Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Fenty Splurge

Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

Oh yes baby, give me that loving fentanyl. God I need, feels so good. So good. Makes me feel so good. Love that wonderful, beautiful warmth. Oh God baby yes. So good, wow I want more.

But- no. Not now. Later. Oh yes, later. So good.

God I LOVE fentanyl. It’s just… me.

Thank you so much!!!!!

I can just feel the smile lighting up my face. Relaxing. Fun. Wonderful. All the pain goes away, everything is bright as brightest day. Oh so good.

And it’s better now, this year. So much better. So much better… managed. And appreciated. And healthy, both mentally and physically. Oh so good.

*beams*

My smile just won’t stop.

Thank you fentanyl!!!!!! My bestest friend, my secretest confidant.

I just wanna lay here and floooooat away into eternity’s loving arms.

I can hear my parents wrapping presents downstairs. They just don’t know what they’re missing, lol.

Oh yes, so so good.

Oh yes.

Oh yes……..

YES…..

Hmmmmnnnnnn…

*Sigh*.

Nothing can beat this smile.

Christmas 2021

Saturday, December 18th, 2021

Well, I’ve been watching some Christmas movies.

I saw the first two Princess Switch flicks, and will watch the third. I am going to see Laura Marano’s Cinderella Story movie with her, tomorrow. That will be a blast.

Tonight, I saw Let it Snow, the Netflix Christmas chick flick with Isabela Merced, Kiernan Shipka, and Odeya Rush. And, surprisingly, Joan Cusack, who not so surprisingly stole the movie out from under the feet of her younger co-stars. I also saw Ben is Back, the drug addiction drama starring Lucas Hedges, Julia Roberts, and Kathryn Newton. Very interesting, that one was.

I also saw Spirit Riding Free: Spirit of Christmas, a low budget animated Netflix production that was apparently a continuation and ending of a long running series. This particular episode of the series featured Kathryn Newton’s opposite and romantic nemesis: Katherine McNamara, and in a role that was inspired by circa-2011 Taylor Swift, no less.

I’m also going to see the Christmas episode of My So-Called Life, and of course the Peanuts special, again. And maybe a few other things, we’ll see.

Maybe a few episodes of The Simpsons and Futurama. We’ll see.

Oh wait. I also saw Aimee Teegarden’s first Hallmark Christmas movie, and plan to see her second. And I saw Haley Pullos’s A Royal Christmas Ball. So yeah, I’ve been watching a decent number of flicks, lol. And they all tell me something, so regardless of all other concerns, I always learn something about my relationships when I watch them.

Tonight’s choices of Let it Snow and Ben is Back were interesting ones that were made more so since the films were played back to back, without much of a pause in between.

Let it Snow was basic Netflix fare, but fun, and with real heart. Not too Christmassy, which isn’t a bad thing at all, and… I don’t know, it was a fun, lighthearted Netflix chick flick. I mean, you know what you’re getting with that description, lol. It was defo cheesy at times, but here the cheesiness worked IMO.

It was… interesting to see what the filmmakers thought about me and… my relationships, and problems, as well as my strengths and abilities. Yeah, all of that is in there, you just kinda need to work the symbolism and innuendo, you know?

Thanks so much, Kiernan, for the nice things you said about me. Thank you so much. I would write more but my hands are starting to hurt. Maybe I’ll expound later.

But Kiernan, you’re a keeper, defo. People as lovely as you are a rarity. It isn’t just your physical prettiness that makes you beautiful; it’s your soul.

But yeah, my hands are starting to hurt. Ouch, lol.

Uhm… other things… I’m not that desperate for validation and love, am I? I mean I can’t be, but what was said in the movie did make sense… Ahh, some other day with this, lol.

Ben is Back was one hell of a ride. Holy shit, what a tornado that film was.

And I can see what the filmmakers were doing, here. I could see very plainly. Very, very plainly. Yes, I get it.

It’s baffling to me that this movie was released before my problems with fentanyl and morphine addiction. Yes before.

Jesus Christ, you people really know me.

Basically, the film was some kind of nightmare scenario that did double duty as an intense family drama and a very loud, strong warning to yours truly of what I would lose if I fell into drug addiction yet again, this time with harder drugs, like… heroin, or fentnayl, I guess. Or morphine or whatever.

It’s almost like the people that run all of this have some kind of crystal ball that somehow tells them exactly what to say to me to prevent certain disasters. It’s weird and kinda unexplainable.

Well, what is explainable is the obvious message of the film, which was “HEY IDIOT, LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE IF YOU TRAVEL THIS PATH”.

Kathryn Newton’s inclusion in this film was very deliberate, and designed to trigger me, specifically. They even say as much to the word in the film itself.

Here, she’s beyond beautiful. Almost supernaturally gorgeous. And the filmmakers seem to be shouting with her “YOU WILL LOSE THIS IF YOU BECOME AN ADDICT AGAIN.” Everything about her in this movie, and her performance, seems to be shouting this, LOUD and clear, at me in every scene she is in.

The church scene, featuring her beautiful voice? Check. That scene with her triangulating the phones, and crying her eyes out because she’s scared that I’m in serious trouble and she doesn’t know what to do to help? Check. Her playing the piano in that dress? Check. Her not… trusting Ben, like at all, to manage his life correctly with his history of drug problems? Check… of course. And yes, I know stuff like the piano scene may make little sense to you, but these are scenes designed to… trigger me, specifically. To warn me away from what I very almost became.

But I’m not an addict, now. I still use, and sometimes I use in ways I’m not really supposed to, but I’m different, now. I use medicinally, not for recreation. And I use much smaller amounts of narcotics than I used to.

Ben is obviously, very obviously me. But I hardly need to discuss this I’m sure.

But yeah, that film was just… kinda unnerving. Scary. I almost became that, or something kinda like it. Scary. But don’t worry, I’m different, now. Thanks Kathryn, don’t worry hun.

Seriously, thank you so much, Kathryn.

And thanks Katherine, for her wonderful songs in Spirit Riding Free. I love them all, and have them running through my head right now. Thank you so much, love. You know just what I need, when I need it. It’s kinda uncanny.

Well… bed. Must be ready for Laura. Cinderella waits for noone.

What the Hell is Wrong With you People, Anyways?

Monday, December 13th, 2021

Haven’t I done enough? Seriously. What the fuck else do you people want from me?

How’s about you people give me a fucking hand with my medical bills or something? Yeah, seriously! Think about it, you fucks!

I don’t get it. I’ve done everything that was asked of me, and more. I’ve given you people literally everything- generations of popular movies, music, plays, TV shows, comic books, fucking everything. I’ve given you everything that was popular over the past 40 years or so.

Now, how’s about you give something back and help me out a little bit, huh?

You see, I’ve been fighting off a strange and debilitating illness now, on my own, for something like 4 years, with no help from anybody, including my so-called girlfriends. I’ve had to spend down my savings and have been left with nothing because of course the “medical community” can’t do shit to help me since it isn’t “COVID”.

Yeah, since COVID is all that concerns doctors and hospitals these days nobody gives a shit about anything else, including whatever it is that I have. Nice system you’ve set up here, assholes!

So seriously, how about someone lend me a hand, for once? Wouldn’t that be novel and interesting? Wouldn’t that be a good and positive change, for once? Or are you assholes too selfish to even consider it, for some stupid fucking reason?

Or is it that some fuckhead doesn’t allow such things? Seriously, what the fuck is going on here? If this is the case- Hey, you shallow, idiotic piece of shit! Why don’t you just stop with all of these stupid fucking rules and games and act like a decent human being, for once? Seriously, think about it! Why don’t you stop acting like some petty tyrant with a third grade understanding of “rules” and just let people interact like they want to, for once?

Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you acting like shitheads because you’re all just petty and selfish or is some asshole making you act like this? Because it would be great if someone was to tell me, finally!

Good God, people. Don’t you retards understand what a kink in your plans it would be if I was to just croak from this thing, either just because of dumb luck or because I just ran out of money, finally? And do you guys understand how fucking idiotic as shit it would be if I died because I went broke? I mean, considering the trillions of dollars I’ve made others in the past 40 years or so?

You guys really are shallow, and dumb. You all act like grade A assholes, all of you. I give you everything, and I get nothing, even when my life is on the line. Even when me dying would adversely affect your own plans. Because you are all stupid, shallow, short-sighted and selfish. Or too stubborn with respect to some old, outdated rules system that obviously needs to be thrown away, already.

You know, I’m getting the Vaxx sometime after Christmas. I hope it kills me, or renders me impotent, like it does to guys on occasion. You know why? Because I want to piss off all of you fucks. That’s why. And frankly, that’s a good fucking reason.

Seriously, guys. What else is it that you want me to do? This is utterly stupid. It’s so damn frustrating. It makes me so angry, and makes me feel like nothing I do is worth anything. I give and give and give- after all I’m The Giver, right? But when I need help, nothing. Not one hand is outstretched. Not one person shows up to say an encouraging word. Nobody cares. My life is unimportant. It’s what people can take from me that’s important. The rest is nothing; an inconvenience at best. The real me, Tom Jacobsen, is nothing, means nothing to you.

You people are all such awful, awful people. Such dreadful, awful, ugly, stupid people.

Stuff, Part III

Sunday, December 12th, 2021

Christ, do you people fucking suck.

Gods, you are all utterly gross. Just nasty.

What in the world ever prompted you sickos to think that I might be interested in something as grotesque as entering into someone else’s marriage as some kind of… I don’t know, it’s gross as hell and I’m not thinking about it.

Oh God, what on Earth, people?

Just to re-iterate, I am profoundly uninterested in entering into some kind of “swinger” relationship with some ugly man and some washed-up old ex-girlfriend of mine. This arrangement does not interest me in the slightest.

And I am verrry uninterested in seeing gross shit like whatever the hell is going on in pretty much all of the recent “sets” I’ve seen lately.

I don’t know, maybe I just have different tastes than others. But isn’t an appeal to my sensibilities supposed to be baked into these things?

If you want to look at some truly ugly and stupid people, feel free to browse the “Eliza Coupe” leak thread on phun.org.

I don’t know who this bitch is, but apparently she and her husband think that making faces in bed like a confused Down’s Syndrome baby is “sexy”.

Seriously, if you want a hell of a laugh, go check out the retarded baby faces in their “sexy” naked pictures. Holy shit, lol. It’s truly bizarre and utterly hilarious what these fools think is erotic.

Seriously, WTF? My mind is trying to process the reality that these pictures might be the “good” ones, hence them being the ones traded around. Holyyyyyy shit, lol. If these were the “good” ones, than what do the “bad” ones look like?

Good Lord, lol!!!

Ugh. Seriously guys? Maybe this odd crap appeals to others, I don’t know.

Yet another Kelly Brook set leaked. I haven’t been brave enough to look at it, though what I’ve seen in previews doesn’t look too nasty. I suppose that’s to Kelly’s credit. There looks to be only a couple sub room-temperature IQ roid rage freaks in her set. Good job, Kelly? Sure, why not.

Looking at these messes, I can see a lot clearer now why I am so prized. I mean, anything I do sexually, even the worst of it, is miles beyond the best of whatever these soulless chumps can do.

And now that I know my value, I see no problem acting like I feel.

Life can be good sometimes.

Stuff, Part II

Sunday, December 5th, 2021

Oof. Ok, I give up, I give up. You know, I wasn’t expecting the usual internet “style” of revenge. I mean I wasn’t expecting to open Instagram this morning with a message from Alex saying “WELL FUCK YOU TOO, FARTKNOCKER. I HOPE YOU TRIP AND FALL DOWN A SLIDE STUDDED WITH RAZOR BLADES INTO A VAT FILLED WITH CONCENTRATED COCA~COLA RECIPE, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF GOAT SMEGMA. GO SUCK THE BUSINESS END OF A REVOLVER YOU MINOR-ATTRACTED FAGGOT” or something like this.

No, instead, today I get THIS:

Oh, for the love of God! No! No!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

NO PLEASE! Anything but this! ANYTHING!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stuff

Friday, December 3rd, 2021

I’ve been extremely sick, so I’ll try to keep this short.

Yeah, I have been withholding sex. I need to. I am very, very sick. Such is life, sometimes.

Instead of sex, what I have been doing instead is focusing my energy on healing myself- my skin, my joints, my bones, etc. And that is not easy, since we are talking superhuman levels of healing energy that need to be focused correctly.

It works but it takes a lot of time and effort, and must of course be done alone.

I have also been forced to turn to my old crutches- Fentanyl, Neurontin, and now Pregabalin. Don’t worry, I can handle everything better. I’ve mastered the situation, this time. I believe I know what this problem is (the cybernetics, doing something- like upgrading itself) and that knowledge has let me conquer the pain.

So, I’m happier, this time. Neat!

Ugh. I suppose I must say a word or something about all of the stupid bullshit going on in the celebrity world.

Alex D is engaged. Thank fucking God. I have been searching for a way to toss that albatross overboard for years. Thanks!

I really really don’t like her much, anymore. I mean she’s nice but… It had gotten to the point of my fantasizing over her once a year, out of a sense of duty. And that is ugly, and I would always feel like shit afterwards.

The reason I hadn’t formally dumped her was because of her proximity to Kat McNamara. Alex is the sister of Kat’s Shadowhunters costar, so I felt I could… make myself look more impressive to Kat by fucking Alex, since word would inevitably get back to her.

Yeah… reading what I wrote there… how toxic. Yuck. And I’m not sure who’s fault it is. Probably mine, somehow.

And regarding her career- Alex peaked with True Detective, and everything else since then was… less than. Or honestly, boring. Or flat out awful.

Her YT channel wasn’t my thing. I saw one video and then… grimaced, and never saw another. Really, not my thing.

Note that I didn’t bother with her new show- the one with Sydney. I heard good things about it and heard that she might have gotten topless or something on it but wow did I not care.

I downloaded some clips from it. I guess I’ll watch them to see what the fuss was about and then delete them.

I really need to delete some clips and stuff, at least from someone. I’m running out of space.

Her fiancé is ugly as sin. Seriously. WTF, Alex. Your fans are dumbfounded. Is that all it takes to get a celebrity? Christ is he nasty. Seriously, that facial hair is horrid.

He reminds me of that disgusting A-Hole that was recently filmed eating out Lily Mo Sheen. Oh God, I was at the height of my sickness at that time and actually vomited into my mouth a little when I saw that. That guy has some nasty, nasty facial hair and the last thing I wanted to see at that moment was this creep pushing it into Lily Mo’s vagano. Jesus Christ, YUCK.

I once had a trader try to sell me the Lily Mo set as being good because she was “very sexual”. What? Why the hell would I care about that? I have eighty, ninety wives (at the very very least). I don’t care how “sexual” a girl is.

My interest is in how committed a girl is. You know, to Tom Jacobsen. That is what makes them interesting and unique.

I don’t care about things like boob size. I just want to know that if I come down with a debilitating illness, that you will be thoughtful and help me through it, even if only in some small way.

I suppose I could rant about Willa Holland about the same shit, but honestly that would be redundant.

I’m thinking now about that heartbreaking scene in The Map of Tiny Perfect Things, where Margaret visits her mother in the hospital, who… well, I won’t explain it, but it hit me in the feels very squarely for a multitude of reasons. It would take me a half hour to explain why this scene was so good, and why it made me feel so… contented. So fulfilled. So gloriously happy-ish. I know, it’s complicated, but such is the reality behind every truly great relationship. There’s something there that can’t be shown, that can’t be expressed, but is still very much present, even if nobody involved can grasp it.

I don’t know. I’m still very sick, so perhaps I was too harsh on Alex and Willa, Lily Mo etc. Maybe I will re-evaluate when I feel better and healthier.

But as for me… I’m thinking now of making a rewatch of The Map of Tiny Perfect Things a birthday tradition for me. I’m sure that I will be able to spot new things every year. It will give me so much to think about.

I’ll talk about Laura when I feel better.

My arms feel like they are about to fall off. I am so so so very tired.

k, good night.

New Rule: Don’t be an Ungrateful Cunt, Part II

Saturday, November 20th, 2021

I should probably explain more of what’s going on here, so people have more of a context.

Here’s the thing: I’m a forty one year old male.

Regardless of how I appear physically, that fact has not changed. And that fact changes everything when it comes to romance.

The interests I had when I was a twenty or thirty something are not the same ones that I have today. And that isn’t me being “stubborn”. It’s a simple truth that people change when they get older, and this applies to everyone.

What I’m getting from some of my girlfriends and ex-girlfriends is a kind of stubborn anger about this. There’s this sense of “Well, you were interested in this fifteen years ago! So why not now?!?!?!”

Well, because it isn’t fifteen years ago, lol. The romantic interests of a middle aged man and those of a twenty something are going to be different, and they are often very different indeed. That’s life.

A good part of the reason I’m angry is because few seem to realize this, and those that do don’t seem to appreciate it. They don’t understand it’s implications.

So it feels like we’re basically fighting each other, now. And that isn’t good.

As I get older, I am definitely losing interest in things like sexual experimentation. In wild girls and crazy sexual experiences and stuff like that. My interests are more aimed at stable, typical, long term relationships. And that means one guy (me), and one girl. Of course I am still polyamorous, so it’s more like one guy (me), one girl, and then the next day one guy (me) and one girl (a different chick).

I still like the whole variety aspect to this stuff, clearly, lol. But I like the variety in a more typical way. I’m not really a swinger.

I’ve tried out literally everything I could, sexually. There’s nothing left to experiment with. No new experiences to be had, really, save for that of a much more traditional, non-telepathic relationship.

I’m not looking to experiment, really, like at all. And it’s not for lack of trying- I’ve actually tried on occasion to change my tastes now, to get them back to how they were twenty or even ten years ago. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t “take”, and those experiences are all so oddly unfulfilling. I don’t feel good or happy afterwards. Clearly, I’m a different person now.

So, that’s basically where we’re at, at this moment.

Such is life, lol.

But I guess the general gist of this is to understand that as I change, if you want to stay with me, you will need to change too, to accommodate those changes. You know, like any successful relationship.

And- part of that includes being able to predict future changes in me, before they happen. So that you can adapt better.

But as it stands, shoving things in my face that are inherently aggravating or tiresome to me at this point in my life isn’t going to work. It’s going to cause conflict, frustration and resentment.

Telepathic relationships are not easy, clearly. They take a lot of time and understanding. And if you don’t put in the work, it isn’t going to work out.

Effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship. And in these cases, where no physical communication is apparently possible, well, there is extra work involved. That’s just how it is.

Such is my spiel. Well, off to do something else, now.

New Rule: Don’t be an Ungrateful Cunt

Friday, November 19th, 2021

Let me tell you a story. One day, there was a middling actress (both in talent and looks) named Brie Larson, who went on a public rant against how she didn’t want to be seen or have anything to do with people like me. I forget the exact quote and it looks as though google has tried it’s best to bury it, but she railed against traditional, old-school Marvel fans and those who created her Captain Marvel character, and derided them them publicly as nerds, eeevil white males, etc., and I remember her saying something to the effect that she didn’t want anything to do with them.

Ah, I thought, OK with me. See- there was a young version of her character in her movie, and it was played by McKenna Grace. OK, I thought, I will just skip the old chick who doesn’t want anything to do with me anyways and head straight for McKenna, instead. Which is what I did, and I have a great relationship today with McKenna. All’s well that ends well, you know?

There’s a moral to this story, here. It’s this: don’t be a cunt.

There’s only one of me, everyone wants me, and truthfully, I am too dangerous and powerful to not properly respect. These days I am more powerful than I have ever been by a huge margin, and I can directly control the minds of I think millions of people, all at once. I have not used this power for much, yet, at least not intentionally, but I think it is there.

That being the case, I think it bears repeating: don’t be a cunt.

Treat me with proper respect. You want to be with me? Fine, then do it. Break up with your boyfriend / fiance / S.O. or whomever and make yourself available. And again: don’t be a cunt.

I haven’t started enforcing strict exclusivity yet, but honestly I really and probably should. This last year has told me the truth of my existence and I think that this new knowledge changes everything.

There is no reason for a living god to compete with idiots, losers and douchebags. That is nuts and a waste of my time. I like things simple; the life of a god is complex enough without he-said/she-said normal human shit to deal with too.

Basically, back when I didn’t fully realize my own importance, I thought it fine that others could or would fool around on the side. After all, I did it, so why not them? It’s just fair, I thought. Well, it wasn’t fair. I had no idea that they had been stealing my thoughts since the day I was born, to the point that the entire U.S. economy has been built on an edifice of my ideas. With that being the case, what’s “fair” has suddenly and irrevocably changed.

Seriously, don’t be a cunt. And leave others out of the picture if you are interested.

And this goes for everyone. I’m pissed off beyond belief right now at Elle Fanning, of all people. See, I finally got to see her topless and the whole thing was marred by her being with what’s-his-name on The Great. Does she have any idea how annoying it is to have to edit out some loser? And frankly, I wanted that to be a special moment, something for us. Now I have this annoying dickhead to deal with, too.

Dammit, I feel like I wasted time, again. Years of waiting, for this. Ugh. I can’t even use what I was given I’m so epically disappointed and peeved at this bullshit. Seriously, people. It’s hard to think that my distaste for this hasn’t permanently damaged my relationship with Elle, in some way.

It’s like these people don’t really know me very well, or something. It’s fucking baffling. You idiots, you have been inside of me constantly for decades. How could you fuck this stuff up so bad?

Well, I’m angry. Seriously: don’t be a cunt. My needs always come first. Always. There are no other needs, anymore.

Don’t make me have to use my power against you. I’m nice, so I don’t do this, but I could.

As it stands, I need a lot of space right now between Elle and I. I’m not happy.

Remember the name: Tom Jacobsen. This is who you are with, if you want to be with me. Worship the ground I walk on. Kiss my fucking feet as if your life depended upon it, because it does. Cherish the name, cherish the man. I’m the Anti-Christ, bitches. Leave the douchebags elsewhere; I don’t want to see them.

For me, there will always be another tomorrow. If you don’t want to comply, move along. I can always wait for someone else.

Remember: Tom. Jacobsen.

Don’t forget.

Farrah Mackenzie

Thursday, September 16th, 2021

Hmmnnn. Hmmnn…

Hmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn.

(Insert thinking emoji here)

Random Thoughts of the Day for 9/14/21

Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

I’m watching the Olympics again, after a break. Why not? They’re still on, and surely better than most of the rest of the stuff out there.

With that said, is there any way we can get this stuff, or programming like this, the rest of the time? Because that would be great.

I know there’s an Olympic Channel, but I’m not sure what’s on it. I’ve never seen it. But I suspect that even with that, I won’t be able to just… stream whatever I want, like entire events, like whole marathons and such.

That stuff is really cool, I think. I saw the women’s road race yesterday and it was like taking a road trip myself, consequence free and without any of the hassle of a real trip. It was great. Japan really is a beautiful country, and it’s really nice seeing the countryside, and it’s people.

In a way the lack of a foreign audience really helps. I mean, alongside the route. You get to see the country, then, without the spectators getting in the way. You get to see the beautiful ocean, Tokyo itself, and… I guess, just normal Japan, which is basically like any other modern country, mostly.

I’m seeing quite a bit of English on the signage in Tokyo. More than I expected.

But it’s fun, it really is.

I think I saw the SNK headquarters during the Men’s race. I’m pretty sure it was. What other building would have a giant Neo-Geo logo on it’s roof?

And I caught the Super Mario power up sound that plays whenever a free throw is made during 3×3 basketball. Very clever.

Speaking of which… 3×3 basketball is fucking awesome. I would watch that, were it on. Can we please make that happen, and not have it be awful? It turns out basketball is actually pretty fun! It’s the NBA I can’t stand. As usual in America, it’s the league that’s the problem, not the sport.

But 3×3… yeah this stuff is awesome. It’s fast and cool.

But I suppose that it’s format- short games that last about 20 minutes total including stoppages, would make it unpalatable to a TV audience and commercial programming, etc.

That sucks.

Blah.

Other stuff… sailing is cool, very underrated. Greco-Roman wrestling doesn’t have commentators? At least in the highlights. Weird, but actually interesting. Less insight, but less dumb chatter, too.

Speaking of which, I wrestled a bit in junior high school. I was no good at it, though. I didn’t have the body type for the sport. It’s the same problem I had with Judo, which I tried a little bit in one of my Karate classes, when the instructor wanted us to “broaden our horizons” or something, lol.

I’m very quick, and have ridiculously strong abdominals, but I have a weaker upper body, with small shoulders, elbows and wrists. I could get into position really well but my throws had no power.

It also didn’t help that my school didn’t give a shit about the wrestling program, lol. My school was poor, and had to pick and choose which sports to give it’s money and attention to. Wrestling got the short end of the stick, there. I think we were given a couple of weeks to prep before competitions began, lol. And everyone was new to the sport. We ended up in last place in the district. IIRC, we got pasted by everyone, lol, mostly because the other schools were richer and actually spent time and real money prepping the students. The only standout was one kid, who was naturally gifted and strong to the extreme.

I don’t remember much of my wrestling career (I mean, we’re talking months here, tops, lol) but I do remember this kid. He was utterly huge and had an incredible instinct for the sport. He went All-American in wrestling in high school. Not sure where he ended up, but he could have gone far, had he stuck with it. To go All-American in wrestling in literally the worst program in the state is one hell of an accomplishment.

In comparison, the rest of us were chumps. You could easily tell the difference between him and us. You need a particular chemistry of strength and instinct for wrestling. There’s no getting around it.

Other thoughts… I see that one American TKD athlete, Paige McPherson, is being coached by my old sensei. She got fourth place. Amazing; well done Paige.

That’s seriously cool.

As far as my own training goes, I’m down five pounds to 190, and have… not reached my old heights, lol. And I never will, not at this age. But I’m in good shape and getting better all the time.

I’ve run out of ways to make pilates difficult, so I’ve added pelvic floor, breathing, and other deep internal muscle exercises to my routine. I’m still adding pushups and still intend to reach 100 in total done through a variety of types. That will take time, though.

But yeah I’m kinda running out of exercises. An hour long pilates session, with no breaks, is almost overkill for what I need. I think I need the advice of a pro at this point if I want to figure out what to add or change or whatever. Or a gym membership, which is probably out of the question. Are gyms even open in this area? Last time I checked they weren’t. And even if they are, who knows what will happen next week.

I think I’ll ask for some isometric exerciser stuff for Christmas. Maybe that will help, IDK.

I’m still playing those old RPG games from Jeff Vogel in my downtime. I guess this is also beneficial; it helps to keep my general computer skills up. And it’s been awhile since I’ve played computer games.

And the nostalgia factor here is strong, too. I think I wrote on here years ago about the Exile games, how I played them back in high school, back when they were… if not cutting edge, certainly revolutionary. I mean, they were huge. I remember being blown away that not only were they huge games, they were also made-for Macintosh games that were actually in color.

I played on PC, of course. But at the time all I remembered for Apple were those old black and white RPGs like Shadowgate that I used to play in school wayyyy back when. And I guess educational stuff like Oregon Trail.

Hmmmn… yeah, that was a lonnnnnng time ago.

But it’s… kinda amazing that Spiderweb is still at it, churning out the same type of extremely old school text based RPGs even in this day and age. It’s an anachronism in a very good and welcome way. I don’t mind the near total lack of graphics and sound, so long as the stories, in-game dialogue and text, and gameplay are so good.

I get some Castle of the Winds vibes from these games sometimes. You know, that ancient Windows 3.1 RPG made by… I don’t remember his name, but he was a Microsoft developer. I’ll need to google it.

I was thinking of getting a new laptop sometime soon. Maybe I’ll get one that can handle something like DOOM Eternal. Maybe not; we’ll see.

Well, I think that wraps up this one. I think I’ll watch more Olympics.

If my girlfriends want to help me with something, maybe they could point me in the direction of some good breathing exercises. That would be appreciated.