Sighinide

Wait, what’s going on?

I don’t understand what I see on my Twitter. I’m not a 12 year old mean girl. I’m not a nazi. Or am I?

What is going on?

I’m some kind of sex god?

I’m gay, too, apparently?

I’m… the Anti-Christ?

WHAT?!?!?!!

I’m confused.

I’m an office worker. A working class cubicle drone.

I’m not a vampire.

And for that matter, whose blog is this?

I’ve given things some thought since Trump’s speech on Thursday.

It was kind of surreal seeing him talk. It was like seeing a Republican me of 2013, enacting my “political speech” fantasies. It was interesting; a real blast from the past. Yeah, Trump’s speech was very, very… “me”, but also very him, in his own way. It was good to see live.

And his very subtle and crafty shout out to me was appreciated. Thanks, Donald, if you’re reading this.

But, enough about me. I wish I could deliver a speech like that for real. Must be nice to have that kind of ability.

So, I agree with much of what Trump said that he wants in his speech, as I’m sure most of us do. Whether he can pull off his promises remains to be seen. I hope he can. I should support him, though I may decide to only do so tentatively at first. Well… January is a long way away. We’ll see.

I’ve held off on supporting Donald in general lately. I’ve just wanted to see what he could do on his own. I propped up conservationism in this country for years, so I wanted to see if he and the other Republicans could actually manage to stand on their own, without my direct intervention. I guess that they can, or at least he can. So, perhaps he’s worth supporting after all.

I had my doubts, but I’m glad to have been proven wrong. Welcome to the club, Donald.

And… I wanted how “authentic” he was. Was he a real conservative, or not? I’ve had doubts there, too. Last week I wrote a couple of posts about this, but declined to post them because I wanted to see what he would do at the RNC.

I think I’ll stuff them below, unedited, as a warning. Speeches are one thing; results are another. I want to see a reduction in immigration and a policy of reclaiming our manufacturing abilities. Will he actually do this, or is he another Obama- someone who cherry picks from me, twists my ideas, and uses my inspiration to destroy what is good and beneficial? Will he turn on his supporters like Obama did or no?

We’ll see.

1.

Yesterday, I thought about tweeting VDare, and I almost did, except for the fact that I decided I’d rather surf the web and read about Taylor. Here’s what I wrote but didn’t tweet:

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I find myself disliking Trump more with each passing day. We don’t need, or want, a “Law and Order” candidate.

We need a traditionalist conservative. A Ron Paul with teeth. We need an end to the 2 trillion dollar deficits and the 8 year recession.

We need a champion of small business and manufacturing, not of the police. We need to fold up the bankrupt Empire and put it away.

Trump looks now like a common Republican, like a Reagan/Bush hybrid oligarch type. This “Law and Order” nonsense looks like Nixon-era GOP garbage.

We have *too many* laws. We someone to dismantle two thirds of them so that the government stops suffocating the real economy.

We need the anti-Nixon. We need someone to give us back a hard asset backed currency to stop the bubble market machine.

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I’m still not happy about Trump, and the news about his VP pick makes me think even less of him, if that’s possible at the moment. Trump is increasingly looking like the wrong man for the job.

This “Pence” person looks like a stereotypical GOP loser. He comes across like half-eaten leftovers from the Reagan years.

Yuck.

I’m getting sick of this.

A long time ago on Twitter, I tweeted National Review magazine. I had two motives for doing so: 1) to insult NR, and 2) to poke at Trump. What I wanted to do was see which way Trump would go after I tweeted.

When I tweeted NR, I gave a list of authors, and then I waited to see if Trump would pick up on the hint I gave him, there. I wanted to see if he or his team would read those authors and apply the knowledge from their works to his campaign, which is what a true conservative would have done. Which is what he should have done.

He didn’t. Instead, he went in the opposite direction. I wanted him to appear more intellectual, and less uneducated. Note that I said appear– as a self-made billionaire, I’m sure that Trump is plenty smart and educated, at least compared to the average person. But, he doesn’t look it right now, that’s for sure.

*sigh…*

We Americans have a lot to choose from, this November, and none of it is what we need.

What we need is a real conservative. Someone out of the right wing of the late 1800’s- early 1900’s.

We need a working class, small business oriented, secular intellectual with self-confidence enough to stand up for himself and what he believes in. We need a deflationist; a hard money advocate. And that person can’t have the wool over his eyes in racial matters.

This, we won’t get.

So, into the 3rd world we go. Bankruptcy and failure is in our future. Even more than it is in our present, I mean.

Look out below!

2.

Also- cops are NOT working class. Not really. They are government employees, the same as teachers, soldiers and municipal workers. I have sympathy for cops, because of the violence and danger that they face. But- they aren’t the people that need the attention, now.

Small business is the key to recovery. Small business, and manufacturing- the REAL working class- is all that matters. Big business is insolvent. Government is insolvent. They are both constantly teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. And when they fall in, neither can survive without massive, economy ruining bailouts. This has been shown to the world, time and time again. Small business is the key. Small business and manufacturing are the only things that can get us out of this mess.

In other words, we’re fucked.

Now, wait a second.

I don’t think so. I mean, what I’m saying here can’t be real. It just can’t be. And it’s not. That isn’t how it works. I mean, that’s how everything else works, but not this.

No, this whole line of thinking is ridiculous. I’m not a cokehead. I’ve never even done the stuff. How would I even know what it feels like? This is just me, fantasizing about being in Hollywood again, or something. I don’t know what is going on here, quite frankly. But it’s not that. That’s just dumb, and can’t possibly be real.

And if it is, it’s very easily fixable. So, that’s that.

You know, this might be the point of “Clean” from 1989. As in, Taylor wasn’t writing about herself, there. She was writing about me. And maybe a little about her, but maybe she picked up on this before I just did, now. And maybe I didn’t realize what was going on, then, because I just didn’t listen. I didn’t pick up on the clues she was leaving me in the lyrics and such. It’s about me. I’m the addict. Not her. ME.

That… makes a lot of sense.

Wow.

Mind. Blown.

Ah, OK. I get it. I AM a cocaine addict.

Yup.

I just realized it. My decades of absorbing the brain waves of cocaine users has given me the ability to generate the effects of cocaine without the drug itself.

The power of coke isn’t in the drug, it’s in the effect the drug has on the brain. I can generate that effect without the substance itself, I think.

I AM a cocaine addict.

I think.

Well, now that I know, I should be able to control it.

I didn’t get it, before. When I wrote the original post in this series back in 2014, I thought my problems were caused by health supplements that somehow emulated the effects of cocaine, or something.

Here’s a quote:

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Is some of that stuff addictive? I mean, the roots and herbs and minerals and stuff. You wouldn’t think so, really, but some illegal drugs are herbs and isn’t cocaine a mineral too? It can be prepared as a salt.

I’m not saying that anything I was taking was like crack or anything- that would be nuts- but I was taking way, and I mean WAY, more stuff than I should have been, especially, now that I think about it, when I was feeling down or depressed, or stressed out at work. When I was really down I would go over by three or four times the recommended maximum dosages on the packages sometimes. Was I an addict? I mean, it wasn’t intentional that I would take the stuff just to escape from reality. So I did it without thinking. Is that addiction?

So I recently stopped ingesting all of what I was taking and I feel a lot better but I *think* I might be having some withdrawal symptoms weaning myself off of what I was taking. But that’s impossible, right? They’re just herbs and roots and minerals etc. It’s nothing illegal!

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Nope. I was onto something, then. But I wasn’t quite there.

The stuff I was feeling, (and have felt, since, off and on) couldn’t have been from the supplements, only. There was something else there, too.

I think my brainstorm up above might be right. In matching up my brainwaves to those who use the drug, even without my knowing they use it, I’ve learned what it feels like and can, I think, “make” that feeling in myself without any actual coke.

Yup. I think that’s it.

Perhaps I’m not being fair with the criticism, here.

I don’t like what I’m seeing with Tom, yes, but I also don’t like, much, what I’m seeing from Taylor. Perhaps her swimsuit pics dazzled me too much for me to see this.

Truthfully, I thought that Taylor was going to take a bit of a break and lay low for awhile after her relationship with Calvin Harris ended.

But, she didn’t. I kind of thought that she would spend some time alone, like… like she promised, back in the day, after the 1989 tour ended. I thought she would chill for awhile. But then all of THIS happened.

I get that Taylor’s thing is “too much”, but this seems a bit too much, even for her.

Even for me.

It’s a lot, and it’s too public, I think.

Taylor’s appeal has been largely based on the fact that she was public, but also private in some ways. Now, not so much. The sense of mystery about her seems to have dissipated.

Perhaps that’s inevitable. Being famous must make it almost impossible for someone to maintain mystery, and being the world’s most popular musician might make it impossible, literally. There’s no way she can keep the veil over herself. Certainly not in her case, and most definitely not when you consider the blinding lights shining on all of her friends, too.

And- she had a kind of earthiness, too. She was famous but very grounded. Lately, she doesn’t seem grounded at all.

Perhaps that one is my fault. She’s now grounded on me rather than, I don’t know, her childhood, or her past experiences in school or whatnot.

I used to write blogs about this problem, but the fun of 1989 and the tour removed all of these concerns from my mind. But now, these problems of hers are appearing once again, and they’re bigger now, since they weren’t dealt with the first time around.

I blogged before about how important it was that Taylor keep up her status in the Country and Western community. If not musically, then at least socially. But, she hasn’t done this. If she had, maybe she wouldn’t be having the problems I see her as having, now.

Today she’s so far removed from that scene that it would have been odd to see a country star at the 4th of July party she just had. Anyone she would have invited would have looked terribly out of place.

Yeah, that advice would have been perfect for her. She should have taken it. There’s something inherently grounding about country music. Even country-pop hybrid music like Taylor’s earlier works seem quite grounded and real compared to everything else in the pop culture milieu.

Well, I tried to warn her. And she had years to do something about this. But… she didn’t do anything.

*Hrrrumph*.

I think I’ll join the chorus and inquire about what, if anything, Tom Hiddleston is thinking.

I don’t get his recent actions, either.

Is he trying to copy me? Because if that’s his intent, he’s failing horribly at it. See, I’m not Taylor’s sycophant. I hang out with her because I’m her muse, her sometimes BFF, her sometimes frenemy, and, like many younger, sheltered celebrities, her sometimes father.

Seriously. I’ve talked about this before. I speak the girls’ language because I like it, obviously, but also because I need to connect with them because I need to raise them to an extent. You know, to make sure that they don’t fall into the typical starlet’s trap of drugs, illiterate sub-normal IQ “bad boys”, and general groundlessness. In Taylor’s case, I’ve been guiding her and educating her in the ways of the world now for 8 years at least. So I’m not doing it like… him.

So sure, I talk like Regina George, sometimes. Or I mean, I would be talking like her had she been smarter. But you knew that.

*Sigh*…

But back to Tom… IDK what’s he’s doing. Dude CAN’T be happy. It just doesn’t look like he’s in his element.

Now that I think about it, even back when I was in that horrific depression I didn’t act like Tom. I always maintained composure… mostly. I felt bad, and kind of lost, but I don’t think I ever came across like I felt myself beneath Taylor, or something like that. Or that I didn’t have a place for myself, there with her and her friends. And I guess that I always managed to stand above Taylor and the rest in my own way, despite how awful everything else was.

Tom just seems… like he doesn’t even have that, kinda. His place, there, with Karlie, Cara, Halston and Abigail. Where is it?

I mean, I get where it is. That’s obvious. But it just isn’t there. Where it should be.