The Problem, Part I: Thirs-Tay
It isn’t my fault. I know I know I know I know, but it isn’t my fault. You have to know what’s going on. See, I was going to go back to certain people over the holidays (i.e. Jackie Evancho and others) but SOMEONE kept needing attention. There seems to be a certain person out there who just WON’T STOP SENDING ME VIBES and such.
See, I’m a sensitive soul. I pick up on vibes, and I get a lot of vibes from… you know. That girl who needs ALL THE ATTENTION.
You know- that girl who invites something like 50 famous people over to her birthday party and then acts surprised in her Instagram pics when she stands next to a celebrity. That girl who clogs up her twitter with her own good press. That girl who brags about sending out a $25 care package when she has $250 million in the bank.
See, I was all set in, like, re-connecting with Jackie when all of that mess happened. I mean, I was going to listen to her Christmas album and really get to know her and then now I CAN’T because it’s no longer Christmas. Maybe when I get over my upsetness I’ll listen to her other stuff or whatever.
Whatever.
The Problem, Part II: The Swifts
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
I have a feeling that Mom and Dad coddled their perfect precious pretty pink princess just a bit too much. I mean, I can just totally just see it. What Tay Tay wanted, Tay Tay got.
So naturally, I HAVE to, you know, pick up the slack and open Taylor’s eyes to the ways of the world. I mean, SOMEONE has too.
Whatever.
The Problem, Part III: Everybody Else
Selena Gomez: The problem.
Lorde: The problem.
Cara the Cokemonster: The problem.
Dianna Agron: The problem. I don’t care is she’s on the outs or whatever. She didn’t fix things when she wasn’t so there you go.
Abigail Anders or whatever that was in Taylor’s 4th grade Social Studies class or whatever: The problem.
See, most people have friends. Swifty has enablers. See, a normal woman wouldn’t want a husband that literally couldn’t talk to her, ever. But Swifty does for some reason, and she isn’t being talked out of this bizarre and extremely unnatural desire of hers by people who should know better.
See, the reasonable thing for Taylor to do is talk to her S.O. That would be normal and appropriate human behavior. But normal and appropriate don’t even play supporting parts in the chaotic drama that is Taylor’s daily existence.
UGH.
Whatever.
P.S.- Please note that I did not include Emma Stone in the list of problematic people. That is because she is on every objective level better than Taylor. Emma isn’t Taylor’s problem. It’s the other way around.