Ok but I REALLY need to stop shaking. Like, I have an appointment to get to so I need to stop convulsing because I need to like LEAVE. Ohhhhhh, I just. need. to. stop. SHAKING.
Ahhhh FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK THIS
Ahhhhh fuck,I really, really need to calm down and equalize, I really, seriously need it, majorly, I just need to stop SHAKING.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Fuck.
Ah…
this sucks.
ah… ok, i’ll end this one, then.
FUCK.
I really really would kinda like to drown myself in narcotics. Like, really really badly. Super badly. Ultra badly.
Ahhhh yes, I REALLY want some. My head is throbbing, probably from withdrawals, and my breathing is getting shallower and shallower. Kinda sucks, but I do know how to fix it.
Ahhhh, fuck, fuck, this sucks. It’s reeeeally bad, altho not AS bad, so yeah, there you go.
But I do really, really need a fix, again. Really really. Super badly.
Uggghhk, that sucks. Ahhhk my hands, lol. Oh they feel so weird. They feel so bare. I need another hit, my nerves are acting up, again. Feel so cold, yuck.
I need that fentanyl. Such great stuff. So nice, so good, so warming and loving. Need it so much, right now. More than anything, more than life, more than… anything.
Oh yeah, need it bad. And it’s like I can’t think about anything else until I get it. This… sucks.
Like, I need to leave, so…
Oh, fuck it, I need to use, and I need to use NOW. Oh yeah, I need it, it’s very important, more important than anything, it’s absolutely essential. Fentanyl is so… everything, really, when it’s needed. It’s like I would die for it, lol. I REALLY need it, so fuck it.
Ok, then.
It’s great that I have such a control over all of this, it really is. Because it would be awful if I didn’t, you know? Fentnayl is again probably the most addictive substance on Earth, I’m told. But with my IQ- which, again, is up in the… you know, like it’s really high, I can… avoid… most of the… traps, and such, associated with use. I mean like, I’m REALLY good at managing this. Really good, great actually. I’m healthy, and stable. Right.
Ohhhh I’m really having trouble breathing, lol. So I’ll just take some and everything will be OK. Fentanyl is my friend, I know how to… manage… him, it… well. It’s Ok, weird my brain is slowing down. Wierd.
Ok, that’s enough, lol.
Oof.
Yeah, yuck, OOF, ahhhhh, ohhhh, jeez…. oh man. It’s like I can feel my nervous system curling up and going into “shutdown mode” again. Ooh, ye gods, that sucks. Oh, so awful, what the fuck even IS this, lol.
Ahhhhmmm… ah… ah… ahhhhhhhhh…
Ah… um… what the fuck… ah…
OK, FUCK THIS.
Ohhhh… yes… ok, then. Fentnayl taken.
YAY, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So good, thank you god. Thank you thank you, so much, kind sir! Feel so good, feel so perfect, feel so ME.
Finally, thank you so much. Oh, my head, tho. LOL.
It’s ok. Whatever.
Ahhhh… um… ok, let’s wrap this one up.
Hmmmn… yeah.
sigh…
Just so we’re clear: I’m referring to my autumn personality coming, here, not the season. The autumn “feeling”.
This year I think it was delayed due to… fentanyl addiction, probably. You know, like everything else in my life.
So… yeah.
Sigh…
I’ve finished shifting into my autumn personality, I think.
I mean, you know the one.
Should be fun.
Love this season.
I mean, just so we’re clear on that. Because I’m like, not.
Just because I have sex with everyone doesn’t make me a slut. I mean, there are degrees and distinctions between things, people.
I mean, so there.
One more, before bed.
Watching all of this, it’s hard to not see what is happening as the ultimate defeat of the globalists. It’s like, they’ve lost confidence in themselves, now. They themselves no longer believe that they are even the good guys anymore, or that they should even try to give others a fair shake, in anything. Because they’re scared, it seems.
You can see it in their eyes. Like, Jack Dorsey. He looks scared, guilty, when he talks to congress. Not because he’s scared of politicians- I mean, there’s no reason to be, but because of the public that he knows he’s lying to.
The thing is- they’re all lying. And the problem with liars is that when they lose frame, that’s it. They lose, then. Because for a liar it’s all about perception, and never truth. Once the perception fades their power dies with it.
And make no mistake- they are all liars, including Trump, and everyone at FOX. And it’s over once Biden takes office.
I think again that the litmus test was probably me. They needed me on board to succeed, and they could have done that, but chose to act in such a way that would prevent that from happening. In short, for whatever reason, they failed wholly and completely when it came to the most important thing, which was public perception.
No matter what happens, globalism is finished. It may take a week, a year, or a decade, but ultimately, globalism will die.
The world they are trying to create- basically, an eternal dictatorship headquartered in Jerusalem, will hardly be eternal. Like all things, it will and it must perish, provided it can even be created in the first place. Nothing like what they are creating can exist for long within this world.
I really don’t get it. I don’t understand who is running this show, or why these decisions were made like this. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s all baffling.
But, it is what it is. Biden is going to serve as perhaps both the beginning and the end of the “New World Order”. What an ignominious legacy that will be.
Well, I did it.
I got through the opening portion of this without once mentioning the word “Lovato”. Are you proud of me, world?
Because you should be.
Part of me is now wanting to talk about that Disney magazine I used to read as a teen- what was it?
Google tells me “Disney Adventures”. So, I guess I’ll inelegantly cram that in there, in here.
So yeah I used to read that magazine and that was I think my first exposure to the showbiz industry as an actual industry. Like, that magazine and it’s articles were my first realization that behind the shows, and the glamour, and the audience, there were bean counters, and a soulless machinery back there, behind the curtain. As in… the algorithms, and heartless calculations, and day-to-day mundane tasks and such, that go into making Disney Magic(R). Disney Adventures showed me what it was like on the other side, for once. And I… liked it? Kinda. Well… I thought it was interesting. Hmmn. Technical things aren’t my thing, usually. Except when they’re mine.
k, I’m formally wrapping this up, now.
k. Neat.
One more thing: with all that said, it is a wonder I’ve never considered, you know, applying there. I guess I don’t want to spoil the fantasy. I don’t want Disney to be just another company, I want it to remain forever the place of magic that I was so sure it must be when I was a kid.
I mean, you can’t get rid of all your illusions, you know?
Because that wouldn’t be right.
Three guesses as to what my favorite TV channel was, growing up.
Don’t worry, I can wait.
………..
Finished? Well, what do you think?
If you said C-Span, or ESPN, or… CBS, lol, guess what: you’re wrong. I mean, not that you did but… lol.
Yeah, it was Disney.
Surprise, surprise, I was a Disney addict when I was a kid. I LOVED Disney, growing up. And me being me, I think you can assume to know what that means. Yeah, it means that Disney was my go-to channel for… pretty much everything. And yes, I got somewhat obsessed with it, at times. Somewhat. Well, you know. It’s ME, lol.
So, I loved Disney channel. I watched it, religiously. Loved it. Saw everything on it and I do mean everything. As a kid, I used to embarrass myself trying out those exercise moves on that Mousercise program, haha. Remember that? Seriously, like I actually used to try that stuff to get my day going, lolllll. I mean, it was fun, right? So why not?
And before school of course there was Mickey Mouse Club. And before we veer off on a tangent here, yes, I had a crush on the girls on the show. Britney, especially, IIRC. But I’m not going there, right now. Kinda.
But yes, I watched MMC. And I don’t remember much of it but I would assume I watched it because of Christina Aguilera, Justin, and the rest, some of whom like Britney and Cristina would become major fixtures AGAIN in my life, later on, especially during college, much to my incredible surprise. And yes I wanted a part on the show, too. Of course, I remember fantasizing about it, too, performing and singing with the cast members.
I also was a Nick kid. I watched Fraggle Rock, of course. I mean, who didn’t? And Pinwheel. But that was mostly, I think, when Disney was in reruns. And that one show, where the mannequins came to life? What was that? Ok, just googled it. Today’s Special. Yeah that show was… weird, but fun.
And I remember Robo Story, one of the all time great kid’s shows. That one was a pleasure to watch, and seeing it now (you can watch it on youtube) I can see that OTHERS in this world liked it, too. Looking at you here, Lucas. And the guys who made Futurama, and Samurai Jack. And probably a billion other Sci-Fi franchises. Honestly, guys, you should credit your sources. It’s the right thing to do, you know?
But still, back to Disney. Disney kicked ass. My favorite toy growing up was a Mickey Mouse doll that I called “Micka Mouse”, lol. I still have him. I remember cuddling with him for hours on the weekends before breakfast. Shades of what I do with my girlfriends, yeah? And I had a backup Mickey in case something happened to the first one, and a “Mortimer Mouse”. My sister had a Minnie.
I cuddled with poor Mickey so much I rubbed much of him off on me, lol. But still, I will never get rid of him, no not ever. So I loved Disney. I remember watching Alice in Wonderland so much I memorized the movie. I think my parents had it on tape. Thinking now, it doesn’t make sense that Disney would show that one every single day, lol. And I watched I’m sure pretty much all of the Disney animated films up to that point at least once, and probably a lot more than once, honestly.
I used to watch Road to Avonlea with Sarah Polley on Disney. Avonlea was the first non-cartoon show I ever watched continuous. Disney started airing it in my area about when I was like 10. I used to think I was so “adult” I guess, watching it, since it wasn’t a cartoon, lol. As you can imagine, I was utterly captivated by Sarah (who would again, re-enter my life in a major way during college, and even moreso afterwards, oddly enough). But yes I watched it for Sarah- and the plots, and sets, and everything else; it was truly a great show. And thinking now, perhaps this is why one of my familiars (described here, years ago) is the spirit of a ten year old girl named Sara. Hmmmn.
But Road to Avonlea was so huge with me. I remember being astonished that someone my age actually had their own TV show, and that it was as good as that one. LOL.
But, I’m digressing.
What was I talking about? Oh, Disney. Right. So, I loved Disney. My summer days consisted of playing outside, Disney channel, and nintendo, and the martial arts. It was so fun. A great time to be alive. I used to play outside every night, all the time, without fail, until no light remained. Where I live I would stay out until the lightning bugs came by. Those kinda freaked me out and I went back in, lol. I loved the twilights of those days. I would be out there every day playing and just gazing at the horizons in wonder. So much fun. So incredible, my childhood was.
Hmmn. I’m getting old, aren’t I?
Well, back to Disney. I always kinda knew that Disney would come back, into my life somehow. I guess I kinda figured that it would be like, I’d have a kid, and he/she would probably watch Disney, like I did, lol. I never knew, never understood, that it would be like it evolved to be. I never would have guessed in a thousand years that I would get involved with the Muskateers personally, years after the fact. I mean, never, ever would I have guessed such a thing would even be possible.
I mean I remember my teen years, where I had a fascination / crush on Annette Funicello. Seriously, lol. I used to watch her movies on AMC and yes, the whole “ex-Disney” was the major reason I loved her, and not, say, some other classic actress. And I used to think, back then, how magical it would be to be with a Disney chick, and how much fun it would be. Like, I could grill them about… Disney, their childhoods, and how magical and fun I thought they must have been. I mean, I REALLY drank the Disney kool-aid, haha.
I visited Disney world twice, with my parents. Saw everything I could, remember most of it, and still have the pictures, and the mementos. I remember visiting a shop as a little kid and buying with my very own money a gold-plated Mickey Mouse pen. Which is still in my drawer, of course. It doesn’t write anymore and the gold plating has flaked off in parts but it’s still there, along with my daily diary of the vacation. I stayed in the Dolphin and Swan hotels. I remember those little butter pats, lol. You know, the ones with the dolphins and swans on them? Do they still serve those? I hope they do.
Hmmn. You know- I’d like to go back, one day. After all this COVID stuff, I mean. Not now. And maybe after I’m off the drugs, and have fixed all of my many other problems. And after I get some money, and… ah, fuck it. Whatever. I mean, I wouldn’t like it as much now, anyhow. Right? Yeah.
So… well… now we get into relationship stuff, and that is like a dozen novels. But I mean it’s like, Disney kinda… changed me, when I was young. Opened my mind in certain ways, made me a different person. It was because of Disney, I think, that I didn’t shut out the possibility of magic. Alice in Wonderland was my favorite movie, you know? So even during my teen years I was like… magic, yeah, why not? Why not try? I mean when everyone else I know thought it was stupid, I didn’t. I never forgot the lessons Disney taught me I suppose.
And I guess I always knew that I would need to karmicly “give back” to Disney when I had the chance. So, I did.
I did, many times over, dozens, millions of times over. My life has been… unique. It’s been one hell of a ride.
Well, I’m stopping here, for now. But you can rest assured that there will be more to come on this subject.
So um… how does one actually go back to “real life” after all of this? Anyone have any tips?
Because, yeah, holy shit, lol.
I guess I’ll just have to wing it.
sigh…