe?
I… don’t know.
I don’t.
I can only guess. Unfortunately.
But I guess, then…
Sure. Why the fuck not?
So, it was Britney, then. She was the start, the nexus point, the origin, of my empire. Britney Spears. And following her, Christina Aguilera. And then Jessica Simpson.
And then… I mean, looking back, it isn’t like I didn’t like, say, Jessica Alba, before Britney’s solo career. I did. It’s just… I didn’t make her, before Britney. I mean… I think. Kinda. Maybe. … right?
I mean, what do you think, reader? Can you help me?
I wish that I had someone to talk to about all of this, I really do.
I mean, hello? Anyone?
Sometimes I feel like I’m just talking into a void, here. I mean, which I am, but… ahhh, fuck it.
I’m stopping this, here. My head is starting to hurt.