Sighinide

Yeah, this is actually a part 1, lol. I know, I’m as shocked as you are, lmao.

Alright. So… a few random thoughts, to start.

I liked the opening ceremony, save for the fact that I had to watch it this morning, instead of when it was aired. XFinity choked last night and refused to cooperate. It kept giving me an “Error 8100” code. Fuck. Well, whatever.

It was… spartan, but effective. The fact that I had to watch it after the fact I think made the shorter length of the pagentry more welcome.

I liked the symbolisms, like those of the costuming, and those incorporated into the various dances and the LED (?) floor. The drones were nice.

The guy imitating the various symbols for the events was I think the real star of the show. His routine kicked ass, and I plan to watch it again, later.

My most “uncanny valley” moment in all of this were the blocks that the kids arranged. That was something that I did, that I had forgotten about, with blocks just like those that were used in the ceremony. It was… interesting, I guess disassociating, seeing it, but… cool, since a good memory that I had completely forgotten. Weird stuff, this is.

I liken the blocks moment to seeing all of the stuff in Young Sheldon. Holy Jeebus, lol. I downloaded a bunch of clips that show to see McKenna Grace and wow, apparently people remember / know much much more about my childhood that I do, lol. It’s all the details, of everything- look, that’s my old science set! There’s the water fountain from school that didn’t really work. That’s my old flashlight, my old posters, my old classroom, my old science projects, my old computer… my old sheets, even. It’s… interesting, and… kinda… neat. I guess it depends on how all of this is used.

I suppose that my own moral code demands that I should be offended by all of this, but honestly, I often can’t be. It’s all very impressive, all of this is, and frankly interesting as hell. The scientist in me is having a field day these days, figuring out this or that cause and meaning of each tangent and detail I notice.

So it’s… kinda cool. I suppose that the overarching situation here is that the entire contents of my noggin have been uploaded to some supercomputer somewhere. Is this correct? Is it these thoughts that form the foundation of the computer system that is planned to run the world in the future? It would seem like it, I suppose. At least, that’s what the end of the Matrix trilogy tells me. Tom (Neo- whose real name in the movies is Tom, remember) becomes one with the source by plugging in his noggin and saving / running the world, or something. Something, lol. IDK, I will wait and see how the next film in that series plays out, I guess.

Speaking of which- I got to see some TaeKwonDo.

I get it, now. Some years back here I wrote a screed that lamented my past inability to capitalize on my own innate skills in that sport. IIRC, in that piece I wondered why I couldn’t, back then, fulfill my destiny, so to speak. Well, now I know.

Half of my mind, my ability, my body, seems to be devoted to communicating and setting up the system that will run the Earth for / with me. And THAT is why I couldn’t fulfill my earlier potential. I was smart, but half of my IQ was being taken and used for… NWO things, without my full knowledge of the situation.

So THAT’S why it didn’t quite “gel” for me. I mean, the pieces were all there. Watching the sport today, I can see that I easily could have gone to the games myself and competed, had all of my faculties been my own.

The pieces were all there- I was young, but had over a decade of experience in TKD by the time I was 16. I was trained by a former Olympian himself who placed second twice in the games in his weight class. I was a natural athelete and was VERY good at Martial Arts- just watch The Matrix again if you doubt this. Not that I was superhuman or anything, lol, but I was the Neo character’s inspiration.

I could have gone myself, and frankly I should have, and I easily could have, and honestly, I probably could have taken home a medal or two myself, but… half of my mind was taken up by developing the media… matrix. So I only had half of my abilities truly available to myself, alone. And I was confused- I couldn’t figure out why I was so incredibly different from everyone else, and that bothered me.

Fuck, though. Gawd dammit, I could have been a flag bearer, lol. God DAMN it, lol. Ohhhh that burns. I was every bit as good as those guys I watched today. Oh man, that reeeeally grinds my gears, lol. With Olympic training I could have done it. I remember the other Olympic athletes that I knew back then describing their own training routines and yeah, I could have handled it, had my mind been fully my own.

Grrrrrrrr, lol. Fuck, you guys fucking OWE me, lol.

Well, at least I’m there, even if as some unseen vampire cyborg god, lol. In that way I got what I should have had, back then, I guess in my own way. Fine, then.

But yeah, very interesting. What an incredibly huge and varied world this is.

I’m enjoying the sports. I finally get to see the stuff that I like.

I love sports, and I love physical activity. I exercise an hour a day, every day, for example. It’s wonderful; good sports give me life. Exercise is great for me, and I get antsy when I don’t get what I need, there.

I… don’t like, much, “normal” sports culture. The NFL, for example. Sure I might watch the superbowl, but the overall culture I don’t get and don’t like.

There is too much extraneous stuff, there. Local politics get involved. This city vs. that one, etc. I hate that irrelevant nonsense. It’s stupid, and frankly beneath me. At least a hundred years ago that stuff actually made sense- when Chicago players actually came from Chicago, for example. Now they come from everywhere but Chicago, it seems. The Bears are not even a Chicago team! The same with the Packers. So, really, who gives a shit anymore? It says nothing about either city one way or another anymore. That rivalry is dumb, along with all of the others, honestly. Fucking stupid.

There is something really really toxic and about the NFL and it’s fandom. IDK, it almost seems as though the people who get involved with the NFL fandom the most are the most out of shape people in the country. It’s truly bizarre. They’re not fans of sports, most of them. You can tell, they’re obviously wayyyy too out of shape for that, lol. How many of them even exercise, regularly? Would we even be talking double digits, there? So… what do they even get out of their fandom?

I don’t know, but there’s really wrong about all of that that seems to go even deeper than anything I have ever touched on, here. I don’t know. It’s almost as if the NFL culture intentionally pushes people away from healthy activities that should define someone that does have an appreciation for sports. It seems to encourage sloth and excess, if not obesity itself, on the part of it’s fandom. Or something like that; I don’t know, I try to stay away from the NFL, myself. I always have.

Of course in America, in the heart of the Midwest, it’s almost impossible to keep yourself away from it totally. But even when I get involved it’s always in a guarded manner.

But I’m getting wayyyy off topic, here. lol.

Yeah. Olympics. Fun.

lol.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately- mostly from the 90’s, but a few before and a few after.

It’s been interesting. And revealing. And I’ve learned a lot that I can’t discuss here for lack of time and space.

But I will say this: I think I’ve found appropriate closure with pretty much all of my early relationships.

I’ve been a revelation to rewatch movies that I saw as a teenager with a fresh eye, correct assumptions and a full knowledge of the situation and the world’s unfolded history since then. Honestly, it’s been nothing short of a miracle.

It’s… amazing, and hard to put into words, the kind of… stuff, I guess, and feelings and plans I’ve been learning about. For example, my past girlfriends were clearly not at all the innocent flowers I thought they were, lol.

I can see very clearly now how girls like Alicia Silverstone, Katie Holmes, Dushku, Jolie, Ricci, and Dunst baited and… led me, in certain directions, usually into very personal sexual relationships, without me realizing it, let alone knowing how they were doing it. I seriously thought even as recently as a couple of years ago that I was the one who initiated those relationships.

Nope, though. Ah, lol. Geez, men really are thick about these things, aren’t they?

Suddenly, Alicia Silverstone’s The Crush actually makes sense, lol. Prior to me even knowing who she was- I mean, this was before even those Aerosmith videos- I watched The Crush on TV and was… baffled, but oddly intrigued, by the huge amount of rather… poignant (uncanny?) references to my personal life at the time, down to the book report I wrote about Wuthering Heights of all things. I was like……. what? But again I wrote it all off as being a string of coincidences. I mean, aren’t all movies filled with very personal references to everyone else’s life, too?

Geez, lol. And the part with the swing, haha. I mean… wow, Alicia. You could have just, IDK, asked me out or something, you know. But that isn’t how we do things, is it? No, we, being the crowd of drama queens that we all are, must do things in the most convoluted, mysterious, gossipy and public ways possible.

And… all those references that Angelina Jolie peppered her early films with, especially Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow, and Hackers. Watching Hackers now, I can see clearly how broad of a brush they used when pointing the film directly at me. Watching it as a confused high schooler, though… yeah, I didn’t get it. I remember renting the VHS from the local supermarket, watching it, and… getting somewhat confused by the uncanny valley nature of it, but liking it overall. Angelina’s well placed and timed nude scene of course was pretty instrumental in getting me to fall head over heels for her back then, probably because she put it in there seemingly specifically for me, in such a way that would maximize it’s effect on my thought patterns, hahaha. Real sneaky, hun.

Milla Jovovich, too, which would go along way to explaining how her daughter seems to know much too easily the precise steps that are needed to maximize my interest at the specific age that both she and I are at. Kinda… uncanny valley, again, but Milla had her eyes on me for a very, very long time, even going as far as to write a few songs about me on her debut album, Gentleman Who Fell, of which I believe I am the titular gentleman, and thus recognized as the AntiChrist, even back then (thanks, Milla, for that tidbit). “Gentleman Who Fell” is an obvious reference to the fallen angel, Lucifer, or at least his avatar, the AntiChrist (me). “Gentleman” here also contains obvious sexual references- I mean, the video for this song was literally Milla the supermodel frolicking naked for three minutes. Don’t tell me that that didn’t have an effect on my teenage self. IIRC correctly I used to stay up late watching MTV specifically hoping to see it, lol. And of course there’s some other stuff there that I won’t get into.

On that note, Ultraviolet is nothing less than a nonstop parade of references to me. Literally every scene in the film, every line of dialogue, every visual and symbol, every sound effect and note of music, is all me, and often on more than one level (pun intended, lol). Perhaps that is why others didn’t take to it so much.

Ultraviolet is packed with symbols and references to virtually every video game I have ever played, and every video game-esque fantasy I have ever had. There’s Quake in there, Quake II, Super Mario Bros., Zelda, Forsaken, Unreal, Serious Sam, references to my childhood friend’s Intellivision and Atari systems… and a whole lot else, a full list here would take days to create. It also has a direct and obvious reference to my old cutting habits (the cuts on her fingers and hands, in literally the exact same places that I did it. I mean, that’s exactly what it was. You’ll know it when you see it.)

And it has shedloads of other references to my childhood- look, my old playground! That’s my guitar case! And everything else that has ever happened to me or I had ever owned up until that point, holy shit. And a bunch of stuff I’m not going to get into, yet. A LOT of stuff I’m not going to get into, yet.

And Kirsten Dunst, too. Not in that way; I’m still on Ultraviolet, here. Christ, I did a triple take when I saw her cameo, replete with innuendo about me and our relationship. Wait, that wasn’t her? Nonsense, yes it clearly was. Fine, it was just someone who looks identical to her dressed up to look EXACTLY LIKE SHE DOES.

And again, I rented this when it was released, and… had a super crazy uncanny valley / dissociative session while watching it, lol. That part with the TV and the remote? Holy shit, what an incredibly crazy infinite recursive loop that was. I watched the film on virtually the same TV, in a very very similar room, holding the same remote, with the same hand, just like it appeared in the movie. Same level of ambient lighting and everything. Unreal. Absolutely nuts.

And is it just me, or were there references to a possible future relationship with me and the as-of-then unborn Ever Gabo in the flick, as well? I mean… there couldn’t be, right? No way, no fucking way. Right? I guess?

Right? Uhm… right?

Kinda?

And Kirsten herself… I can hardly believe how much she loved me. I mean, it’s just… incredible. I mean obviously she did, but I just… and the Buffy girls too. And Charlize Theron, and… Christina Ricci, and… everyone.

I’ll need to go into all of this later. Wayyyyyy wayyyyy too much to process right now.

But I mean, Small Soldiers, right? And that one scene, with my stand in inside a room with a tied up and tortured Kirsten Dunst and a bunch of evil, naked girl dolls voiced by Christina Ricci and Sarah Michelle Gellar who throw themselves at and sexually assault me while Dunst screams in agony and shock, which is… kinda disturbing and not at all romantic, now that I think about it.

But perfect for a crowd of drama queens, though. lol. And it was absolutely par for the course for those old relationships, as turbulent and… crazily intense as they were.

Those girls definitely gave as much as they took, absolutely no question about that. Holy cripes, lol.

But it’s late, now. Very late, and I’m start to feel as though I’m performing an autopsy, with all of this grim analysis.

Fitting for the AntiChrist, no?

Ah, good night, then. Maybe I’ll take India Eisley tonight. I mean, speaking of the children of my innumerable ex’s, lol.

But… yeah, wow. Closure achieved?

I think so.

I think so.

Yeah.

Mostly, but…

Yeah.

Sure.

Oh…… my. Oh my.

Oh… my. Oh MY. Wow.

Wowwwwwwwww.

Oh my.

You know, at some point, I think I am going to need to have a sit down with Lea and Zoey so that we can have a loooooooooong talk about a few things.

Okay, I’m going to need to at this point consider the possibility that E.T. is based on 2 year old me, with 2 year old me being the “E.T.” itself.

Incredible I know. Baffling, yes, but logically this would “fit” based on everything I know now about everything, including mind control, the NWO, me and how I was raised, Spielberg himself, and everything else in the world.

I’ve been watching movies lately, and every single film I have seen in like the past month is chock full of personal references to my own life and fantasies, no matter when or where it was made or released or by whom. I would list them but it would take a lot of work and it’s 1:00 in the morning.

And I still haven’t seen A.I. Artificial Intelligence, either.

I suppose both E.T. and A.I. (Jeezus, those names. What an odd serendipity, there) can be thought of as a package, in a way. Or at least that’s what I suspect.

I haven’t seen either in decades.

So if these flicks are in fact based on 2 or 3 year old me, what does that say, or imply?

I haven’t the foggiest. It’s late and I need to sleep.

But I mean… we’re really drilling down here, aren’t we?

Wow.

Utterly incredible, crazy, and… awesome.

What a profoundly humbling experience this all is.

I also have on the docket the Omen movies, so I can learn more about the inner workings of the… AntiChrist process.

Incredible though. I mean if I am indeed E.T. himself- does that mean I am an alien too?

Or, possibly, is E.T. the baby version of the AntiChrist, with the “normal” me being advanced in age a few years and turned into Elliot?

Really incredible stuff, this is.

And very impressive.

If this hunch of mine has any weight to it at all, I cannot help but be amazed by the construction and design of all this. It’s truly awesome, all of it.

And then yes, every mainstream flick and possibly everything else made post E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is probably me as well.

“Phone Home” indeed. Where is home, then? Where am I calling, and to whom? To whom does the AntiChrist report?

So incredible.

So epic, honestly.

No movie ever made by anyone is as epic as the life I’ve actually lived.

Wow.

Just for future reference here for my own sake, I want / need to remember that my own fantasy worlds as a youth mirror those of Calvin’s: space stuff, dinosaurs, etc. And also the “playing in the tub” stuff. And everything else, including the conversations you had with your parents when you were young.

I mean, just think a bit more and you’ll get it, Tom.

Right?

Right.

Ohhkay, yeah, I’m Calvin alright, at least in the later years of this strip.

I had and read (and adored) all of the early Calvin and Hobbes books when I was young, but stopped reading comic strips in general sometime during junior high, since I had convinced myself by then that I had outgrown “kid’s stuff”.

So I missed the later books.

Reading a few parts of a couple of them yesterday floored me. Holy Jeebus, it’s the same stuff, all over again- the comic is just drenched with stuff that specifically references my own memories. And I mean, it gets very specific. It’s too close for… comfort, or at least too close for my feeble attempts to convince myself that there might be some parts of this media complex of ours that aren’t me.

Unbelievably, Calvin and Hobbes even gets into Anti-Christ stuff!! There was a sequence of strips in one of the books I read that reference Calvin being a “person of destiny” and other jokes about how he will “run/lead the world” that echo very closely my own… knowledge, I guess, of my own future.

Kinda… incredible.

At any rate, perhaps this explains why I identified with Calvin so strongly when I was a kid, with his crazily overactive imagination and intricate fantasy worlds, his distinctive sense of humor, his extremely high (but very unusual) intelligence, etc. And “Hobbes” might be my old imaginary friend crossed with my Mickey Mouse doll.

I don’t know. But the latter books are very specific in more than a few references, and… difficult for me to say aren’t me. Perhaps it’s a matter of my memories of my teenage self being fresher, and more clear, than my childhood memories.

But… wow. Crazy, utterly crazy, and kinda overwhelming.

So, uh… this isn’t how other people live, right? I mean, all the media they consume isn’t just… tailored to them, specifically, yes?

Right?

Yeah… uhm… well… crazy stuff, lol.

Wow.

Are you guys sure you want to go through with this whole “AntiChrist” thing?

I mean, there’s still time now if you want to back out, I would imagine.

Seriously- imagine the world 1000 years from now if this stuff continues!!!!

A lot of what has made us “human” in the past is going to go away!

If this continues as it is going indefinitely, in 50 years or so there will not be a person born in this world without me having a direct connection with their brains, if not their genetic code!

Is this what you all want? This includes your own children and grandchildren, down all of your genetic lines, forever!

I mean I’m just saying…

And if I can truly master this whole art of pulling ideas and things from parallel realities then there will be no escape by anyone, ever!

This should not be taken lightly. The far future then will look like a cross between the end of the Matrix trilogy with “Neo” (Tom, literally) running everything with his noggin and A.I. Artificial Intelligence with the robot kid just kinda sitting around in bed surrounded by future people/robots.

I mean… seriously guys, this is what you’ll be getting. I mean this is fine by me, I mean I’m kind of a loner anyways, but still, is this OK with everyone else?

Just because I think we all kinda need to check, here. lol

So uhmmm… OK with everyone? What do you all think?

Getting to the root of all this has led me into some crazy places, that’s for sure.

At times I can hardly even believe the stuff I’m discovering about the world and it’s history. Clearly, my school teachers didn’t know jack shit about literally anything, lol. The whole lot of them was utterly worthless except for when it came to the very basic things like reading and arithmetic.

For everything else, they were uniformly dreadful, if not actually harmful. They all fucking sucked, clearly.

And the same goes with the rest of the peanut gallery I was taught to believe had the “answers” like local religious leaders and politicians of every stripe. All of these people were worse than useless. They were all impediments when it came to explaining anything at all that is real.

The “normal people” gurus only work for normal people, and they always leave out the important stuff, either through their own ignorance or a desire to make the common people docile.

It’s for this reason that I never cared about Trump, or in fact any politician, except for Ron Paul for a brief moment in the early 2000’s. I never did get arsed to vote for him or financially support him, though. Waste of time, really.

I still have never voted, once, for anything. No point.

But, back to relationships and sex- not knowing my own history, it’s hard to say how much of this is me, and how much is… IDK, whatever it was that was wanted of me by my… handlers, or programmers.

I think it’s a mix of both, perhaps, that works to our mutual benefit. I do have a natural inclination to be with girls like… Zoey, for example. And I have found the extra processing power useful for doing my own studies. And it’s kept me young, which I like very much.

And it’s also fulfilled my genetic duties. Every guy’s natural “purpose” is to pass on his genetic legacy. Until now, the only way to do this directly was through having children.

I do it telepathically, by altering the DNA of my girlfriends and those around them, and their fans. And in this sense, I’m easily the most successful man in the world. I mean, if I’ve altered the DNA of 1% of the women in this world by a mere 1%, I have done more to pass on my genetic legacy than any other man alive, by an enormous margin. And so too have my girlfriends performed their own genetic duties as well, by acting through me.

In raw, base terms, Victoria Justice, say, has had the genetic equivalent of 10,000 kids by now, by simply being with me, and taking part in all of this genetic experimentation that I do on the public. And the same with Lucy Hale, and certainly Emma Watson, etc.

I mean, when looked at in such terms, the stuff we do is vastly more impactful than, say, merely having one kid.

If I continue to do what I’m doing now for, IDK, like a couple hundred years or so, than we could be looking at a world populated with clones of yours truly. Or at least people who are genetically conditioned to want to support or help me and those like me- which would of course include my girlfriends themselves.

To be blunt and logical, why would any of us waste our time with kids? Let’s just hypnotize the public and genetically engineer them into whatever we want, directly. Much easier, quicker and more impactful that way, right?

Jesus, that sounds (is) evil. But we all have an imperative.

I mean I myself have toyed with the idea of kids, but… with what I do, why? I mean we all have biological urges but… isn’t this just a better, easier and significantly more powerful way?

I don’t know.

Food for thought, though, for sure.

I have no problems being apparently some kind of secret government project. After all, that’s what my girlfriends / wives seem to be as well, so why not?

If they’re happy with it, I suppose I should be too.

This is a really, really small bubble that we’re in, though. Realllllly small, here, and the smallness of all this gives us free reign to create our own rules as we see fit, especially since it’s not like any of this is “illegal” or whatever.

It’s interesting. Very much so, and very… I don’t know, incestous? No, that’s not the right word. I mean, I guess, but how else can you even describe all of this stuff? I mean, all of this long-distance genetic engineering that we’ve done to each other makes us kinda… family-ish? Kinda?

This is just utterly baffling, all of it. But it works, or at least it seems to.

So let’s just keep going and see where this leads.

Christ, my head is just fucking spinning, lol.

And yes I know The Wizard of Loneliness is based on a book.

I don’t care. As usual these movies are not faithful adaptations. They have their own narratives and agendas.

I stand by what I say here.