I need this concert to be as good as it can be, because I might never see Taylor again. This is why I’ve been writing so much about it. If I build it up enough, then maybe the memories of this one evening will… hopefully… be enough to last me for the rest of my life.
Also, it does still kind of freak me out that Taylor refuses to talk to me. The last time I saw her in concert, I saw how popular she was, and how many friends and fans she had, and frankly, how rich and important she was… and I became jealous of her. And after I lost my job right after the concert, I started to hate her, because I felt as though I wasn’t good enough. I became suicidally depressed because nobody wanted to talk to me, even though I needed to talk to someone. I hope I never have feelings like those ever again.
This time, I think, things will be different. I’m more confident now and stronger and smarter and more secure in many ways. I’m at the point now that I’m not worried about how I’ll feel when I wake up alone tomorrow. Good. I deserve that, I think.
We’ve both grown so much since we saw each other 2 years ago. She’s became more herself, and I’ve became more myself. It’s been nice.
I hope that Taylor has the time of her life tonight. I know that I will.