I lay in bed, counting.
“51, 52, 53, 54…”
With each count, I pushed a silver quarter into a pile. I had 2 piles already of 25 quarters each, and was starting a third.
The quarters, dirty and tarnished, had turned gray over the years. Not that it mattered. What was important was the metal.
Silver had become something rare and expensive since I bought these quarters on eBay. Selling these discs to the local coin shop would net a nice profit. I smiled at my foresight. Was there anything more satisfying than a wise investment?
I looked out of my window at the darkness outside. It was late. I’ll bet it was past midnight already. The street lights tried their best to illuminate little patches of gray street for nonexistent traffic. After sorting these coins, I thought, I might want to consider going to bed.
As I reached into my bag of quarters for another handful, I felt a blinding flash of light in my subconscious mind.
And then I heard the words.
“Please, talk to us! Person!”
Wait, WHAT? Someone was attempting to communicate to me telepathically!
The voice continued. “Please person!” The voice wasn’t human. Rather, it was a crude, wispy estimation of a human voice. And the other being clearly didn’t know much English, although it was trying hard. “You are person who talks! We must needs talk!”
I responded. “I’m listening. Who are you?”
“From other home. Outside your sun. Your sun a star.” It was clearly struggling. I went into a deep trance and helped it along as best I could. It made a difference. I asked it to repeat what it just said.
“We are from another planet.” The voice explained. “From far far away. We need your help. Your planet has been targeted for mining operations by the Zordions. They plan to strip all the metal from your home to complete a weapon that could endanger all life in this universe.”
“Wow. OK.” Sounds plausible. “What can I do about it?”
“Come outside. I are waiting.”
I put on my jeans, and, taking care not to wake my parents, crept outside. Sure enough, there was an extraterrestrial vessel in my backyard. Or, at least, what I thought was one.
If this was a ship, it didn’t look like any starfighter or alien ship I had ever seen in a movie. It had no doors, and no visible means of propulsion or wings. It was giant gray cylinder, perfect on its outward face. It stood about 5 feet high and had a diameter of about 3 feet.
As I approached, the gray face of the cylinder shimmered and turned blue. A translucent being stepped through the metal. After it passed through, the ship’s face shimmered again and changed back to a solid gray color.
To my human eyes, the being was insubstantial. It looked like a glowing, silvery hued, human- shaped mist. I could see why it couldn’t talk to anyone else- it had no mouth. Through the alien, I could see the trees in my backyard.
The alien talked to me again. It seemed happy. “Person! You here!” It’s elation seemed almost pet-like. Perhaps some things, like emotion, are universal.
“Hi!” I responded.
“My name is X ‘Ur.” It explained. I could understand it better now that I was closer to it. “Pleasant to meet you.” It stopped. “There is no time to talk. Universe needs you. You must board the Zordion mining vessel before it reaches your home and destroy it by overloading it’s power supply. Only the human can do this. Zordions are a robot race programmed to kill anyone that comes close to them.”
Ummm… wait a second. “So… wouldn’t they just kill me then?”
“They haven’t been programmed to consider humans to be hostile. We can teleport you aboard their vessel with no problems. The environment on their ship is not unhealthy for humans. There is light and oxygen. Good temperature and gravity for person. When you get, then you can overload their reactor, and we teleport you back before the explosion.”
Woah, this was way, way outside my comfort zone. “Are you sure I can do this? I mean, what if these things decide that I’m hostile and program themselves to destroy me after I’m on board?”
“Don’t worry person. I have things.” X ‘Ur walked back to his vessel and reached into it with his “arm”. Once again, the gray face on his cylinder turned blue. X ‘Ur grabbed something inside that was clearly very heavy and managed to toss it at me. It landed at my feet.
It was a gray tube that looked like a high tech flashlight. It almost looked like… no, it couldn’t be. “Is this a weapon?” I asked.
X ‘Ur, exhausted from his ordeal, seemed surprised. “Yes person. Lightsaber. Like you use. Person weapon. We see pictures of these all over your home, so we made one special just for you.”
The aliens must be confusing Star Wars with real life. Not that I cared.
“Holy balls, a fucking LIGHTSABER!!!!!!” I exclaimed. I picked it up, held it high, and turned it on.
With the familiar fwoosh, the blade erupted. At once, my dark backyard was awash in lavender. The blade was very bright- too bright. I was afraid that I would wake the neighborhood, so I quickly shut it off.
X ‘Ur was impressed. “People are strong!” He was happy. “You can teach the Zordions!”
“Thanks, X ‘Ur!” Maybe he was right. Then I had a thought… this was going to be unfamiliar to me. The Zordions, outer space, the lightsaber… everything. It would be nice to have someone there with me.
“X ‘Ur”, I asked, “Would it be possible for me to take a companion?”
X ‘Ur responded in the affirmative. “You may take extra person but only extra. More than two intruders would make Zordions afeared.”
I thought for a moment. Who should I ask? My parents are in their 60’s. My sister isn’t the type for this. I need someone young, healthy, and athletic. Someone who can stay calm in high pressure situations, and then keep a secret after the mission is over. And that person needs to trust me… and, preferably, be comfortable with telepathy. I thought for a second… and then smiled.
“I got my person.” I thought to X ‘Ur. “I’ll give her a call.” As I reached into my pants pocket and grabbed my phone, I had another thought, which X ‘Ur apparently heard.
“Yes person, there is extra lightsaber.”
Good.
I called Swifty. After 4 rings, she answered.
“Tom… ugh.” I heard ruffling sheets. “Why are you calling? It’s like 3 in the morning!”
I gulped. “Taylor… lay down. You’re not going to believe this.”
“This had better be important.”
“Oh, it’s very very important. One sec.” I had an idea.
I thought to X ‘Ur. “Could you teleport us to who I’m thinking of?”
X ‘Ur thought yes and entered his ship. Within moments my vision became cloudy, and then a silvery white. Then it became nothing. I had no body. No mind. No self. I was not anything and never was. Then… I was Tom, standing in a room with X ‘Ur, his ship, and a very naked and very very surprised Taylor Swift.
“TOMMMMUUHHHH!!!!” She yelled. She stared wide eyed at me. Yet again, I had left her speechless. And how! “Tom…” She just shook her head. Then she laid back in her bed and put her head in her hands and wondered.
“Taylor, hi! How are you?”
“I’m fine. Did you just…?” She shook her head again.
“Yeah, I just teleported in here with X ‘Ur.”
She looked at me. “Who?”
“X ‘Ur. That’s uh, him, over there, next to the cylinder. He’s an alien from outside the solar system. He has a body but it’s insubstantial.” I thought about how best to familiarize Swifty with this new reality. “He’s really nice. Plus, he’s got a present for you!”
“It’s Ok. I’m dreaming, so whatever.”
I walked over to Swifty and pinched her nipples. I enjoyed it, but she didn’t so much.
“OW!!” She glared at me. Then she sighed and understood. I guess that after all Taylor and I had been through over the past 5 years, a space alien didn’t seem that odd. “Hi… X ‘Ur. Welcome to my home. What do you want?”
X ‘Ur regaled her. The teleportation, the Zordions, the lightsaber… everything.
“I’ll do what I can.” She said. “What should I do, Tom?”
I was staring at her body. She was certainly young and athletic. Wow. Definitely. She would be perfect. I was intentionally ignoring anything related to sex, though she did indeed look very, very nice. Her nipples were hard.
“You should put something on.” I said. “Something that will allow you to move freely.”
Taylor walked over to her closet and went through her concert clothes. She picked out a tight white t-shirt emblazoned with gray glitter and some silver shorts. The outfit looked like the one she wore during her performance with Tegan and Sara. Maybe it was. I loved that outfit. It was nice and tight on her young, athletic body.
“I’m ready.” She said.
X ‘Ur grunted as he tossed her the extra lightsaber. She turned it on. Her blade was a nice red. The red filled the room- it’s light overpowered the dim illumination from her incandescents.
“It’s time.” X ‘Ur said to us both. “I will teleport you to storage room. There is no Zordions there. When you arrive, leave room, travel to end of hallway. There is control room. Put this in computer.” X ‘Ur handed me a small gray cube. “Back to storage. When in there, I teleport you here.”
“X ‘Ur,“ I asked, “Can’t you just teleport us to the control room?”
“No, that too deep into the ship. The control room were protected by anti- teleportation field. I only teleport you past the edge of the ship.”
“Oh, OK.” I turned to Taylor. “You ready, Swifty?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this, remember. This is a choice.”
Taylor brandished her lightsaber and stared intensely into my eyes. “It’s the fight of our lives.” She said. “But we’ll stand up champions tonight.”
She then extinguished her lightsaber and flipped it over a few times in her hand before sliding it into her pocket- all in one smooth motion. X ‘Ur looked pleased, and then stepped into his pod. Again, I felt myself become nothing, and then something, and then myself again.
Taylor and I were in a room. An enormous one, with spotless gray metal walls and a huge, gaping ceiling. We were next to an outside wall- I could see outer space filled windows behind us. Further into the room, in the distance, there was stack after stack of huge gray bars.
I noticed a small bar at my feet. I touched it. It was silver, and it looked like all of the other bars in here. Wow. There must be billions of dollars of silver in this room alone.
The ship was deathly quiet. I could hear nothing besides Taylor and myself. The silence was eerie.
X ‘Ur was right about the atmosphere. It felt pleasant, and breathing was fine. There was more than enough light to see, and Taylor and I both spotted the door at the same moment.
I looked at Taylor. “We need to finish this quick.”
She nodded.
We sprinted off towards the door. As we approached, the door’s gray panels retracted into the walls, revealing a long corridor with clean gray walls. The path was dotted with shiny gray robots that I assumed were the Zordions. They looked like androids, oddly enough. They had the same basic body shape as humans did, with 2 arms, 2 legs, a torso, and a head. Their arms and legs were flexible tubes, and they had claw-like vises for hands. Their heads were unmarked metal cylinders. There was a definite relationship between the technology of the Zordions and the technology used in X ‘Ur’s ship.
Taylor stopped and froze. She was gawking at the Zordions. I nudged her out of her trance. “Taylor. No staring. In and out.”
“Sorry.” She whispered.
She followed me through the corridor, which lasted about 100 feet. I could hear our footsteps echo as we walked on the metal floor. I wished that I couldn’t. At the end of the corridor was another door which opened for us. There were a Zordion sentry standing outside of it. Was he looking at us? I couldn’t tell. None of the Zordions had weapons. I think.
We passed him and walked into what I assumed was the ship’s control room. In the middle of the room was a simple metal pedestal with a small gray metal box on it.
“Now what?” Taylor whispered.
“Let me figure this out. You stand guard by the door.” I looked around, but I didn’t see anything that even resembled a computer. Damn. The walls were a stark gray metal and absolutely featureless, like the rest of the walls in the ship. This was design that I couldn’t understand. It was dead silent. What WAS this place? Was this even the right room?
“Fuck.” I cursed under my breath. It echoed.
I thought back to how X ‘Ur interacted with this ship. Both times when he reached into it, he had put his hand on a particular area on it’s face. Doing this allowed the metal to “open”.
Not knowing what else to do, I ran my fingers across the blank walls, hoping to find something.
After a few minutes of this, I started to feel differences in the texture of the metal. Some parts of the walls were softer than others. Some were warm to the touch, and others cold. It was really bizarre.
Taylor was fidgeting and looking at me.
I found a small section of the wall that seemed soft. I pushed on it. All of a sudden, the lights went out.
“TOM!” Taylor cried out.
I pushed against the wall again at that section. The lights came back on.
“The walls” I started, “are the keyboard of the computer.” I pushed against another area, which was cold to the touch. The doors on the ship- all of them, from what I could hear- opened. I pushed it again and the doors closed.
I then pushed against a wall section that was very course against my fingers. The metal box in the center of the room opened, revealing a little blue crystal with a small gray plate beside it.
Taylor was intrigued. “What is that?” She asked.
The crystal responded telepathically. “This is the control room for this vessel.” It shimmered and sparkled as it thought.
“What are you?” I spoke aloud.
“I am a thought crystal.” It responded. “The Zordions cannot think, so they grow living thought crystals to do this for them.”
Interesting. “If the Zordions are not alive, where did they come from?”
“They were created by X ‘Ur’s race.” The crystal clearly knew more about us than we did about it. “They were created to be the perfect servants. Which they were.”
“Until?”
“Until the Zordions created us to think for them. We thought that they would be better off without X ‘Ur’s race, so they broke away.”
Oh. Taylor was staring at me, confused and concerned. She wanted this conversation over.
I had to ask, though. “Why are you building the weapon?”
“Because it helps the Zordions if all life dies. No competition then.”
I took out the cube X ‘Ur had given me.
The crystal responded with a warning. “That,“ it thought at me, “will cause the reactor to overload. Are you sure you wish to do this?”
“If I give you this instruction, how long until the reactor overloads?” I asked out loud.
“From your point of reference, approximately 23 minutes and 6 and three eighths seconds. But that will not matter to you, because you will die. If you place that instruction, I will program the Zordions to regard you as hostile. They will then kill you and remove the instruction.”
“But if we don’t do something, our planet will die!” I exclaimed.
“Incorrect. You planet will not die as it is not alive. What will die are all living things on your planet.”
“Fine. Whatever. Fuck you.”
I placed the cube on the plate, which glowed a bright red as it began to process the instruction. The crystal shimmered. I pushed on the wall section to close the metal box, and, once closed, I melted the key with my lightsaber.
Just then, the doors opened and the Zordion sentry walked in. It had it’s arms raised and approached me. Taylor, who was crouching by the door, quickly brandished her lightsaber and cleaved it in half, sending a shower of sparks throughout the room.
“I knew you were trouble when you walked in.” She said.
“Taylor, we need to leave!”
“Come on, then!” She motioned towards the door.
As we stepped out, the other Zordions started coming toward us. “Die humans!” One of them synthesized.
Taylor readied her weapon. “I’m gonna see some sparks fly.” She said. “Bitches.”
Another Zordion approached me, arms raised. Suddenly, his right arm extended at me! All I could see was a growing flash of gray. I reacted by blocking it with my light saber, which sliced the arm in half and sent the two halves flying behind me. Had I not reacted this way, he would have impaled me. I went on the offensive by diving forward and vertically bisecting the Zordion’s body.
I looked over at Taylor, who had just shredded another Zordion.
She looked at the mangled mess of circuits and metal at her feet.
“You are never ever getting back together.” She said. “Like ever.”
Taylor and I proceeded down the corridor, destroying everything in our path. I took care to make sure that nothing slipped past us- I didn’t want any of them in the control room.
It was a good thing that we had lightsabers, as they were perfectly suited for Zordion destroying.
After cleaning up the last of the Zordions, Taylor and I reached the storage room, which opened as it did before. I took note of this and surmised that this meant that the control room had not been tampered with since we left.
In the storage room, there was one last Zordion- a big, hulking monstrosity of metal and attitude. It’s four arms, each ending in a huge metal claw, slithered through the air. It’s head was a crystal, no bigger than the one we met in the control room. It moved on massive treads.
“Ah humans!” It synthesized. “Finally you are here! The little ones in the corridor were clearly no match for you. They should have cleared out and let me destroy you instead.”
Taylor readied her weapon and retorted. “You’re right about one thing. Those losers in the hall were a joke. They wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now, if only they were seeing what they know now then.”
I shot Taylor a look, and then turned to the monster in front of us. “Let us leave, and we won’t destroy you.”
“Nonsense!” It roared. “This ship is going to explode! You think I will just let you leave? Your fate was sealed the moment you processed the instruction.”
With that, the monster reached out and grabbed Taylor, who, in her surprise, dropped her lightsaber.
“Taylor!!!” I yelled. For the first time, I was scared. The thought that something could happen to Taylor was too much for me to even think about.
The Zordion swung his arm at me. I jumped over it and cleaved off his claw with my blade.
“Ah! Well done, human!” The Zordion pulled back his wounded arm. “But you will never leave here alive. You love this girl, don’t you? If you do not drop your weapon, I will crush her!” He raised Taylor up beside him. “Drop it, human!!”
“Tom…” Taylor started. “Think of yourself…” Despite her words, she was clearly nervous. Her feisty legs were kicking the air.
I shook my head no. There was no chance that I would allow him to hurt my Taylor. I would rather die than see that happen.
I quickly thought to myself, while keeping my ideas shielded from the Zordion. What do I do? I noticed Taylor’s lightsaber on the ground. If this was really Star Wars, I could use telekinesis to lift that lightsaber and fling it to Taylor. But this isn’t a movie.
I stopped for a second and felt the air around me. The ship, the air, the Zordions, everything… was pulsing with telepathic power. There was more energy here than I’d ever felt in my life.
“Human! Drop it!”
I ignored him. I reached deep into myself- into a place of perfect concentration and will. I felt the energy around me. I immersed myself in it and became one with it. I could feel it breathe through me.
And then I grabbed the lightsaber with my mind and tossed it to Taylor.
She snatched it out of the air and cut the Zordion’s head off, sending it flying. It’s arms collapsed instantly, freeing her.
The crystal was stunned. “WHAT??? How did you do that?!??”
Taylor picked up the crystal. It was shimmering frantically.
“Humans…” The crystal started. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just following orders. I understand that you just want to protect your planet. Why don’t you take me with you?” It paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Taylor sneered. “You’re not sorry.”
She tossed the crystal in the air and sliced it in half.
As the shards broke into pieces on the floor, I could actually hear something with my ears from below – a screeching, high pitched tone. That might be what a reactor malfunction sounded like.
Taylor and I ran back to the edge of the ship where we had materialized, and, thank goodness, we were disassembled when we got there.
When we came to, we were in Taylor’s bedroom, standing in the exact spots that we were in when we left.
X ‘Ur stepped out of his pod. He was ecstatic. “Persons! You did it!!!!”
I beamed. “That was awesome. I can’t believe we did it!”
I turned to Taylor and hugged her. She was bubbling over with happiness. “Oh Tom! You’re the best!!!!”
“We’re the best together, Taylor.” I squeezed her hard. My arms locked around her.
“Oh!” She said. “I love you so much, Tom. That was fun.”
I let her go. We turned to X ‘Ur, who walked over to us and hugged us. He felt cool to the touch.
After celebrating some more, I had a thought. “X ‘Ur?”
“Yes Tom?”
“Are the Zordions totally defeated?”
“I don’t think no. But they weakened now. We will take care of rest.”
“What if the Zordions attack us again?”
Taylor turned to me. “If they attack us again, I know what I’ll do. It won’t be long before they find themselves lying on the cold hard ground.”
X ‘Ur nodded at her. “Yes yes! Bring on all the pretenders! One day, we will be remembered!”
At this point, I couldn’t roll my eyes back far enough.
After some more congratulations, X ‘Ur said that he had to leave. “Nice to knowing you, but I can’t stay here. Earth environment not good for me in long term.”
“OK, X ‘Ur.” I said. “It was nice to meet you. Can you send me back home?”
“Wait.” Taylor said. “We should spend some time together first.” She winked at me.
I smiled lustily. “That sounds great!”
“Odd person customs… OK. I will set transporter to send you back in a person hour. Before I leave, I will tell you to look at the Southern sky when I teleport you back. Look for a brighter star where there was none before. That was Zordion vessel. It is gone, but you can’t see it yet on Earth. Watch it explode if you want.”
With that, X ‘Ur stepped back into his vessel. After a moment, it turned into a grey cloud. And then it was gone.
Taylor and I were alone in her room.
Our eyes locked.
We kissed. Massively. Now that the crisis had passed, I allowed myself to feel the attraction to her that I had been oppressing.
I pulled away from her mid kiss and leered at her. She was dressed in the hottest clothes from her hottest tour. The memories of her legs running tonight came rushing back. My eyes couldn’t get enough of how she looked.
Taylor smiled and blushed. “My, what are you thinking of, Tom?” Then she let out a knowing laugh.
I reached out and grabbed her legs. Tonight’s danger had heightened my senses. Her legs had *never* felt so soft. I looked at her shirt. Even though it was still on, I’d never seen her nipples more clearly. I kissed her. She’d never smelled so nice. Her lips had never tasted so good.
Taylor giggled. “Tom….”
“Shut UP Taylor.”
I took her shirt off and threw it somewhere. Gray glitter showered us both. I ran my hands up her soft sides. I grabbed her breasts and squeezed her nipples. This time, she cried out in pleasure, not pain.
I wrapped my lips around her left nipple and sucked on it so, so hard.
Taylor laughed and then cried out again. This time it was a mixture of pain and pleasure.
After I spent 10 minutes devouring her nipples, Taylor finished screaming and guided my head up. She matched my gaze. “You want me?” She asked. “Take me.”
She undid her gray shorts, sending them plummeting to the ground. I undid my pants and fucked her super fast and super hard. Her body- her everything- belonged to me. Within half an hour I had used her up completely and left her a crumpled, crying mess on the floor. No woman should orgasm as often as she did in that small amount of time- but I had to do it. There was no other way.
We both collapsed. Neither one of us could catch our breath. I did my pants back up.
Taylor’s voice, even though it was well trained from singing, was spent.
She put her arms around me and whispered. “I love you, Tom.”
I kissed her forehead and held her close. No need to say anything.
We held each other… I’m not sure for how long.
Then my vision became gray, then cloudy… and then… I was cold.
I was in my backyard, on the ground, cradling air. I stood up, brushed myself off, and looked around at the darkness above.
Where was it? There it was! I could see a star in the distance, to the south, that was just a little brighter and redder than the others. If I didn’t know to look for it, I wouldn’t have noticed it.
And then, it was gone. Just like that. It was as if it had never existed. There was no sound, no visible explosion… nothing. It was just… gone.
It would have been anti-climactic if not for the knowledge that I had caused it. I smiled. “Cool.” I said.
My lightsaber was gone too. I guess X ‘Ur teleported that back to himself when he teleported me here. He probably took Taylor’s back as well. Oh well, who knows what problems they might have caused if we would have kept them. This was probably for the best.
I crept my way back into the house and upstairs in the darkness. I could feel that my door was still open. When I stepped into my room, my tiredness caught up to me. I sighed in relief when I caught sight of my bed in the glow of the streetlights outside.
When I jumped into bed I heard my quarters go into a jumble beside me.
I picked one up and looked at it. This coin was as dull and gray as the rest of them. It was amazing that these little discs almost cost me my life, as well as the lives of everyone on the planet. I thought back to the billions of dollars of silver that I destroyed on the Zordion vessel. Bah. I just dropped the quarter on the pile.
I didn’t care about the silver. It only distracted me from thoughts of my loved ones. They were worth more than all the silver in the universe.
I shoved the coins into my bag and dropped that on the floor. In the darkness, I could vaguely see the gray of my blankets at the foot of my bed. I pulled them up and enveloped myself in them, with thoughts of love and science fiction in my head. I felt like I did when I was young.
Just like it did then, my imagination relaxed me. I smiled and drifted off to sleep.